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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918124">Old As Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcnobody/pseuds/bcnobody'>bcnobody</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Music, Love Triangles, Modern Era, Music, Musicians, Romance, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:14:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>152,939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcnobody/pseuds/bcnobody</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>AU fic. Rey and Ben are songwriters from opposite sides of the country. When their musical talents meet it's clear to everyone that they have a special connection despite their differences. Husband, Finn, encourages Rey to keep working with Ben, and the resulting success upends their lives. Can Rey and Ben find a way to work together that does not end in heartbreak?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter One: New Connections</b>
</p><p> </p><p>By all appearances, it was a typical busy and bright Friday night in downtown Nashville. Music burst forth from venue doors and echoed from on street corners. Lights flashed above bars and music halls, and tourists packed into restaurants until the lines spilled out onto the sidewalks.</p><p> </p><p>However, a number of the city's regular musical acts were missing from the stages that night. Instead of performing, they were gathered at the sprawling home of Gary Wright, eating hor'd'ourves from large platters offered by servers wandering through the various large, ultra-modern rooms on the first floor of the mansion.</p><p> </p><p>Rey McNowan stood in a shadowed corner holding a drink. Every couple of minutes she rearranged her long brown hair – tucking it behind one ear, pushing it behind her shoulder, or smoothing down the waves that were growing more pronounced in the humid weather.</p><p> </p><p>Her husband, Finn Strommand, stood a few feet away holding an intense conversation with a guitarist he had met a few months ago at a show. The band Finn had managed for the past few years had called it quits and Finn was looking for another up-and-coming act to guide to greater success.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sipped her drink and tried to muster the will to begin introducing herself to some of the new faces around her. Even though she had been in the music industry since she was a teen, Rey hated promoting herself. Thankfully, she had Finn.</p><p> </p><p>Minutes later, Finn moved on to chat with two men, one tall with long straggly hair and a few days worth of stubble on his face, and the other shorter, with thick black-framed glasses, and a carefully groomed beard. Finn shook hands with the shorter man, who was smiling broadly and gesturing to the taller man by his side.</p><p> </p><p>Rey inhaled sharply as Finn turned around and waved her over. A nervous smile plastered itself on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“This is my wife, Rey,” Finn said in introduction. “Rey, this is Poe Dameron, producer for Space Man Records.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shook hands with the shorter man and said, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, please,” he told her.</p><p> </p><p>“And this is one of Nashville's best songwriters, I hear,” Finn said, gesturing to the taller man, whose lips pulled upward into a half-smirking smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, this is my man, Benjamin Solo,” said Poe, clapping him on the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I go by Ben,” said the tall man, extending a large hand to Rey.</p><p> </p><p>His black hair was long and wavy, and some of the ends curled into the suggestion of loose ringlets. His face was an odd, striking collection of angles and dark features – sharp jaw, large nose, dark eyes, and a thin white scar cutting over one cheekbone. He looked as if he was already bored with the party.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey McNowan,” she said, her nervous smile growing as he continued to stare at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey is a songwriter, too, and she also happens to sing like an angel,” said Finn proudly. “I think you three might have a lot to talk about while I run over and catch Dobbs before he gets out on the patio and forgets about our meeting this week.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, Finn disappeared into the crowd, leaving Rey still grinning awkwardly at the two men in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“What kind of music do you write, Rey?” asked Poe conversationally. Behind him, Ben continued to stare at Rey as if he was trying to see through her clothes.</p><p> </p><p>She kept her attention on Poe and replied, “Oh, all kinds, really. I love exploring different genres.”</p><p> </p><p>"Have you been getting much work?” Poe asked.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded and said, “I just worked on an album for Diva Bea. I'm taking a break at the moment. Finn and I just were away on a trip for our fifth anniversary.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rebel's the label Finn's band was on, isn't it? The Starfighters? It's a real shame they broke up,” said Poe, squinting at her as if trying to recall more facts about Finn's work.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded and said simply, “It is.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe nodded a few times, glanced at Ben, who was now staring at a point past Rey's head, and said, “So, what's this about you singing like an angel? Are you trying to break into recording?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey said, “Oh, it's always in the back of my mind. I was signed to a label when I was just a kid. I put out a couple of albums. It wasn't for me. Maybe in a few years I'll be ready to record my own songs – that's the only way I'd want to make an album now.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe nodded sagely and then nudged Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“This guy has a great voice, too,” he said. Ben turned his attention back to Rey, smirking yet again as if he knew something about her that he shouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>“My songwriting is even better,” Ben said. “Right Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>Poe laughed and clapped him on the shoulder again.</p><p> </p><p>“He's so humble, too,” he said, grinning at Rey. “No, but I mean it, Ben. You've got a voice that deserves to be heard.”</p><p> </p><p>“You hear it all the time,” Ben said. “But here I am, with no album to show for it.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe chuckled loudly and said, “This guy!”</p><p> </p><p>Still shaking his head, Poe said, “I've told him a thousand times – when he's ready to make an album all he has to do is say the word.”</p><p> </p><p>“One of these days I will,” Ben said. “Don't worry, Poe. You'll be the first to know.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared at Rey as he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>Poe looked back and forth between them and said, “You two should get together and write some stuff. There's no better way to get out of a slump than to bounce ideas off of someone new.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! I'm not in a slump,” Rey protested.</p><p> </p><p>She was drowned out by Ben's own protest of, “I doubt she'd be interested in what I write.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey peered at him and asked, “What makes you say that?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben' smirk grew in proportion on his face, and his eyes crinkled. They were a deep, warm brown, warmer than his voice and out of place on his face with its bored, hard expression.</p><p> </p><p>“You can hear my accent, can't you? I'm a mountain boy, born and raised. Classic country, hard rock, and a little bluegrass thrown in for good measure. Any of that sound appealing to you?”</p><p> </p><p>He seemed to swagger somehow without actually moving.</p><p> </p><p>“Not my comfort zone, no,” Rey admitted, smiling tersely. “Lyrics are universal, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben seemed to think her statement was somehow funny, but he fell silent. Poe continued to look back and forth between Ben and Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“Diva Bea often takes inspiration from folk music,” Poe said cautiously. “Did you work some of that into her new stuff, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled and said, “We did.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shook his head and said, “Well, Ben, I wasn't going to say anything yet, but I have a proposal for the two of you. We've got a new project, it's going to be a big one, and we're looking for a few more songwriters. I'd love to have you, Rey. In fact, I want to put the two of you together and see what happens. I think there's a lot of potential for greatness here. What do you say?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed in astonishment as she tried to think of how to respond.</p><p> </p><p>“I'm flattered... but I don't know if I'm ready to jump into another project,” she said.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on, you're young and full of energy,” said Poe. “No better time to push ahead in your career.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I'd have to know more of the details,” Rey stalled.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe, she doesn't need your offer,” Ben said, narrowing his eyes at her as if he had just discovered her true nature. “Her husband's successful enough for the both of them. Don't waste your time. You want someone with passion.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now, wait!” Rey said, glaring at Ben, who looked immensely satisfied with himself. “This has nothing to do with a lack of passion. I live and breath music!”</p><p> </p><p>Poe and Ben glanced at one another. Ben lowered his eyes and backed away a step.</p><p> </p><p>“Here's my card. Finn's got my number as well. I'll be in touch as soon as I can say more,” Poe told Rey. “Give me a call if you're interested.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, I will,” Rey said.</p><p> </p><p>Poe leaned in to Ben's ear and said something before excusing himself. Ben continued to stand in the same spot, as did Rey. She remembered that she was still holding a drink, and drank the last of it before leaving the empty glass on a nearby table.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you keep staring at me?” she suddenly asked, finding Ben' gaze on her again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stepped closer and looked down at her. He continued to smirk in the same infuriating way, as if he thought she was intimidated by him.</p><p> </p><p>“You're real pretty,” he said. He let the words hang in the air for a moment and his smirk faded. Rey stared back at him in surprise, caught off-guard by the compliment and the way he was looking at her. Then, he shook his head and made a short, dismissive scoffing noise. He spoke quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“But you don't have a clue what you're really about. Just a lost kid smiling too much because you hate this party as much as I do. I hope you're as good as your husband thinks, or working together is going to be hell for both of us.”</p><p> </p><p>A fury Rey had never before felt toward a stranger overcame her.</p><p> </p><p>“You don't know the first thing about me.” she said. “I have ten years of experience in this industry.”</p><p> </p><p>Despite her anger, Rey's voice remained calm and steady. It came from her years of voice training.</p><p> </p><p>“Don't worry. I haven't agreed to do it,” she reminded him, before turning on her heel and striding away in search of Finn.</p><p> </p><p>In the cab on the way home, Finn put his arm around her happily and asked, “What do you think of Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you know he was going to offer me a job?” Rey asked suspiciously.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I didn't <em>know </em>if he would,” Finn said. “I had a hunch, though. I heard a little rumor the other day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Finn, I'm serious. Did you arrange for us to meet tonight? Why else would that horrible man Ben have agreed to come along to the party? It was obvious he hated every moment.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn smiled in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew it,” she said, shaking her head. “That's why you made me come when I said I wasn't feeling up to it tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aren't you glad you did?” Finn asked. “See how easy it is to put yourself out there?"</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I don't think I'm going to take the offer,” she said.</p><p> </p><p>Finn shifted abruptly and said, “What? Why not?”</p><p> </p><p>“The deal is I'll collaborate with the man he brought, Ben. I don't think I can, Finn. My first impression is that he's a conceited control freak who is going to tear apart all of my input just because he didn't think of it himself. I know the type. Delicate artist that can't take criticism. I'd bet money he's driven more than one band into the ground before they got anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Finn said, chuckling. “You got all that from a short conversation?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glared at her husband. Finn sighed and shook his head. After a while he tried another angle.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should do it. It might not be ideal, but you'd get a lot from it. Even though this Ben guy might be a nightmare to work with, it's only one project. Once it's over you'll have more connections and an impressive list of experience. You'll be writing for only the best after this. You might even figure out how to handle a 'delicate artist' which is an important skill in this industry.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn stopped to let his argument sink in, and Rey stared out of the cab window.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you're right,” she said.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, Finn revived discussion of the job over breakfast.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how are you feeling about the job?” he asked, after pouring his coffee.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Finn... I don't think it's a good idea,” she said, falling silent to enjoy her own coffee.</p><p> </p><p>He did not reply, but began buttering his toast.</p><p> </p><p>“I've been thinking of auditioning for some backup singing,” Rey said. “It would be a nice change for a while."</p><p> </p><p>“Don't you dare even think of it,” Finn said, setting his knife down a little too hard and banging it on his plate.</p><p> </p><p>They both flinched.</p><p> </p><p>“The day you start singing backup is the day you kill any chance you have of becoming a solo artist,” he said. “You're too good to be singing behind someone else, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” she said sadly. “But sometimes I wonder if I should give up that dream, Finn. I could enjoy singing again without the pressure to carry an entire performance. I've done that already, and it nearly killed me. You know that – you were there.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was a different time,” her husband said, reaching out to take her hand. “You're not that person anymore, Rey. You've grown, become stronger, and you might not realize it yet, but you're ready.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey rubbed her thumb back and forth over Finn's hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I don't know,” she said.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo was right. Rey didn't know what she really wanted anymore. Her lifelong dream of making it as a solo artist seemed less and less important as the years passed. She could be happy with a different life than she'd always envisioned – but could Finn?</p><p> </p><p>Her husband had been her best friend and cheerleader from almost the moment they met. Finn believed in her when her family, her producers, and her own ambitions were pulling in her in completely different directions. Rey was just sixteen when she signed a contract as the lead female vocalist with a large church and affiliated production company. Both Rey and her parents hoped the exposure she got from the televised worship services would launch her singing career. The dream came true. A year later, Rey was recording her first album while finishing her last year of high school.</p><p> </p><p>She met Finn while working on her second album. Finn was doing PR for a small record label when they met at a music festival. Rey often recalled the memory of that day fondly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey's friends made a trip to the bathrooms, and she stood alone holding her plastic cup of beer that she'd barely sipped from. The line for the port-a-potty's must have been long because Megan and Jen took forever to return. Rey was happily immersed in the concert when she heard her name called. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It's Rey! Rey!” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The woman calling her name was Tegan, one of the sound technicians from Redeemed Records. Rey recognized her as one of the nicest people from the studio. She waved. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Tegan! Hi,” she said. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tegan hugged her and looked at the man who stood behind her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>This is my boyfriend, Finn,” she said. “Finn, this is Rey McNowan. You remember me telling you about her?” </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I do, remember,” said Finn. “Nice to meet you Rey. Tegan said you have an amazing voice.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Nice to meet you, and thank you, I'm flattered,” said Rey, grinning. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Finn said something else just as the band started playing the next song. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>What?” Rey asked. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Finn stepped closer and shouted into her ear, “She says you're too good to be singing christian music.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey covered her mouth and laughed. They waited until a break in the music to speak again. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It was nice to meet you, Rey,” said Finn. “We're going to grab some dinner so we can make it back in time for the next show.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Do you want to come with us?” Tegan asked. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh, I would, but I'm waiting for my friends. I don't want to lose them,” Rey said. </em></p><p> </p><p>One day out of the blue Finn called her. Rey was nineteen when she fell in love with the confident, charming man who encouraged her to push back against the expectations of her family and the uninspired songs her studio wanted on the album. For a few months, it was the most exciting time in Rey's career. Then, it all went to hell.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Come to church with us today,” her mother had begged early one Sunday morning. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>I'm busy, mom,” Rey replied. “Besides, it's so far.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>It's not far. Come over now and have breakfast with your mom and dad. We miss you, Rey. You're always too busy for us these days.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Her mother knew the guilt would work on Rey. She had not been to church in weeks, and it was true that she also had not seen her parents since their last argument a few months earlier. It was the longest she'd ever gone without speaking to her mother. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Okay. I'll be there in fifteen minutes,” Rey relented. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Her mother had a full breakfast spread on the table when she arrived at her childhood home, but they had to eat quickly. Her parents' new church was over a forty-minute drive from the house. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Isn't it a little late for a service?” Rey asked, wondering when she would be getting home. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh, there's an early and a late service,” said her mother. “That's not unusual.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Still, Rey regretted that she had agreed to come. She could have been spending the afternoon with Finn instead. The church was nothing like she imagined, and nothing like she was used to – it was a small old building in the woods. Rey found it hard to believe they needed to hold two services, based on the small number of cars in the parking lot. She followed her parents inside reluctantly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The church was nearly empty inside. They entered the sanctuary and saw a group of people standing in a circle praying. All were dressed nicely, and Rey could not tell which one of them was the pastor until a thin, balding middle-aged man with square glasses looked up as he said, “amen” along with the group. He greeted her parents. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. McNowan – and welcome, Rey. I'm Pastor Daniels. We've been praying to meet you, and now God has brought you here.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey shook his hand and nodded. She smiled nervously. What was going on? This was not a church service. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Join us,” said Pastor Daniels, inviting Rey and her parents into the prayer circle. Her mother and father took her arms and stepped forward into the middle of the group. </em></p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey, your parents have asked our congregation to pray over you today,” said the pastor. “They are concerned. You have taken a path away from the will of God, and your eternal soul is in danger of damnation.” </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Her mother's hand tightened on her arm, as if she sensed that Rey wanted to bolt out of the sanctuary. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Let us pray,” said Pastor Daniels.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Rey stared in shock at the top of his bowed head as her parents also bowed theirs, still holding onto her inside the prayer circle. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Heavenly Father, we ask you to touch Rey's heart, and move her to repentance today...”</em></p><p> </p><p>Angry and confused, Rey was subjected to two hours of prayer, emotional tirades, and her mother's tearful testimony that Rey had given in to the temptations of the world and needed to be saved from the torment of hell.</p><p> </p><p>When her parents finally took her home, Rey remained in shock for days. Though her upbringing was devout, her parents never would have done something so humiliating before. She didn't know them anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Finn helped her escape, navigating her contract and her finances. They began dating. Finn took a job in Nashville, and Rey took a hiatus from music. She would still sit at her keyboard in her apartment and play sad melodies, brokenhearted over what she had lost, but she abandoned her music career in favor of taking classes at the local community college. Her mother called to leave long emotional messages on her voicemail every month or so, begging her to stop living in sin and “return to the fold” of the church. But Rey, their only child, remained a black sheep.</p><p> </p><p>Her parents were horrified when she moved to Nashville to “live in sin” with Finn. He proposed a year later. Rey was twenty-two and Finn had just turned twenty-seven. Finn kept her from withdrawing from the world for too long. Without him, she did not know who she would be in the aftermath of the sudden split from her faith and her family.</p><p> </p><p>Once Finn began managing The Starfighters in their second year of marriage he was gone for months at a time. Rey did not mind the time alone. She spent hours reading or else putting together covers of her favorite songs at the piano. She could not bring herself to create work of her own, even though by that time she was working as a songwriter.</p><p> </p><p>Now that The Starfighters were no more, Finn's constant presence in Nashville felt almost oppressive. He smothered her with attention, expectations, and encouragement. Rey both loved and hated him for it – it was exactly what she needed as an artist, but there was now a constant, unspoken tension to their relationship.</p><p> </p><p>That night as they lay in bed, Rey reading a book and Finn mumbling at his phone as he read through a slew of emails in preparation for the next morning, Rey sighed and rolled over to look at her husband.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn, I'm going to call Poe in the morning. I'm not agreeing to anything yet, I just want to know more about the job. Then I'll make the decision.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn was pleased.</p><p> </p><p>“That's great,” he said. “He'll be happy to hear from you so soon.”</p><p> </p><p>The next day, Rey called Poe early in the morning. When he answered, he sounded as if he had just woken up.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I didn't realize how early it was,” she apologized. “This is Rey McNowan.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey! I am both surprised and happy to hear from you,” Poe said croakily. “Excuse me for a moment...”</p><p> </p><p>Rey cringed as she heard him gulping water.</p><p> </p><p>“So, this means you're in?” he asked. “Smart of you. There are a lot of songwriters who would love to have the chance to work on this.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought nobody was supposed to know about it yet,” Rey said.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. They don't, of course,” said Poe. “Just a few people like yourself who have the connections... what I mean is I hope you are ready to commit. Are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm getting there, Poe,” she said, smiling to herself. “You promised me more details.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I see how this is going to be... but I <em>did </em>say that, didn't I?” he asked, sounding as if he regretted it. “All right, Rey, I'll tell you what – let me get into work today and see what I can do. Be looking for my call. Sound good to you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds great,” Rey said. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Rey. I'll be in touch. Goodbye,” said Poe.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodbye,” she said as he hung up.</p><p> </p><p>“Well?” Finn asked, walking into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” said Rey. “I woke the poor man up. He probably hates me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nobody could hate you,” Finn said pleasantly, kissing her cheek as he passed by her on the way to the fridge. “You are far too lovely.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes at his sappiness but grinned nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure they could. I'm not a charmer like you,” she said. “Ben Solo seems to hate me. He thinks I don't deserve this job, anyway. So you're wrong, and that man is both a shameless flirt and... and a mean, arrogant, jerk-face.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn closed the fridge door with the bottle of orange juice in his hand. He was amused.</p><p> </p><p>“A <em>jerk-face</em>?” he asked. “Do you mean an asshole? Douchebag? Dick? C-”</p><p> </p><p>“STOP!” Rey burst out, laughing. “Stop trying to make me as foul-mouthed as you.”</p><p> </p><p>Finn chugged from the orange juice bottle while trying not to laugh. Rey hated that habit. Finn smacked his lips, another habit she despised, and grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth before putting the juice back in the fridge. He gave her an innocent look of apology and kissed her again.</p><p> </p><p>“So this dick-bag is a shameless flirt as well?” he asked. “Ballsy. His wife and kids live in Nashville. Rumors don't take long to get around.”</p><p> </p><p>“There's plenty of married men out there shamelessly saying and doing things they shouldn't,” Rey said, feeling a little sick at the thought. She'd been brought up to believe love meant loyalty and could not imagine feeling differently.</p><p> </p><p>“Isn't that the truth,” Finn said, shaking his head. “Well, I'm late. See you tonight, darlin'.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled and said, “Don't call me darlin', Finn. We're not southern.”</p><p> </p><p>He waved goodbye and shut the door behind him. Once he was gone, Rey sank into a kitchen chair holding a cup of coffee. Her mind insisted on returning to the smirking face of Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>So he was married. It shouldn't matter, but perhaps knowing that he was committed enough to his wife to start a family made Rey feel better about the idea of working with him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to move on to other thoughts, specifically the song she wanted to work on that morning, but there was something nagging at the edge of her mind. A feeling of discomfort pulled at her chest. Why had she called him a shameless flirt? His staring had been uncomfortable, not flirtatious. He had been sizing her up, trying to guess how much he would hate being forced to work with her.</p><p> </p><p>Despite his rude behavior and unkempt hair, Ben Solo was an attractive man. His height, his strong features, southern-tinged accent and worn sense of style that seemed designed to say 'see, I'm not pretentious' worked together to create something magnetic. Or, maybe it was just the contrast of his stoic demeanor with his warm, expressive eyes that made him an enigma. It was a shame his personality was so off-putting.</p><p> </p><p>Resolved to give Ben another chance, Rey realized she had made up her mind. There weren't many people Rey couldn't win over with patience and enough time. Even if he turned out to be exactly what she suspected, Poe and Finn were right – this was something she needed to do for her career.</p><p> </p><p>Rey McNowan wasn't ready to give up on her dream.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Angel of Music</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Poe called today,” Rey announced a few days later when Finn got home from work.</p><p>“Did he?” Finn asked, and Rey sighed.</p><p>“You already know, don't you?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips.</p><p>Finn smiled broadly and came over to wrap her in a bear hug, picking her up off her feet.</p><p>“I knew it would be an opportunity you couldn't turn down,” he said.</p><p>“It's an amazing opportunity,” she agreed. “Working with The Travelers! Can you believe it?”</p><p>“I can,” he said. “You deserve it, babe.”</p><p>Finn finally put her back on her feet.</p><p>“Let's go out to celebrate,” he said.</p><p>“Okay, but you'll have to give me time to get ready. I can't go out like this.”</p><p>Rey was wearing leggings with a hole in the knee and a slouchy threadbare tee. She hurried upstairs to her closet and put on real clothes for the first time that day. Working from home had its perks.</p><p>Finn took her to their favorite restaurant, a humble barbecue joint, and then insisted they go out for drinks as well. Rey agreed since his excitement for her was infectious, but she hated loud, crowded bars.</p><p>“To my talented, gorgeous wife,” Finn said once their drinks arrived, and Rey smiled at him even though she felt nearby patrons watching them. “I still can't believe I'm the lucky man that got to marry you.”</p><p>“Love you, babe,” she said, clinking glasses with him.</p><p>Finn sipped his drink and sat back comfortably in his chair.</p><p>“When do they want you to start working?” he asked.</p><p>“Two weeks,” Rey said. “I want to come up with some ideas ahead of the first meeting with Jerk-face, though.”</p><p>Finn chuckled and said, “I thought we agreed to call him 'that asshole'?”</p><p>“You can call him whatever you want. I'm sure I'll know what you mean,” Rey said, laughing.</p><p>“Well, that asshole is going to feel like a heel for what he said to you when he hears you sing and sees how you write,” said Finn. “If he doesn't, then he's not just an asshole, he's also an idiot.”</p><p>Rey raised her eyebrows and said, “Stranger things have happened in this business.”</p><p>“I'm so happy for you,” Finn said. “Congratulations. Next step is getting the rest of your album down.”</p><p>“I only have two songs,” Rey reminded him. “I don't even know if I like them enough to record them.”</p><p>“That's two more than you had a year ago,” he said. “Stop doubting yourself, love.”</p><p>She smiled and sipped her own drink. There was no reason to argue this evening – it was a celebration.</p><p>The next day Rey spent hours listening to the The Travelers' four previous albums multiple times. Then, she played them on repeat for the rest of the week. By the second week, she had a journal full of notes and thoughts about the music the band had already recorded. She was itching to get into the studio.</p><p>When the day finally arrived for Rey to meet the band at Space Man Records production studio, she was a bundle of nerves. Skipping coffee that morning, she changed her outfit several times, then spent far too long deciding what to do with her hair. She wanted to make a good impression on the people she would be working with for the next few months.</p><p>Driving through the city did not help ease her nervousness, but she arrived a few minutes early despite the morning traffic. Rey sat in her car, taking deep breaths and trying to convince herself the band was not going to immediately hate her like Ben Solo.</p><p>Her calm breathing meditation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of knuckles banging on her car window. Rey yelped and jumped in her seat, causing the seatbelt to seize up and cut into her neck sharply.</p><p>It was Ben. As she looked at him in surprise, he rapped on the glass again.</p><p>“You coming inside?” he asked, one corner of his mouth sliding upward.</p><p>Rey hastily undid her seatbelt and gathered up her purse and tumbler of tea. Ben pulled the door back for her just as she yanked on the handle to open it, causing her to tumble forward and clutch awkwardly at the door as she tried to get a foot on the ground.</p><p>“Whoa,” he said, laughing. “You scare easy, don't you?”</p><p>Rey glared at him and stood up primly. He shut the door and adjusted his guitar case, which was slung over his shoulder.</p><p>“I'm fine,” she said. “You didn't have to wait for me.”</p><p>“I know I didn't,” he said. “But I was afraid you might meditate yourself into being late, and I thought we should make a better impression than that today.”</p><p>They began walking toward the side entrance that faced the small private lot. Rey cleared her throat.</p><p>“Well. Thank you for the consideration,” she said.</p><p>Silence. Rey glanced at him, but he was looking straight ahead, his face blank.</p><p>“So, you haven't met the band yet, then?” she asked.</p><p>“Oh, sure I have,” he said. “They won't be here, though. Poe wants us to look over the stuff they've left for the creative team today.”</p><p>“Oh,” Rey said, most of her anxiety evaporating in an instant.</p><p>Once inside, they were greeted by a high-strung Poe, who was talking faster than she'd ever heard before.</p><p>“There you two are! Come over here, come on... these people won't bite. I'm going to give everyone the run-down at the same time and then send you off to start kicking around some ideas. We'll break for lunch at twelve, then I'll meet with all of the groups separately to hear your thoughts. Ah, let's see... oh, there's Diane, hold on!”</p><p>Poe flitted away, leaving Rey and Ben standing silently beside a group of men and women holding steaming mugs and paper cups of coffee.</p><p>“You the new songwriter?” asked a balding man with bulging, tired blue eyes and a small pot belly.</p><p>“Ah, yes,” Rey said softly. She lifted her tumbler of tea to her mouth and avoided making eye contact with any of the exhausted-looking people around her.</p><p>“Did they already fire the other ones?” whispered someone from the small crowd before her.</p><p>Rey glanced at Ben to see if he'd heard it, too, but he was staring at the clock on the wall with a bored expression on his face.</p><p>“O-kaaay, everybody,” said Poe, appearing again, this time with a thin, annoyed-looking woman wearing red-framed glasses.</p><p>“Here's what we've got,” he said, waving a thick stack of photocopies in the air. He began handing them out.</p><p>“The band has written out a lot of ideas for the direction of the next album,” he said. “These packets include a statement from the band as a whole, as well as individual concerns from each of the leading members – that's Jason, Brad, Emmett and Nikki, of course. Then, we have some annotation for the songwriters here, and after that ideas for the film people. Okay? There's a lot here, ah... why don't you go ahead and break into your groups. Everybody good?”</p><p>Many heads nodded in unison and about half of the group mumbled an affirmative response.</p><p>“Great,” said Poe. “I need to go with Diane over to the other studio, so I'll be back in about...”</p><p>Poe checked his watch and shook his head.</p><p>“I'll be back around ten to check in with you,” he said, surveying the group. “Ben, you'll show Rey around?”</p><p>“Sure,” Ben said.</p><p>“Perfect. You're on your own, people!” Poe said as he turned and hustled out of the room with Diane.</p><p>“Let's go,” Ben said, turning and walking away so quickly that Rey nearly had to run to keep up. He led her into a spacious practice room with a few couches and a coffee table as well as stools, chairs, and music stands.</p><p>“Is that a mini bar?” Rey asked, looking at the back corner of the room.</p><p>“Yep,” he said. “It's a little early to start drinkin' but you can have anything you want.”</p><p>“I, no, I don't want...” Rey trailed off, seeing the smirk crawl across his face.</p><p>“So,” he said, swinging his guitar case off his back and opening it to take out an acoustic guitar with a well-worn leather strap.</p><p>“So,” she said. “Shall we look through this?”</p><p>She held up her copy of the packet from the band.</p><p>“Go ahead,” he said, beginning to tune his guitar.</p><p>“Ah... okay,” she said. “Aren't you going to help?”</p><p>“I've already seen most of that,” he said casually. “Emmett Boone is a friend of mine.”</p><p>“Oh,” Rey said, flipping to the first page. Ben began messing around on his guitar. Finally, she looked up.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me what's in here, instead of waiting for me to read it all?” she asked.</p><p>“Well,” he said slowly, picking a quick melody on the guitar. “This is the song on page thirteen. Me and Emmett worked on it last week.”</p><p>Rey turned to page thirteen and listened to Ben play through the melody. There were a few short phrases scrawled underneath the chord suggestions.</p><p>“<em>Tell it to your mother,</em>” Rey sang softly, mimicking the melody as Ben began trying out different strumming patterns and tempos.</p><p>“Hmmmph,” Ben grunted and abruptly stopped playing. He fidgeted and shifted in his seat on the sofa.</p><p>“What's wrong?” Rey asked.</p><p>“<em>Tell it to yer mother,</em>” he sang in a high, lilting, smooth tenor voice.</p><p>Rey told herself the chill she felt was from the air conditioning.</p><p>“You can't sing it straight,” he said. “These are good old southern boys... and gal.”</p><p>“Oh, I'm sorry,” she said dramatically. “I didn't know I needed to affect an accent at this point.”</p><p>“Just sayin',” he replied, strumming a few bars again. “They'll rag on you if you sing it too... proper.”</p><p>Rey cleared her throat.</p><p>“Thanks for the warning,” she said.</p><p>Ben continued playing, and seemed to have decided on a rhythm for the song. He alternated between the fast picking he'd done earlier, and a heavy driving pattern of chords.</p><p>“<em>I knew it wouldn't last,</em>” Rey sang, her tentative voice drowned out by Ben' guitar.</p><p>“Sing louder,” he said, playing even more furiously.</p><p>Rey repeated the line again and then improvised the melody for the rest of the verse, a string of “oh's” trailing higher and higher until dropping down low to finish the last two beats.</p><p>Once again, Ben stopped playing abruptly.</p><p>“Do that again,” he commanded, without looking at her.</p><p>Rey obliged, starting the verse even louder this time. Ben surprised her by joining in, singing an aching tenor harmony that mirrored her notes as they swept higher before the drop, when his voice disappeared, only to breathe a higher pitch over hers at the end of the phrase.</p><p>Another chill. Rey rubbed her arms, but they weren't cold. Ben met her eyes and seemed briefly pleased. He moved on to the chorus with gusto.</p><p>Again, there were only a few sparse phrases suggested for the lyrics. After a long, building interlude, Ben launched into the chorus, singing various vowels in a wailing lilt that worked the melody into a solid form. Rey joined in, singing harmony this time, high above his pitches. It seemed they were soon in a competition to see who could drown out the other, but instead of becoming grating, it only sounded better.</p><p>Ben stopped playing and took off his guitar. He stood up and paced back and forth, humming what they had just done to himself. Rey shivered, the sound of their voices melting perfectly together ringing in her head.</p><p>“What are you thinking?” she finally asked him, after this went on for a while.</p><p>“It's okay,” he said noncommittally. “Let's keep that for now. They'll need to adjust the key and a few of the pitches to make it work for them.”</p><p>“Was it too high?” Rey asked.</p><p>Sometimes she got carried away when writing for other people. Ben grunted again and sat back down on the sofa.</p><p>“Let's see what you've got, angel of music,” he said.</p><p>“What do you mean?” she asked, laughing.</p><p>“I mean, I want to hear you sing,” he said. “Get a feel for your style, your ability to improvise.”</p><p>“I can improvise,” she said confidently. “I can improvise all day.”</p><p>“Great,” he said, strumming a new song. “This is a song I wrote a few years ago for Matthew Marley. He didn't want it. Thought it was too simple... and that it would make his ex-wife angry.”</p><p>He paused, and said, “Let's see what you've got, Rey McNowan.”</p><p>With that, he began singing:</p><p>“<em>The bell rings twice / </em><em>I roll out of bed / </em><em>The winter chill / </em><em>Her voice in my head</em></p><p><em>She sleeps on soundly / </em> <em>Only smiles in dreams / </em> <em>She takes my hand / </em> <em>She bends my knees</em></p><p><em>Oh, my angel, oh, my love / </em> <em>Oh, I'd stay, but it's not enough / </em> <em>Oh, my angel, oh, my love / </em> <em>Oh, I know that things got rough</em></p><p><em>Take me back to the first time / </em> <em>Touch me like it's the first time / </em> <em>Take me back</em></p><p>Rey sang along with Ben as he played the rest of the song, her heart swelling with a strange, soaring feeling. It was as if her soul was rising right out of her body with her voice, charmed out by the man singing beside her.</p><p>Their voices seemed made for one another. Even an octave or more apart, they shared a timber and intensity that was remarkably similar. Pitches melded together into a perfectly-faceted whole, like there was an entire choir contained in their harmonies. Rey continued to have chills for the duration of the song.</p><p>Even though Ben' folksy, rough-around-the-edges style was nothing like her own, it struck her that if she had written this song she would do it exactly the same way – slowing where he slowed down, crescendoing where he crescendoed, twisting the melody of the verses just exactly as he had done, with unexpected notes here and there, in exactly the places he had put them. It was like he could read her mind. It had never been easier for Rey to improvise a harmony with someone, and she had been doing it since she was five years old, singing hymns with her mother in the car after church.</p><p>Once the song ended, they both sat in stunned silence for a while, neither moving as if afraid to disturb the energy they had just put into the room. Ben broke the silence by clearing his throat. He looked at the floor as he spoke.</p><p>“I stand corrected, Ms. McNowan,” he said. “You truly do have the voice of an angel and you clearly know what you're doing here.”</p><p>He looked at her and continued, “I normally don't say such sappy horseshit, but I can't think of a better descriptor.”</p><p>Rey blushed and for the first time since he began singing, she felt warm.</p><p>“I was just thinking the same thing, about you,” she admitted. “That was... well, first of all, you really do have the most amazing voice. Poe must be dying to get you into the studio.”</p><p>Ben smiled the first genuine smile she'd seen on his face since meeting him, but he quickly stifled it.</p><p>“I felt like I already knew that song,” she said. “I knew exactly where you were going with it. It was so easy. I can't explain it. That was some kind of mystical experience just now.”</p><p>“You must be a psychic, then,” he said. “I've never played it exactly like that before. I changed the chorus. It sounded better that way, with you singing along.”</p><p>They stared at one another, speechless again.</p><p>“What... just happened?” Rey asked.</p><p>“I think we just agreed on something, darlin',” he said, strumming an erratic, upbeat pattern on his guitar.</p><p>Rey didn't even mind the way he said 'darlin'. The term normally made her cringe no matter who said it.</p><p>“Let's try something else,” he said, giving her a long look as he adjusted his guitar and prepared to play again.</p><p>They sang three more songs, two more of Ben' own writing, and one of The Travelers' hits from their last album, <em>Georgia. </em></p><p>With each song, it became easier and more enjoyable for Rey to blend her voice into Ben's. She was barely conscious of where his voice ended and hers began. They sang seemingly with one mind and one voice split in two, moving in a delicate dance, coming together at just the right moments before spinning apart once again.</p><p>When their voices rose in volume, the ghosts and echoes of a myriad of other harmonies swirled through the air as well, as if they were unknowingly hailing heavenly choirs to join them. Rey began to get teary near the end of the third song. She sang through it until her voice cracked and cut out.</p><p>Ben stopped and looked at her in confusion.</p><p>“I'm sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes.</p><p>“Hey,” he said, getting up and chucking his guitar on the sofa in one swift movement. He came to sit beside her.</p><p>“Does that song mean something to you?” he asked. “Make you think of some shithead who hurt you?”</p><p>“What? No...” Rey said, as fresh tears slid down her nose. She wiped them and laughed.</p><p>“No, it's not that,” she said. “God, this is embarrassing. I, ah... sometimes good music just makes me cry, you know? I haven't ever been this moved by my own singing. I feel ridiculous.”</p><p>“Well, maybe it's not your singing,” he said calmly. “I am two-thirds of the music going on in this room right now.”</p><p>Rey laughed again and peered at him through her tears.</p><p>“I'm serious, Ben. Tell me you feel it too... us singing together is like... it's like – ”</p><p>“Magic,” he said quietly, peering back as if it was painful to hold her gaze.</p><p>“I was going to say it's like a religious experience,” she replied after a moment. “Divine. I think I heard heaven.”</p><p>He nodded and rested his chin on his folded hands.</p><p>“Are you religious?” he asked after a while.</p><p>“Ah...” Rey laughed quickly. “In my own way I am. I was once very religious. It's a long story.”</p><p>Ben grunted and said, “Were you in one of those kool-aid cults?”</p><p>Rey shook her head and smiled, saying, “No, but my parents go a church now that is pretty cult-like. I haven't talked to them since I moved to Nashville six years ago.”</p><p>“Well, I'm a proud apostate,” he said, standing up and walking back over to his guitar. “My granny tried to make all us kid cousins go to church and get saved. I went once and knew it wasn't for me. I've still got family prayin' to Jesus for my hell-bound soul.”</p><p>Rey stared at him in shock.</p><p>“I was a chrisitan music pop singer as a teen,” she blurted out.</p><p>It was his turn to stare.</p><p>“A what?” he asked.</p><p>“I was a christian music solo artist,” she said. “Between the ages of seventeen and nineteen I made two albums, all about serving god and loving Jesus.”</p><p>Ben began chuckling quietly.</p><p>“You sang love songs to Jesus? You were one of those people?” he asked after a moment.</p><p>Rey stared him down and said flatly, “I was.”</p><p>He shook his head, placed his hands on his knees, and leaned forward.</p><p>“May I ask what made you give up singing for the Lord and move to such a sinful place as Nashville to write music for the heathens?” he asked.</p><p>“Like I said, it's a long story,” she said. “The short version is... Finn.”</p><p>“Finn,” he said, his eyes flicking up to her face. “Your husband.”</p><p>“Finn, my husband,” she said. “We met while I was finishing the second album against my will. I had to finish it to get out of the contract.”</p><p>The mood in the room shifted at the mention of Finn. Her husband. Rey's elation and mirth dissipated as she came back down to reality. Reality, where Finn was her husband and the man who had just pulled her soul out of her body and turned it into music was 'that asshole'.</p><p>“Recording Jesus music against your will,” Ben said slowly. He shook his head. “Shoot. I thought I had a sad story. You win.”</p><p>“What's your story?” she asked.</p><p>“Oh, we don't have time for that,” he said, securing his guitar in place again and nodding at the clock. “Let's do some real work today.”</p><p>When Poe came to tell them to break for lunch, they were piecing together a tune for the band's second song.</p><p>“How's it going, you two?” he asked, a grin on his face. “Getting along? Ben, are you playing nice in here?”</p><p>“Nice as can be,” he said.</p><p>“Come on, I want to take you and Rey to lunch,” Poe said, gesturing for them to join him in the hall. “She's the only person here uninitiated.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Rey asked suspiciously.</p><p>“It means he's going to take you to lunch and interrogate you while pretending to get to know you,” said Ben.</p><p>“Ben,” Poe laughed. “Stop trying to scare the poor girl.”</p><p>“Don't have to try,” Ben said. “She scares easy.”</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walked Rey to her car after their first day in the studio.</p><p>Lunch and the following meeting with Poe had been pleasant enough, and he was pleased that they seemed eager to work together on the project. Rey found it difficult to keep her thoughts focused on the conversation. For the rest of the afternoon, she floated helplessly adrift, like an astronaut cut loose in space. There was nothing familiar to ground her. Her mind was lost in the swirling echoes of their joined voices.</p><p>It was this state of mind that kept her silent and withdrawn once Poe told them to call it a day.</p><p>“You've been quiet since lunch,” Ben said. “Poe tire you out?”</p><p>“Ah, yes,” she said, trying to smile casually. “He talks fast.”</p><p>Ben chuckled and said, “Yeah, he does.”</p><p>He followed her to her car and waited for her to unlock it before opening the door for her.</p><p>“You don't have to...” she said.</p><p>“I know,” he said, slouching with his arm slung over the door, leaning toward her.</p><p>Rey felt so many things at once that she was tempted to scream, <em>STOP</em> at him. Instead, she leaned forward as well and stared into his heavy-lidded warm eyes. What sorcery had he performed on her today? She was off-kilter, the world was spinning, and the music was all that mattered. She craved it, and was already dreading the hours that would separate her from his voice until the next day.</p><p>“See you tomorrow,” she managed to say, forcing her body away from him and inside her vehicle.</p><p>After that day, Rey always waited for Ben to leave the studio first.</p><p>The rest of the week was a blur of blissful singing between tedious writing sessions. Rey sleepwalked through the daylight hours and seemed to barely inhabit her body in the evenings. Her mind was filled with music and with the gilded voice of Ben Solo. His voice was a mesmerizing, soul-deep kiss that she couldn't get out of her head.</p><p>The wise little voice that begged for her to come to her senses was silenced. The longer she indulged in this fantasy, the more painful it would be to end it, but there was no restraint, there was no caution. There was only the pure joy of discovering such a connection was possible with another human being. She had found a new way of existing and it was so blindingly beautiful she did not care to consider the consequences.</p><p>Ben seemed unaffected by the dream that was taking over Rey's days and nights. He remained largely unreadable anytime they weren't singing together. As they delved deeper into the work, he became more serious by the day. He clearly looked forward to their singing breaks, but if he was moved to the extent Rey was by the union of their voices, he did not show it.</p><p>When they were working he was professional, though at times stubborn, and his attention rarely strayed from his instrument or the pages of annotation they had compiled. Anytime Rey managed to catch his eye and hold his gaze, though, a shift happened. The air in the room disappeared, and they both held their breath, waiting for something to break until one of them looked away.</p><p>The weekend came, and it took Rey until Sunday night to come down from the weeks' high. Finn was oblivious to the fact that his wife was having an out of body experience, living as a ghost in her own house, watching herself cook, laugh, joke, smile, read, and host friends over for dinner.</p><p>The band arrived the next week and Rey met everyone, including two other songwriters who were traveling with the band. Dave and Lynda were a married songwriting team who had worked with members of the band from their early days as a group. They did not seem happy to be meet Rey and Ben. Dave and Lynda would write half of the songs on the new album, and would also have final creative direction over the songs that Rey and Ben pitched for the other half. Ben was visibly upset about the news and lost his focus for a few days. </p><p>“Let's take a break,” Ben said, for the fourth time before lunch on Wednesday morning.</p><p>Rey waited for him to begin playing something just for fun again, but instead he put his guitar aside and sat back against the sofa with his eyes closed.</p><p>“This is all shit,” he muttered.</p><p>Rey blinked and stared at his stony face.</p><p>“No. Not all of it,” she said.</p><p>He sighed heavily and sat up, rubbing his palms down the side of his face and then resting his chin on his fists.</p><p>“The lyrics for the first two are all right,” he said. “The rest is god awful.”</p><p>“Ben! No, it's not,” she insisted. “What about the third one? The break-up song?”</p><p>“We need to completely re-work the chorus,” he said, picking up the notes they had scrawled for the song in question and staring at them dismally.</p><p>“Hey, I wrote that chorus,” she said.</p><p>“Yep,” he said, without looking at her.</p><p>“What's wrong with it?” she asked.</p><p>It was the bit of music she was most happy with at the moment.</p><p>“It's too upbeat,” he said. “It needs to angrier, or else we go the opposite direction and make it slower.”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms and gave him a look.</p><p>“Ben, if it was up to you all of them would be sad songs,” she said. “They specifically said they're looking for a few up-tempo numbers.”</p><p>“I know. I'm saying I don't think this one should be it,” he said.</p><p>“Let's try angry, then,” she said. “I don't want to slow it down.”</p><p>“Well, then we have to change the lyrics,” he said slowly, obviously frustrated.</p><p>“Fine,” she said. “Let's do that now.”</p><p>“I gotta to take a leak,” he said, standing up abruptly and leaving the room.</p><p>Rey tapped her foot anxiously and hummed through the chorus while she waited for him to return. When he did, he had an open bottle of beer in his hand. She watched him sit, take a long drink from the bottle, and sigh loudly.</p><p>“You want one?” he asked.</p><p>“No,” she said. “I'm not really a beer drinker.”</p><p>He turned to look at the mini bar and gestured to it. Rey held up her hands.</p><p>“No, I'm good, thanks,” she said.</p><p>Her anxious foot continued tapping until Ben glared at first her foot, then at her.</p><p>“Sorry,” she said. “Habit.”</p><p>He looked past her and seemed a million miles away, his beer forgotten in his hand.</p><p>“When you're done with that, do you want to take a little singing break?” she asked.</p><p>He shook his head and mumbled, “Not in the mood today.”</p><p>“Okay,” Rey said, her heart sinking.</p><p>After a few minutes of watching him slowly drink his beer, Rey got up and started pacing, humming to herself again.</p><p>“<em>Not gonna say goodbye another time... another wait, another come back to me, another long sigh...” </em>she said softly, her voice high and staccato.</p><p>“You don't know how to relax for a minute do you?” he asked.</p><p>Rey looked over to see him place the bottle on the coffee table with a loud clink, and grab his guitar.</p><p>“I – ” Rey began to reply, but she was cut off by Ben loudly strumming his guitar.</p><p>He was playing one of his songs, one they had been singing together for the past week whenever they needed to get their minds off of work for a while. While glaring at her, he began singing and even though she felt just as annoyed as he looked, she could not resist joining in. By the end of the song, both of their faces were relaxed into expressions of enjoyment, and Ben was standing so close to Rey that his hand brushed her arm a few times as he strummed the guitar. As they sang through the last chorus, Rey danced along with him as his entire body rose and fell to the beat. They held the final note a bit too long after the guitar dropped out, locked in a staring contest as the music faded from the room.</p><p>“Happy now?” he asked.</p><p>“I am,” she said, lifting her chin. “You feel better?”</p><p>He returned to sit on the sofa, sighing again as he picked up their notes.</p><p>“Let's do this, darlin',” he said.</p><p>Rey walked over and stood beside him, looking at the paper over his shoulder.</p><p>“Talk though it,” she said. “We'll swap off lines again.”</p><p>He exhaled and after a moment, read the first line:</p><p>“You said you found another but that was a lie,” he read.</p><p>“I know you found at least a few,” she read.</p><p>“Said you can't stop lovin' me, cross <em>my</em> heart, hope <em>you </em>die,” he said, scratching through part of the written lyrics.</p><p>Rey raised her eyebrows, but continued, saying:</p><p>“Done, darlin', done. Not gonna say goodbye <em>this</em> time. Done, darlin', done. Oh, no, not <em>one more</em> long sigh...” Ben said, scratching a few more words out on the page and replacing them.</p><p>“Don't you give me one more <em>come back to me</em>,” Rey said.</p><p>“I'm done darlin'... <em>you'll see,” </em>said Ben quickly, writing it down.</p><p>Rey grinned and repeated, “You'll see? Hmmm... I do think that's better. It's so... threatening.”</p><p>She then made a face and said, “I don't like writing break-up songs.”</p><p>“That's about half the songs in the world, isn't it?” Ben asked. “Love songs and break-up songs are what people relate to the most.”</p><p>“There's plenty of other emotions people can relate to besides romance,” Rey said.</p><p>“I didn't say they <em>couldn't</em>, I said it's what they relate to the most,” he said. “Pretty much everyone's been in love, and been hurt by it. Love is a crazy drug. Messes you up.”</p><p>Rey laughed and said, “Love doesn't have to mess you up. It can fix you, too.”</p><p>“Are you talking about romance, or are you talking about Jesus again?” he asked.</p><p>“I mean romance, of course. What are you smirking about?” she asked, frowning at him.</p><p>“I listened to your old music,” he said. “Man, you really loved the lord, didn't you?”</p><p>Rey blushed and said, “Please don't. I told you I was forced to make that music.”</p><p>“Well, you must have had some idea of what they'd want you to sing when you signed the contract,” he said.</p><p>Rey nodded unhappily. She disliked reliving the past.</p><p>“I was so young, Ben. I was controlled by my parents, my church... I don't like to talk about it. It's in the past.”</p><p>He sobered and nodded.</p><p>“Okay,” he said.</p><p>Rey stared at him, wondering how he would react if she made jokes about his past mistakes. He must have made a few, if someone with his talent was still behind the scenes writing for other musicians.</p><p>Ben did not mention her past work again, and they continued singing together whenever they needed a break or found themselves getting too frustrated over disagreements as they worked. The man was not easy to work with, as she had predicted. If he hadn't happened to have a voice that melted away her frustrations, things would have ground to a tense, disagreeable halt more than a few times.</p><p>Writing lyrics together was the easy part. They rarely disagreed about changes to the words. When it came to the music it was a different story. Rey brought a keyboard and a set of headphones into their room at the studio. She was tired of relying on Ben to provide the accompaniment for their sessions.</p><p>“Why don't we work on our ideas for this one alone first,” she suggested, as they sat looking at the lyric phrases for a new song.</p><p>Rey put on her headphones, and began trying out a few chord progressions, searching for the right mood for a number known as “The Widow's Waltz”. It was meant to be dedicated to a band member's ninety-five year-old thrice-widowed great-grandmother, who was “a character” and “takes no shit”. The list describing her included phrases such as, “old lady in a skin-tight dress”, “wears only red and black”, and “survives on cigarettes, bacon, and Tennessee whiskey”</p><p>A shadow fell over the keyboard, and Rey's skin prickled. Ben was standing behind her. She stopped playing and took off her headphones.</p><p>“Yes?” she asked, turning to look up at him over her shoulder.</p><p>“Got anything?” he asked.</p><p>“I've got the start of something,” she said warily.</p><p>“Want to take a break, then see what we came up with?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” she said, apprehensive. Thus far they had not agreed on a stylistic direction for any of the songs right away – it always took days of disagreements to get anywhere.</p><p>“Play something,” he said, gesturing to the keyboard.</p><p>“Oh, that's all right,” she said. “I already know your songs, we can do one of those.”</p><p>“No, come on,” he said. “You're writing for a future album, aren't you?”</p><p>“I'm not ready to share any of those,” she said.</p><p>He stared at her as if he did not believe her.</p><p>“Play something else, then,” he said. “I've played you bluegrass and country, a little metal even. What did you listen to growing up?”</p><p>“A little bit of everything else,” she said. “Anything on the radio. Michael Jackson. My grandmother used to play jazz for me. My parents listened to the Beach Boys all the time. I loved musical theater... and I was a church musician all my life, but you don't want to hear any of that. I don't even want to hear it anymore.”</p><p>He grunted and said, “Pick something.”</p><p>“I don't know...” Rey said, trying to think of something to play that he might enjoy singing.</p><p>“Okay,” she said, lifting her hands to the keyboard again. “I used to play this a lot.”</p><p>She began imitating the opening riff, willing her fingers to recall the notes. Then, she began singing on a high, breathy pitch:</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh, life is bigger, it's bigger / </em><em>Than you and you are not me / </em><em>The lengths that I will go to</em></p><p><em>The distance in your eyes / </em> <em>Oh no, I've said too much / </em> <em>I set it up</em></p><p> </p><p><em>That's me in the corner / </em> <em>That's me in the spotlight / </em> <em>Losing my religion / </em> <em>Trying to keep up with you </em></p><p><em>And I don't know if I can do it / </em> <em>Oh no, I've said too much / </em> <em>I haven't said enough</em></p><p> </p><p><em>I thought that I heard you laughing / </em> <em>I thought that I heard you sing / </em> <em>I think I thought I saw you try</em></p><p> </p><p><em>Every whisper of every waking hour / </em> <em>I'm choosing my confessions / </em> <em>Trying to keep an eye on you </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey stopped playing and laughed, saying “I don't remember the rest of the words!”</p><p>“R.E.M.,” Ben said. He had been singing along, getting most of the words right, in a chilling tenor harmony.</p><p>“I also grew up singing Celine Dion and Kate Bush, but I didn't think you'd appreciate that as much,” Rey said.</p><p>“I like the way you play that cover,” he said.</p><p>Rey laughed and nodded, “Thanks. Ah, should we get back to work?”</p><p>She shifted to stand up and knocked her forgotten headphones to the floor. Straightening up after reaching for them by her feet, she found Ben was still standing tree-like behind her bench. Rey fidgeted with the cord and wound it into a loop. He was looking at her with his head cocked to one side like a sad puppy.</p><p>“Ready?” she asked.</p><p>“Yep,” he said, stepping back to let her move past him.</p><p>Every day that week, despite continued and increasingly heated disagreements about the music they were writing together, they continued to take breaks to sing cover songs from their childhood and teen years. Between the two of them they touched on virtually every music genre. Their harmonies turned each one into something new and often wonderfully unexpected. Rey had never enjoyed singing more. By their fourth week together, Rey remained utterly bewitched by Ben's voice, but was unable to ignore the difficult and often infuriating personality of the man himself. His moody second-guessing of their work, even his own ideas, meant he kept insisting on scrapping songs just as they were nearly complete.</p><p>“I'm going to start calling you Goldilocks,” she said one afternoon after he had declared everything they'd done that day was trash.</p><p>“What?” he asked irritably.</p><p>“You want everything to be just right,” she said. “You know they're just going to change the songs later. They're probably going to add things to it that you'll hate. We don't have final say, not even close. It has to go through Dave and Lynda, the band, and the recording process. If you want to write the perfect song, you need to be writing it for yourself.”</p><p>“So you're okay with giving them a load of garbage?” he asked.</p><p>“Stop it! Some of it's still rough around the edges, but it's good writing,” Rey said.</p><p>He stared straight ahead without meeting her eyes for a while.</p><p>“I don't know what's good anymore,” he muttered.</p><p>“That's why you're not doing this alone,” Rey said.</p><p>He looked at her, and shifted his legs, stretching them out in front of him.</p><p>“Maybe you don't know what's good, either,” he said grumpily, but a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth.</p><p>He got up and walked around the room, swinging and stretching his arms.</p><p>“We've been stuck in the room for too long,” he said. “I'm starting to forget what life is like outside of this studio, back in reality.”</p><p>He looked at her and said, “Sometimes I wonder if you aren't just a figment of my imagination, and I've been in here singing to myself for days on end.”</p><p>Rey thought he was being unnecessarily dramatic. They usually left the studio by three o'clock. She hardly felt overworked, especially with all the time they spent just singing for their own enjoyment.</p><p>“I'm as real as you are,” she said, fighting the wide smile that wanted to take over her face.</p><p>Ben walked over and picked up the papers from the spot on the floor by Rey's feet where they'd fallen after he swept them off the coffee table. He crouched there for a moment beside her, his arms resting on his knees.</p><p>“I reckon you must be real,” he said. “I couldn't have dreamed up a voice like yours if I tried.”</p><p>Rey allowed herself a grin.</p><p>“Aw, you're too sweet,” she said. “Does that mean we can stop arguing about the second verse and move on?”</p><p>He nodded and stood up, saying, “We'll move on. For now.”</p><p>Rey sighed and shook her head, but scooted closer to the edge of her seat, peering at the pages of writing on the table as he did the same.Their fragile truce didn't last beyond the next morning, when they learned Poe wanted them to show the band what they had so far. After a long, intense morning of practicing and editing their creations, they broke for lunch.</p><p>Ben and Rey had stopped going out with the others for lunch after the first week. Rey, because she brought her own meals and didn't want to waste them, and Ben because he said all the small talk ruined his focus. Some days he went out on his own, and sometimes he brought in leftovers and ate them in the corner of the break room.</p><p>Rey was alone in the break room eating a salad and a bowl of fruit when Ben walked in and opened the fridge. He pulled out a container of what appeared to be leftover casserole and went over to the microwave. Rey scrolled through her phone messages while he waited for the microwave to finish, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring through her.</p><p>Rey read a new text from Finn:</p><p>
  <em>I'll be home a little late tonight – tell me what I should pick up for dinner. Love you, babe. </em>
</p><p><em>Give me a heads up when you're 30 out.</em> <em>I'll cook tonight, </em>Rey typed in reply.</p><p>The microwave beeped three times. Rey moved on to a message from her friend, Rose Tico.</p><p>
  <em>You and Finn still up for drinks tomorrow night?</em>
</p><p>More insistent beeping from the microwave made Rey look up. Ben sighed, and removed himself from the wall to retrieve his lunch.</p><p><em>Yes! Can't wait to see you, </em>Rey replied to Rose.</p><p>Ben walked across the room and sat down at the table with Rey. Neither of them spoke as Rey read a long, rambling text from her mother. Finn wanted her to block her parents' numbers but she didn't have the heart to do it. Still, she never answered them anymore.</p><p>“Why do you always eat that bird food?” Ben asked.</p><p>Rey looked up from her phone.</p><p>“Don't you mean 'rabbit food'?” she asked, lifting her fork and waving a lettuce leaf at him.</p><p>He was trying not to smile, but amusement crept into his eyes before he looked down at his own food and scooped a large spoonful into his mouth.</p><p>“I'm a creature of habit,” she said. “I've been doing the same meal preps for years, on a three-week cycle. It's just what I like.”</p><p>“You've been eating the exact same thing for years?” he asked skeptically.</p><p>Rey laughed and said, “Just for lunch.”</p><p>Ben finished eating in a matter of minutes and watched Rey pick at her salad and sip her water. She felt too anxious about the impending meeting to eat.</p><p>“Nervous?” he asked.</p><p>“A little,” she said, giving up on her lunch and sitting back in her chair. She bent one knee up and hugged it.</p><p>Karen, the studio's middle-aged office manager, came into the break lounge sighing loudly and muttering under her breath. She yanked the fridge open, grabbed a few plastic containers and a bottle of diet soda, and stormed back out of the room.</p><p>“Does she ever have a good day?” Ben asked.</p><p>Rey raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Karen moved at full-tilt one hundred percent of the time, and she made it clear that she thought everyone else ought to as well.</p><p>“I think she finds it offensive whenever somebody else is sitting down,” Rey whispered.</p><p>Ben chuckled and nodded a few times.</p><p>“I think you're right,” he said.</p><p>Rey leaned forward across the table and said, “Maybe she just needs reasons not to be stuck in the offices with Poe all the time.”</p><p>Ben took his empty container to the sink and rinsed it. Rey tossed the rest of her lunch into the garbage and waited for her turn at the sink.</p><p>“Does everyone else know something we don't about today?” she wondered aloud. “I think it's just us and Karen here.”</p><p>“Just the luck of the draw, I guess,” he said.</p><p>Ben went to the fridge and reappeared from behind the door with a beer.</p><p>He noticed Rey watching him and asked, “Sure you don't want one? Might help the nerves.”</p><p>“Oh, no... I'm good,” she said.</p><p>He relaxed into one of the oversized couches. Rey curled up on one of the others, resting the side of her head on the back of the couch. They stayed that way until he finished his beer.</p><p>“Guess I'm gonna go mess around with the guitar until we're on,” he said, heaving a sigh and dislodging himself from the couch cushions.</p><p>Rey watched him go, then checked the time. They still had twenty minutes left. She checked her phone and saw that Finn had sent her another reply – <em>okay love.</em></p><p>She sat a couple of minutes longer, curled in the comfortable embrace of the couch's pillows. Finally, she gave in and went to join Ben. He was fingerpicking a delicate tune on the guitar and humming lightly to himself. Rey shut the studio room door as quietly as possible.</p><p>“Don't stop,” she said, when he turned to look at her. “That was enchanting.”</p><p>He began playing again. Rey stood a few feet away, swaying along with the music, which was a melancholy waltz. She closed her eyes as she began to compose a cascading melody in her head, but then he stopped.</p><p>“Are you dancing?” he asked.</p><p>“Not dancing, just... enjoying,” she said simply. “Is that something new you're working on?”</p><p>He grunted in what seemed to be an affirmative way.</p><p>“I love it,” she said, walking around to stand in front of him. “It's very... <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“Simple and kind of sad?” he asked.</p><p>“No, it's mysterious and magnetic,” she said. </p><p>“Is that what I am?” he asked amusedly.</p><p>“Mmmm, sometimes,” Rey said.</p><p>“Nah, I'm just a simple man who writes simple songs,” he said.</p><p>Ben began humming again, and Rey joined him, humming the notes that she'd heard in her head before. With every repetition of the musical phrase, Rey added more to the harmony, and Ben put more ornamentation into the music he was playing. They crescendoed and decrescendoed, swapping the dynamics with their voices, sometimes Ben singing louder, sometimes Rey. Hums turned into oh's, ooh's, and ah's, then back as they ended the phrases. They might have gone on indefinitely if Poe had not interrupted them by knocking on the door. Rey blinked in confusion, coming out of her trance, and took a step back from Ben as she looked up to see Poe poke his head into the room.</p><p>“There you are. I hope you two didn't work through lunch,” he said, smiling broadly at them.</p><p>Rey shook her head, but before either of them could say anything in response, Poe pushed the door open and ushered a mass of people into the room, saying, “I found them, guys. Come on in, and we'll get started.”</p><p>After many greetings and a few handshakes, everyone settled into their seats, leaving Ben and Rey standing at one end of the room.</p><p>“So, we are finally going to hear what Ben and Rey have been working on together,” said Poe, with great excitement. “I've heard some wonderful sounds coming out of this room over the past few weeks. So, Ben, Rey, let's hear it.”</p><p>A beat passed in the silent room, then Ben said, “All right, so we're gonna play four songs for you.”</p><p>Ben looked at Rey and positioned the capo on his guitar. They had agreed to swap off singing lead for their audience, and she was up first with the ballad. Rey's nerves calmed as soon as she began singing. Heads nodded and she could hear appreciative murmurs as she finished the song.</p><p>“Ah, Ben is going to sing you what we've been calling <em>Mad Woman</em>,” she said.</p><p>Even though they'd agreed not to add in the harmonies they'd been singing, Rey could not help doing so when Ben reached the chorus. He gave her a sharp look of surprise, but remained focused on the powerful, driving vocals he was delivering. One of the band members let out a whoop at the end of the song, and there was a bit of applause. Ben's friend, Emmett, seemed to be the most impressed with the rendition.</p><p>“Ah, and this is <em>The Widow's Waltz</em>,” Ben said, diving right into the lurching, brazen intro of their third song. Rey swayed along with the music, waiting for her cue to sing the first, high wailing notes. The looks on the faces of the people in front of her were a mix of surprise, approval, and confusion. The song was the biggest risk they'd taken so far. Despite the mixed reaction, the group offered words of appreciation at the end and Poe beamed at them.</p><p>They played the last song, which Ben was the least enthusiastic to showcase. They had not been able to agree on anything except the lyrics, which had been written for weeks. Ben sang it slower and added a few minor chords that they had taken out a week earlier. Annoyed that he'd changed it at the last second, Rey resisted joining in even though the way he was playing it urged her to add a floating harmony over the chorus.</p><p>There was a short silence after he finished the last song, then Poe began clapping and said, “I knew I would not be disappointed in the two of you! I thought it was brilliant – what do you think, band? Dave? Lynda? First impressions?”</p><p>“Unexpected,” said Nikki, a tall woman with closely-cropped dark hair and extremely toned arms. A few bracelets around her wrist clinked as she gestured with her hands and spoke. “I'm intrigued by the first one you sang – it sounds like it was written for me? Really beautiful.”</p><p>Rey nodded.</p><p>Nikki continued, “<em>Mad Woman </em>is great, too. What did you guys think about the waltz?”</p><p>She looked at her bandmates.</p><p>“Yeah, you know, it was real interesting, the energy you put into that number – it was soulful. It's not at all what I was thinking though,” said Jason.</p><p>The widow in the song was his great-grandmother.</p><p>“Now that I hear it, I'm not sure it should actually be a waltz. The lyrics were on point, though. Just perfect,” Jason said.</p><p>Rey nodded again, and Ben cleared his throat.</p><p>“The last one,” Emmett said. “I'm gonna call Ben out here. He gave me a preview the other day, and it was nothing like what we just heard. I have to be honest, I liked the other version better. Again, though, the lyrics are just about as perfect as I could imagine for that one.”</p><p>Poe was looking back and forth between the band members as they spoke, and when there was a pause, he asked, “Brad, what are your thoughts?”</p><p>“I'm just the drummer,” Brad said, grinning. “I don't care what the words are, as long I'm not gonna fall asleep on every song.”</p><p>Dave and Lynda remained alarmingly silent. Rey tried not to stare at them, but she was beginning to worry about the flat looks on their faces.</p><p>“I'm curious to know what the other songwriters in the room think,” she said.</p><p>Dave looked at Lynda, and she looked back at him as if they were sharing their thoughts telepathically before speaking.</p><p>“I was just thinking how similar the ballad sounds to one of the songs we're working on with Nikki,” Lynda finally said. “In the interest of keeping the right amount of intensity in this album, we might need to scrap one or the other... or find a way to put them together.”</p><p>Poe interjected, “Lynda, I respect that you're already thinking of the final product but let's focus on expanding our options at this point rather than narrowing them. I think I have the band with me on this, since they wanted to explore new directions – am I right, guys?”</p><p>The band members nodded, all managing not to look at Lynda or Dave.</p><p>“Dave, any other thoughts to add?” asked Poe cautiously.</p><p>“We've got a lot to work with. I'm very pleased,” Dave said stiffly.</p><p>“You've done exactly what we asked for,” Poe said to Ben and Rey. “The band has some decisions to make, and of course we'll need Dave and Lynda's stamp on the final arrangements, but I want to thank and congratulate both of you on a job well done!”</p><p>He got up and reached for the pages of musical annotation, saying, “I'll make copies for everyone today and you can let it simmer for a while. So, I think we'll be in agreement, if I ask Ben and Rey to give us two more numbers to finish out their contracts?”</p><p>As he spoke, Rey realized that her time with Ben was limited. Two more songs, and they were done. The realization was so sudden and upsetting she barely heard Emmett when he spoke.</p><p>“Before everyone leaves, I have a request,” he said, looking at Ben. “I'd like them to play the other version I heard of that last song and Rey, would you join Ben this time? I think it would be a nice duet for me and Nikki.”</p><p>Rey turned to Ben and saw that he was less than thrilled with the request, but he nodded and began playing the faster version of the song. Perhaps just to be difficult, he played it more aggressively staccato than ever before. Rey echoed Ben throughout the verses and sang a loud, high harmony on the chorus. When Ben ended the tune with a brilliant country flourish, half of the group got to their feet and clapped.</p><p>“That's what I'm <em>talkin'</em> about!” Emmett said. “Woo, that girl's got a voice! No offense, Ben, you were great as usual. But damn, Ms. McNowan! You want to join the band?”</p><p>“Hey!” exclaimed Nikki, punching Emmett in the arm playfully. “That's gonna be my <em>solo</em> if you don't watch yourself.”</p><p>“You want to come out with us tonight? Both of you?” Emmett asked cheerfully.</p><p>“Nah, I gotta get home today,” Ben said.</p><p>“Ellie got another recital or something?” Emmett asked.</p><p>“Or something,” Ben said, looking uncomfortable.</p><p>“All right, raincheck,” Emmett said, coming over to clap Ben on the back, as the rest of the group slowly made their way out of the room, breaking into conversation.</p><p>“Rey? What about you?” asked Elliot. “We need to properly welcome you to the Travelers family.”</p><p>“Oh, ah... I'd love to, but I already have plans tonight,” she said, smiling apologetically.</p><p>“Aw....” Emmett shook his head. “All right, then, but both of you are coming out next week. How about next Thursday? Ben, bring your lady, we haven't seen her in a while. Rey, bring your...”</p><p>He trailed off, making a show of looking at her left hand for a moment.</p><p>“Husband?” he inquired.</p><p>“Finn,” she said, nodding.</p><p>“Well, all right. You bring your Finn, and we'll all have a good time. I'd feel terrible singing your songs without properly gettin' to know you.”</p><p>Rey laughed and smiled, saying, “I'll tell him we can't miss it... Thursday.”</p><p>“Yes, ma'am,” said Emmett happily. “Well, I'll be seein' you!”</p><p>Once Emmett was gone, Rey turned to Ben.</p><p>“Is Ellie your daughter?” she asked.</p><p>“Elise is my oldest,” he said.</p><p>“How old is she?” Rey asked.</p><p>He fidgeted with his guitar and pushed his hair out of his eyes.</p><p>“She'll be twelve next month,” he said quickly, as if he'd rather talk about anything else.</p><p>“Is she a dancer?” asked Rey.</p><p>Ben shook his head and exhaled loudly, saying, “Nope, violin. I'm teaching her guitar at home.”</p><p>“Of course,” Rey said, smiling. “That's wonderful. You said she's the oldest – how many children do you have?”</p><p>Ben cleared his throat and said quietly, “I've got four of 'em. Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in talking about my family.”</p><p>Crushed, Rey felt her face fall.</p><p>“Oh,” she said.</p><p>He pressed his lips together as if holding back something else from the tip of his tongue. He began to pack up his guitar. They were done for the day, earlier than usual, and they were also done for the week thanks to Poe's insistence that they start the weekend a day early.</p><p>“Well... have a nice weekend,” she said awkwardly, watching him hoist his guitar case onto his shoulder.</p><p>He looked over at her.</p><p>“Aren't you leaving, too?” he asked.</p><p>“Of course I am,” she said.</p><p>To her surprise, he stood waiting while she gathered her belongings from the table in the corner. Then, he walked her out of the building. Neither of them spoke, except to return Poe's goodbye. Rey hoped Ben would veer off and leave her to walk alone to her car, but he followed her over and waited for her to situate herself in the driver's seat with his arm hanging over the top of the open door.</p><p>“See you next week,” she said. He stared at her as if he had something else to say. Was he going to apologize?</p><p>“I look forward to it,” he said, then shut her car door before walking slowly away.</p><p>Rey wondered briefly just how old Ben was, to have a twelve year-old daughter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Mockingbird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey got home long before Finn arrived that evening. Feeling melancholy, she went to her music room and shuffled through the bookshelf by the piano. Pulling out an old photo album, she sat down on the piano bench and began flipping slowly through the pages.</p><p>Some of her best and worst childhood years were represented in the hundred-something photos crammed into the book. A few of the pages were meticulously scrapbooked with lettering and cutesy paper cutouts, but most were a messy hodgepodge of photographs cut and glued in without rhyme or reason. The photos began in her sixth grade year, her first year attending a public school. Her father lost his job the previous year when his company was bought out, and she'd been pulled from her small, religious private school.</p><p>Rey stared at a picture of her eleven-year-old self grinning at the edge of a large group of girls. Those girls had barely spoken to her most of the year, but they allowed her to cling precariously onto their social group as the new girl. She'd been a chubby-faced preteen, not allowed to experiment with makeup like her peers, so instead she created elaborate crimped and curled styles in her long, sun-bleached brown hair. Rey smiled at the picture.</p><p>“It gets better,” she said to her photo-self.</p><p>The next few years showed a young Rey with fewer friends in photos, but wearing more makeup each year. Eighth grade Rey was represented by her most feminine stage of teen fashion, favoring flowing dresses with floral patterns. Even though she knew what was coming on the next page, Rey grinned to herself when she saw the first picture. Her mother had allowed her to get her hair highlighted for the first time. Ninth grade was also the era of glitter makeup for Rey. Thankfully, it did not last long, since her skin reacted by breaking out in itchy red patches.</p><p>Sophomore year. The haircut. Rey's elbow-length hair disappeared, chopped to her chin. That was the year she first started singing professionally. Junior year came with the biggest thrill of her young life – she was approached by Redeemed Records, a Christian music label. Rey was so caught up in the promise of fame and the chance to start her career before graduating from high school that she the friends she'd managed to make at school.</p><p>Senior year offered the fewest photographs – just a yearbook photo, senior photos, and a single prom photo with a boy name Justin from her church who married another girl just a year later when he got her pregnant. There were magazine clippings from the first reviews of her album, as well as an interview with <em>Teen Jesus Freak</em>, a magazine that ceased to exist before Rey even finished her second album. She unfolded the interview page from the magazine, which featured a photo of an eighteen-year-old Rey looking very blonde, with soft waves in her hair, sitting in a field holding a dandelion. The girl in the picture was thin, almost frail. Her dimpled, round cheeks were gone, and Rey imagined she could see the hunger in her teen self's eyes. </p><p>The album ended with a year's worth of studio photos and press clippings, as well as a photo of a grinning young Rey standing next to a portly, gray-haired man in a navy blazer – the host of one of the shows on which she made an appearance. The man was a former pastor and well-known author in her parents' religious circles. Rey no longer recalled his name.</p><p>Rey closed the album and sighed. There was a void in her past that made her self-conscious in her work as a songwriter. As a child and teen she'd been purposefully separated and sheltered from the culture around her. There was a whole wide world of musical influences that she'd only began dipping into after falling out of faith. But that was not what made Rey pull out the photo album. For some reason, learning that Ben's daughter was nearly a teenager struck a nerve. Rey could not help wondering what he was like as a father. Ellie Solo was lucky to have a father who shared a love for music with her, who was a musician and songwriter himself, who could guide her into a career in the industry if that was her dream.</p><p>Rey's father came from a missionary family. Many of his relatives still lived in Canada, where his parents moved to spread their version of christian beliefs. Richard McNowan chose a more financially stable route and worked as a manager for a lumber company instead of becoming a pastor like his two brothers. He wanted a simple, normal life with a wife and a few children.</p><p>Rey was an only child. Her father largely stayed out of the process of raising his daughter. He did not put up a fight when her mother insisted on using the money they had put aside for Rey's college fund for travel costs, vocal coaches, and the purchase of a grand piano as a graduation gift. However, he found little ways to make his disappointment known – a frown here, a casual remark there, and a pointed interest in what her friends were studying in college. When Rey paid him back for every cent after the sales of her first album, he put it right back into the college fund. The money was meant to send her to college, but by the time Rey left Redeemed Records she had no desire to attend a religious school.</p><p>Rey jumped in surprise as her phone vibrated on the piano bench next to her. It was Finn.</p><p>“Hey, honey,” he said as soon as she answered the call. “I should be home by seven. How was your day?”</p><p>“Really good,” she said, smiling. “The band liked our work.”</p><p>“That's great!” Finn said. “I can't wait to hear all about it. Do you need me to pick anything up on my way home? Wine?”</p><p>“No, it's still early. I'll go to the store,” she said.</p><p>“All right. I've got to go. Just wanted to hear your lovely voice,” he said.</p><p>“Okay. See you later,” she replied, smiling.</p><p>“Later. Love you,” he said, and hung up as Rey said, “Love you, too.”</p><p>Rey tucked her phone into her purse and left the house to make a grocery run for dinner. She was starving after skipping most of her lunch, and decided to make herself a nice appetizer of some fancy cheese, along with a glass of the wine Finn had suggested before she began preparing the meal.</p><p>Finn arrived home at seven-o-six.</p><p>“You're late!” Rey called out cheerfully as she heard the door open.</p><p>She emerged from the kitchen to greet him and was promptly swept off her feet and spun around.</p><p>“Is that cornbread I smell?” he asked, kissing her.</p><p>“It just might be,” she said. “I had a craving.”</p><p>“The day you learned to make a good southern cornbread was the day I knew I'd have to marry you,” he said.</p><p>“Oh, yeah? Like I haven't heard that line before,” she said, teasing him. He said it every time.</p><p>“Chili?” he asked, sniffing the air and walking her into the kitchen.</p><p>“Oh, now wait a minute! What's this? Celebrating without me?” he asked, looking at the empty wine glass, open wine bottle, and platter with nothing but a few crumbs left as proof of her earlier snack.</p><p>“Chef's tax,” she said, taking the rest of the cheese out of the fridge and handing him the knife.</p><p>She poured herself another glass of wine.</p><p>“Careful,” he said playfully, eyeing the bottle. “What's that, your third glass?”</p><p>Rey gave him a look, and then poured a little more wine into her glass.</p><p>A short while later, they sat down to dinner together at the kitchen island.</p><p>“So, your songs were well-received,” Finn said.</p><p>“They were. It was probably the best response I've ever gotten on my work.”</p><p>“Cheers, wife,” he said, holding up his glass. “Well done.”</p><p>“It wasn't just me, you know,” she said.</p><p>“Ah yes. How was 'that asshole' this week?” Finn asked.</p><p>“Finn, I told you to stop calling him that,” she said, but couldn't help smiling. “He was about the same, I'm afraid. You know that song I was telling you about the other day, the one we completely reworked three different times?”</p><p>“That could be any of them, right?” Finn asked.</p><p>“Well... okay, so the one with the intro that goes, <em>da-da-da-da-dah</em>, and it's got the line in the chorus about fishing?” she asked.</p><p>“Oh, sure. The fish song,” he said, nodding.</p><p>“Well, today when he played it for the band, he just... he just decided to change it back to one of the old versions without telling me. It sounded all right, but it isn't what they wanted from that song.”</p><p>“That asshole,” Finn said, shaking his head and looking very serious for a moment. Then, he smirked again. “Of course he did.”</p><p>“Yeah. The funny part was, Emmett is an old friend of his and Ben had apparently played the faster version – the one we were supposed to pitch – he played it for Emmett at some point. So, Emmett remembers and tells him to play it again the other way. And, he told me to sing along because he wants it to be a duet. So, I just had to make it up on the spot!”</p><p>“And you were amazing as usual,” Finn said, grinning at her.</p><p>“They loved it,” she said, smiling. “Speaking of which, they invited us to go out with the band next Thursday.”</p><p>“Do they happen to need a manager?” Finn asked, casually sipping his wine and then raising his eyebrows.</p><p>Rey laughed again and said, “You wish!”</p><p>“I do wish,” Finn said. “I need a new gig.”</p><p>“I thought you were going to work here in Nashville for a while,” Rey said.</p><p>“I am,” said Finn. “Until another opportunity comes up, but it won't just fall in my lap. I'm looking.”</p><p>“Ah,” said Rey. “Well, I selfishly hope you're looking for a while!”</p><p>“Maybe next time I'll convince you to come along with me,” he said.</p><p>“Finn, that's not...” she said. “Wouldn't it be weird?”</p><p>“What's weird about wanting to share a bed with my gorgeous wife every night?” he asked.</p><p>“I don't know how I'd feel about living in hotel rooms and tour buses for most of the year,” she said.</p><p>Finn laughed and said, “Babe, what do you think is going to happen when you get out on the road yourself?”</p><p>“I know, but it's different for your own career,” she said. “What would I do while I'm traveling with you?”</p><p>“Write,” Finn said. “Finish those songs you've been working on.”</p><p>“Hmmm,” Rey murmured. “I work better here. It's peaceful.”</p><p>“I'll be the one dealing with all the stress, logistics, and people,” he said. </p><p>Rey gave him a long look.</p><p>“Maybe,” she said.</p><p>Finn seemed satisfied with that answer and began clearing the table.</p><p>The next evening, Rey and Finn met Rose Tico at her favorite bar, The Golden Goose. Rose was a singer-songwriter in her spare time, and a music instructor at a local school for the arts by day. She also taught private lessons to her pupils. Rey had not seen her friend in months due to her busy schedule.</p><p>“My favorite Nashville power couple,” Rose joked after greeting them.</p><p>“Our favorite faux starving artist,” Finn joked back.</p><p>Rose had once been described in a review by a bitter ex-boyfriend who was a music critic as having the appearance of a 'faux-starving-artist'.</p><p>“It's so good to see you both,” Rose said warmly as they took their seats. “How are you? I've been so swamped with the spring recitals and traveling with the choirs, I haven't even returned your calls, Rey. Don't hate me!”</p><p>“I don't, I could never!” exclaimed Rey.</p><p>“Rey has been working on a new project,” Finn said. “I'm bumming around for PR gigs again.”</p><p>“Oh, I doubt that,” said Rose. “I'm sure you've got people begging you to come bless them with your PR magic touch.”</p><p>“Ah, well... this isn't about me,” Finn said, looking pleased with the compliment.</p><p>“I'm writing for The Travelers,” she said, smiling at her friend.</p><p>In true Rose fashion, she let out a small squeal and said, “Oh my god, are you serious?! Congratulations! I am so sorry I didn't return your call. We could have celebrated sooner.”</p><p>“We're almost done, now,” Rey said. “It's been fun.”</p><p>Finn knew otherwise, but he kept it to himself.</p><p>“You know, I have summer break coming up. It's only a few weeks off, since I'll be teaching the summer sessions this year, but... we should get together and write something, share our personal stuff, you know? I need some fresh ears on my work.”</p><p>“I'd like that,” Rey said. “Let's do it.”</p><p>“I just have to get through the next couple of months, first,” Rose said, feigning exhaustion.</p><p>“If you want to meet a few times before the summer, you're welcome over any evening to our place,” said Finn.</p><p>“Yes,” agreed Rey. “We'll make it relaxing – a little music, a lot of wine.”</p><p>“Oh, you know me so well,” Rose said, laughing. “That sounds like just what I need to get me through the semester.”</p><p>“You pick the date,” Rey said.</p><p>“You know what? We have a long weekend in two weeks. What about that Friday? If you're free, I can come over early and we can get some girl talk in before Finn gets home!” said Rose, giving Finn a mischievous look.</p><p>“Perfect,” said Rey, pulling out her phone and putting it in her calendar. “I can't wait.”</p><p>“Ooh! I've made the calendar!” teased Rose, grinning.</p><p>“Not many do,” Rey said, smiling back.</p><p>They ordered drinks and listened to the live music for a few hours before parting ways.</p><p>“I am really looking forward to hearing what comes out of you and Rose working together,” Finn said on the way home.</p><p>“I am too,” Rey said. “She's got such a distinctive style.”</p><p>“You'll find yours,” said Finn.</p><p>“Oh, wow!” Rey said, offended.</p><p>“You have a wonderfully versatile voice, dear,” he said soothingly. “You just need to nail down your signature sound.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Rey hummed, annoyed yet unable to argue with the truth.</p><p>Finally, Monday came and Rey returned to the studio, which was beginning to feel like home. Ben's car was already in the lot, as usual. He liked to arrive before everyone (besides Karen) and sit alone in the room where they worked. Rey often walked in to find him relaxing on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him, his eyes closed.</p><p>“Why are you always so early?” she asked, causing him to open one eye and peer at her. He closed his eyes again and after a moment he sighed.</p><p>“Kids have to get up real early for school,” he said.</p><p>Rey tiptoed into the room, as if walking on eggshells. She went to the keyboard and sat down, caressing the keys silently.</p><p>“Want to sing with me?” she asked.</p><p>He did not answer at first, nor did he move from his spot on the couch.</p><p>“You sing,” he said after a while. “I'll listen.”</p><p>Rey sat staring at the keyboard for a minute. Then, she began playing.</p><p>“<em>I heard he sang a good song / I heard he had a style / And so I came to see him, to listen for a while / And there he was, this young boy / a stranger to my eyes</em></p><p>“<em>Strumming my pain with his fingers / Singing my life with his words / Killing me softly with his song </em></p><p>
  <em>Killing me softly with his song / Telling my whole life with his words / Killing me softly with his song...”</em>
</p><p>When Rey finished the song, Ben was sitting with his arms crossed, his body wedged deeper into the couch cushions. His face was pointed toward the ceiling, his eyes still closed.</p><p>Rey turned back around to the keyboard and began gently playing again:</p><p>“<em>Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to arise</em></p><p>
  <em>Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these sunken eyes and learn to see / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to be free...”</em>
</p><p>Near the end of the song, Rey heard Ben humming along faintly, alternating between mirroring her voice in a lower octave, and adding haunting harmonies. She paused for a moment and when he still did not speak, she launched into another song:</p><p>“<em>I keep on fallin' / In and out of love with you<br/>Sometimes I love ya / Sometimes you make me blue<br/>Sometimes I feel good / At times I feel used<br/>Lovin' you darlin' / Makes me so confused...”</em></p><p>Again, Ben hummed faintly along from across the room, but by the time Rey was repeating, “<em>Fall-all-all-all,” </em>Ben was projecting enough to almost overpower her. She could hear his voice grow even louder as he finally got up from his spot on the couch. The sound of his voice from directly behind her began a prickly tingle at the top of Rey's head, which then dissipated down her neck, shoulders, and back.</p><p>She exhaled slowly after ending the song and closed her eyes. Ben's voice startled her a moment later.</p><p>“Ready to work, mockingbird?” he asked.</p><p>She opened her eyes and saw he was leaning forward, his face now beside her right shoulder.</p><p>“Mockingbird?” she asked instead.</p><p>He shrugged and said, “You can sing anything, can't you?”</p><p>She smiled back and after a beat they moved apart, Rey getting up to shuffle through the band's notes on the new songs and Ben to get his guitar. They began to piece together ideas for the last songs of their collaboration, and the day passed quickly.</p><p>The rest of the week did not go as smoothly, but knowing that soon it would be over, Rey found their frequent disagreements less frustrating. She dreaded saying goodbye to the stubborn, mysterious man whose music and voice spoke to a part of her soul that she had not known existed before.</p><p>On Thursday morning, Ben was crankier than usual. It made their songwriting excruciatingly tedious that day. Emmett appeared near the end of the day, and distracted them with friendly conversation for nearly thirty minutes before saying he was looking forward to seeing them that evening. Finn would meet Rey at the restaurant. Rey planned to stay at the studio until Karen locked up, then go get a drink and wait for the others to arrive.</p><p>She went to the ladies room strategically when they were done for the day, waiting for Ben to leave first. She left the bathroom, walked around the corner, and heard the sound of Ben's guitar coming from down the hallway. Rey peeked into the room and saw him standing with his back to the door, picking a tune on the guitar.</p><p>“Hey,” she said.</p><p>Ben stopped playing and turned around.</p><p>“Not waiting on me are you?” she asked. “I'm going to stick around here for a while, then go meet Finn.”</p><p>He nodded and tapped his fingers on the body of his guitar a few times.</p><p>“You going home before dinner?” she asked.</p><p>“Yep,” he said, then began playing again.</p><p>She began humming along, smiling as he added experimental riffs and ornamentation to the music. Soon, they were both humming in harmony. Every now and then he would sing a broken phrase of lyrics.</p><p>“<em>...oh, this stranger I know... better than a friend... the eyes of a ghost... watching lifetimes pass by...”</em></p><p>He stared at her as he played, and Rey was unable to look away either, smiling like a fool at him because the alternative was to weep. She moved her body in a slow dance to the music.</p><p>“New song?” she asked, after a moment.</p><p>“Maybe,” he said. “I don't like how it ends.”</p><p>“Well, don't give up on it,” she said.</p><p>“I might have to,” he said heavily, and paused before gathering a breath and letting it go slowly.</p><p>“Don't have much time to write my own stuff anymore,” he said.</p><p>Rey nodded sympathetically.</p><p>“Well, I should get going,” he said.</p><p>“All right, see you later,” Rey replied.</p><p>She sat on the couch scrolling through her phone for a few minutes after he left, then played around on the keyboard, losing herself in a long, meandering session of improvised sounds.</p><p>Rey was unaware of Ben's lingering presence in the hall, not far from the door, which was ajar. He leaned against the wall for a while, listening to her play, his eyes closed, his face relaxed. Ben only left when the sound of the phone ringing in Karen's office ruined his meditation.</p><p>Karen narrowed her eyes as she saw Ben walk past her door, and continued to assure the person on the other end of the phone line that Mr. Holden would see them tomorrow at eleven o'clock.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Proposition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey arrived at The Whiskey Barrel after being chased out of the studio by Karen earlier than she planned. With an hour to kill, she found a seat at the bar and ordered an old fashioned. She sent Finn a message letting him know where to find her.</p>
<p>But it was not Finn who found her at the bar. Emmet appeared first, with a sweet-faced blonde woman he introduced as his wife, Brittany. They followed a waiter over to their reserved table, which was actually three tables pushed together to create a long row of seating on each side. Before anyone else arrived Rey learned that Emmett and Brittany had three dogs and two children under the age of four. Brittany stayed home and managed a blog and highly successful internet video channel which in part operated as a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of the band members.</p>
<p>Nikki and Brad arrived next without significant others, and Jason showed up with his girlfriend, who did not seem to know the other band members yet. Finally, once everyone was at least one drink into the evening, Ben showed up. He ushered a woman with long honey-blonde hair before him to take the two seats to Rey's right, leaving an empty spot for Finn. Jason wasted no time introducing his girlfriend to Ben' wife.</p>
<p>“This is my wife, Sophie,” Ben said. He caught Rey's eye as he spoke to Jason's girlfriend, whose name was Janelle.</p>
<p>“Soph, this is Rey,” he said next, leaning behind his wife to gesture to Rey, who reached out to shake hands.</p>
<p>“You're the other songwriter,” Sophie said, her deep-set, dark eyes wandering curiously over Rey's face.</p>
<p>“That's me,” said Rey, smiling. “It's nice to meet you, Sophie.”</p>
<p>“You, too. Call me Soph,” she said politely, and then looked around the table.</p>
<p>“Oh, good, I know the rest of you!” Soph said in a familiar tone, a smile breaking on her face. She seemed relieved to be done with the introductions.</p>
<p>“Who are we missin'?” Jason asked, looking at the empty chair beside Rey, and then at Rey.</p>
<p>“My husband, Finn,” she said, checking her phone again. “He should be here any minute.”</p>
<p>She fired off a message to Finn:</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything okay? We're all here now. Long table by the back wall. </em>
</p>
<p>The band members were unperturbed by Finn's absence, and kept a lively conversation going while Rey waited for her husband to make his appearance. She thought she saw Ben peering at her around his wife, but when she looked over he was talking to Jason in a low enough voice that she couldn't hear what he was saying.</p>
<p>Rey excused herself to the ladies room and checked her phone again. No response from Finn. She resisted the urge to call him, and told herself to go out and get to know the band better. Finn was seated at the table when Rey returned, chatting with Emmett as if they were old friends. He was sitting in Rey's seat, so she took the one beside Soph.</p>
<p>“There you are, husband,” she said. “Have you already made your own introductions?”</p>
<p>“He sure did,” said Emmett, grinning at Finn. “You're off the hook, Rey.”</p>
<p>“I should've known you'd show up as soon as I left the table,” she said.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, dear,” said Finn, rubbing her back lightly and planting a kiss on her cheek. “I sat down to look over some stuff from the design team this evening and time got away from me.”</p>
<p>“Didn't I hear you used to manage a band?” asked Emmett.</p>
<p>Finn happily talked about his career with Emmett until they ordered their food. Rey nodded along and answered the odd question here and there from Brittany, who seemed torn between listening to Finn talk enthusiastically about his experiences in the music industry, and talking to Nikki about the crazy things her children had done recently.</p>
<p>“Ben, when are you going to start recording your own stuff?” Emmett suddenly demanded, after a lull in the conversation.</p>
<p>Soph gave Emmett a tired look, which made Rey think this was not the first time she'd heard that question. Ben didn't answer right away, but leaned forward looking thoughtful.</p>
<p>“Maybe when I find a few worthy band-mates,” he said.</p>
<p>Emmett laughed and nodded, as if this was not the first time he'd heard that answer.</p>
<p>“I already know <em>I'm</em> not worthy, but I did manage to get you to write for me!” he said.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn were both following the exchange with interest.</p>
<p>“Were the two of you in a band together in the past?” Finn asked, leaning to look down the table at Ben.</p>
<p>“For a very brief moment, we were,” Emmett said. “I met Brad and another guy named Arnie Hux while Ben and I were trying to form a group. Ben and Arnie did not agree on a single thing, and in the end they both left. Arnie wasn't a songwriter, but he was wild on stage. Dunno what happened to the guy. He left the band and was never heard from again.”</p>
<p>Ben was listening with a look of mild disgust on his face, presumably due to being forced to remember Arnie.</p>
<p>“Are you talking about Arnie Hux?” Brad asked from the other end of the table.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” replied Emmett.</p>
<p>“Oh, man, Ben HATED Hux!” Brad said, laughing. “Once, he told Hux he sounded like a old woman giving birth to an angry cat!”</p>
<p>The table dissolved into laughter. Emmett was giggling so hard he couldn't breathe. Nikki had tears in her eyes and was covering her mouth, rocking back and forth. Even Ben smiled and chuckled. Soph smiled tight-lipped at Ben, as if the laughter was interrupting something between them. Rey's cheeks hurt from grinning at Ben. Fits of giggles kept going around the table for a few minutes.</p>
<p>“Ben does have a way with words,” Emmett finally said quickly, before another fit a silent laughter hit him.</p>
<p>As everyone calmed down and there was another lull, Finn addressed Ben.</p>
<p>“You all grew up together?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. I've known Ben and Soph forever. Those two had the whole girl-next-door, high school sweethearts, fairytale romance,” said Emmett.</p>
<p>Ben did not look happy with Emmett's loquaciousness about his past. Soph smiled at Emmett and then looked at Ben and touched his arm. Finn changed the subject.</p>
<p>“Ben, if you ever do get a band together, and you need a manager... give me a call. Rey tells me you're an amazing singer.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled at Soph, then turned to Finn, trying to communicate to him to drop the subject, without anyone else catching on. Ben stared at Finn first, then his eyes flicked over to Rey.</p>
<p>“Did she?” Ben asked. “I'm flattered.”</p>
<p>“Well, Ben,” said Elliot. “When you get your band together, you need this lady in it. Now, don't take this the wrong way, but you've never sounded better than when I heard the two of you together the other week.”</p>
<p>Soph looked at Rey again, this time staring with the same curious look she'd had on her face when they met. Rey could feel Finn staring at her as well.</p>
<p>“I'd like to hear the two of you together,” Finn said. “Maybe I'll sneak over to the studio this week.”</p>
<p>Ben looked away and said nothing. Rey tried, once again, to give Finn a look that told him not to push it. He seemed to get the message, but Emmett did not.</p>
<p>“You should come,” he said. “I'm sure Poe won't mind. Give him call.”</p>
<p>“I wish I could come for a visit,” said Soph. “Maybe when the twins are older.”</p>
<p>Rey resisted asking how old the children in question were. Finn, however, did not.</p>
<p>“Oh, you have twins?” he asked. “Are you new parents?”</p>
<p>Soph laughed and said, “No, not at all. The twins are our youngest, Ava and Aaron. They're three now. Then, there's Lydia, who's eight, and our oldest, Elise, is eleven.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a lovely family,” Finn said. “Are they all musical?”</p>
<p>“The older ones are!” interjected Emmett. “Ellie's even started singing, hasn't she?”</p>
<p>Soph nodded and said, “She has. I'm glad the girls inherited their father's abilities, because I've got no musical talent!”</p>
<p>Rey immediately wondered how Ben could be happily married to someone who wasn't at all musical, and not only that, but Soph was strangely flippant about the fact. Rey silently chastised herself for making assumptions. </p>
<p>“Are you musical, Finn?” asked Soph.</p>
<p>“I'm a little musical,” he said, nodding. “Not talented, but I can pick up a song on the guitar if I have the time and patience... which I don't.”</p>
<p>Rey caught Ben's eye, she could hear the sound of their voices melding and the strumming of his guitar in her head. Emmett steered the conversation to other topics, talking about the most memorable exploits he'd had while touring with the band.</p>
<p>The next day at the studio, Ben was not early. He arrived after Rey was seated at the keyboard, playing around with one of their songs.</p>
<p>“Well, hello, stranger,” she said, smiling at his tired-looking expression. “You all right?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said. “Just running late.”</p>
<p>Ben was not himself that day. He was melancholy and sullen. Rey decided it was best to ignore it. When it was time to leave for the day, Ben said goodbye and left quickly. Rey noticed he was sitting in his car with his phone to his ear when she walked out to the parking lot. </p>
<p>Rey was surprised to see Finn's car in the driveway when she got home that afternoon. It wasn't like him to come home early without telling her. She checked her phone, but there was no message from her husband.</p>
<p>“Finn?” she called, entering the house.</p>
<p>“Yes, my love?” he answered from the kitchen. “Surprised to see me?”</p>
<p>“I am,” she said, coming into the kitchen to see him pouring glasses of wine for them.</p>
<p>“What are we celebrating?” she asked curiously.</p>
<p>“Oh, you don't know?” he asked, smiling mysteriously.</p>
<p>“No... should I?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I thought Poe might have mentioned... never mind,” said Finn, quickly. He handed her a wine glass.</p>
<p>“Cheers,” he said, clinking their glasses together.</p>
<p>Finn sipped his wine and waited for Rey to do the same.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what this is about?” Rey asked, after humoring him.</p>
<p>“Well, this is less of a celebration and more of a proposition,” Finn said. “Drink up.”</p>
<p>“Finn, come on!” she protested, but Finn just kept sipping his wine.</p>
<p>Rey watched him suspiciously, then drank more of her own.</p>
<p>Only when they had finished their first glasses, and Finn had poured them each a second, did he speak.</p>
<p>“I called Poe today and asked if I could come in sometime to hear what you were working on with Ben,” he said. “After Emmett raved about the two of you singing together I wanted to hear it myself.”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head slowly and said, “I should have known!”</p>
<p>“Poe said he didn't mind if you and Ben didn't, but then he said he'd give me a preview... and he sent me this.”</p>
<p>Finn placed his cell phone on the counter between them and tapped it a few times, until it began playing a video.</p>
<p>
  <em>Poe's face was centered in the frame. He gave the camera a conspiratorial look and then pointed it at the crack in the door to the studio room where Ben and Rey worked. After a brief moment of muffled talking, the two of them began singing. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey felt Finn staring at her as she watched the video, and listened to the heavenly music she and Ben were making together. It was almost as good as singing it in real life. Poe must have taken the video the day they presented their songs to the band, before he interrupted them.</p>
<p>“That,” Finn said, pointing his finger at the phone and wiggling it a few times, “...is pure gold, love. This is it! You've found the music that is going to make you famous and very, very successful.”</p>
<p>Rey stared as he paused, sipping his wine again.</p>
<p>“The trick is going to be convincing that asshole to form a duo with you,” he said.</p>
<p>After another pause he continued, “Then, we'll have to get him to agree to let me be your manager. I don't trust anyone else to do it.”</p>
<p>Rey tried to speak, but all that came out of her mouth was a strangled sound of surprise.</p>
<p>“Finn, you must be joking,” she said. “That would never work. We'd be at each other's throats constantly.”</p>
<p>“I've never been more serious in my life,” Finn insisted. “Do you hear this? Normally you sing like a sweet, pure angel, but with him you're even better – you're not trying to be perfect. It's just raw and real. I've never heard you sound like this on your own.”</p>
<p>Rey gave Finn a look, then tapped his phone with her finger. They listened to the video again.</p>
<p>“You're right,” she said. “It doesn't matter, though. He'll never agree to it, Finn.”</p>
<p>“It doesn't hurt to ask,” Finn said stubbornly.</p>
<p>Rey thought she should get that motto framed for him and put it on the wall.</p>
<p>“It won't hurt <em>you</em>,” she said. “It might hurt me!”</p>
<p>“Rey,” he said earnestly. “This could be the start of something big. This is your career, your dream we're talking about. It's time.”</p>
<p>“I'd rather work alone,” Rey lied. Her heart was leaping at the thought of working with Ben.</p>
<p>“Ask him,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey stared seriously at Finn for a few moments.</p>
<p>“Okay,” she finally said. “I'll ask once we've finished our contract.”</p>
<p>Finn smiled and downed the rest of his wine.</p>
<p>“That asshole had better agree to it,” he said. “This is going to be life-changing for both of you.”</p>
<p>Rey was certain Ben would not agree to the idea, but she smiled back at Finn. They moved on to other topics and finished the wine, by which time Finn had begun playing music through the bluetooth speaker sitting on the kitchen counter. He pulled Rey up and danced her around the kitchen. When Rey kissed Finn, she was transported back to their wedding day, which was probably the last time Finn had danced so slowly and romantically with her.</p>
<p>Rey began the next week at the studio wondering if it would be her last. The contract gave them until the following week, but they would not need that long to finish their work.</p>
<p>Ben was there early, as usual, on Monday. A wave of anxiety came over Rey when she walked into the practice room and saw him.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” she said.</p>
<p>“ 'Mornin',” he replied gruffly. He stood up from the couch and began rolling and stretching his neck and shoulders.</p>
<p>“You all right?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said. “Just gettin' old.”</p>
<p>“Oh, please,” she said lightly. “You probably just slept on it wrong.”</p>
<p>“Didn't do much sleeping,” he mumbled, opening his guitar case.</p>
<p>Rey stared, and decided not to question him any further. Once they got started, he seemed to come out of his funk and they had a productive session that morning.</p>
<p>They stopped to sing a couple of songs together before taking a break around noon. When they were done, Rey went to the lounge to get her lunch out of the fridge, only to realize it was not there.</p>
<p>“Oh, no!” she said aloud.</p>
<p>“What?” Ben asked, startling her as he appeared behind her.</p>
<p>“I forgot my lunch,” she said, closing the fridge and turning around.</p>
<p>Ben looked at her, crossed his arms, and said, “Wanna go out?”</p>
<p>Surprised, Rey asked, “All right. Where?”</p>
<p>“You decide,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said. “I know a place. I'll drive.”</p>
<p>Ben lagged a step behind her all the way out of the studio. Outside, he got into the passenger seat of Rey's car, and adjusted it back all the way with a loud snap. Rey drove them to her favorite lunch counter, a small family-run diner tucked away on an unassuming street, next to a tiny florist shop with a faded sign.</p>
<p>After parking, Rey looked over to see a grin on Ben' face.</p>
<p>“Lou's is a good spot,” he said.</p>
<p>They went inside and took seats at the counter on short, swivel bar stools. Their orders were taken after a few minutes.</p>
<p>“No salad?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“You can't come here and not get a sandwich,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I suppose not,” he said.</p>
<p>When their food arrived a short while later, Rey eagerly dug in. Despite her enthusiasm, Ben finished his meal first.</p>
<p>“Want to help me out with these fries?” she asked, pushing her plate toward him.</p>
<p>He gave her a suspicious look, but reached for her massive portion of shoestring french fries.</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said.</p>
<p>They returned to the studio and ended the day on a productive note. They would be done before Friday. Rey fought with herself each day that week, waiting for the best moment to ask Ben her question. She was so certain he would refuse her proposal to form a group that each time a moment presented itself, she chickened out. She would soon be out of time. She had a strong suspicion that if she did not ask Ben before their contract was up, he would disappear from her life completely and the opportunity would never come again. Her suspicions were confirmed one night when Finn shared something he'd discovered about Ben that week.</p>
<p>“I learned something today that makes me confident Ben will agree to our proposal,” Finn said, minutes after arriving home Wednesday evening.</p>
<p>“What?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Well, it turns out you aren't the only one who has a rocky past as a solo artist,” Ben revealed, almost gleefully. “He put out an album years ago, after moving to Nashville just after high school. Disagreements with his label led to the second album being delayed, then scrapped. He moved back home to the middle of nowhere, got married, and popped out some kids while going to college. He relocated the family back here around the same time you moved in with me and started songwriting and picking up guitar gigs.”</p>
<p>“I still don't think he's going to agree to it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“No, you don't understand,” Finn said. “He's going to throw in the towel and move back to nowheresville for good to be a family man in the mountains. Poe is desperately trying to find ways to keep him around, and hoped this project would do it.”</p>
<p>“Maybe it has,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn shook his head and said, “Does he seem to enjoy writing songs for other people?”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head slowly.</p>
<p>“No,” she said.</p>
<p>“Right, and just like you he's not been able to write anything he really likes for himself, either,” Finn said matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>“I like some of my own stuff!” Rey protested.</p>
<p>“Do you like what you write with him better?” Finn asked pointedly.</p>
<p>Rey did not want to admit it, but Finn was right. Her music was better with Ben to challenge her over every word and musical phrase. She was even beginning to love the folksy overtones of his musical style.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” she said.</p>
<p>“I'm sure he feels the same way. This is going to go our way, Rey. It's his last chance – why not take it? If it doesn't come to anything, he can still go back to his family and put the dream away for good. What does he have to lose?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“His pride?” Rey suggested. “We don't have a lot in common, Finn. This collaboration has been hard enough – I can't imagine him giving me much creative control over our sound.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you've been doing is working,” Finn said. “You can't achieve greatness without some struggle, can you? It's your differences that are creating the magic, babe. Any song that comes from the two of you has been through the fire a few times, and it comes out stronger for it.”</p>
<p>“Forged in fire,” Rey commented, smiling. “Band name?”</p>
<p>Finn smiled back and shook his head, saying, “Sounds like a metal band.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Ben would probably like that.”</p>
<p>Finn kissed her on the forehead and said, “Ask him soon.”</p>
<p>Rey spent the next morning trying to work up the nerve to broach the subject, while also wondering if the reason Ben seemed uncomfortable at any mention of his family was that his wife wanted him to move back to South Carolina.</p>
<p>“Hey? You all right?” Ben asked, and Rey realized he had been speaking to her.</p>
<p>“Sorry, what?” Rey asked in confusion.</p>
<p>“You've been staring at the keyboard for a while now,” he said. “You got something you want to share?”</p>
<p>They were working on the last song.</p>
<p>“I, ah...” Rey trailed off under his scrutinizing gaze.</p>
<p>“Do you want to grab a drink later, after we're done for the day?” she asked. “I could use one.”</p>
<p>He grunted.</p>
<p>“I shouldn't,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “I understand.”</p>
<p>He eyed her.</p>
<p>“Do you?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey looked away uncomfortably. Did he want her to elaborate?</p>
<p>“I think so,” she said softly.</p>
<p>She could hear him exhale in the silence between them.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey had been holding her breath and drew in a new one as she looked at him again.</p>
<p>“All right,” she said, smiling.</p>
<p>A thrill of satisfaction ran through her and she felt lighter. It was not until they were ready to call it a day that Rey began to worry about the question she would ask Ben over drinks.</p>
<p>“Where do you want to go?” he asked, as they walked into the parking lot together.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... why don't you pick?” she asked.</p>
<p>“You're the one that extended the invitation,” Ben pointed out. “You decide. I'll drive.”</p>
<p>“Oh...” Rey said. She stopped and stood still, looking at her own car for a moment. “Okay. Let's go to Billy's.”</p>
<p>Ben grunted and led the way to his car without further comment. Rey followed, uneasy about getting into his passenger seat. It felt like spinning out of control. Nevertheless, she sat down and buckled her seat belt. The short drive to Billy's Bar was tense and quiet, except for when Ben asked if she would mind walking a few blocks to get there.</p>
<p>“No, I don't mind,” she said. “It's nice out today.”</p>
<p>Ben parked and they began walking briskly toward the bar. After a few minutes, he noticed that Rey was struggling to keep up and slowed his pace considerably.</p>
<p>They found seats at a small corner booth when they arrived at Billy's.Ben ordered a beer and Rey selected a fruity concoction from the specials board.</p>
<p>“I'm having dessert before dinner tonight,” she said, when Ben gave her a curious look.</p>
<p>He laughed and shook his head.</p>
<p>“If you call fruit juice dessert, I suppose,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, there's loads of sugar in there, too,” she replied. “It counts.”</p>
<p>Rey felt her nervous smile grow wider as he stared at her very seriously.</p>
<p>“What's wrong?” she asked.</p>
<p>He interlaced his fingers and pressed his fist into his chin, giving her a long look.</p>
<p>“Nothin',” he said, fidgeting and rearranging himself into a relaxed position against the back of the booth.</p>
<p>The waiter returned with their drinks.</p>
<p>“You folks want an appetizer?” he asked.</p>
<p>Ben gave Rey a questioning look.</p>
<p>“Ah, we'll have the sliders,” she said, making a quick decision.</p>
<p>Ben was already tipping back his beer as the waiter turned around to go put in their order. Rey's phone buzzed in her purse, and she checked the notification bar – it was a message from Finn. She put her phone on silent and stuffed it back down into her purse. As she took a sip of her drink, Ben watched her.</p>
<p>“So,” Rey said, smiling another nervous smile.</p>
<p>“So,” he said.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow we're done,” she said.</p>
<p>He nodded, looking at the glass on the table in front of him, where his hand rested.</p>
<p>“I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little sad about it,” she said.</p>
<p>He nodded again and lifted his glass to his mouth.</p>
<p>“You'll get over it,” he said, a flicker of mirth in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Ben! I won't!” she said, holding his gaze seriously. “I'm going to miss this.”</p>
<p>“This?” he asked, raising a brow.</p>
<p>“You,” she said. “I'm going to miss you, Ben.”</p>
<p>With a bit of triumph on his face, he smirked and leaned forward.</p>
<p>“You'll miss me?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I'll miss us,” she said. “How long are we going to ignore it, Ben?”</p>
<p>He sobered quickly.</p>
<p>“Rey.”</p>
<p>“Ben. Our voices belong together. Are we really pretending we can just part ways and forget it happened, like our souls aren't made of the same music?”</p>
<p>He opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. Rey powered on, not wanting to lose her nerve. Ben played with his nearly empty beer glass as she spoke.</p>
<p>“Together, we have something that could take our careers onto the stage. Into the world. Tell me you haven't thought about it.”</p>
<p>Ben seemed frozen for a moment, then he shook his head.</p>
<p>“I decided a long time ago I was done trying to make it with a band,” he said. “Besides, you know what I'm like. You're telling me you want to put up with me all the time? On the road?”</p>
<p>“We don't need a band. It can be just us,” Rey said. “And yes, I'll put up with you if it means we keep singing together."</p>
<p>He stared at her, then threw back the rest of his beer.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she pleaded. “Please say you'll do it.”</p>
<p>He set his glass down and stared at the table in silence. Their server chose that moment to appear with their appetizer. After telling him they did not wish to order dinner and waiting for him to leave again, Rey spoke.</p>
<p>“Look, I've been chasing the muse and trying to find the motivation to put myself out there again for years,” Rey said. “When we sing together I remember what it's like to feel such passion for the music I'm making that I want to share it with an audience. I haven't felt that way in a long time.”</p>
<p>Ben folded his arms.</p>
<p>“Don't you feel it too?” Rey asked, before sipping the last of her drink through her straw.</p>
<p>“It doesn't matter what I feel,” Ben said bitterly. He paused, turned his glass on the table, then said, “I've seen decade-long friendships dissolve in a matter of weeks on the road. We barely know one another. How is that going to work?”</p>
<p>He fidgeted again and dropped his hands to the table in apparent frustration. He wanted to say yes, Rey realized. She reached out and placed her hand over one of his. He stopped fidgeting. Their eyes met.</p>
<p>“It'll work because we have what it takes,” she said. “These past weeks we figured out how to argue ourselves into some damn good songwriting. We'll just keep doing that and see where it takes us. What have we got to lose?”</p>
<p>“A lot of sleep,” he muttered, pulling his hand away and folding his arms again.</p>
<p>He sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“I'm gonna regret this,” he said, staring at her in resignation.</p>
<p>Ben picked up one of the sliders from the plate between them and ate it in a few bites. Rey grinned.</p>
<p>“Is that a yes?” she asked.</p>
<p>He shook his head, and held back a smile as he said, “I guess it is.”</p>
<p>Rey let out a small whoop of celebration, just as their waiter came to pick up their empty glasses. The young man gave her a curious look before Ben asked for the check. After finishing their appetizer and chatting for a while, they paid their bill and left. Rey was walking on air. In trying to convince Ben, she had talked herself into true belief in their future success. Now that Ben had agreed to do it, it seemed it was destiny.</p>
<p>“I suppose Finn wants to be our manager?” Ben asked as soon as they were out of the bar.</p>
<p>“Well... yes,” Rey admitted. “Does that change your mind?”</p>
<p>“No,” he said simply, but he did not seem happy about it. They walked in silence for a few minutes.</p>
<p>“How soon do you want to start?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey wondered if he had already started making arrangements to move his family back home.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don't know,” she said. “As soon as you're ready. We could take a few weeks off after this project if you want.”</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>They did not speak again until they got back into his car.</p>
<p>“I can't tell you how excited I am right now,” Rey said. “I just have a feeling about this.”</p>
<p>He gave her a sideways glance, then pulled out of the parking spot and eased forward to the traffic light at the end of the block.</p>
<p>“I hope you're right,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben drove Rey back to her car and sighed as he put his own car into park and shut off the engine.</p>
<p>“You're sure about this,” he said.</p>
<p>“Of course,” she replied.</p>
<p>He looked down and Rey stared at him, trying to decipher his expression.</p>
<p>“All right, then,” he said in a low voice.</p>
<p>Rey continued to stare at his statue-like face expectantly, as the pause drew on.</p>
<p>“See you tomorrow,” he finally said.</p>
<p>Rey blinked and rearranged herself in her seat, unbuckling her seatbelt.</p>
<p>“Yes. Tomorrow,” she said.</p>
<p>She put her hand on the door handle.</p>
<p>“Have a good evening,” she said formally, opening the car door and making her escape from the car cabin, which seemed to be rapidly running out of air.</p>
<p>Rey drove home in complete silence, without noticing the radio was off the whole way. Her previous excitement had given way to confusion and wariness. The man was impossible to understand. Why did he agree if he was so ambivalent?</p>
<p>Nevertheless, Rey was happy to share the news with Finn, who was excited enough for the three of them. He wanted to invite Ben out to celebrate the following evening, but Rey insisted they wait until they had agreed on the date of their first writing session together as a duo.</p>
<p>“Besides, Finn, we can't. Remember? Rose is coming over tomorrow night.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Rose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day Rey was a chaotic mess of emotions and nerves. She could not shake the fear that Ben would disappear after their contract work and move to South Carolina. After all, he had not consulted his wife yet about the decision to start another band.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, walking into the practice room to find Ben in his usual spot, holding his guitar.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he said, strumming lightly and absently.</p>
<p>“Ben, I'm sorry,” she said.</p>
<p>“What for?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I shouldn't have made you give me an answer yesterday,” she said.</p>
<p>“You didn't make me do anything,” he said.</p>
<p>“Well,” she said. “I should have given you time to talk it over with your wife.”</p>
<p>He cleared his throat, still strumming.</p>
<p>“Don't worry about it,” he said.</p>
<p>“So she's okay with the idea?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Why wouldn't she be?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to ask if he had even told his wife yet, but she refrained.</p>
<p>“Should we tell Poe?” she asked instead.</p>
<p>He shrugged and said, “Probably should.”</p>
<p>“Let's wait until the end of the day,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben nodded. The end of the day was not far away. After lunch they would meet with Poe and the band for the final time, and then they'd be free to go. Their contract was over. Rey felt she was standing on a precipice, anxiously waiting to jump. Ben seemed to have no doubts, showing no hint of the previous day's uncertainty.</p>
<p>The morning passed slowly. They practiced the music they would present to the band a few times, and then sang a few more songs together before taking a long break, during which Ben nodded off on the couch. After a while, Rey put her phone down and lay back against the armchair. Rey woke suddenly some time later at the sound of her name. Ben was standing over her.</p>
<p>“Your husband is here,” he said.</p>
<p>“What?” Rey asked, looking around in confusion.</p>
<p>She looked at her phone, but there was no message from Finn. Ben jerked his head toward the door, and Rey heard first the voice of husband, then Poe's laughter. Rey stood up suddenly, mildly dizzy. She blinked and shook her head.</p>
<p>“He didn't tell me he was coming to the studio,” she said, frowning.</p>
<p>Ben looked from Rey to the door again, raising his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Really,” he commented.</p>
<p>Rey walked to the door with Ben close behind, opened it, and looked down the hall to see Finn and Poe standing outside the offices chatting.</p>
<p>“Finn?” she asked, causing both men to stop talking and swing their heads toward her.</p>
<p>“Surprise lunch date?” he asked, smiling brilliantly at her.</p>
<p>“Oh, it's a date?” Poe asked. “Am I still invited?”</p>
<p>Finn began walking toward Rey, and did a small double take when he saw Ben standing behind her in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Of course you're still invited,” Finn told Poe. “Ben? Care to join us for lunch? Poe's treat, since it's your last day.”</p>
<p>Poe laughed and clapped Finn on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“Oh, sure,” he said. “It's on me, folks. I'm going to miss having the two of you around here.”</p>
<p>Finn gave Rey a significant look, hiding a mischievous smile from Poe. He was clearly dying to tell Poe the news. Finn put his arm around Rey. Ben followed as Finn led her down the hall and out of the building. Poe insisted on driving all of them to lunch so they piled into his car. Rey and Ben took the back seat. Poe took them to a popular burger joint nearby. Once they were settled at a table with drinks and their orders placed, Poe peered first at Ben, then at Rey with a faint smile on his face.</p>
<p>“Can I just say, that I can't believe we're done already?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Neither can we,” Rey said, glancing at Ben.</p>
<p>He nodded slightly, his hair falling in his face. Meanwhile, Finn looked as if he was about to burst with anticipation.</p>
<p>“Actually, Poe, we hope this is just the beginning,” said Rey slowly.</p>
<p>Both Ben and Finn seemed to be holding their breath, perhaps for very different reasons. She continued before Poe could interrupt her.</p>
<p>“Ben and I are going to keep working together. On our own. Eventually, we'd like to record some music together.”</p>
<p>Poe nearly leapt out of his seat as he made a sound of surprise.</p>
<p>“Are you serious?!” he asked, before breaking into an enormous grin.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and Ben looked up through his hair with an uncomfortable smile on his face.</p>
<p>“This is fantastic news!” Poe exclaimed. “I've been waiting for this man to jump back into his career with both feet for years. I was beginning to think he'd be happy to remain unknown forever.”</p>
<p>“They won't be unknown for long,” Finn interjected.</p>
<p>“No, you won't,” Poe said, looking from Ben to Rey seriously. “I'm ecstatic for you both. Two truer artists have never met.”</p>
<p>Ben continued to look uncomfortable. Rey had been smiling widely since telling Poe the news, and her cheeks were beginning to hurt. She lifted her glass of water to her mouth and consciously relaxed her face.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Poe,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“So this is not goodbye after all!” Poe said happily. “When does work begin?”</p>
<p>Rey looked at Ben and said, “Oh, we haven't made any real plans yet. This is all new.”</p>
<p>“I see, I see,” Poe said thoughtfully. “Well, you are welcome to come in and serenade me with your latest creations anytime. Just call Karen first, you know how she gets with unexpected visitors.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and nodded, saying, “Of course. Thank you, Poe.”</p>
<p>Poe continued to smile and looked at Finn.</p>
<p>“So, Finn, I suppose you've found your next band,” Poe said.</p>
<p>Finn grinned proudly and said, “It looks like I have.”</p>
<p>“You should come back to the studio after lunch and sit in with us on the final session with the band,” said Poe.</p>
<p>Finn glanced at Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don't want to impose,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Nonsense, we'd love to have you,” Poe said.</p>
<p>The four of them returned to the studio, where the band was already gathered waiting for them. Emmett greeted Finn enthusiastically and motioned for him to sit down with the band. Poe pulled up a folding chair from the corner of the room and sat down, looking eagerly at Rey and Ben.</p>
<p>“Well, hit us with it,” he said.</p>
<p>Without preamble, Ben began strumming the chords of the first song. Rey swayed and waited for the moment they would burst into song. Just as expected, their audience jumped in their seats when they began singing a perfect harmony loudly and without warning. Smiles broke on the faces of the band, Poe, and Finn as Ben and Rey sang. Even Dave and Lynda looked pleased. </p>
<p>“I don't know what you're going to do next to top that, but I can't wait to hear it,” Emmett said, when the chatter of the group died down.</p>
<p>“Oh, the next one is real boring,” Ben said, adjusting his capo with his guitar pick between his teeth.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and shook her head, saying, “Just remember, this one is mostly yours.”</p>
<p>Ben began playing the next intro, which was far more subdued than the first. A few beats later, he began singing a soft melody. Rey hummed along lightly until the chorus, when she took over. When they ended the song, everyone in the room seemed to wait a beat before breathing, as if in a trance. It was not long before Poe was grinning at them again. Finn looked thoughtfully pleased.</p>
<p>“That was great,” Nikki said, breaking the silence. There were murmurs of agreement.</p>
<p>“Very pretty song,” Lynda said.</p>
<p>“It's a little soft for our style,” Jason commented.</p>
<p>Dave and Lynda nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Great work,” Emmett said. “I think this is the best stuff you've give us to work with.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and saw that Finn did not seem to appreciate Jason's criticism. Thankfully, he did not decide to defend her to the band.</p>
<p>“It's been a pleasure working with you,” Nikki said warmly. “Thank you, both. We'll stay in touch.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Rey said, looking at Ben.</p>
<p>“Emmett knows how to find me,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Emmett laughed and nodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I just call Soph and tell her to make Ben check his phone messages,” he chuckled. “Ya'll want to go out tonight to end this thing the right way?”</p>
<p>Rey glanced at Ben and said, “I wish I could, but I have plans already.”</p>
<p>“I'll come out with you, Emmett,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Emmett stood up and walked toward them, holding out his arms.</p>
<p>“All right, then. Rey, I hate goodbyes, so let's hug it out,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and obliged, allowing him to pull her into a friendly hug.</p>
<p>“Damn, I'm going to miss hearing the two of you sing to us,” Emmett said, looking between them. “It's been a treat.”</p>
<p>Poe cleared his throat loudly and said, “Is one of you going to tell him, or should I?”</p>
<p>Emmett's head swung from Poe back to Rey and Ben expectantly.</p>
<p>“What's this?” he asked.</p>
<p>After a beat, Ben replied, “Well, it's like this... we agree with you that we're pretty great. So we're going to write some more songs and hopefully start recording together.”</p>
<p>“Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!” Emmett hollered, causing Rey to wince in surprise. He looked back at the rest of the band.</p>
<p>“Did you hear that?” he asked, but did not wait for a response. He grabbed both Rey and Ben by a shoulder and looked seriously at them.</p>
<p>“I never thought I'd see the day, Ben. Rey, you've managed to do something nobody else could, and that's convince this guy to get back into it again.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “I think we convinced each other.”</p>
<p>Emmett patted their shoulders and said, “This is great news. I'm excited for you.”</p>
<p>He backed away, giving the rest of the band a chance to offer their best wishes and goodbyes. Finn came over to put an arm around Rey and give her a comforting squeeze. Karen stuck her head in the door and told Poe he had a phone call, so he quickly bowed out. The band left as Rey gathered her things. Finn helped, packing up her keyboard and hoisting the carrying strap over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Ben stood still wearing his guitar, watching them prepare to leave the studio.</p>
<p>“Well, goodbye for a few weeks, I suppose,” Rey said, walking over to him. “Let me give you my number, so we can stay in contact.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said, patting his pants pockets until he found his phone. He pulled it out and held it in front of his guitar. “Uh, hold on...”</p>
<p>He poked at the screen for a few seconds, then cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Okay, ready,” he said.</p>
<p>“Eight-four-three,” she said, and watched him punch in the numbers before continuing, “Two-five-seven-one.”</p>
<p>She waited for him to finish typing the number and save it to his phone.</p>
<p>“Call me so I can get yours,” she said.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said, nodding.</p>
<p>He dropped the hand with the phone in it and looked at her.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “You can do it right now.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” he said, shaking his head.</p>
<p>He lifted the phone again and tapped the screen a few times. Rey heard his phone begin to ring for a second before hers began buzzing in her back pocket. She reached for it and swiped her thumb across the screen. The call dropped and Ben' number flashed on the screen for a moment. Rey tapped it and saved the number to her phone as “Ben Solo”.</p>
<p>“Are you going to answer this number?” Rey asked. “Emmett said something about you never returning calls?”</p>
<p>“I'll answer,” he said. “You can't blame me for not always havin' the energy to talk to Emmett, can you?”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “I guess not.”</p>
<p>She held out a hand to Ben.</p>
<p>“I look forward to working with you, partner,” she said.</p>
<p>He smirked at her amusedly, but shook her hand. His large, calloused palm enveloped her own completely.</p>
<p>“As do I,” said Finn, who had come to stand beside Rey. He also offered his hand to Ben.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” said Ben. “You two have a nice evening.”</p>
<p>They left Ben standing with his guitar, looking moodier than he had all day.</p>
<p>“Strange man,” Finn said, once they were outside standing by Rey's car.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Rey agreed. “You coming home now?”</p>
<p>“I have a meeting,” he said, checking his watch. “Not all of us can call it a day at three o'clock.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Rey said. “All right. I'll tell Rose to come over as soon as she can, and we'll be waiting for you for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Perfect,” Finn said, giving Rey a peck on the lips. “Bye.”</p>
<p>“Bye,” she echoed, watching him hurry over to his own car. She sat down in the driver's seat and waited for Finn to back out of his spot and leave the lot.</p>
<p>Ben walked out of the studio while Rey was waiting for the traffic light to turn so that she could make her own exit. He lifted his hand and inclined his head toward her. Rey raised her own hand as the light changed. Smiling, she pulled out of the lot, leaving him standing by his car staring after her.</p>
<p>Rey called Rose on the way home. Her friend arrived at the house just a few minutes after Rey.</p>
<p>“Rey!” Rose said happily, pulling her into a hug before even making it past the front door. “I've been so looking forward to this evening!”</p>
<p>She held up two bottles of wine and said, “I couldn't decide which one to buy, so I got both.”</p>
<p>“I can't complain about that,” Rey said, ushering Rose inside and taking the bottles of wine to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“I know I've told you before, but I just love your kitchen,” Rose said, sighing. “I'm not having much luck finding a kitchen I can live with in a house. I'm starting to think I'll be renting forever.”</p>
<p>“Finn fell in love at first sight with this house when he saw the kitchen,” Rey said, nodding.</p>
<p>“It's so spacious and bright,” Rose said, looking around.</p>
<p>“How was your week?” Rey asked, pulling some wine glasses out of the cabinet.</p>
<p>“Oh, fine,” said Rose, waving her hand. “We'll be out for summer soon. Well, the kids will. I have summer school, of course.”</p>
<p>“I don't know how you do it all,” Rey said. “It sounds exhausting.”</p>
<p>“I don't,” Rose said, reaching for the drawer that held the corkscrew and pulling it out triumphantly. “I haven't done anything with my own music.”</p>
<p>Rey watched Rose open and pour the wine.</p>
<p>“Cheers,” Rose said, holding up her glass.</p>
<p>“Cheers,” said Rey.</p>
<p>They sipped in silence for a minute.</p>
<p>“So,” said Rose, after letting out a sigh of satisfaction. “How is the work for The Travelers going?”</p>
<p>“We finished today,” Rey said, setting down her glass. “It went well. It was a challenge some days, but I was really happy with our work.”</p>
<p>“You should play some of it for me,” Rose said. “I'd love to get a special preview!”</p>
<p>“I can try to give you an idea,” Rey said. “It was written for the guitar. Ben did the accompaniment for the most part.”</p>
<p>Rose squinted at Rey.</p>
<p>“Ben? Do I know this person?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I don't think so,” Rey said, realizing that nobody except Finn knew about the difficult man who had burst into her life and completely changed her idea of what music should be less than two months ago. Rey had not mentioned Ben to even Rose.</p>
<p>“His name is Ben Solo,” Rey said. “Apparently, he's known a couple members of the band since he was young, but this is the first time he's written anything for them.”</p>
<p>“Interesting,” said Rose, raising her glass to her lips again and nearly draining the it. “When you said it was a challenge, did you mean because of this Ben person?”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and nodded. Rose knew her well.</p>
<p>“Ah...” Rose said nodding, too. “That type, huh?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but we made it work,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I bet it was <em>you </em>who made it work,” Rose said, grabbing the wine bottle and pouring herself a second glass.</p>
<p>“Hmm, I don't know,” Rey said. “His attitude improved a lot after the first day. There were moments of compromise on both ends.”</p>
<p>Rose made a skeptical noise and gave her a look.</p>
<p>“I'm sure he felt he should have more control, though, since he already knew the band members,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey allowed. “There was one moment, though, that it backfired on him."</p>
<p>Rey smiled, remembering the day fondly. Rose remained silent, her eyes searching Rey's face.</p>
<p>“He was less controlling after that,” said Rey. “Emmett Boone is my biggest fan, now, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Surely not more than Finn!” Rose said in mock disbelief.</p>
<p>“Okay, fine... he's my biggest fan after Finn,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I can't say I'm not a little jealous, Rey,” Rose said. “I love what I do, but some days I feel I'm more of a secretary or a manager than a musician. It sounds like you had an inspiring experience working on this project.”</p>
<p>Rey found herself thinking Rose would never understand the deep, honest truth in that statement.</p>
<p>“It was,” Rey said. “Despite our, er, difficulties agreeing on things, Ben is a great writer and musician. His voice is just gorgeous, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Oh!' said Rose with interest. “Is this man single? I'd like to meet him!”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and shook her head, saying, “He's married, don't get any ideas!”</p>
<p>“Damn,” Rose said. “Of course he is.”</p>
<p>Rey cleared her throat and said, “But I hope you'll get to meet him soon. We're going to start writing together in a few weeks. You should come sit in with us once school is out. I'd love to get your reaction to our work.”</p>
<p>Rose looked surprised and her brows rose high on her forehead.</p>
<p>“Of course I'll come. I was going to come play with you anyway, wasn't I?” she asked. “I'm intrigued, Rey! You've never collaborated with anyone on your own songs... I thought I was going to be the exception.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Rose... I hope I haven't offended you!” Rey exclaimed. “This wasn't something I ever thought would happen, but when you hear him you'll understand. I can't explain it. Our sound together is the exact thing I've been trying to hit on myself for the past few years. I mean, it's just incredible to have stumbled upon him the way I did. I've had to swallow my own pride to admit he adds something to my music I just can't get to on my own.”</p>
<p>Rose's eyes softened. She understood.</p>
<p>“I bet that took a while,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “It did. Finn had to convince me.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rose said, looking sympathetic. “Ouch.”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and replied, “He was right.”</p>
<p>Rose leaned forward and tapped her fingernails on her wine glass.</p>
<p>“Finn does have an uncanny intuition about this business,” she agreed. “I've always been impressed by his ear for musical talent, despite not being much of a musician himself.”</p>
<p>“It's one of the things I love about him,” Rey said. “When the music is good, he just gets it. He doesn't have to know why it works – he just knows.”</p>
<p>“I've always thought you did it right, marrying someone who isn't a musician,” Rose said. “Maybe that's my problem. I always date other artists. We're all too self-absorbed and obsessed with our work to maintain a healthy relationship.”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and said, “I don't think you're self-absorbed, Rose.”</p>
<p>Rose laughed and said, “Rey, anyone trying to make it as a musician is a little self-absorbed. I'll own it!”</p>
<p>Rey poured herself another glass of wine as they fell silent.</p>
<p>“Come on,” she said. “I'll play you some of our stuff, then we can work on something together if you like.”</p>
<p>They went to the music room and Rey took a seat at the piano while Rose lounged on the love seat against the wall, holding her wine glass. Rey sang the last song she and Ben had completed together – the second one they'd sung to the band earlier. Her ears ached as she heard Ben's voice in her head the entire time. Rose was quiet for a while when Rey finished playing.</p>
<p>“I see what you mean,” she said at last. “Mmmm... I find myself further intrigued by this Ben. Play something else while I refill my glass.”</p>
<p>Rey obliged. She played the next tune with her eyes closed, and she could almost feel Ben standing behind her and hear his voice in her ear. When she opened her eyes, Rose was holding her full wine glass aloft, a misty expression on her face.</p>
<p>“Oh, I love that,” she said. “Is that going to be on the band's album?”</p>
<p>“Actually, that's one of Ben's songs,” Rey said. “We played around with it in between work for the band.”</p>
<p>Rose stared intensely at Rey, making Rey wonder if she should hide the second bottle of wine.</p>
<p>“Be careful, Rey,” Rose said, still looking at her unblinkingly.</p>
<p>“What?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Well,” she said, closing her eyes. “The way you were making love to that piano just now would make anyone wonder if that's how you feel about the man who wrote the song.”</p>
<p>“I helped write it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“That makes it worse,” Rose replied, opening her eyes.</p>
<p>“Rose,” Rey said firmly. “The wine is going to your head!”</p>
<p>“I might be tipsy, but I'd tell you the same thing sober.”</p>
<p>Rey gaped at Rose and blushed.</p>
<p>“It's a beautiful song,” Rey said. “That's all. I always get into the music.”</p>
<p>“It's not a beautiful song, dear. It's downright sultry. Any more yearning in that music, and you might as well say, 'I want to take you against the closest wall',” Rose said. She then giggled.</p>
<p>“Are you serious?” Rey asked. “I don't get that at all from it. The song is meant to be haunting.”</p>
<p>“Not the way you sing it,” Rose concluded, still giggling.</p>
<p>“Rose,” Rey said seriously.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” Rose said, fighting back the laughter. “I am. It's good. Just – ah – maybe be a bit less 'into' it or Finn is going to start to worry.”</p>
<p>“Rose,” Rey said again, shaking her head.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rose said, sitting up. “I'm done. Truly. Can I play something for you, now?”</p>
<p>Rose played a few songs while Rey sipped her own glass of wine. Rose's lyrics and melodies spun intricate snapshots of life as a single woman in the city. Each song was like a painting of a few moments of quiet observation in a different setting. Nashville was clearly woven into each verse.</p>
<p>“You are so talented,” Rey said, applauding lightly after the last song. “When are you quitting your day job?”</p>
<p>Rose sighed heavily and said, “You know, I probably never will. I hate to say it because it means I'll never make it out of Nashville with my music, but I enjoy what I do.”</p>
<p>Rey was surprised at this change of heart. Rose had always said teaching was not going to be her lifelong career.</p>
<p>“Really?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Rose nodded.</p>
<p>“I've realized I'm happy where I am,” said Rose. “I've really hit my stride teaching now. The school's great, my program is well-funded – not many teachers can say that these days.”</p>
<p>Finn arrived, interrupting their heart-to-heart.</p>
<p>“Hello?” he called over the sound of keys jingling as he entered the house.</p>
<p>“In here!” Rey shouted.</p>
<p>“Since you didn't answer my calls, I went ahead and brought home dinner,” Finn said, entering the room with multiple bags of delicious-smelling takeout hanging on his arm. “I think I got the orders right.”</p>
<p>“Emilio's?!” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“Indeed,” Finn replied, backing out of the room. “Shall we eat?”</p>
<p>The women followed him, the smell of Italian food wafting down the hall behind him. Rey's mouth watered at the thought of a buttery, warm garlic knot.</p>
<p>“Is this my bottle?” Finn asked, picking up the second bottle of wine and inspecting the label. He seemed to approve and reached for the corkscrew.</p>
<p>They wasted no time digging into their food. Emilio's takeout was a long-held tradition between them, and Finn had ordered their favorite dishes as well as plenty of extra garlic knots.</p>
<p>“Mmmm,” Rey murmured.</p>
<p>“Mmmm,” Rose chimed in.</p>
<p>“You're welcome, ladies,” Finn said, smiling into his wine, which he tasted before eating his own meal.</p>
<p>“Thanks, love,” Rey said. “You always have known the way to a girl's heart.” <br/><br/>“Italian food?” he suggested.</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finn surprised Rey by booking a vacation for the next week.</p>
<p>“We just went on a big trip, Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>“Yes, and you've just made some big moves for your career,” he replied. “You deserve it.”</p>
<p>They spent the week at a mountain retreat. By Wednesday, Rey was anxious to call Ben and ask when they could begin their work.</p>
<p>“Is it too soon to call?” she asked Finn, sitting by the pool one evening just before dusk.</p>
<p>“I'd wait until Monday, dear,” he replied.</p>
<p>“Hmmm, okay,” said Rey unhappily.</p>
<p>“Give him a break, Rey. It hasn't even been two weeks," said Finn.</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” she said. “I'm just dying to get things in motion, you know? I have so many ideas in my head right now, but I can't go too far with them on my own.”</p>
<p>“Why not? The more ideas the two of you start out with, the better,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Rey said. She was determined to put more of her own stamp on the next music they wrote, but it was so much easier to write it together. </p>
<p>Rey scrolled through the article she was trying to read on her phone without comprehending any of the words. After a while, she found Ben's number in her contacts list and stared at it, telling herself not to send him a message until the week was over. She returned from vacation on edge, as if she was waiting for Ben to call and say he'd changed his mind. </p>
<p>On Monday, Rey sat at the kitchen table staring at her phone while Finn rummaged in the fridge for the coffee creamer.</p>
<p>“We're out,” he finally said, grabbing the milk jug instead.</p>
<p>“I'll get some today,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn began stirring his coffee vigorously, the clinking of the spoon on his ceramic mug irritating Rey's ears.</p>
<p>“I'm going to call him today. What should I say?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Finn laughed and came to sit with her.</p>
<p>“What do you mean? Just ask when he wants to meet,” he replied.</p>
<p>“Should I invite him here to work?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I assumed you would,” Finn said, shrugging. “You can't work at his house with four kids running around. You think he'll have a problem with it?”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” she said. “I guess we'll see.”</p>
<p>“Let me know what he says,” Finn said, checking his watch. “Damn, I have to go.”</p>
<p>He went to the cabinet by the sink and got a tumbler out, into which he poured his steaming coffee. He then kissed Rey and hurried out the door. Rey slowly drank her coffee and continued staring at her phone. It was early, but Ben was an early riser – though it did not seem to be by choice.</p>
<p>She tapped on his name and stared at the phone number.</p>
<p>Her finger hovered over the green call button. Taking a breath, she tapped it once and watched the screen go into call mode. She tapped the speaker button, and the ringing got louder. Rey raised her mug to her lips and waited. The call went to voicemail, which was a generic robotic message that read off his phone number to her before beeping suddenly.</p>
<p>“Ah, hello, Ben,” she said. “I was just calling to set up our first session together. Get back to me when you can. I'm really looking forward to getting started! Ah, all right. I'll talk to you later, then.”</p>
<p>Rey tapped the phone to end the call and sat feeling deflated for a moment. She jumped when her phone buzzed a few minutes later, spilling coffee on the table.</p>
<p><em>I'll call in an hour</em>, said the message from Ben.</p>
<p>Rey hastily got up to grab a handful of paper towels from the roll on the counter, and wiped up her spilled coffee as she stared at the message. To help pass the time, Rey showered and carefully styled her hair. Her phone sat nearby within sight, so that she wouldn't miss his call. An hour later, nearly on the dot, her phone rang. Rey dropped the tweezers she was using to pluck a stray brow hair and snatched her phone up from the vanity.</p>
<p>“Hello,” she said, her heart beating anxiously.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey,” came Ben' voice.</p>
<p>There was garbled music playing in the background that cut off suddenly.</p>
<p>“I was afraid you wouldn't check your phone for a few days,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I said I'd answer,” he reminded her. “But I didn't expect you to call in the middle of the four-kid morning routine.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... sorry about that,” said Rey. “I imagine that can be chaotic.”</p>
<p>He laughed a little and said, “Sure can.”</p>
<p>“So, how do you feel about committing to some dates to work on our music?” she asked.</p>
<p>“We should,” he replied. “I'm working on a few jobs right now, but let's get started."</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rey. She switched the volume to speaker-phone and pulled up her phone calendar. “My schedule is open. Why don't you tell me what works for you?”</p>
<p>His reply was incoherent. Rey realized that he was talking to someone else. She thought she recognized Soph's voice, and the high-pitched squeal of a child in the jumble of sounds.</p>
<p>“Ah, sorry about that. Hold on, let's see,” Ben said into the phone.</p>
<p>“Any particular day of the week you'd prefer?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Nope,” Rey said simply.</p>
<p>“All right. Well, what if we start with every other Thursday?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Fine with me,” Rey said, though she had been hoping to meet at least once a week. “Ah, are we talking mornings? Evenings?"</p>
<p>“It would have to be mornings for me,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“All right,” said Rey. “Shall we meet at my house? We have a nice music space here where I normally write.”</p>
<p>“That's fine,” he said. “Where do you live?”</p>
<p>“I'll text you my address,” Rey said. “It's easy to find, but we're a ways out of the city.”</p>
<p>Ben grunted and said, “So are we.”</p>
<p>“Well, I guess I'll see you Thursday?” Rey asked, after a long pause.</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said. “Thursday.”</p>
<p>“Ah, come over as early as you want,” Rey said. “Just let me know when you're on your way.”</p>
<p>“Will do,” he said.</p>
<p>“All right. Goodbye,” she said.</p>
<p>“Bye,” he said, the phone cutting off his voice abruptly.</p>
<p>Rey smiled slightly at her phone in the silence. He sounded far more polite on the phone than he did in real life. Maybe it was because his family was listening.</p>
<p>Rey sent Finn a text that said, <em>We're meeting at our house this Thursday morning. </em></p>
<p><em>Sounds good,</em> Finn wrote back.</p>
<p>Rey could not work all week, and resorted to playing aimlessly through many of the songs she'd sung with Ben while working at the studio. Finn was in good spirits, giving her many words of encouragement leading up to the first session on Thursday.</p>
<p>“Good luck, today,” Finn said before leaving Thursday morning. Rey was already up and on her second cup of coffee.</p>
<p>Ben sent her a message after a while that said, <em>Leaving now. Should be there around 9:45.</em></p>
<p>Rey distracted herself with a book. Finally, there was a knock on the door. She slipped her feet into her comfortable canvas loafers and went to let Ben in. The second cup of coffee had been a mistake, she decided, as her anxious pulse sped up even more.</p>
<p>“Hello!” she said brightly, pulling open the door to reveal the retreating back of the UPS man, who thew up an arm in a wave. </p>
<p>Rey slapped her hands over her mouth, trying not to laugh. There was a package with Finn's name on it at her feet. She picked it up and waved back at the UPS man as he pulled away. No sooner had the brown box truck disappeared around the bend, did Ben's car appear, slowing and signaling the turn into Rey's driveway. Rey stood holding the package against her hip, one foot still wedging the front door open.</p>
<p>Ben got out of his car and raised a hand in greeting. He was wearing an untucked white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a faded pair of jeans, and overall looked scruffier than usual.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Rey called, as he retrieved his guitar from the back seat.</p>
<p>“Mornin',” he replied, walking up the stone steps beside the driveway and approaching the porch. “What's that?”</p>
<p>“Oh... I don't know. The UPS man just left it. Something for Finn.”</p>
<p>Ben smiled and squinted in the early morning sun. It was a perfectly clear day.</p>
<p>“Come in,” she said backing into the house and taking the package to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“You can put your guitar in there,” she said, pointing to the music room, which was across the hall. “Would you like something to drink? Coffee?”</p>
<p>“No, thanks,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey's jittery hands reminded her that she didn't need any more coffee that day, either. She dumped the pot and joined Ben in the music room.</p>
<p>“This is nice,” he commented, easing himself down onto the love seat.</p>
<p>“I like it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She sat down on the piano bench.</p>
<p>“I used to have a room about this size to work in,” Ben said. “It's the twins' bedroom now. I've been relegated to the porch.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” was all Rey could think to say.</p>
<p>“I don't mind,” he said. “It's nice out there. Good view.”</p>
<p>“Where is your house?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere,” he said vaguely. “Near Bethesda.”</p>
<p>“All the way out there?” Rey asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said.</p>
<p>Silence. Rey realized she was fiddling with her fingers and pressed her palms together, taking a calming breath.</p>
<p>“So, how should we start?” she asked.</p>
<p>He popped open the lid of his guitar case and took out his instrument, beginning to tune it reflexively.</p>
<p>“Where we left off, I reckon,” he said, beginning to play the song Rey had performed for Rose a few weeks earlier.</p>
<p>Rey blinked and tried to get the memory of Rose giggling about the song out of her mind. Ben began singing after a moment, and Rey resisted the urge to close her eyes and hum along. She waited for to sing the chorus.</p>
<p>When they finished, Ben muttered, “huh.”</p>
<p>Rey waited for him to explain his thoughts, and when he did not she asked, “What?”</p>
<p>“You sang it different that time,” he said.</p>
<p>“Did I?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Like you were bored or something,” he said.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said. “I'm not bored.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was his response for a minute.</p>
<p>He plucked at the guitar and then stopped suddenly.</p>
<p>“You sing it, I'll play,” he said.</p>
<p>He held her gaze as he began to play again. Rey was unable to look away as she listened and waited for the moment to begin the song. She began singing delicately to his soft playing. His eyes were warm and encouraging, his shoulders rising and falling slightly in time to the beat, his chin lifting slightly whenever he wanted her to slow down, creating a tide-like tempo.</p>
<p>It was as if he was drawing the song slowly and sensually out of her body with his eyes. Rey's voice broke achingly over one of her high sweeping phrases, and it sent a chill through her. Warmth spread from her chest up to her face. Rey closed her eyes, and immediately her experience of the music dulled. Ben finished out the final notes of the haunting accompaniment and exhaled noisily.</p>
<p>“That was better,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey opened her eyes. Ben was still looking at her.</p>
<p>“You didn't sing,” she said.</p>
<p>“Didn't need to,” he said simply.</p>
<p>“You should at least sing a harmony on the chorus,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said, playing the intro yet again.</p>
<p>When he began gently singing along with her this time, adding a harmony here and there, the notes were always the perfect two-note harmony for the moment. He pushed her to sing louder in the chorus, raising his own volume on an almost grating note before resolving it in the next phrase.</p>
<p>This time when she stopped singing, Rey held on to his gaze, breathing along with the music until it slowed and stilled to silence. He blinked slowly at her.</p>
<p>“I like that a lot,” he said.</p>
<p>“Me, too,” she agreed. “We should leave that alone for a while.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded, and played the guitar absently, plucking lightly at the strings as he stared at a spot of bright sunlight on the floor.</p>
<p>“You have anything new you want to try out?” he asked after a while.</p>
<p>“I have a few ideas,” she said.</p>
<p>“Let's hear it,” he said, tapping his palm lightly on the body of his guitar, before removing the strap and setting it aside.</p>
<p>He got up and stood beside her at the piano.</p>
<p>“Okay. Well, this is something I've been playing around with for years,” she said. She had not shared much of her own work with Ben yet.</p>
<p>Rey played the song that had given her headaches for days at a time in the past. It was still unfinished. However, as she played and Ben hummed along, she began to understand what it would become. It only needed the addition of a soft tenor voice to make it burst into life. She closed her eyes as she played, and Ben ad-libbed a bridge section as Rey experimented with a few new chords before returning to the chorus. Her hands stilled at last, ending the song as Ben hummed a beautiful high note.</p>
<p>“That's nice,” she said softly, as his voice dwindled away to silence.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” he agreed. “I like it.”</p>
<p>“I've always thought it was too cliché,” Rey said, opening her eyes, and looking up at him.</p>
<p>He rocked his head back and forth as if he agreed with her, but did not want to. He suddenly sat down backwards beside her on the bench, so they were face-to-fcce.</p>
<p>“The lyrics could use some work,” he said diplomatically.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “I know. See if you can come up with anything this week.”</p>
<p>“All right,” he said. The room seemed to spin around his face for a moment.</p>
<p>“Ah, what about you? Anything new to share?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Not really,” he said, putting his elbows on the piano behind him, causing the keys to bang discordantly.</p>
<p>“Okay. Ah... so I was thinking, maybe we should both start journaling our thoughts about these sessions. You know, what we want to get out of our music together, ideas about the direction of the style.”</p>
<p>He nodded very slightly, but did not speak.</p>
<p>“I think what we've been doing with the covers we've been singing, is pretty close to where we should aim for our sound,” Rey said. “Folksy, emotional, and... unexpected. Do you think that's a good characterization?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said. “I like our sound. We should keep instrumentation to a minimum.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Rey said. “Raw, honest vocals. That's what sets us apart, I think.”</p>
<p>Ben grunted affirmatively, and his eyes returned to her face.</p>
<p>“Anything else you want to work on?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey tried to think clearly. Her mind was sluggish despite her caffeine high.</p>
<p>“I don't know, but I feel like we should do something else today,” she said.</p>
<p>He stared at his hands, then stood up.</p>
<p>“Where's your bathroom?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey directed him to the end of the hall, and waited in silence until he returned. Ben was in a strangely agreeable mood that morning. They worked on the song Rey had introduced for an hour or so, plodding through the lyrics with a critical ear, making changes each time through.</p>
<p>“It's better,” Rey said, stretching her arms and back after yet another run through with Ben standing beside the piano singing into her ear.</p>
<p>Ben hummed approvingly.</p>
<p>“I want to try it with the guitar,” he said, his fingers miming chords in the air between them as he spoke.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben got up and situated his guitar strap over his shoulder. He remained standing in front of the music room window, flooded in diffused light from the sheer curtains. Rey squinted at him and waited for him to begin strumming the chords to the song.</p>
<p>He played an extended intro, then nodded at her when he was ready for her to begin singing. Rey instinctively changed the tone of her voice to match the rougher sound of the guitar-strummed accompaniment. It transformed the song in a wonderful way, she thought.</p>
<p>As he joined in with his own voice, Rey slid off the piano bench and walked over to join him in front of the window. Their voices together were magnetic – she had to be near him to fully immerse herself in the sound. They danced without touching, only the guitar and Ben's strumming fingers separating their bodies as they joined voices.</p>
<p>As they crooned the last sweet harmony together, they raised their chins in unison to signal an improvised vocal slide before resolving the last pitches. A tear slid down Rey's cheek. Moments of silence passed. Ben reached out and wiped the half-evaporated tear trail from her face. His thumb tugged briefly at the delicate skin below her temple. He trailed his fingertips down her face, then dropped his hand to his side. He cleared his throat and looked away before speaking.</p>
<p>“I should be gettin' home,” he said. </p>
<p>“Okay,” she whispered.</p>
<p>She was undone, seeing the rocky path before them clearly. Which had come first, the music or the feelings? It had been the music, of course. The allure of that unexpected musical connection threatened to ruin their work together before it even began. Neither of them really wanted to feel this way, Rey was certain. It must be the unexpected intimacy of singing together in her cozy music room. It made all the difference. He tried to walk past her, toward the love seat where his guitar case was still sitting, open and gaping at them. Without thinking, Rey put her hands up and braced them on his guitar, making it rock into his chest.</p>
<p>“Wait,” she said, but for what, she did not know.</p>
<p>She stared at his stoic expression trying to think of what she should say.</p>
<p>“We need to meet more often,” she said, her mind grasping miserably at the thought that he would not return for two weeks.</p>
<p>“I can't do that,” he said. “Not until we're making some money with this stuff. I don't have the luxury of taking a sabbatical from work while we figure this out. Mouths to feed and all that.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded, swallowing painfully over the lump in her throat that arose at the thought of his family.</p>
<p>“I understand,” she said.</p>
<p>“Do you?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey nodded silently, faltering under his scrutiny. The truth was she didn't understand what it took to support a large family, and it wasn't something she ever expected to experience.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat and removed his guitar from her grip.</p>
<p>“I'll see what I can do,” he said.</p>
<p>He swept past her and carefully placed his guitar in its case.</p>
<p>“We did good work today,” he said.</p>
<p>“I'm so happy with it,” Rey said. “Finn is going to love it.”</p>
<p>Ben turned around.</p>
<p>“You think so?” he asked, raising a brow.</p>
<p>“I know he will,” Rey insisted.</p>
<p>Ben did not reply. He picked up his guitar case and looked toward the doorway.</p>
<p>“Well. I'll let you know about next week,” he said.</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rey. “No pressure if you can't do it. I'm just anxious to work. You know me.”</p>
<p>“Can't ever relax, can you?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Not really. Only when I'm singing.”</p>
<p>“That explains a lot,” he said, shaking his head as he walked down the hall toward the front door.</p>
<p>Rey followed him and stood in the doorway watching him take the steps down to his car. She waved him out of the driveway with a smile, but her face fell as soon as he was out of sight. The butterflies in her stomach turned to nausea. She went back to the music room, sat down on the piano bench, and sobbed as her stomach churned.</p>
<p>Later, Rey was left with one realization in all of the uncertainty – music was an escape for Ben. For her, it was a capricious passion she chased through life. Confusing the music with the person singing it would result in disaster. Rey fell into a depressed mood the next week. Removed from Ben' presence, her sudden feelings of infatuation disappeared and she was left with only guilt for having them in the first place.</p>
<p>Wednesday came, and Ben had not contacted her about meeting that week. Finn wanted her to convince Ben to meet more frequently, saying that if the man was serious about booking shows and recording an album he needed to find the time to make it happen.</p>
<p>“He's already committed to other jobs right now, Finn,” said Rey reasonably. “Besides, he can't drop everything like I have to write music for himself. He has a family to support.”</p>
<p>“Doesn't his wife work?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Part-time, I think,” Rey said. “He has to be home in the evenings for the kids.”</p>
<p>“He should get a sitter so he can come over to write at least one night a week,” Finn said. “That's not too much to ask.”</p>
<p>“It's probably hard to get a sitter for four kids, especially with the twins being so young,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“I'm sure it can be done,” Finn said dismissively. “What's going to happen when the two of you start playing shows?”</p>
<p>“I try not to pry into his personal life,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well,” said Finn, looking irritable. “The next time he comes over, you need to put the pressure on him to make this a priority. Neither of you are getting any younger.”</p>
<p>“Finn!” she protested. “I resent that comment!”</p>
<p>Finn sighed and said, “I'm sorry. You aren't old yet, dear.”</p>
<p>“Mmmmhmmm,” Rey murmured, scowling at Finn.</p>
<p>“Just work on him,” Finn said. “Make it clear you expect something to change soon.”</p>
<p>“I will, Finn,” Rey said tiredly. “I'm just as anxious as you are to move this forward.”</p>
<p>“Didn't Rose work as a nanny in the past?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“She's not going to watch Ben' children while we work, if that's what you're thinking,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Just a thought,” Finn said. “She wants to meet him, doesn't she?”</p>
<p>“Yes, but not as his babysitter!” Rey said. “Don't even think of mentioning it to her, Finn.”</p>
<p>“I won't,” he said, smiling and holding up his hands in surrender. “I've got to go now, love.”</p>
<p>Rey sent Ben a message:</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm working on a new piece today. Can't wait to share. See you next week?</em>
</p>
<p>She put her phone down after staring at it for a full minute, and went to work on the song in question. She had not gotten past the hallway when she heard the buzz of a notification vibrating her phone on the kitchen countertop.</p>
<p>Ben had replied:</p>
<p>
  <em>See you then. I've got something new, too. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey smiled at the phone and took it with her into the music room. For the first time since the previous week, she spent a few focused hours at the piano, working on the song she was writing. She was so focused on the music, she did not hear the notification for Ben' second message. Rey only saw it when she picked up her phone to record herself.</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm free Tuesday night. Want to put in two days next week?</em>
</p>
<p>Rey eagerly responded, <em>Yes! </em></p>
<p>They agreed he would come over after dinner on Tuesday. Finn would be pacified – it was a greater commitment from Ben and he would get to hear what they'd been working on so far.</p>
<p>Rey was right – Finn was thrilled. She let him believe it had transpired because she put her foot down, and not because Ben offered to come over twice in one week on his own. Ben arrived Tuesday evening as the sun was setting in a hazy sky. It had been a humid, hot day, and his hair was messier than usual. He was in his uniform of worn jeans, boots, and a plain untucked white button-down shirt.</p>
<p>They wasted no time setting up in the music room, with Finn waiting impatiently to hear their first work together. Rey and Ben sang the two songs they'd spent their time on during the last session. Rey barely looked at Ben as they sang. She kept her distance from him, only peeking at his face for a cue when absolutely necessary. Finn clapped when they were done.</p>
<p>“Very nice sound,” he said. “I like where this is going, though it's more – ah – rustic than I imagined. Maybe a violin and drummer would round it out more.”</p>
<p>“No band,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey widened her eyes at Finn, who seemed taken aback. She had forgotten to warn Finn that Ben was adamant about not wanting to work with a band.</p>
<p>“No band?” he asked. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I don't want a band. We can make this work with just the two of us,” he said. “The more people involved, the more opinions get thrown around, and the more the music gets watered down.”</p>
<p>“I'm all for simplicity, but two voices and one guitar is sparse. It could get boring really fast,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Not if the music is good,” Ben said stubbornly. “And Rey can play the piano on some of our stuff.”</p>
<p>“I appreciate what you're going for, but I'm not sure a stripped-down, bare bones album is the right direction for a debut,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm sure,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Both men looked at Rey, who stammered in response.</p>
<p>“I – I don't know what I think yet,” she said. “It depends on what we end up writing, I suppose.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Finn said, dropping the subject.</p>
<p>He stood up.</p>
<p>“I'm going to butt out and let the two of you work. Thanks for the preview – it sounds great so far,” Finn said.</p>
<p>He closed the double doors to the music room as he left.</p>
<p>“I rewrote the lyrics for your song,” Ben said a few seconds later.</p>
<p>“Oh really?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him, but a smile threatened to take over her mouth. “Just like that?"</p>
<p>“Just like that,” he said, smirking.</p>
<p>Ben began playing the song they'd just sung for Finn again. This time, he sang it while Rey listened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Caught myself in a dream again / </em>
  <em>Holdin' onto your hand  / </em>
  <em>I find myself drifting, but / </em>
  <em>Oh, let me tell you it's real</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Say that it's nothing / </em>
  <em>Try to convince me / </em>
  <em>Tell me that you know / </em>
  <em>I have to let you go / </em>
  <em>I'm not falling</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do you see that I'm hiding? / </em>
  <em>Do you see how I'm left? / </em>
  <em>I wonder if you'll ever notice / </em>
  <em>That I'm losing my mind?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Say that it's nothing / </em>
  <em>Try to convince me / </em>
  <em>Tell me that you know / </em>
  <em>I have to let you go / </em>
  <em>I'm not falling / </em>
  <em>I'm not falling</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words of what had been a sweet, lilting love song had been transformed into an off-kilter plea of desperation. It was brilliant. It was raw. It was alarming.</p>
<p>“Wow,” was all Rey could say, staring at his bowed head.</p>
<p>He let her words die in the air before responding.</p>
<p>“You like it?” he muttered to his guitar.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said.</p>
<p>He looked up at her, squinting as if the effort was painful.</p>
<p>“I wasn't expecting such a drastic change when I asked you to work on the lyrics,” she said.</p>
<p>“Neither was I,” he said, drawing himself up as if he was about to challenge her to a fight.</p>
<p>“I don't know what to say,” Rey admitted.</p>
<p>“So we're gonna sing it like that?” he asked, after peering at her in silence for a moment.</p>
<p>“The lyrics are flawless,” she said. “Of course we're going to sing it.”</p>
<p>He shook his head and made a scoffing sound.</p>
<p>“I put that together in one evening. It's not flawless,” he said.</p>
<p>“It is, Ben,” she said sincerely.</p>
<p>Rey would certainly be in tears trying to the song alone later.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and opened it, handing it to Rey. It was the lyrics he had just sung to her. He began playing the accompaniment again.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head at him and begged, “Let's work on something else tonight.”</p>
<p>“Come on, it's your song,” he said. “Try it out.”</p>
<p>Rey sighed and nodded slightly, already beginning to choke up. She looked at the floor and tried to force her mind to think only of the music – rising and falling notes, nothing more. Ben kept playing around with the chords after she finished singing the last words of the song. After a few minutes, he stopped.</p>
<p>“Do you think we need more band members?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey peeled her eyes away from the floor at last and looked at him.</p>
<p>“No, I don't,” she said. “I think for now, just the two of us is perfect.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Duo Act</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They spent the rest of their second songwriting session playing through the long list of cover songs they thought they might include in future shows and recordings. Rey stopped playing the piano abruptly when she noticed the time.</p>
<p>“It's getting late,” she said, watching the hands of the clock inch closer to half-past-ten.</p>
<p>Ben joined her in staring at the clock.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it is,” he confirmed, already moving to pack up his guitar.</p>
<p>Rey awkwardly waited to see him out. If it was any other friend, she would offer a goodbye hug. Instead she hugged herself.</p>
<p>“See you in a couple of days,” she said.</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said.</p>
<p>They exited the music room. Finn was in the living room with his laptop out and a pair of headphones on, his legs propped up on the ottoman. He removed his headphones when he saw them in the hall.</p>
<p>“Good session?” he asked, blinking at them.</p>
<p>His face glowed faintly bluish-green in the light of his computer screen.</p>
<p>“It was great,” Rey said, smiling. “We didn't mean to work so late.”</p>
<p>“Doesn't bother me,” Finn said easily.</p>
<p>“I hope you don't wake up anyone at your house coming in,” Rey said, realizing Ben would certainly miss his kids' bedtime and perhaps even Soph's by the time he made it home.</p>
<p>Without commenting, Ben moved toward the door.</p>
<p>“Take care, Ben,” Finn called.</p>
<p>“You, too,” he responded, his voice muffled as he turned away and put his hand on the door latch.</p>
<p>“Goodbye,” Rey said.</p>
<p>He looked over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Bye,” he said.</p>
<p>Wednesday was a dull, lonely blur. Finn worked late. It rained most of the day and remained overcast through the night. Rey woke up early enough Thursday morning to watch the sunrise burn the fog off the bright green landscape. Her phone buzzed in her hand as she stared out of the kitchen window at the ethereal beauty of the morning.</p>
<p><em>I'll be there by 9 if that's all right with you,</em> said Ben' message.</p>
<p>Rey replied, <em>Fine by me. See you at 9. </em></p>
<p>Finn poked his head into the bathroom while she was showering to say goodbye before work. Rey hastily finished her morning routine and put her half-dried hair into a bun. She was sitting on the front porch with her coffee when Ben arrived.</p>
<p>“Look at you, California girl,” he said as he walked up from the driveway. “Porch sittin'. Very southern of you.”</p>
<p>Ben walked inside first, and Rey followed. She placed her mug by the kitchen sink.</p>
<p>“You got any more of that stuff left?” Ben asked, waiting for her by the doorway.</p>
<p>“Coffee?” she asked. “Sure, here...”</p>
<p>She quickly got another mug and poured him a cup.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said, immediately raising it to his lips.</p>
<p>Rey leaned back against the countertop.</p>
<p>“Did you come up with anything new since Tuesday?” she asked, jokingly.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said.</p>
<p>“Did you really?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I really did,” he repeated. He gestured toward the music room. <br/><br/>“Want to hear?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Finish your coffee.”</p>
<p>He took a long sip from the mug. After long moment of silence, he repeated the action.</p>
<p>“Almost done,” he said as Rey made herself more comfortable and folded her arms.</p>
<p>“Take your time,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to ask why he'd come over so early that morning, but instead she took two glasses from the cabinet behind her and poured water for herself and Ben. She carried the water glasses past him and into the music room. A few minutes later, Ben joined her and got out his guitar.</p>
<p>“All right, what do you have?” she asked Ben.</p>
<p>“I'm gettin' there,” he said, fiddling with the capo.</p>
<p>“What kind of song is it?” she asked curiously.</p>
<p>“Oh, you know... the usual,” he said, and began strumming a chord experimentally.</p>
<p>Rey was surprised when he began singing without warning.</p>
<p>
  <em>I left a letter on your table / </em>
  <em>All those years ago / </em>
  <em>Must have faded and gone yellow / </em>
  <em>But there's a secret in that envelope</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>No explanations, no </em>
  <em>protestations / </em>
  <em>No tired worn-out plea</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just a few lines of black ink / </em>
  <em>And a ghost that isn't me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>However long it takes, I'll be waiting / </em>
  <em>Years and years will pass me by / </em>
  <em>I'll be watching for your letter / </em>
  <em>Or a note, left for me to find</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The song was slow and full of emotion. It was perhaps the simplest composition she'd heard from him, but she could already hear the delicious harmonies suggested by the music.</p>
<p>“Oh... play it again,” she said.</p>
<p>He nodded and strummed the opening chord once. With a slight lift of his chin, he began singing, and Rey joined with the harmony that had been playing out in her mind the first time around. The simple main chords of the verses flitted away into a soft, delicate guitar riff in between the stanzas.</p>
<p>“It's not much of a song, but I like it,” he said after a while.</p>
<p>“It does seem unfinished,” she said, “But I like it that way, I think. Short, simple, possibly incomplete... just like the letter.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm,” Ben said. “I was thinking it needs a real chorus.”</p>
<p>“What if you just did a nice instrumental section instead?” Rey asked. “Use that little riff you were playing.”</p>
<p>He played it again, looking thoughtful.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” he said.</p>
<p>They worked on the song for most of the morning. Once Ben left, Rey sat at the piano picking around with their music, the sound of their voices ringing in her head for hours. So far, the experience of working together was going far more smoothly than she could have imagined. Despite having no previous fondness for folk music, Rey was enjoying it now. It suited her voice. A softer, delicate, emotional, drawling, often breathy approach to singing was the opposite of what various vocal coaches over the years had trained into Rey's voice. Her range was larger than what she sang with Ben, and she had the ability to put far more power behind her vocals than what most of their writing called for, but even still her singing had never been better. It was driven by the feeling of the moment, rather than a precisely calculated serious of pitches and vowels.</p>
<p>The idea of letting her voice sound untrained while singing difficult, unexpected melodies and harmonies, was attractive to Rey. It was not something she would have come to on her own.</p>
<p>As Ben and Rey continued to write more music, some of which was not slow and depressing after all, Rey began to feel as if she was an extension of Ben's own voice and thoughts. It might as well have been her own hands strumming the guitar, her own voice reaching for sudden, surprising harmonies, and her own body rising and falling in time with strummed chords. There was no question that they were in a constant dance, but who was leading it? The answer was maddeningly unclear. Sometimes she wondered if she was ever really leading, or if she had just learned to predict what Ben was going to do.</p>
<p>Ben seemed to relish his ability to dance Rey through a song with the most subtle of cues – a long look, a sideways glance, a raised brow, a pursed lip, a head tilt. He began to make a game out of it, especially once they were hours into a session. He'd add sudden long pauses, drawn-out high notes, and dramatic rubato passages into their songs. They rarely sang anything exactly the same way twice. Rey pretended to be annoyed by it. She hoped he wouldn't do it when they began playing shows.</p>
<p>After a few months of working, they had a set prepared. Ben found another free evening to come over to the house and play it for Finn. When they finished, Finn stood up and clapped.</p>
<p>“Bravo!” he said. “Let me bring you some drinks."</p>
<p>He went to the kitchen and returned with two beers for himself and Ben and a glass of wine for Rey.</p>
<p>“Now, let's discuss,” Finn said. “Come into the living room, though. It's more comfortable.”</p>
<p>“Okay, tell us what you thought, Finn,” Rey prompted him, after they'd settled into the sofa and armchairs in the living room.</p>
<p>“I think the covers you've chosen are brilliant. Great choices for your sound,” he said. “Even the mood of the lyrics is consistent. Your voices are amazing, of course. I just keep coming back to the idea of adding some kind of additional instruments.”</p>
<p>Ben scowled silently at Finn over his beer.</p>
<p>“I think we should keep that idea on the back burner for now,” Rey said firmly, giving Finn an exasperated look that Ben could not see. “The two of us can carry a show by ourselves to get started. We're going to be playing in small spaces anyway.”</p>
<p>"True,” Finn said, clearly not convinced.</p>
<p>“Can I say something?” Ben asked suddenly.</p>
<p>Rey held her breath.</p>
<p>“It's not a matter of me being stubborn because I can't get along with anyone,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn gave each other a glance that said they were disbelieving of his statement, but listened as he continued.</p>
<p>“What we're doing is something other musicians won't be able to follow. We need the freedom to chase the song as we're singing it. That's the whole reason I even agreed to do this... when am I ever going to find another vocalist who can follow exactly what I want to do musically in the moment?”</p>
<p>Ben looked from Rey to Finn.</p>
<p>“I'd consider adding a fiddle to a few numbers for the album,” Ben said. “But if we get to the point that we are recording and this issue comes up again, I'm out. Don't think I'll change my mind. I've gone down that road already, and I've been waiting for a chance to make something different for a long time. If I can't make the music I want then I don't want to waste my time.”</p>
<p>Rey had to stop herself from nodding along with Ben as he spoke. After a long beat, Finn seemed to recover and a devilish smirk appeared on his face.</p>
<p>“So, what I'm hearing is we can have a fiddle for the recordings?” he asked. “I'll take that as a compromise.”</p>
<p>Ben took a long swig of his beer and then bounced his head a few times in what might have been agreement. They left the evening with the understanding that there would be no other band members, and that Finn would begin lining up shows for them in Nashville. With all of Finn's connections at their disposal, they would soon be playing at least a couple of times a week. Once Ben left for the evening, Finn poured himself a glass of wine and brought Rey a second.</p>
<p>“Ahhhh,” he sighed, leaning back into the couch next to her.</p>
<p>“I told you not to push him about a band!” Rey said, giggling a little.</p>
<p>“I had to try,” he said. “If nothing else, we know how serious he is about this ultimatum.”</p>
<p>“I already knew,” Rey said, sipping her wine.</p>
<p>“Mmhmm,” Finn murmured, putting his arm around Rey.</p>
<p>“I'm excited for you, babe,” he said. “Despite giving you a hard time about all of the sad songs you've written, I think the work is great. It won't be long before you've got a few Grammy's if this goes how I think it will.”</p>
<p>“What do you think is going to happen?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Well, your first shows will be raved about here in Nashville. I'm hoping I can get Dan Pike to agree to record one of them live and release it online through his wife's platform online, which is doing very well lately. They've managed to get some big names to release live session singles as free downloads this year, which has skyrocketed their influence online. If we can get your music on there, it will be heard across the country and possibly around the world.”</p>
<p>“Interesting,” Rey said. “I like it. It's unconventional.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and then you'll get into the studio and release your first album with Space Man Records,” continued Finn.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Rey agreed. “How could we go anywhere else?”</p>
<p>“Due to your quickly rising popularity online, Poe will give you more than he was already planning,” Finn said. “He won't be doing his best songwriter a favor anymore, he'll be competing with other labels for the singer-songwriting duo that's on fire before even putting out an album.”</p>
<p>“I see,” Rey said, smiling as she finished her wine.</p>
<p>“Mark my words,” Finn said. “I'm right. You'll see.”</p>
<p>“I have no doubts,” Rey said, kissing his cheek sweetly.</p>
<p>He seemed to ponder something within the depths of his half-empty wine glass for a moment.</p>
<p>“Are you happy, Rey?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Of course I am,” she assured him.</p>
<p>“This isn't anything like you pictured for yourself, is it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No,” she said. “But that doesn't mean it isn't what I want.”</p>
<p>“My wife, a country singer,” he said playfully, knowing that evaluation would irk her.</p>
<p>“It's not country music,” she said disapprovingly.</p>
<p>“Do you think this is sustainable long-term?” Finn asked. “I'd hate to see you settle for a sound that isn't really yours. He certainly isn't going to settle.”</p>
<p>Rey considered the question for a while.</p>
<p>“It's not that I'm settling, Finn. I'm invested in this sound. It's exciting and new, and I certainly won't be bored. I think this could last us through the peak of our careers. After that, who knows? By that time we'll probably have a full band.”</p>
<p>Finn snorted into his wine.</p>
<p>“The man is stubborn,” he said.</p>
<p>“He is,” Rey said. “I say let him take the music where he wants. If it starts to become stale, I'll push him in another direction. He probably just needs to prove he's right about not needing a band. He will eventually want more backup.”</p>
<p>“If you say so,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I do,” she said, kissing Finn on the cheek again.</p>
<p>Rey smiled to herself.</p>
<p>It was time to come up with a name for their duo. The task of the name became the focus of their next session, which just so happened to take place back in the studio at Space Man Records. Poe insisted on giving them time in the studio in exchange for a preview of their first show. After warming up in the morning by playing through their set, they tried to come up with a name, in between silent stretches of deep thought and scribbling on their respective notepads. Ben shot down every idea she had, but Rey wasn't bothered since she was not in love with any of them herself.</p>
<p>“I've got something,” Rey said, after another long silence.</p>
<p>Ben gave her a long-suffering look and waited to hear her next suggestion.</p>
<p>“What about 'Second Song'?” she asked. “You know, because we've both tried to make it as solo artists before and – ah – failed.”</p>
<p>He gave her a sharp look.</p>
<p>“Who told you I'm a failed solo artist?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey blinked and said apologetically, “Finn did. He seems to hear and know everything in this business.”</p>
<p>Ben looked supremely annoyed and fell silent.</p>
<p>“What do you think of the name?” she finally asked tentatively.</p>
<p>He shrugged and said, “It could work.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “If it hurts your feelings we can think of something else.”</p>
<p>“I'm not that delicate,” he said.</p>
<p>“It's lunch time,” she remarked. “You think Poe is going to offer to take us out?”</p>
<p>“You must, because you didn't bring anything,” Ben observed.</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “Let's go see if he's in the office on our way out and tell him we'll play for him after lunch.”</p>
<p>Sure enough, as soon as they passed the office door, Poe appeared and insisted on taking them to lunch. This time, Ben offered to drive so they walked out to his car, where Poe held the passenger door open for Rey and gestured for her to take the front seat.</p>
<p>“I should have thought to invite Finn,” Poe said, after sliding into the back seat. “Shall we see if he wants to meet us?”</p>
<p>“I'm afraid he's already booked for lunch today,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Damn. Well, I'm sure we'll be seeing him more often once the two of you begin recording,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“Hmmmm, maybe,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“We're not there yet, Poe,” Ben said firmly.</p>
<p>“I understand, Ben,” he replied, but Rey thought he looked disappointed when she snuck a glance back at him in the rearview mirror.</p>
<p>“I'm anxious to hear what you've been working on,” Poe said, for what must have been the fifth time that day.</p>
<p>They went to a recently-opened Mexican restaurant for lunch at Poe's suggestion. He ordered the lunch special, which came with a half-price margarita. Rey and Ben stuck with water for the day, despite Poe's insistence they enjoy themselves.</p>
<p>“You know, Ben, even though I am at the edge of my seat waiting for you to get out on the road and release an album, I am not looking forward to replacing one of my best songwriters. I suppose I should just be glad it took you this long to leave.”</p>
<p>Ben smirked and said, “Poe, I don't know what to say.”</p>
<p>“Say that you're going to put everything you've got into this group,” Poe said, looking at Rey and smiling. “It's the only way I'll give you my blessing.”</p>
<p>Ben laughed and Rey shook her head slowly, smiling at Poe.</p>
<p>“We're both all in,” Rey said. “And Finn's been ready since before we even knew we wanted to do this.”</p>
<p>“Finn knows what he's doing,” Poe said.</p>
<p>Silence welled up between them.</p>
<p>“How is Soph doing, Ben?” Poe asked. “I know she's done this before, but she'll have the kids.You still planning to move the family back home to be closer to your relatives?”</p>
<p>“We'll make that decision when the time comes,” said Ben. “We won't be traveling much right away.”</p>
<p>“You never know,” Poe said, raising his eyebrows. “All you need is the right exposure at the right time. These things can happen very quickly!”</p>
<p>“Her parents are ready for their grandkids to move to the farm anytime,” said Ben. “If need be. They've got plenty of room.”</p>
<p>“That's great,” said Poe. “That must make all this uncertainty easier for Soph.”</p>
<p>Their server arrived and placed sizzling fajita plates in front of Ben and Poe. Rey received her tacos a minute later and the three of them dropped the conversation.</p>
<p>When they arrived back at the studio, Poe followed them to the practice room and took a seat on the couch. He watched them expectantly as they prepared to sing through their set. Rey took a few sips from her water bottle and placed it on the chair beside her. Ben adjusted his capo and looked at her. Rey dipped her chin slightly, and Ben began playing. A few seconds later, they were singing the opening harmonies of their first song, <em>On Father's Grave</em>.</p>
<p>Poe clapped enthusiastically between each number, except for after the most poignant songs, during which the expression on his face reminded Rey of the way mothers sometimes look at their young children while they are unaware – like they're seeing them grow up before their eyes in a single moment. When they ended the private concert<em>, </em>Poe jumped up and clapped heartily once again.</p>
<p>“Fantastic work! Just as I knew it would be. I literally can't think of a thing I would change about that set,” he said, coming over to clap them on their backs and congratulate them.</p>
<p>“I'll see you in a few weeks at The Big Easy Cafe! I'm going to be your most embarrassing fan in the crowd,” he said, reminding Rey once again of a proud parent. Ben gave a little laugh.</p>
<p>“I'm gonna hold you to that, Poe,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Once Poe left them and returned to his office, Ben flopped down heavily on the couch. Rey sat down next to him and chugged her water. Rey often forgot to drink anything for hours at a time, especially when she was working.</p>
<p>“Poe was pleased,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Ben grunted and then sighed, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the couch.</p>
<p>“It was nice to be back here today,” Rey said. <br/><br/>“For you,” Ben replied. “I'm in here at least two times a week.” </p>
<p>“You're ready to get out of the studio and on the stage,” she said. “How long have you been working with Poe?”</p>
<p>He grunted again, then said, “Five years.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Rey said quietly. “And before that you were touring?”</p>
<p>“It was short-lived,” Ben said. “I guess Finn told you all about the accident.”</p>
<p>“What? No, he didn't,” said Rey. “What accident?”</p>
<p>Ben said, “Soph got into a car accident while I was on the road, so we had to cancel a few shows. I lost momentum after that. We moved back home while she recovered. About a year and a half later, I started songwriting again.”</p>
<p>“I had no idea. That's terrible, Ben,” said Rey. “What happened?”</p>
<p>He shrugged, his eyes still closed.</p>
<p>“She got run off the road by a semi. She was lucky – lots of broken bones and a concussion, but no long-term injuries. They said she had just about an inch of room before her foot would've been crushed to nothin'. No punctured lung, which they said was also a miracle.”</p>
<p>Ben paused, then said heavily, “That's when Soph got saved. Her parents, too. Everyone said it was the hand of god that saved her, and so they all got right with the lord. They pray for my unrepentant soul every night.”</p>
<p>Rey nearly did a double take, she was so caught off-guard by his revelation.</p>
<p>“You never believed?” she asked.</p>
<p>He paused again, the corners of his mouth turning down in a sort of grimace.</p>
<p>“I believe she was incredibly lucky, and I'm thankful for it every day,” he said. “But I don't believe it was god that saved her life. If that's the case, he also let all three kids of the family of five in the vehicle behind her die. If there's a god, I don't thinks he intervenes that way. It seems pretty self-centered to think so if you ask me.”</p>
<p>Rey tried to think of something to say, but Ben continued.</p>
<p>“What's more, is Soph would've died buckled into that car seat without the paramedics. She would've died in the hospital without the trained nurses and doctors who saved her life. Does she give any of them credit for being alive? No, she <em>gives god the glory,</em>” he said, and made a scoffing sound.</p>
<p>“It must be difficult to have such different beliefs between you,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben shrugged again and said, “It was at first, but we came to an understanding. We weren't about to let it end our marriage, so we stopped arguing about it a long time ago. Her parents are some of the best people I know, and that hasn't changed even though they pray to Jesus now. They helped my granny raise me when my ma took to disappearing for weeks or months at a time with her latest boyfriend. Me and my cousin, Will, spent a lot of summer days over at the Skywalker's place. Most of my life has been spent with Soph and her family, before they were the church-going type.”</p>
<p>Ben seemed to drift off into his memories for a while, going quiet.</p>
<p>“They all know I don't care how often they pray, as long as I don't have to hear about it,” he said after a while.</p>
<p>Rey found herself feeling conflicted. On one hand, she didn't know Soph at all, but on the other hand, she knew those particular beliefs very well and some strong suspicions were forming in Rey's mind. Rey was certain that Soph and her parents expected Ben to eventually have a change of heart one day, all in god's good time. They probably viewed Soph's accident as god's plan for Ben, to get him off the road and back with his family where he belonged. If that was the case, Soph and her parents would be deeply worried about Ben' renewed interest in his music career, and the possibility that he would go out on a tour again. Perhaps they were desperately praying that Ben and Rey would be unsuccessful as a musical duo, and Ben would return to South Carolina before the year was over.</p>
<p>Rey did not tell Ben any of her suspicions. For one thing, she was making assumptions she had no business to make. For another, it would only seem like she was trying to drive a wedge into his marriage, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Rey McNowan was not a homewrecker. It was not her business whether or not Ben was happy in his marriage. However, Rey wondered what Soph would do if Second Song was successful. Would she be supportive of the career her husband had been chasing his entire life when it meant living as a single mother-of-four for weeks at a time? Rey had her doubts.</p>
<p>“Ben, is it true you were planning to move back to South Carolina before I approached you about working together?” she asked.</p>
<p>He groaned and finally opened his eyes. He rolled his face toward her.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “Soph and I were thinkin' of packing up and going back home. I could still freelance, and there's plenty of demand for guitar lessons in the area. I could play gigs in some of my old spots and have a simple life. Easy. Lots of friends and family still around there. The kids love visiting the farm.”</p>
<p>He sighed and looked away.</p>
<p>“Her parents offered us land,” he said. “One day, we'll take them up on it and build a house there.”</p>
<p>“Sounds lovely,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Mmmm,” he mumbled, closing his eyes again.</p>
<p>“What about you and Finn?” he asked. “You ever think of doing something else?”</p>
<p>“No. Finn's one-hundred percent invested in this career,” Rey said. “And music has been my life for as long as I can remember. I'd never leave the industry. If I wasn't doing this, or songwriting, I'd be singing backup – much to Finn's horror, by the way. I doubt we'll ever leave Nashville. Finn loves it here.”</p>
<p>“But you don't?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I do now,” she said. “I used to miss the west coast all the time, but that part of my life is over and I'm glad. Have you ever been to northern California?”</p>
<p>“Nope,” he said. “Been to L.A. though.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Oh, no, it's nothing like L.A. where I'm from.”</p>
<p>“When we book our first tour, we'll go,” he said.</p>
<p>“To L.A.?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No, to your old stompin' grounds,” he said.</p>
<p>“Ah, right,” she said. “That would be nice. My parents probably won't come. I haven't spoken to them in years.”</p>
<p>“Well, I don't even know where mine are,” Ben replied. “Could be dead for all I know.”</p>
<p>“What's the closest city to your hometown?” Rey asked after an awkward silence.</p>
<p>“Charlotte,” he said.</p>
<p>“I like Charlotte,” Rey said. “Let's put it on the tour, too.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and said, “Sure. We'll need a few stops in-between.”</p>
<p>“I suppose we should stop dreaming about the future and get out of here,” said Rey. “I'll see you Thursday?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said.</p>
<p>They left, but not before another lengthy goodbye from Poe, who caught them on their way out of the studio. Finally, they reached the parking lot and parted ways.</p>
<p>Rey did not tell Finn what Ben had revealed about his past that afternoon. It didn't feel right to share it, even with her husband. Rey wondered if Emmett even knew the whole of the story, by the way he constantly harassed Ben about his long departure from his solo career.</p>
<p>“Poe called me today, raving about you,” Finn told her that evening.</p>
<p>“I expected as much,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“That's great,” Finn said happily. “And I think I've managed to get you booked for a second show already.”</p>
<p>“Where? When?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“The Saturday evening after your first show,” he said. “At Larry's Basement.”</p>
<p>“Nice,” said Rey. “That should be a good crowd. Great job, babe.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he said, kissing her lightly.</p>
<p>“Did you tell Rose about the first show yet?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>Rey had asked him to remind her to do so the night before.</p>
<p>“I did,” she said. “Now, I'll have to tell her she's coming to two in one weekend.”</p>
<p>“Hold off on that until it's official,” Finn warned her.</p>
<p>It was official by the next day, and Rey called Ben to tell him the news. He seemed very pleased with the venue and said he played there once years ago.</p>
<p>Thursday was a fun day of practice, with no hard work left to be done. They simply enjoyed playing together for a few hours, and Rey convinced Ben to let her record a couple of their songs to show Finn later. Once Ben left, Rey sat drinking tea and watching the video over and over, smiling at the screen. It was good. She watched it once more, then called Rose.</p>
<p>“Hello!” Rose said when she picked up the call.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rose,” said Rey. “I wasn't sure you'd answer. How's summer school?”</p>
<p>“Almost over, thank god,” said Rose. “I need a break!”</p>
<p>“You deserve one,” Rey said. “Do you have vacation plans?”</p>
<p>“Nothing special, just going out to visit my family at the beach,” said Rose. “Don't worry, I'll be back in time to see your first show! I can't wait.”</p>
<p>“I was just calling to tell you we've just booked a second show the evening after the first,” said Rey. “Saturday night at Larry's Basement.”</p>
<p>Rose gasped in surprise and said, “Did you really?! That's great. Speaking of great... I have some news, too. If things keep going well, I'll be bringing someone to the show.”</p>
<p>“Rose! When did this happen?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“We went on our first date last month,” said Rose, and from the tone of her voice Rey could tell she was beaming. “His name is Damion.”</p>
<p>“You've got to tell me more than that!” Rey exclaimed.</p>
<p>“He's a writer,” said Rose. “And a bartender... and a voice coach.”</p>
<p>“Busy man,” Rey commented.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rose agreed. “Our schedules often conflict, but somehow it's been working.”</p>
<p>“That's wonderful,” said Rey. “I'm happy for you, Rose. I might need to meet this man before the show – that's a long time to wait.”</p>
<p>“I should make you wait, since you've made me wait so long to meet the other half of your duo!” said Rose.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Hey, that's not my fault. He's the one who can't ever show up when you're over here.”</p>
<p>“I'm beginning to think he just doesn't want to,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“Could be,” said Rey. “I think he's trying to spend as much time with his family as possible right now. When we start playing shows farther away he'll be gone a lot and his kids are young.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Rose. “That's going to be tough on his wife. There's a reason a lot of musician's marriages don't last. You're lucky Finn is going to be along for the ride with you.”</p>
<p>“I know,” said Rey. “Is next week your last week of summer school?”</p>
<p>“It is,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“You and Damion should come over for dinner that Friday night,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, he'll be working for sure,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“What about Thursday night?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“I'll ask,” said Rose. “Am I still invited if he can't make it?”</p>
<p>“Of course!” Rey said, laughing.</p>
<p>“All right. I'll be there by six,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“See if you can get Ben to come,” said Rose. “It's about time I meet the man who convinced you to start performing again.”</p>
<p>“Well, actually you have, because it was all Finn's idea, you know,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, you must have thought about it before Finn gave you the push,” said Rose knowingly.</p>
<p>“Mmmm,” murmured Rey noncommittally.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey, I'm getting a call from Damion, do you mind if I let you go? See you Thursday!” said Rose suddenly.</p>
<p>“Sure thing, see you then,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Rey stared at her phone for a few seconds, then found Ben's number and pressed the call button. It rang so many times, she was certain it would go to voicemail, but finally Ben picked up.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben,” Rey said. “I forgot to ask you something while you were here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Finn and I are having my friend Rose over for dinner next Thursday. She's a music teacher and a songwriter, and she's been asking to meet you for months. Would you and Soph like to join us?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... I'll ask,” he said. “If we can get a sitter, I don't know why not. Soph's been wanting to hear us play, too.”</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rey. “We could give a little performance after dinner.”</p>
<p>“All right,” he said. “I'll let you know if we can make it.”</p>
<p>“Perfect,” said Rey, smiling into her phone. “I'll see you next week.”</p>
<p>“See you,” he said, and ended the call.</p>
<p>Rey's next call was to Finn, who was enthusiastic about the idea. Finn loved hosting dinner guests.</p>
<p>It was not until Wednesday morning of the next week that Rey got Ben' confirmation that he and Soph would be able to make it. This information was relayed to Rose, who said that Damion would there as well. Ben and Rey decided to forgo their usual Thursday morning session the next day, and Rey spent the morning running errands.</p>
<p>Rose and Damion arrived just a few minutes after six. Rose's black hair was curled into gentle waves, and whatever she had done with her makeup made her skin glow. She was wearing the winged black eyeliner she normally reserved for her performances. Her eyes sparkled as Damion followed her into Rey's home.</p>
<p>Damion Parker was a tall, lean man who wore sleek glasses and a sharply fitted shirt in a navy and deep purple checked pattern. His sleeves were rolled up to reveal muscled forearms and a large flat-faced watch on his wrist. His dark hair was closely-trimmed and he was clean-shaven. If someone had told Rey he'd just stepped out of a menswear ad, she would have believed it.</p>
<p>With the introductions out of the way, they took seats at the kitchen island and chatted while Finn prepped the meal. A large bowl of salad and a charcuterie board sat on the island in the meantime, along with a couple bottles of wine, to which Rose added her own offering. No sooner had Rose broken into one of the bottles, did the doorbell ring. Rey went to welcome the rest of their party.</p>
<p>“Hello! Welcome, come in!” she said, greeting Ben and Soph with a friendly smile. Ben smiled back and ushered Soph inside.</p>
<p>“Thanks for having us,” Soph said politely.</p>
<p>“We're so glad you could make it,” Rey said. “Come get yourself something to drink.”</p>
<p>Rey led them into the kitchen and introduced them to Rose and Damion. Then, after offering Soph one of the generous glasses of wine Rose had poured, Rey went to the fridge.</p>
<p>“Don't worry, Ben. There's beer in here – help yourself,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said, and came over to select a bottle.</p>
<p>“You have a beautiful place,” Soph said, looking around the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Isn't their kitchen to die for?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>Soph nodded, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. Rey's eyes flicked to Ben as he returned with his chosen beer, and pulled out a his keychain, on which he carried a bottle-opener.</p>
<p>“I'll have one of those, too, if you don't mind, Finn,” said Damion.</p>
<p>“Of course I don't mind, go ahead,” said Finn over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Ben offered Damion his bottle-opener. The two men were now standing beside one another and could not have looked more opposite. Damion was all precise, neatly-trimmed lines, down to the sharp cut of his cheekbones and angular jaw under his glasses frames. Ben's hair was looking especially wild, partially hiding the dimples that appeared when he smiled. Some of his untamed curls were sticking in his scruffy facial hair. He wore his usual outfit, but tonight he'd exchanged a white button-down shirt for a light blue one. His jeans were faded and his boots were well-worn.</p>
<p>Rose managed to draw Soph into conversation, asking about her family in South Carolina, where Rose also had roots. They were reminiscing about family summer beach trips and getting stung by jellyfish as children.</p>
<p>“My youngest two, our twins, have never seen the ocean,” said Soph. “One day I'd like to get my parents and my brother's family to all go together.”</p>
<p>“Does your brother have children?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“He's got three,” said Soph. “All girls.”</p>
<p>“Lots of girls in your family,” Rose commented. “Ben must feel outnumbered.”</p>
<p>“I just hope poor Aaron eventually gets a boy cousin,” said Soph. “Maybe my sister will help us out. She just got married last year.”</p>
<p>Rey wondered if all of Soph's siblings had joined her parents in finding god after Soph's accident.</p>
<p>“All right, folks. Dinner is served!” said Finn.</p>
<p>He began plating the food, and Rey went to help him. They moved to the dining table and took their seats, digging into their meal. Rey looked over at Ben, who sat across from her, and noticed Soph looking solemnly at her lap. It then struck Rey that she must be silently praying over her meal. Ben didn't seem to notice.</p>
<p>“So, Rose tells me that I might get to hear some great music tonight,” Damion said, looking at Rey, then at Ben.</p>
<p>“I hope so,” piped up Soph, who was now picking up her fork. “I've only heard cell phone recordings of them so far, and they're about to play their first show!”</p>
<p>“We'd love to play for you,” Rey said to Damion, then nodded briefly at Soph as well.</p>
<p>“Damion is a vocal coach,” said Rose, which seemed to peak Finn's interest.</p>
<p>Damion laughed and said, “At least until I finish my book.”</p>
<p>“You're writing a book?” asked Finn. “What sort of book?”</p>
<p>“A novel,” said Devon. “It's my true passion, though I love music. You have to love music, growing up in Nashville.”</p>
<p>“Have you lived here all your life?” asked Soph.</p>
<p>Damion nodded and said, “My mother was a backup singer for most of her life.”</p>
<p>“So you inherited her talent,” said Rey. “She must be proud that you're using it.”</p>
<p>“I like to think so,” Damion said. “She was a talented lady and determined to make me a great musician, rest her soul.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I'm sorry,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“It's okay. She died when I was eighteen,” Damion said. “I was a pretty rebellious as a kid. I didn't appreciate all the lessons she put me in – voice, piano, guitar.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” said Soph softly.</p>
<p>“Rose here has gotten me back into the guitar again, after many, many years,” he said, giving Rose an appreciative look. “It hasn't been pretty.”</p>
<p>Rose laughed and playfully smacked his arm.</p>
<p>“It's not that bad,” she said. “You'll get it back.”</p>
<p>Damion shook his head and said, “I think you're determined to turn me into a songwriter, too.”</p>
<p>“Nah,” said Rose. “There's only room for one songwriter in this relationship.”</p>
<p>“Tell me about your book, Damion,” said Finn.</p>
<p>Rey was distracted from Damion's answer by Soph leaning across the table to get Rose's attention.</p>
<p>“Rose, do you teach at a private school?” asked Soph.</p>
<p>Rose peeled her eyes off of Damion, who was now leaning closer to Finn and talking enthusiastically about his book.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry?” she asked, looking dazedly at Soph.</p>
<p>“I just wondered if you teach at a private school,” repeated Soph.</p>
<p>“Oh – yes, I do,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“Is it a religious school?” asked Soph curiously.</p>
<p>“No, it's a school for the arts,” said Rose. “Union Academy?”</p>
<p>“Hmmm, no, I haven't,” said Soph. “Do you like it there?”</p>
<p>Rose nodded and said, “It's a really nice place to teach. We have lots of exceptionally talented little musicians, artists, and actors.”</p>
<p>“Sounds great,” said Soph, who smiled, but seemed to have lost interest in the subject. She looked at Ben and then down at her plate.</p>
<p>Finn and Damion were in an intense, low conversation, making Rey wonder if Damion was revealing things about his book that he hadn't told anyone else. Finn had a knack for getting people to share things with him they normally wouldn't tell a new acquaintance. People often said they felt as if they'd known him forever when they met him.</p>
<p>Watching her husband, Rey thought that he might have found a good friend in Damion, who was also a fantastic cook, according to Rose. Rey could imagine a friendly dinner party competition springing up between them in the future.</p>
<p>Noticing that everyone was now finished with the meal, Rey cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Finn?” she said, causing him to abruptly stop talking to Damion and peer at her.</p>
<p>“Ready for a little music?” she asked.</p>
<p>The group cleared the table in a matter of minutes and moved to the music room, where Ben' guitar waited in its case on the love seat. He picked the case up and Rose led Damion over to sit in the vacated spot. Finn sat on a stool, and Soph took the armchair in the corner by the bookcase. Rey could not keep her eyes from returning to Soph as they began singing. Perhaps it was the fact that she'd only had half a glass of wine to Rose's two and a half, but Soph looked uncomfortably sober. Throughout the first two songs, Soph's face remained blank, and she occasionally twisted her bracelet around her wrist. Rose and Damion seemed transfixed by the music, which was encouraging. They began singing one of the songs which Ben had written by himself, at which point Soph shifted and sat forward in her seat. She stared intensely at Ben as they sang the end of <em>The Pair of Us</em>:</p>
<p>
  <em>Aren't we a fine, pretty pair? / </em>
  <em>Oh, yes, we are / </em>
  <em>All god's angels  / </em>
  <em>And all the devils in hell / </em>
  <em>Couldn't tear us apart</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We dance with a ball and chain / </em>
  <em>Promise we'll remain / '</em>
  <em>Till dust to dust / </em>
  <em>We blow away</em>
</p>
<p>By the time they stopped singing Soph looked equal parts furious and pained.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Three's a Crowd</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The date for first show arrived a few weeks later. Rey and Ben took a break until the week before their show, when they met for a final practice session at Rey's house.</p>
<p>Rey became more anxious by the day as the night of the show approached. The stage had always been a source of terror as well as passion for Rey. Ben did not appear outwardly nervous, but he insisted on over-practicing their music the week before. He came over three times to meet with Rey.</p>
<p>Finn was in his element, barely able to contain his excitement. He had convinced Dan Pike to come to the first show, and if he liked what he heard he would record their second show, at Larry's Basement. The prospect of a live recording for their second-ever show was daunting to Rey. She refused to dwell on the idea until it was a reality. The night before the first show, while Ben was still over at the house, Finn came home early.</p>
<p>“Hello!” he called as he opened the front door.</p>
<p>“Finn?” called Rey in surprise. She walked to the doorway of the music room and peered down the hall at her husband.</p>
<p>“You're home early,” she said curiously.</p>
<p>“I figured we had a lot to talk about, with the show tomorrow night,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“What else do we need to talk about?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Stage presence,” Finn said, greeting her with a peck on the forehead.</p>
<p>He walked into the music room and stood looking between his wife and Ben with his hands on his hips.</p>
<p>“What are you two going to wear?” he asked, looking at Ben.</p>
<p>Ben was wearing his usual jeans, boots, and white button-down shirt untucked.</p>
<p>“I think we should keep it simple,” said Rey. “I'll wear a black dress.”</p>
<p>“Hey now, black is my stage color,” said Ben.</p>
<p>Finn did not look too pleased with the idea, but he slowly nodded.</p>
<p>“All right. Black outfits it is,” he said. “Now, most of your music is slower-paced. It's going to be hard to maintain a strong stage presence without music that gets people moving. What you're doing now isn't going to work.”</p>
<p>“What are we doing that you don't like?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Mostly, you're both closing your eyes and having a great time playing music together. If that's all you do people are going to get bored. They won't connect with the music as much if you're both off in your own heads,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I'll try to keep my eyes open more,” Rey said, trying not to laugh.</p>
<p>“I think you need to interact with Ben more,” said Finn. “Alternate between looking at him and looking out over the crowd. If the song is slow, make them interested in what's going on between the two of you.”</p>
<p>“What are they supposed to think is going on?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Make them see and feel how in-tune you are with each other. Be a little flirty, even,” Finn suggested.</p>
<p>“Flirty?” Rey asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Finn, shrugging. “Why not?”</p>
<p>“Well, for one thing, I doubt Soph would appreciate it,” said Rey flatly.</p>
<p>Ben cleared his throat in a way that seemed to indicate he agreed.</p>
<p>“Look, just give the audience a few moments to break up all the serious songs you're putting out. It will help the crowd relax and feel they really know you,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I don't know, Finn,” said Rey uncomfortably. She could feel Ben staring at her.</p>
<p>“Just think about it,” said Finn. “Don't worry too much about it for the first shows. Your music is going to speak for itself, and the venues we've chosen are going to be receptive. I'm thinking bigger picture, down the road when you're playing in less intimate spaces.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “All right.”</p>
<p>That night allowed Rey little rest. Her mind would not slow down, running circles through their set, imagining the many things that could go wrong. Once she managed to fall asleep, she dreamed that she accidentally stepped off the stage on which she was singing mid-song, and when Ben tried to grab her arm he came tumbling down too. She woke up with a start just before sunrise. Finn mumbled in his sleep as Rey got out of bed to make herself a cup of tea. She wondered if Ben was already up as well.</p>
<p>The day was long, but the drive into the city felt shorter than ever. Ben and Soph would meet them at The Big Easy Cafe. Rose and Damion would be there early as well. They were seated in a private corner booth for an early dinner. Rey could not eat more than a few bites of her food. Ben seemed to have no problem finishing his, and Rey was jealous of his calm demeanor. Her anxiety rose steadily until she was standing beside Ben waiting to go on stage.</p>
<p>“Don't be nervous,” Ben said, tapping his fingers lightly on his guitar strings.</p>
<p>“That's not helpful,” she said.</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> helpful?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing, really,” she sighed. “It's not logical. I know we're going to be great, but my body doesn't care.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm,” he hummed, seemingly stumped as to how to respond.</p>
<p>Finn walked over to them and put his arm around Rey briefly, rubbing her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Ready, folks?” he asked, smiling.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and looked at Rey.</p>
<p>“Let do this,” she said, breathing deeply.</p>
<p>The restaurant's manager introduced them after a nod from Finn. Rey followed Ben out onto the small raised stage in front of the back wall.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben looked at one another as their audience applauded.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” said Ben. “We're Second Song, and we're mighty glad to be here tonight.”</p>
<p>“If you didn't know, this is our debut as a duo,” said Rey, leaning into her mic. He stomach leapt as she heard her voice echo over the quiet crowd.</p>
<p>A cheer went up, led by Rose and Poe. Rey laughed nervously and grinned at the dark room.</p>
<p>“We hope you like it,” said Ben, beginning to strum the chords of the first number.</p>
<p>Rey swayed gently and remembered to look over at Ben. She was still smiling like an idiot, and she thought she saw one corner of his mouth move upward. Moments later, he gave a slight nod, and they began singing.</p>
<p>The moment their voices met on the stage, Rey was transported back to their songwriting sessions. With Ben by her side, the stage performance was an intimate experience. She stopped caring about the knots in her stomach. Finn would later comment that he was happy they'd followed his suggestion to interact more while singing on stage. The truth was, Finn's advice had been the last thing on Rey's mind. Every glance, every smile, every soul-deep stare into Ben's eyes was genuine. It was the only thing keeping her nerves in check that night.</p>
<p>After a few numbers, Rey began to feel comfortable on stage. Then they sang <em>My Favorite Song</em>, and Rey caught sight of Soph in the audience.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tie a string around my finger / </em>
  <em>Write another love letter / </em>
  <em>Over a sunrise and cigarettes / </em>
  <em>Whispers on breezes on front porch swings</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How could I have seen you coming? / </em>
  <em>Look, now look what you've done / </em>
  <em>You're my favorite song  / </em>
  <em>Forever on the tip of my tongue</em>
</p>
<p>Soph did not look happy at all, Rey decided. Why would she? Her husband was singing the next words to another woman:</p>
<p>
  <em>You own me with verses like kisses / </em>
  <em>Your lips are the lament / </em>
  <em>That I've learned to love</em>
</p>
<p>They finished the tune and took a short break. Neither of them spoke, but drank water and listened to the music in their minds as they anticipated the rest of the show. By the end of the show the audience felt like a room full of friends. The applause lasted until they walked back on stage and played one last song, a cover of Radiohead's <em>You:</em></p>
<p>
  <em>You are the sun and the moon and stars / </em>
  <em>Are you and I could never run away from you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You try at working out chaotic things / </em>
  <em>And why should I believe myself, not you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's like the world is gonna end so soon / </em>
  <em>And why should I believe myself?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You, me, and everything / </em>
  <em>Caught in the fire / </em>
  <em>I can see you drowning / </em>
  <em>Caught in the fire</em>
</p>
<p>Ben' voice was made for the melancholic floating melody that built into a raw, powerful wail in the chorus. He took the lead while Rey added painfully beautiful, dissonant harmonies and lilting murmured riffs that resolved into Ben' notes. On the highest phrase of the song, they suddenly swapped parts, and Ben challenged Rey to sing at her loudest as he pushed his own voice to the limit with an impressive vocal run of harmonized pitches that ended in a near-growl.</p>
<p>Once again, the response was overwhelmingly enthusiastic. They bowed and waved for so long that Rey began to feel nervous again. She noticed Finn looking at her, jerking his head toward the edge of the stage. Rey waved once more, and led the way off stage. Rey felt a hand on her back and turned, expecting to see Ben at her shoulder, but it was Finn. He seemed to have teleported to her side in the blink of an eye. He leaned in to speak into her ear.</p>
<p>“You knocked 'em dead, babe,” he said, tickling her ear. His hand moved to her shoulder and he gave her a squeeze.</p>
<p>They walked around the corner to the small room beside the stage, which seemed to double as a storage closet for the restaurant. There were a couple of chairs and stools there, one of which Rey claimed. She realized her choice of shoes had been a poor one – her feet had developed blisters. Ben stood beside her, looking far too calm for the moment. Soph finally caught up with them, and appeared behind Finn. Rey pulled Finn toward her so that Soph could move around him to congratulate her husband and pull him down for a kiss over his guitar.</p>
<p>“The show was great,” Soph said, flashing a smile at Rey, before looking back at Ben.</p>
<p>Finn suddenly reached out to shake hands with someone, who turned out to be Dan Pike. He had come back to rave about the performance.</p>
<p>“I want to record you two tomorrow night,” he said to Rey and Ben.</p>
<p>Rose and Damion appeared and waited patiently for Finn and Dan to move away to discuss the details of the following evening.</p>
<p>“Rey!” squealed Rose, pulling her into a hug. “I'm so proud! That was truly amazing. There's not a person here who isn't obsessed with you after tonight. If they aren't, they're crazy!”</p>
<p>“It was really fantastic, guys,” Damion said.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said to them, and Ben echoed the sentiment.</p>
<p>An hour later, the six of them left together, after a long goodbye from Poe by the bar. As they stepped outside into the relative silence of the sidewalk in front of The Big Easy, a moment passed before anyone spoke.</p>
<p>“That went well,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn, Rose, and Damion laughed. Ben grinned at Rey, and Soph managed a smile as well.</p>
<p>“What an understatement,” said Finn, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her temple.</p>
<p>Rey patted Finn's arm and then said to Ben, “Nice work, partner. See you tomorrow night for our first recording!”</p>
<p>“This is all happening so fast!” Soph said, sounding far more enthusiastic than she looked.</p>
<p>“I can,” Rose said. “You guys are the best! We'll see you tomorrow!”</p>
<p>Rose and Damion exchanged hugs with everyone and left together. Rey and Finn stood awkwardly with the silent Ben and Soph, watching their friends walk away holding hands.</p>
<p>“They're a cute couple,” Soph commented after a while. “Rose is real nice.”</p>
<p>“Rose has been my best friend since I moved to Nashville,” said Rey. “I met Damion the same night you did, and I think we're going to be seeing a lot more of him in the future.”</p>
<p>Soph nodded and touched Ben arm, looking up at him.</p>
<p>“Ready to go get our crazy kiddos?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Ready,” he said, looking at Rey and Finn. His expression suggested he was anything but ready to deal with four tired young children that evening.</p>
<p>“'Bye, folks,” Ben said, giving them a brief nod.</p>
<p>“Goodbye,” Rey said, and heard Finn echo her.</p>
<p>“Let's get you home to rest that voice for tomorrow,” said Finn, as soon as Ben and Soph left.</p>
<p>“I'm still in shock about tomorrow's recording,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“I told you it would happen,” said Finn.</p>
<p>Rey slept remarkably well that night, and woke to the smell of her husband cooking breakfast. The aromas of bacon and strong coffee led Rey into the kitchen, where she found Finn pouring batter into their rarely-used waffle iron.</p>
<p>“Wow,” she said, yawning suddenly. “You must really like me.”</p>
<p>She grinned.</p>
<p>“Maybe I just really like waffles,” Finn teased her back.</p>
<p>“Nah, I know better,” Rey said, walking over to put her arms around Finn.</p>
<p>“Fix your coffee, your breakfast is almost ready,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Mmmm, coffee,” Rey murmured in his ear.</p>
<p>She went to pour coffee into her favorite mug, a souvenir from a beloved coffee shop back home.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling this morning?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Good,” she said, stirring her coffee. “I'm not at all nervous about tonight.”</p>
<p>“That's great,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Finn opened the waffle iron and smiled slightly at the steaming, golden waffle that he slid onto Rey's plate. He poured more batter into the iron and closed it again. Rey sat down across from him at the kitchen island and Finn pushed her plate toward her.</p>
<p>“Breakfast is served,” he said.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn stared thoughtfully at the waffle iron for a moment.</p>
<p>“What did you think of Soph last night?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Hmm? What do you mean?” asked Rey, as she poured syrup on her waffle.</p>
<p>“I got the impression she wasn't as happy about the show as the rest of us,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“I think that's just her personality,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” said Finn, not sounding convinced. “I hope she isn't going to cause problems for us. If I had to guess, I'd say she isn't excited about losing her husband to another attempt at a band, or in this case, a duo, which is even more risky.”</p>
<p>“Ben says she supports him,” Rey reminded Finn.</p>
<p>“Maybe he even believes that,” Finn said, shrugging. “I'm just saying, I don't see it... and it worries me.”</p>
<p>“It doesn't help to worry about it,” Rey said, just as much to herself as to her husband.</p>
<p>Finn plated his own waffle and walked around the island to join Rey.</p>
<p>“You're right,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn went to pick up his parents at the airport that morning. They had been unable to make Rey's first show, and when the second was booked for the following evening they immediately made plans to fly into Nashville for the weekend.</p>
<p>Bernice and Charles Strommand were both high-energy, friendly people who had never met a stranger in their lives. Rey loved them dearly, but also found their constant presence exhausting. Thankfully, Finn was happy to be the buffer that absorbed their chatter and questions.</p>
<p>Rey received bear hugs from both of Finn's parents as soon as they stepped out of the car and into the driveway back at the house.</p>
<p>“We love you, Rey,” said Bernice as she squeezed Rey tightly. “Congratulations on your first show.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said, bracing herself as Charles came in for a bone-crushing hug next.</p>
<p>“So proud of you,” he said warmly. “Tonight is going to be really special, and we're so happy we could be here.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” said Rey, smiling in relief as she extracted herself from Charles' towering embrace.</p>
<p>Charles was a tall, hulk of a man with broad shoulders and a perfectly bald head. He dwarfed Bernice, who stood beside him, still beaming at Rey. She was a couple inches taller than Rey, and was draped in one of her signature lace-knit shawls, which she wore no matter the weather. Bernice was a curvaceous woman of average height, but standing next to her giant husband draped in fabric, she seemed almost frail.</p>
<p>As soon as they entered the house, Bernice wrapped her arms around herself and said, “I always forget AC comes standard down here!”</p>
<p>Bernice was always cold. Rey had made sure to put a heavy blanket in the guest room and to throw an afghan over the back of the living room sofa, despite the warm late-summer temperatures in Nashville. Finn helped his parents carry their bags back to the guest room, while Rey brought them glasses of water. Bernice and Charles followed Finn back into the kitchen, talking about their dog, who was with Finn's sister for the weekend.</p>
<p>“Your sister keeps sending me these videos of Kassie begging for food,” said Bernice, waving her phone in the air.</p>
<p>Bernice looked at her phone, tapped her thumb on the screen a few times, and held it up so that Finn could see.</p>
<p>“Look!” she said, laughing.</p>
<p>Rey could hear the excited clicking of a dog's paws on the floor, and then a loud whine.</p>
<p>“Kassie, no,” said Finn's sister, Mia, in the the video. “Kassie, you're too fat! You can't have it. No!”</p>
<p>Bernice cackled, staring at the dog's pitiful face as she whined again, then barked.</p>
<p>“Mom, you've created a monster! Stop giving her people food!” came Mia's voice again.</p>
<p>Rey could see the screen whirl around to show Mia's face looking sternly at the camera.</p>
<p>“Poor Kassie thinks she's starving,” giggled Bernice. “I feel so terrible!”</p>
<p>“Kassie does look fat, mom,” said Finn, peering at the phone screen. The video was now stopped, showing a thumbnail of a plump, medium-sized tan dog. Kassie was far rounder than the last time Rey had seen her.</p>
<p>“Don't worry, she's going on a diet as soon as we get back,” said Bernice. “Poor old girl. Auntie Mia isn't a sucker for the puppy eyes like her mother and father.”</p>
<p>“I don't know what your mother is talking about,” said Charles. “Kassie doesn't get anything from me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, except for a few bites of your pizza crusts when you think I'm not looking,” said Bernice.</p>
<p>Charlie laughed and said, “Kassie said she'd never tell you.”</p>
<p>Rey handed her in-laws the glasses of water in her hands.</p>
<p>“Anything else I can get you? Some food?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, no thank you, dear,” said Bernice. “We'll eat whenever you two are hungry.”</p>
<p>They went to the living room, where Bernice immediately curled up under the afghan.</p>
<p>“Tell us about your music, Rey,” she said.</p>
<p>“It's a new direction for me,” she said. “I'm sure Finn has told you.”</p>
<p>“He said I'll love it,” said Bernice. “He's said a lot of things. So, it's like folk music?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“It's more about our voices and the lyrics than trying to fit into a genre. We're keeping the music simple for now, and we'll see where it takes us.”</p>
<p>“Finn says you don't have a band,” said Charles, looking confused.</p>
<p>“Nope. No band. Just the two of us singing, Ben playing guitar, and sometimes me on the piano, too,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“It works far better than it sounds like it would,” said Finn. “The things they do with the vocals make up for the lack of supporting instruments.”</p>
<p>“Huh. Well, I trust your ear, Finn,” said Charles. “I can't wait to hear it.”</p>
<p>“I can't believe Finn wouldn't send us any videos,” said Bernice. “I've been dying of curiosity.”</p>
<p>“You need to hear it in person,” Finn said. “You'll be glad I made you wait to be surprised.”</p>
<p>“I don't know about that,” said Bernice.</p>
<p>Rey listened to Finn and his parents chat about their life in Seattle, about Mia's son, Miles, who would be going to kindergarten that year, and Mia's ex-husband, John, who was moving out of state. Then, Finn and Rey took his parents out to lunch, and then everyone rested before the show that evening. Even Finn stretched out on the bed with Rey, and even if he didn't actually nap, he lay there peacefully for at least an hour before he got up and startled Rey awake.</p>
<p>Rey's anxiety returned after she showered and was getting ready for the evening.</p>
<p>“Doing all right?” Finn asked, as she stared at herself in the mirror, trying to decide which of her black dresses she should wear.</p>
<p>“Starting to feel a little nervous, actually,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Hmmm,” Finn hummed, coming over to wrap his arms around her.</p>
<p>“I meant to tell you last night, that you looked good on stage. You could do even more to interact with Ben. It added a lot to the performance,” he said.</p>
<p>“He doesn't give me much to work with,” she said. “He's too busy concentrating on his guitar playing.”</p>
<p>Finn nodded and kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>“It still works. His concentration on the music just comes across as stoic and mysterious. Play it up on your part a little more and every time he does look at you. The crowd will be waiting and watching for it – it'll be something that keeps them on the edge of their seats.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey agreed.</p>
<p>Rey hoped Soph was not so visible this time. It was horribly awkward to flirt on-stage with Ben when his wife was glaring at them the entire time. At dinner, Rose introduced Damion to Bernice and Charles. The three of them immediately bonded as if they were old friends, leaving Rose to chat with Rey.</p>
<p>“You heard anything from the other half of your duo this evening?” she asked.</p>
<p>“He's not meeting us for dinner, but he said he'll be here an hour before the show,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“I wonder if his wife is coming tonight,” said Rose, raising her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” said Rey. “I didn't ask.”</p>
<p>When Ben arrived almost an hour later, he was alone.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben! Come sit down, we saved you a seat,” said Rey, standing to greet him with a quick hug. “Let me introduce you to Finn's parents, Bernice and Charles. This is the rest of our act – Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>Ben held his hand up in a quick gesture of greeting and said hello to Finn's parents, whose faces lit up with interest as Ben took a seat at the table.</p>
<p>“Where's Soph?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“Oh, she's at home with the kids,” Ben said. “Ava isn't feeling well again and Soph didn't want to leave her with a sitter.”</p>
<p>“I'm sorry to hear that,” said Rey sincerely. “She must hate to be at home tonight.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.</p>
<p>“At least she'll get to hear the live recording,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“Yep,” said Ben.</p>
<p>Finn kept his parents occupied with conversation at their end of the table, so Bernice and Charles weren't able to turn their full attention and curiosity to Ben before he and Rey left to set up their equipment and warm-up together before the show. Finn left Damion and Rose to entertain his parents while he spoke with Dan Pike and his sound crew. Rey carried her unfinished glass of wine with her behind the stage where Ben was getting out his guitars.</p>
<p>“I feel terrible that Soph couldn't make it tonight,” said Rey. “Do you have anyone else in the crowd?”</p>
<p>“A few friends. Most of Space Man Records is supposed to show up with Poe, you know,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“Right,” said Rey, her heart beating a bit faster. “So, ah... Finn says I need to interact with you even more on stage.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah?” Ben asked, sounding amused. “What does he have in mind?”</p>
<p>“I'm going to look at you more, stand closer together, sing into your mic a few times, maybe,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“What am I supposed to be doing?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Keep doing what you've been doing – killing it on the guitar and vocals,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>They warmed up for a few minutes, and then waited. Finally, Second Song was announced and the audience was informed that the show was being recorded and that the music would be available for download online through Saga City Music. A loud cheer filled with whistles, one of which was certain to be Poe's, went up as Ben and Rey took the stage.</p>
<p>The performance went off without a hitch. Rey's nervousness slowly faded each time she caught Ben's eye. After the first few times, he smiled at her while she took her turn singing a verse. Rey smiled back, and just as Finn had predicted, the audience cheered. Rey added a spontaneous run to the end of the line she had just finished singing. Ben seemed to take Rey's moment of spontaneity as an invitation to do the same. Surprisingly, Rey did not panic when Ben began playing around with the music. Instead, it helped calm her further, making her feel as if they were back in her music room practicing together.</p>
<p>Their break was short. Rey fanned herself and thankfully took a glass of ice water from a server who came to offer it as they stepped off the stage.</p>
<p>“It's so hot,” she complained.</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Ben said, raising his eyebrows.</p>
<p>Rey was wearing a sleeveless dress and heels. Ben wore a white button-down under a black jacket, black pants, and boots.</p>
<p>“This is from your husband,” interrupted the voice of a different server.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... thanks,” said Rey, as the server handed her a glass of wine.</p>
<p>Ben's brows rose further as Rey stared at the glass in her hand.</p>
<p>“I don't know how Finn thinks I'm supposed to have time for this,” said Rey. She took a small sip.</p>
<p>“Mmm, it's good, though,” she murmured.</p>
<p>Rey switched to the water glass, then took another sip of wine. Ben began chuckling and shaking his head at her.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked, smiling at him over her wine glass.</p>
<p>“That's not going to help you cool off any,” he said.</p>
<p>“Right,” Rey said, looking at the wine glass sadly. “I should stick to the water.”</p>
<p>Still, she took a few more sips of the wine before putting it aside.</p>
<p>“Almost time to get back out there,” Ben said. He had walked off the stage wearing his guitar, and it was still hanging over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Be right back,” Rey said, deciding to make a trip to the ladies room before going back out on stage.</p>
<p>When Rey returned, Ben was standing at the edge of the stage waiting to be sent back out to their audience. Perhaps he was just anxious to get the next song out of the way, since it wasn't his favorite. Rey introduced their cover of First Day of My Life to the crowd.</p>
<p>“So, this next song is another cover. I told you we like them!” she said, laughing as there were a few cheers.</p>
<p>“This song is a cover requested by a dear friend,” Rey continued. “It's, ah... well, it's sweeter than most of the stuff we write. We hope you enjoy this little break from all the, ah – ”</p>
<p>She paused, forgetting what she had planned to say as she caught sight of Rose beaming at her. The song had been Rose's suggestion, after one of her students played it in the school's talent show.</p>
<p>“Misery,” Ben said into his mic, in a deep, serious voice.</p>
<p>Rey laughed unflatteringly into her own mic.</p>
<p>“That's not quite the word I was searching for... ” she said. “Anyway, this is for Rose.”</p>
<p>Another cheer went up, and Rey backed away from the mic as Ben began playing the intro. Ben had changed a few of the chords to make the tune less bright. As they began singing, Rey noticed that Ben seemed to have decided to suddenly become more committed to their stage presence. He looked at her far more than the audience or the floor, and then surprised her by swooping over to where she was dancing in place, stealing her mic as he sang:</p>
<p>
  <em>And so I thought I'd let you know / </em>
  <em>That these things take forever, I especially am slow / </em>
  <em>But I realized that I need you / </em>
  <em>And I wondered if I could come home</em>
</p>
<p>Ben did not move as he finished the verse, and Rey was forced to share her mic with him as they sang together during an instrumental section, a series of overlapping “ohs” and “ahs” and hummed pitches.</p>
<p>Rey kept dancing lightly with her arms, her body rising and falling along with Ben's as he strummed the guitar inches away from her. Rey had to keep reminding herself not to touch him – her left arm wanted to rest on his shoulder as if they were partners in a dance rather than singing a duet on a stage.</p>
<p>They continued singing into the same mic for the rest of the song, swapping off lines of the lyrics:</p>
<p>
  <em>I remember the time you drove all night / </em>
  <em>Just to meet me in the morning / </em>
  <em>And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You felt as if you just woke up / </em>
  <em>And you said</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is the first day of my life / </em>
  <em>I'm glad I didn't die before I met you / </em>
  <em>But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you / </em>
  <em>And I'd probably be happy</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So if you wanna be with me / </em>
  <em>With these things there's no telling / </em>
  <em>We just have to wait and see / </em>
  <em>But I'd rather be working for a paycheck / </em>
  <em>Than waitin' to win the lottery</em>
</p>
<p>Ben turned to fully face her and looked into her eyes as they finished the last, drawn out lines:</p>
<p>
  <em>Beside, maybe this time is different / </em>
  <em>I mean, I really think you like me</em>
</p>
<p>Once again, they took turns humming and breathing lilting little harmonies into the mic, their faces nearly touching. Ben's hair kept tickling Rey's cheek. His soft playing at the end of the song was drowned out by applause and cheers. Rey grinned broadly, and turned to look at Ben. He was smiling as well, and acknowledged the crowd with a short bow before returning to his own mic.</p>
<p>The rest of the evening was a blur. Rey and Ben stayed at the bar talking to the more strangers than either of them had ever met in one night. Ben and Rey were asked for two interviews. Poe flitted back and forth between Finn, Dan, and the groups of new fans gathered near Ben and Rey.</p>
<p>Rey was so exhausted the next day that she took two naps. She did not see or hear from Ben until the day they met in the city at a local radio station for the first of the interviews they had agreed to do together. They continued to play shows on the weekends, often more than one. A couple of months later they began booking shows in surrounding states, starting with Georgia and Kentucky. If Soph was unhappy with the duo's success, Ben did not let on. He never turned down an opportunity for them to play a show.</p>
<p>When their live recording from Larry's Basement was released, it saw moderate success. Finn was disappointed that it had not done even better, but Rey thought things were moving along at a surprisingly fast pace for a duo that had not existed a year ago.</p>
<p>Traveling with both her husband and her music partner took some getting used to. Ben was largely silent and Finn was not one to sit back and let the conversation drift away from him. Perhaps she could convince Ben to agree to travel with at least one more band member – preferably someone talkative. Rey loved her husband, but being stuck in a car with him for hours at a time when he was in a mood to talk about anything and everything was not how she loved spending time with Finn.</p>
<p>Finn was delighted with the things Rey and Ben were doing onstage together. Rey marveled that Finn did not mind how much they flirted with one another while singing – in fact, he encouraged it. Finn was positive that such a dynamic was exactly what their music needed to create a larger base of fans. He was not at all concerned that their audiences would believe they were a couple.</p>
<p>“You'll deny it in interviews, of course,” Finn said, as the topic came up during one of their long drives to a show. “It's not going to be a secret that you're married to other people. I think it will only add to the speculation and make people go crazy picking apart the lyrics to your music. It will obsess some of them, and that's exactly what we want.”</p>
<p>“It is?” Rey asked skeptically. She wanted to be known for her music, not rumors about an affair with Ben.</p>
<p>“If it gets more people listening to your music, then yes,” said Finn. “Because those people are going to give you more exposure, and people are going to be fascinated by your dynamic as well as your sound and want to book interviews to try and figure the two of you out.”</p>
<p>“I want to be interviewed about the music, not about my relationship with you or Ben,” said Rey.</p>
<p>She glanced at Ben, who did not look pleased with the direction of the conversation.</p>
<p>“Once you get the interview, you control where it goes,” Finn said, as if it was going to be that simple. “You brush off the impertinent questions about your romantic relationships, and just keep reiterating that you formed the duo because of the musical connection you have, which is the truth. Remain professional and adamant that they talk about the music. Show them that what happens onstage is a performance.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm,” Rey hummed, nodding slowly. What Finn didn't know was that for Rey, at least, the stage was not an act. Their performances were quickly becoming the only place she felt she was truly herself. Rey cherished every moment she could outwardly show some of what she felt when their voices met and leave it there when she was done.</p>
<p>“I don't like pretending things are a certain way, when they aren't,” Ben piped up, staring hard at Rey when she looked back at him in the mirror again.</p>
<p>“I understand,” Finn said carefully. “I'm sure Soph isn't thrilled with the situation... but it's working. You two are a better act every time you get up on a stage. Without the stage intimacy, you're just two strangers singing someone else's love songs.”</p>
<p>“Most of them aren't really love songs,” Rey pointed out. “More like heartache songs.”</p>
<p>“Aren't they the same thing most of the time?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>They were all silent for a moment.</p>
<p>“Look, just keep doing what you've been doing,” said Finn. “The audiences love it.”</p>
<p>Rey looked back at Ben again. He was staring out the side window with a somewhat pained expression on his half-turned face. Ben was moody the next evening before their show. He was often moody, but this time it was different. He seemed to have deflated, slouching against a low-slug couch with his guitar on his lap, his usual stoic demeanor replaced by a furrowed brow when he thought no one was watching him.</p>
<p>“You all right?” Rey asked, after mentally debating whether it was wise to say anything before they stepped out to play together.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” he said simply.</p>
<p>“You don't seem yourself tonight,” she prodded.</p>
<p>“Who else would I be?” he asked.</p>
<p>His strange mood did not affect their performance that night, which was a great relief to Rey. Hours later, lying in bed next to a sleeping Finn, Rey wondered if Ben was already reconsidering his part in their duo.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Fly Me to the Moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a few months, things continued as they had been. Ben fluctuated between quiet contentment with their success and bouts of melancholic moodiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was all upended in a single weekend. Finn got a call in the afternoon, on the second Sunday of October. At the last minute, the long-running TV melodrama, <em>Dear Olivia</em>, wanted to use one of their songs in a much-anticipated episode of the series.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In just two day's time, Rey and Ben managed to record a studio version of <em>Curse and Cry</em>. The next afternoon, Finn brought in a couple of old friends willing to help them put together a music video on a moment's notice. By the third day, the recording was released, and by the fourth day, when the show aired, the music video was online.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn, Rey, Rose, Damion, Ben, Soph and their children settled down with plates of food in Finn and Rey's living room the evening the show would air. The music video had been completed and uploaded only an hour earlier. Nobody had seen the finished product yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is everyone ready?” Rose asked impatiently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Soph's not here,” Rey remarked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She'll be right back,” said Ben apologetically. “She took Aaron to the toilet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben's two older girls sat quietly beside him on the couch, staring expectantly at Finn's laptop screen, where the video waited to be played. The thumbnail showed Rey sitting at a piano, looking forlorn. Ben was a blurry figure in the background holding a guitar.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Daddy, is that you?” whispered the younger girl, Lydia. She was a small, wiry little girl with white-blonde hair that fell in wispy ringlets.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yep, that's me,” he said, following his daughter's pointing finger to stare at the laptop on the coffee table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The older girl, Elise, seemed to have inherited her father's genes and personality. She sat with her arms crossed, looking bored by all the fuss. Soph returned a few minutes later with Ava in her arms and Aaron running in front of her. She sat down beside the rest of her family, and Aaron elbowed his way onto her lap with Ava.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, we're ready,” Soph said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn's finger hovered over the laptop's trackpad tantalizingly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Push the button, Finn!” said Rose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He played the video and the first bars of quiet but urgent piano chords floated into the room. Rey could not help sneaking glances at Ben's family as they watched. The children seemed transfixed as the video cut between shots of Rey singing at her piano and Ben pacing anxiously as he strummed his guitar on the front porch. The video had been shot in their home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a good video, and the recording was as perfect as Rey could imagine. The emotional build continued until the very end, when it dropped off to a soft echo of the last lines of the chorus. The video, which portrayed Rey and Ben as estranged lovers wandering in and out of the same house, suddenly cut to a shot of them standing face-to-face, their mouths dangerously close to touching as they passionately cried the last lines of the song.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey felt heat rise to her face. That scene was not supposed to be in the final cut. Apparently, the video editor had decided otherwise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey's eyes flicked to her husband, who was solemnly watching the video fade to black along with the fading music. During that final shot, Finn had been standing a few feet away directing them to inch closer and closer together as they sang. Ben's expression had grown harder in annoyance with every directive, but it only added to the heart-wrenching ache of the song.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I can't love you / Forever I feel / I can't love you  / Forever I will</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The original idea was for Rey to sit on a stool in profile in front of the sheer-curtained windows of the living room in the late afternoon light. Ben was supposed to stand by her, opposite the camera, and lean around to sing to her unresponsive, unblinking face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, Finn and the man directing the shoot, Phil, told Ben to put down his guitar and stand with his back to the window. The high bar stool on which Rey sat erased their height difference. They began singing from those positions, with Rey sitting statue-like, staring straight past Ben and out of the window. Phil had suddenly instructed Ben to move closer to Rey, then even closer, then to take one more step forward and sing looking into her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey held her breath as she watched the video and waited to see the moment Phil had commanded, “Look at him, Rey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The shift in her eyes and the softening of her face as she finally looked at Ben was breathtaking. Ben's expression softened as well, as their voices broke into near-whispers. There was silence in the living room after the video ended. Then, a small, childish voice spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Daddy, were you trying to kiss that lady?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lydia looked at Rey with wide, dark brown eyes. A long, tense pause followed, which was broken by Ben saying, “No, Lydia. Daddy was only pretending for the movie – like when you play pretend and dress up at home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh... okay,” said Lydia, thoughtfully. “But Daddy...um... when I play pretend that I'm a princess? It's because I really wish I could be a princess one day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soph looked as if she was holding onto her composure by a thread. The whole room waited with baited breath for Ben to respond.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lyddie, baby, the only person Daddy wants to kiss is your momma, you understand?” Ben said. “That lady is Rey, and she was pretending for the movie, too. You see that man over there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lydia nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's Rey's husband, Finn,” said Ben. “They're married just like Mommy and Daddy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” said Lydia, looking shyly at Finn, who was smiling at her. “But Daddy – ”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That's enough, Lydia Jane,” said Soph firmly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lydia fell back against her mother and crossed her arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The video was gorgeous,” Rose said after a moment. “I can't wait to see the episode. Is it time, yet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Eight minutes,” Finn said, checking his watch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can only watch a few minutes before we'll have to get going,” said Soph in a clipped tone. “It's a school night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mom!” said Elise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ellie, we'll watch it online tomorrow,” said Soph.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ugh! That's not fair! It's not <em>my</em> bedtime!” Elise protested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Elise,” Ben cautioned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine,” Elise said, getting up and walking out of the room. “I don't even like that stupid show anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soph sighed and said, “Well, I think we should get these kids home. Thank you for having us, Rey, Finn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben stood and picked up Ava, who was attempting to climb on the arm of the couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See you Saturday,” he said to Rey, wincing as Ava wriggled in his arms and pulled his hair in an attempt to get his attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Daaaa-ddy!” she said. “Kiss ME!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben puckered his lips dramatically and his daughter squished his cheeks together, giggling, before she offered her cheek to him for a kiss. He gave her a loud smooch, which made her shriek and giggle some more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soph scooped up Aaron and smiled faintly at her youngest daughter's antics.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ready?” she asked Ben, who nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bye, folks,” he said, giving them a brief wave with his free hand. “Enjoy the show.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They all wished him goodnight, and Finn turned on the TV as Soph led the way out of the living room, calling for Elise to come get in the car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the intro music played for the show, Rey heard the front door shut firmly. Ben drove his family home for the evening, and the rest of the party watched the episode that promised to push Olivia and Gavin's rocky relationship to the breaking point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, with only six minutes left in the show, the pivotal scene – in which the song was played in its entirety – brought a secret lover from a past season into the plot unexpectedly. The scene featured a montage of previously unseen extended footage, and ended with Olivia refusing the lover's advances and going home to Gavin to make up after an argument. The lover went back to the bar and drank the night away, after which she walked home alone, stumbled into the street at the wrong moment, and was fatally hit by a car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose was crying openly over her empty wine glass by the end of the show. Damion put his arm around her and patted her back lightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That was so... SAD,” Rose wailed. “I don't even watch this show. I have no idea who that was, because they didn't even say her name! God, that song was perfect – that's the real reason I'm crying.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey laughed and nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think it's best the kids weren't here to see it,” Rey said. “That was intense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excuse me, I need a tissue.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose got up and went down the hall to the bathroom. Damion shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She hates crying,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose returned and said, “That's better. God, I'm weak!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She heaved herself down on the love seat with Damion again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey, can I just say that you and Ben have some nerve? Looking at one another like that in a music video with your spouses sitting beside you watching! Finn, did you know about it?” Rose asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finn's the one who made us do that scene,” Rey said, giving Finn a stern look. “And he promised us it would be scrapped!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose made a small sound of surprise and turned to look dramatically at Finn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?” she asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn held up his hands and said, “It was too good to cut. Phil was adamant that it stay in, and I agreed. We didn't have time to convince you and Ben to come around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben didn't want it in for good reason!” Rey exclaimed. “Imagine being Soph, and seeing that video after your husband has spent nearly every weekend away from home for the past two months. She must feel like she's being erased. Unless they know our history or watch our interviews, people are going to assume we're married. She won't exist in his public life, not while the kids are young, at least.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose's eyebrows shot up and she looked from Rey to Finn again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey, fans of the show are going to eat that video up. It will be an overnight sensation, and so will Second Song.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you're right,” said Rey. “But not warning him before he came over here with his family was a dick move.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose gasped and covered her mouth in surprise. Rey knew it was because she'd rarely heard anything resembling a swear word come from Rey's lips before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission,” he said, shrugging.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben isn't a forgiving sort of person,” Rey said, giving Finn a serious look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bet he'll be in a more forgiving mood after he sees this,” Finn said, walking over to the laptop and waking up the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn refreshed the page for their video and pushed the laptop toward Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god,” she breathed. “It's already at a quarter of a million views?! The show just ended!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fans are going to be playing your song on repeat for the next week,” Finn said confidently. “And part of the reason for their obsession is going to be the scene at the end.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey could see Rose nodding slightly to herself as she stared at the laptop screen. Damion was speechless in shock.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn spread his arms and said, “It's happening, babe!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey allowed herself to grin, putting aside her annoyance with her husband and her fear that Soph was now dead-set on breaking up the duo. Finn pulled her up off the couch and into an embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey kissed her husband and heard Rose say, “Wooooo! Congrats, Rey! Now, get a room, you two!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey rested her head on Finn's shoulder and looked at Rose, her arms still wrapped around Finn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks for coming over tonight,” Rey said, smiling warmly at her friend, who was curled into Damion's side on the love seat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that our cue to leave?” Rose said, winking at Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>About fifteen minutes later, Rose and Damion said their final goodbyes and left together. Finn closed the door behind them and turned to sweep Rey into another embrace. This time he began dancing her down the hallway, singing an impromptu off-key waltz:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You're gonna be famous – angel voice woman – writing your own songs now – so famous – so famous!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey giggled and let Finn dance her to the bedroom, where he stopped suddenly and pulled her face to his, planting a slow, deep kiss on her lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Rey waited for an angry text from Ben about the video that never came. Ben did not contact her at all before their show Saturday night, back at Larry's Basement. When Ben arrived, he was alone. Soph was supposed to be in the audience this time around at Larry's, but when Rey asked if his wife was coming, Ben only grunted and shook his head. He didn't speak until after they warmed up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I watched the show with Elise the other day,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh? Did she like it?” asked Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She was bawlin' by the end,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did she think of the music video?” asked Rey, looking at him carefully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed heavily and said, “She wants to be an actress now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, lord,” said Rey, surprising herself with a country accent. “Has she done any acting before?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“School plays,” Ben said. “She never took them seriously, though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A silence grew between them, filled only by the din of the patrons in the bar on the other side of the stage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben, I didn't know about the video. I was just as surprised as you to see that last part wasn't taken out,” Rey blurted out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tilted his head slightly and looked at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?” she asked. “How?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finn called me yesterday and apologized. He mentioned you were upset about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Weren't you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It wasn't a pleasant surprise,” Ben allowed. “But it wasn't my husband who kept it from me when he had plenty of opportunity to tell me. I reckon I'll get over quicker than you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I'm fine,” Rey said quickly. “But... you aren't angry?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben shrugged and sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm not happy about my kids seeing it, or Soph seeing it without knowin' what to expect. It's a damn good video, though, especially for the quick turnaround,” he said, sounding defeated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you looked at the views it's gotten since Thursday?” Rey asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Last I checked, it was some unimaginably high number,” he said, smiling a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Downloads of the song are just as high, too,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So Finn tells me,” Ben said, nodding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben! How are you not more excited about this?” Rey asked suddenly, rapping the back of her hand on his upper arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is me being excited,” he said, chuckling a little. “I am. Truly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Perhaps it was the sudden relief she felt after their conversation, but Rey felt more comfortable than she normally did at the start of a performance. Ben mirrored her relaxed mood, and they took their time with the music that night, adding more improvised interludes than usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they got to <em>Curse and Cry</em>, Rey seated herself at the keyboard, which was crammed into the far side of the stage. Ben looked at the audience as Rey began playing the first chords of the song, and then scooted his mic stand closer to the keyboard. A whoop followed by cheering drowned out the music for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben spent most of the song looking at Rey. When they finally prepared to sing the last repeats of the chorus, he left his mic and stepped up to the keyboard. As the guitar dropped out, he leaned forward in the exact motion of someone aiming for a kiss and sang into the side of Rey's mic. The last two echoed lines of the song were inaudible beneath the cheers and whistles of the crowd.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey could not help laughing. Ben grinned back at her. Who would have guessed Ben could be such a showman?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Second Song continued to tour successfully through the end of the year and throughout the next, growing exponentially in popularity as their music was praised by artists such as Skylar Short and Ada. Their success as a touring duo was so meteoric that they did not get into the studio to record an album until the following January, nearly a year and a half later. Poe claimed he had all but given up on them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The whirlwind of life on the road was draining for Rey, but Finn thrived on it. The farther they traveled for shows, the happier Finn seemed to be. During their down time, Ben regularly took his phone and disappeared on long walks by himself. Sometimes when he returned he was still talking to one of his kids, listening to a long-winded story about concerts and plays he could not attend, asking questions about childhood friends and teachers he had not met.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The best moments of life on tour were the in-between times with Ben – waiting to start a show, sitting in a room waiting to be called in for an interview, listening to music together for inspiration, and inevitably keeping one another company when Finn took a phone call during a meal and wandered off to pace outside of the restaurant as he talked loudly and animatedly. Before and after shows Ben seemed to be the most honest version of himself. Anticipating a show never failed to put him in a better mood. At least, until the day it didn't.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Coming off a stint across the southern states, they had a couple of shows in Nashville. As soon as they began the journey north, Ben's mood tanked. He sat in stony silence right up until they walked on stage. Thankfully, he snapped out of it once he was in front of an audience. When the shows were over, his mood returned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey lay awake into the wee hours of the morning after one of their shows, wondering if this was the beginning of the end for Second Song. As if on cue with her thoughts, Rey's phone lit up the dark room with a message from Ben:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The two of us need to talk. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sat up slowly and tiptoed to the bathroom, where she pulled on her robe and sat on the closed toilet, typing her reply:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'm up. Let's talk.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey crept out of the hotel room and walked across the hall to Ben' room. She knocked lightly on the door. A few seconds later, Ben pulled it open a crack and stared at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey. Can I come in?” Rey asked, hugging herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey's robe was a long and made of thick, cozy black cotton that nearly reached her ankles, but she felt exposed standing in the dimly lit hotel hallway. Ben pulled the door open further and stood back to allow her inside. He was still wearing his black pants from the show that night, and an undershirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What's on your mind?” Rey asked, shutting the door gently behind her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben did not reply, but poured some whiskey over a glass of ice. He sat down on the bed and gestured for Rey to take the oversized chair in the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We need to get into the studio and record something,” he said, after Rey sat down. “I'm done touring for a while. I haven't seen my kids for more than a few hours at at time in months.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” Rey said. “It's hard on you and Soph and this happened so fast. I never imagined we'd be touring so soon. I've told Finn we need to slow down at some point to catch our breath.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, he didn't get the message,” Ben said, sipping his whiskey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finn knows this business,” Rey said. “He says we have to use the momentum we have right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben sighed and fidgeted into a more comfortable position, leaning back against the pillows piled up at the headboard of his bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Soph's parents are going to be in town when we get to Nashville,” he said. “Apparently she asked them to come help her out a few weeks ago. She just told me. Her mother convinced her to go to therapy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey said softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's not a real therapist,” Ben said tiredly. “It's some religious group. It'll probably do more harm than good, if you ask me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So that's what's been wrong with you this week,” Rey said. “You've got all that to sort out when we get to Nashville.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yep, and no time to do it,” said Ben.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” said Rey. “Maybe we can cancel the Ohio shows.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Ben shook his head. “Cancelling shows is a death sentence for a new band.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmmm,” Rey hummed, thinking he was right. “We'll just tell Finn not to book anything else for next year, and this winter we'll get our first album out. I hate that we've waited this long.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben silently raised his glass to his lips once more, staring moodily at the opposite wall, where a dark abstract painting spattered with turquoise and gold flecks hung.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Soph wants me to go to counseling with her,” he said after a while.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey said once more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told her I'm not going to some religious nut,” he said. “She didn't like that too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I'd imagine not,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't think we need a counselor,” Ben said. “What we need is to live under the same roof. What we need is for our kids to have two parents again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stared at him sadly. She had no advice for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your kids will understand when they're older,” she finally said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe they will,” he said, staring into his empty glass. “Doesn't matter if they understand. I'm still an absent father, just like my old man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben, you're not an absent father. I hear you talking to them all the time,” Rey said. “They know you love them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's not the same as being there,” he said. “I know that better than anyone. Both my parents were in and out of my life as a kid. Dad left, and then he was in and out of prison. You can't just say you love a kid – you have to be there to do it in person. That's what counts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, but you aren't your parents, Ben,” said Rey. “You can't compare being on tour to your father leaving your mother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In the end, I don't see much of a difference,” Ben insisted. “I'll be a stranger to the little ones when I get back. A phone call to a four-year-old doesn't amount to much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We'll give you time to reconnect with your family. I'll tell Finn it's non-negotiable. Is there anything I can do in the meantime?” asked Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What could you do?” asked Ben, getting up. “You want a drink?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sighed and said, “Sure. Maybe it will help me sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A minute later, he handed her a glass and returned to his spot on the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You been having trouble with that?” Ben asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Rey said, sipping her drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I never sleep much,” Ben said. “Late to bed, early to rise – best time to write.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you regret agreeing to this?” Rey asked after they'd sat for a while in the silence of the dark room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” he said, after a long pause. “I've never been happier with the music I'm making.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me either,” said Rey. “I'm exhausted, though. And I worry about you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben shifted to look at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It makes me feel terrible, actually,” Rey said. “Because there's nowhere I'd rather be than on this tour with you, even though I see how it's tearing you up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't have agreed to it. I knew it this would be this way and I chose to do it anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You thought you could make it work,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All I thought was that my career deserved one last chance,” said Ben. “It was a purely selfish decision. I don't regret it. A better man would.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're a good man, Ben,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I could be better,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Couldn't we all?” Rey asked. “You're doing the best you can. Don't be so hard on yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben grunted and finished his drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You better get back to your husband,” Ben said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finn's been asleep for hours,” Rey said. “He's got earplugs in right now, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? Because you snore?” Ben asked, smirking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No! He says the noise of the city keeps him awake,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, right,” Ben teased her. “Does he say that at home, too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't snore! Have you ever heard me when I fall asleep in the car?” she asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well...” Ben said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, do I really?” Rey asked suspiciously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only when you've been out for a while,” Ben said, grinning at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can't believe Finn never told me!” Rey said. “Are you making this up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cross my heart,” he said. “Honest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that's embarrassing,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, everyone snores sometimes,” Ben said, smirking again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stood up and Ben followed her to the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'll talk to Finn in the morning,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We should do it together,” Ben said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All right,” said Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All right,” Ben agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodnight,” Rey said, backing out of the doorway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“'Night,” he muttered, disappearing behind the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey went back to her own room as quietly as possible. She felt properly tired at last, and put down the empty glass in her hand by the clock on the nightstand before falling into bed and drifting off as soon as she closed her eyes. Finn woke up long before Rey the next morning, but let her sleep in before they checked out of the hotel. Rey woke to the sound of Finn hastily silencing his phone ringer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning, sunshine,” he greeted her as she blearily opened her eyes and stretched. “Ready to get out of here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm,” she murmured, closing her eyes again and hugging her pillow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not to rush you, but we do have to check out in an hour,” Finn said. “I assume you might want a shower?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yessss....” Rey sighed. “I'm getting up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you get up a few times last night?” Finn asked curiously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said, sitting up and following Finn's eyes to the glass on the nightstand with the remnants of her melted ice at the bottom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I couldn't sleep,” Rey said, yawning. “Then, I was thirsty. Then I had to pee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry dear,” Finn said affectionately. “I hate it when you lose sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey showered quickly and packed up her belongings by ten-thirty. Finn was watching TV, flipping between channels every few minutes to skip the commercials.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, honey,” Rey said, sitting down on the bed by his feet, facing him. “Ben and I want to talk to you about the tour today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about it?” Finn asked, changing the channel once more before looking at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's time to wrap up the shows for a while,” Rey said. “We need to get into the studio and work on our album, and Ben needs a chance to spend time with his family.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He agreed to tour for as long as this first wind of your career would let us,” Finn said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Finn, it's not just Ben. I need a break, too, and I want to record our music,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A record is time and money we're spending, not making like we are now, very successfully, just off of a few singles and a live recording,” said Finn. “We should wait as long as possible to go into the studio. That will also give the two of you time to write a few new songs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” said Rey. “Finn, sometimes you forget that we're doing this because we love the music, and that all that comes with touring other than being on a stage is a burden. You enjoy the rush of it all, and then you get to sit in the audience and see the results of your efforts while we pour our hearts into a performance. You've been riding a high this whole time, but you have to understand that for me – and for Ben – this extended tour is a drain on our ability to put energy and creativity into our work. If we want to do this for the long haul, we have to take care of ourselves and take a break.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn turned off the TV and nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” he said. “We'll grab a bite to eat and talk it over with Ben before we get on the road today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They went down to the lobby to find Ben waiting for them. Most likely, he'd already been on an early morning walk through the streets near the hotel. After they had reached an agreement to break for at least six months after their Ohio shows, and work on an album, Ben did not speak again. He sat wearing his headphones, listening to music with his eyes closed for most of the trip, until it was his turn to drive. They arrived in Nashville late that evening. When they reached their home, Soph was waiting for them in the driveway. She was alone in the car. As soon as they rolled to a stop beside her vehicle, she jumped out of the car. Ben got out and went to wrap his arms around her. Rey and Finn remained seated and tried not to stare at the couple as they held each other tightly. Rey noticed that Soph was crying when she finally pulled away and looked up at her husband. Ben rubbed her arms as she said something to him, then kissed Soph softly on the lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their first show in Nashville was that Friday night at one of the city's up-and-coming bars, The Lucky Boot. It was known for featuring indie music acts in a variety of genres. It was the first time Soph would be in their audience in nearly a year.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey tried to call Ben Thursday morning but he did not answer. She left him a voicemail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, Ben. I was wondering if you wanted to put <em>Haunt Me</em> into the set tonight. I think it would be a nice one to end on. I hope you and your family are doing well. Take care,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben did not respond until he met her before the show on Friday night. He led Soph and her parents to their reserved seats, ordered a drink, then meandered over to where Rey and Finn stood chatting with the sound guys by the stage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We should put it in,” he said abruptly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn looked at Rey as if waiting for an explanation of Ben' statement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great,” she said. “Ah – do you want to go warm up with that one in ten?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said. “Be right back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He went back to Soph and finished his drink while sitting with her and his in-laws.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you putting in tonight?” Finn asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Haunt Me</em>,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn nodded and said, “Good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben and Rey went backstage to run through the cover song. Ben had come up with a brilliant guitar part for it, and Rey would also be on the piano. Rey got chills as they practiced it, even just singing lightly in half-voices.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god, I just love it,” Rey said, smiling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben nodded soberly and tapped his guitar as if still playing through the chords in his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, you okay?” Rey asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben seemed distracted, which was unusual for him before a show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A suspicion quickly grew in Rey's mind, as they stepped on stage and began the show. Ben was not okay, and having Soph in the audience meant he couldn't leave it backstage and lose himself in the music. He hit all the right notes, and not once did his guitar falter, but his heart wasn't in it that evening. It was the first time Rey had ever felt disconnected from him while they sang. Ben seemed to find it difficult to even look at Rey that evening. He spent most of the night peering out over the crowd, strumming his guitar with robotic precision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey tried to make up for his lack of enthusiasm by talking more frequently between songs, telling little stories about how Second Song got its start, and attempting to catch Ben's eye as often as possible. When they took a break, Rey paced back and forth, debating whether to confront him before going back on stage. Finn was going to be furious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stole a look at Ben, who was downing a glass of water like it was his job. No, she decided. It would only make things worse if they argued before going back out to their audience. She would try a different tactic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” she asked gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine,” he said, between gulps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm not feeling this venue as much as I thought I would,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben shrugged and said, “I like it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey fought the urge to roll her eyes at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You want to pull your mic a little closer to the piano for <em>Haunt Me</em>?” she asked. “It's such an intimate song – and it will help me stay with you on those chord changes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure,” he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey gave up on talking him out of his mood and fell silent. The rest of the show went on as the first half did, with Ben going through the motions and Rey attempting to pull him into the moment of the music with her. When it was time to sing the new cover. Ben obediently pulled his mic closer to Rey at the piano and sat down on the stool provided, which he rarely used.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This next one is a new song,” said Rey. “It's a cover we've never played on stage before, so you heard it here first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A cheer went up and quickly died as Ben began his guitar riffs at the start of the song. He began singing with a hard look on his face:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Haunt me  / </em>
  <em>In my dreams /  </em>
  <em>If you please  / </em>
  <em>Your breath is with me now and always  /  </em>
  <em>It's like a breeze </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey joined in, singing with her most haunting, airy tone:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>So should you ever doubt me / If it's help that you need / Never dare to doubt me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something magical happened in the space between Rey's lines and Ben' next breath. He finally relaxed the expression on his face, and looked at her for more than a few seconds at a time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And if you want to sleep / </em>
  <em>I'll be quiet</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sang to him without breaking eye contact, her fingers gliding blissfully over the piano keys in relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Like an angel / </em>
  <em>As quiet as your soul could be / </em>
  <em>If you only knew  / </em>
  <em>You had a friend like me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They ended the song by singing “haunt me” in soft harmony a few times. Loud cheering exploded in the bar after a few moments of reverent silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as they got into the car to drive home, Finn said, “What happened up there tonight?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said. “Things are rough with Soph. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable doing our normal act in front of her parents.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Either he's going to have to get over it, or Soph's going to have to stay away from your shows,” said Finn, shaking his head. “The two of you have never been so boring to watch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was doing my best to carry it,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, I saw that,” Finn said. “Unfortunately, with just the two of you on the stage if Ben checks out for the night there's no saving the performance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The response was positive,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, sure – the music was still good,” said Finn. “But they might as well have been listening to the songs at home for all Ben added to the show. Thank god he finally snapped out of it on the last song.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey felt her phone buzz in her purse and pulled it out to look at the screen. She had a message from Rose, who was still at the bar with Damion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Did you sleep with Ben or something?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey scowled at the screen and typed back, <em>No! Why would you ask me that??!</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Sorry, it was a joke! Just wondering why he wouldn't look at you tonight. What's going on?</em> Rose replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I have no idea. He was in one of his moods,</em> Rey responded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rose had a flair for the dramatic, but Rey did not appreciate jokes about her relationship with Ben. It was bad enough that their fans and every radio host they met speculated on the topic openly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Wife troubles???</em> Rose replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Dunno</em>, Rey typed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Same Old Song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finn called Poe and arranged a meeting with Second Song before their next Nashville show – a low-key gig that Rey anticipated greatly. She preferred smaller, intimate shows. They would also play at a larger venue that Saturday.</p>
<p>“We need to talk to Ben about what happened at the last show,” Finn said. “Have you heard anything from him?”</p>
<p>She shook her head.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” she said.</p>
<p>“We agreed he'd have plenty of time for family when we finish the tour,” Finn said. “We're not finished yet.”</p>
<p>“Finn, it's going to be okay,” Rey said calmly. “One performance isn't going to break us.”</p>
<p>“It could,” Finn snapped.</p>
<p>“We'll talk to him,” Rey said. “Let's do it after we meet with Poe. He'll be in a better mood once we set some dates aside to work in the studio.”</p>
<p>Ben was already waiting for them in the studio when they arrived. Poe appeared to be holding him hostage in his office with bright conversation.</p>
<p>“Finally, we're all reunited!” Poe said, giving them quick hugs. “It's great to see you again, Rey.”</p>
<p>“You, too, Poe,” Rey said, taking a seat.</p>
<p>They hammered out a schedule for their first album. They would return to the studio in January to record, just after the holidays.</p>
<p>“With just the two of you providing all of the sound, I imagine we'll have the thing released by February,” Poe said.</p>
<p>Poe gave Finn a quick look that Rey almost missed. He cleared his throat and focused his attention on Ben.</p>
<p>“Now, Ben, I have an idea, and I want you to wait at least a few days before you shoot it down. I know what you're going to say today,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“Poe...” Ben said, beginning to shake his head.</p>
<p>“Bill Bickley is a fan of your music,” Poe said. “I propose we get him out of retirement and into the studio for a couple of the songs on the album.”</p>
<p>“Did Finn put you up to this?” Ben asked, turning to give Finn a suspicious look.</p>
<p>“No!” Poe said. “Bickley called me to ask how I'd let you get away from me without recording anything, and said he'd heard your new work and loves it. He's a legend, Ben.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and looked down at his feet, humming a short, “Mmmhmm.”</p>
<p>Rey could see the tension rolling off of Finn as he held back from adding his thoughts to the matter.</p>
<p>“Just think about it and get back to me. Imagine his work on the drums as you play through your sets this week. He's got an ear for subtlety. If any percussionist can match your sound, it's Bill Bickley. It would add a lot to your album and it would give you more freedom to trim down the guitar accompaniment as the spirit leads,” Poe said, with heartfelt conviction.</p>
<p>“I'll think on it,” Ben said at last. “I always did like working with Bill.”</p>
<p>“Don't give me an answer today,” Poe said hastily. “Take some time to consider it.”</p>
<p>“All right,” said Ben.</p>
<p>Rey left Space Man Records feeling good about the future.</p>
<p>“Want to grab lunch with us?” she asked Ben as they walked out of the studio.</p>
<p>“Ah... yeah, okay,” Ben said. “Something quick.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Rey. “Lou's?”</p>
<p>They met at the lunch counter. Once they had their food, Finn got right down to business.</p>
<p>“Ben, I've been trying to figure out what happened during last Friday's performance. It was like invasion of the bodysnatchers. Where did your personality go?”</p>
<p>Ben put his sandwich down before he'd taken a single bite.</p>
<p>“I just had a bad day, man,” Finn said tersely. “Shit happens.”</p>
<p>“No,” said Finn irritably. “Shit like that can't happen. Whatever's going on in your personal life can't affect you on stage.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded curtly, his face stony.</p>
<p>“It won't,” he said.</p>
<p>Finn picked up his own sandwich and began eating. The rest of the meal was silent. Early the next morning before the sun was up, Rey sent Ben a message.</p>
<p>
  <em>Want to talk about it? </em>
</p>
<p>Her phone rang a few minutes later. Rey wrapped a warm blanket around her shoulders and quietly let herself outside onto the front porch as she answered the call.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, settling into the lounge chair in the corner of the porch. Cold morning air punched her lungs when she took a breath.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said, and Rey imagined he was sitting alone in his sun room with his guitar.</p>
<p>“You weren't fine the other night,” she said softly.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry I ruined the show,” he said. “It was not my intention.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to be able to do the rest of the tour?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Of course,” he said. “It'll be easier than being here right now.”</p>
<p>“What's going on?” Rey asked, not expecting him to tell her.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he sighed. “What's not?”</p>
<p>His voice sounded shaky.</p>
<p>“You don't have to explain anything to me,” Rey said quickly. He sighed and went quiet for a while.</p>
<p>“The kids won't stop talking to me, and her parents have yet to start,” he said.</p>
<p>“And Soph?” Rey asked quietly.</p>
<p>“Don't ask me about Soph,” he pleaded, and Rey nearly began to cry at the sound of his voice. She waited for him to say anything else.</p>
<p>“I apologize for leaving you hanging like that on stage,” Ben said. “It won't happen again.” <br/><br/>“It's okay, Ben,” she said.</p>
<p>“I'm going to let you go,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay. Goodbye,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Bye.”</p>
<p>He hung up and Rey looked at the blinking end-of-call information on the screen of her phone. Two minutes and seven seconds. There was no trace of anguish or depression in Ben's demeanor the night of their next show. He chatted pleasantly with the owner of the bar. Standing in the narrow hall behind the stage with Rey as they waited to go on, he strummed his guitar absently with a relaxed expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Things any better for you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He looked at her and then shook his head.</p>
<p>“Doesn't matter right now,” he said.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben performed brilliantly that evening. The smaller venue made it easy to create an intimate experience for the audience, and Ben made it easy for Rey to be transported out of her body and into the space between them, where their voices met. They stood so close together on the modest corner stage that they bumped elbows a few times.</p>
<p>After the show, Rey, Ben, and Finn walked through the crowd, meeting new fans as well as Nashville natives who had been following them since their debut. Uncharacteristically, Ben stayed late after the show that night. The three of them walked out together just a few minutes before the bar closed.</p>
<p>“If you two perform like that for the rest of the tour, you'll have every audience that hears you eating out of your hands,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“I felt great up there tonight,” said Rey, looking at Ben.</p>
<p>“I'm ready to get into the studio,” he said, giving her small smile that did not reach his eyes. Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“Where did you park?” Rey asked, as Ben slowed and fell behind them at the end of the block.</p>
<p>He jerked his head to the left and said, “Couple of blocks that way.”</p>
<p>“We're just over there,” said Rey, nodding to the right. “Come on, we'll drive you to your car.”</p>
<p>“Nah, I'd rather walk,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey reluctantly said goodbye and watched him take off in the opposite direction as she and Finn got into their car.</p>
<p>“Well, tonight settles it,” said Finn, before they drove away. “Soph can't come to your shows if we want Ben to act like he enjoys being onstage.”</p>
<p>“Finn,” Rey said disapprovingly.</p>
<p>“Is he still thinking of moving the family back to South Carolina to live with the in-laws?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well, he should,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“His in-laws are living with them right now,” Rey revealed. “They have been for a while.”</p>
<p>“Really? Well, that explains a lot,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“He says they helped raise him, actually,” said Rey. “I get the impression they were close.”</p>
<p>“Not anymore, they aren't,” Finn said grimly.</p>
<p>The next show was flawless. Ben seemed to have found a way to leave his family troubles at home. Finn was satisfied and Rey was relieved, but she was also concerned about what Ben might be hiding from them for sake of the music. One day the facade might suddenly crumble.</p>
<p>It seemed that Rey was the only person outside of Ben' family who knew about Soph's devout beliefs. Soph's conversion to born-again christianity was far more worrying than the assumptions Finn and Rose made about her – namely that Soph was jealous and bitter.</p>
<p>Rey knew very well that if Soph believed god was 'convicting her heart' on the matter, Soph would not hesitate to pile on to the guilt Ben already felt about leaving his young children for long stints on the road. Instead of making the best of the situation, Soph would do everything in her power to bring him home again. If that meant using the children against him, that's what she would likely do.</p>
<p>As they prepared to leave for Ohio, Ben went no-contact once again. Voicemails and messages from Finn and Rey went unanswered until the day before they were supposed to get back on the road.</p>
<p>Ben finally returned one of Rey's calls one night when Rose and Damion came over for dinner. Rey and Rose sat together in the living room while the men prepared what promised to be a gourmet meal.</p>
<p>Rey's phone began buzzing urgently against the coffee table.</p>
<p>“It's Ben,” Rey said. “Sorry, I need to answer this – he hasn't picked up the phone all week.”</p>
<p>Rose nodded and Rey tapped the screen to pick up the call.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben,” she said. “I was beginning to think you fell off the face of the earth!”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said. “We took the kids out of school for a few days and rented a cabin in the mountains. No cell service.”</p>
<p>“Ah, I see,” Rey said. “Sounds like it was a nice time.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ben said, unconvincingly.</p>
<p>“So, Finn wanted to know if you need a ride to the airport, or if Soph wants to see you off,” said Rey. “Damion is going to get up early and pick us up here.”</p>
<p>“That's nice of him,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it is,” Rey agreed. “So... do you want to come over here and ride together?”</p>
<p>They were flying to Cleveland, and would then make the drive back, stopping for shows in Columbus, Cincinnati, and finally Louisville, Kentucky, as they made their way home. Ben had insisted on the flight out, saying it would give him more time with his family.</p>
<p>“Ah... yeah, that'd be fine,” Ben said. “Be there by five-thirty?”</p>
<p>“Yep. Great,” said Rey. “See you then.”</p>
<p>“All right. 'Bye,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rose looked curiously at Rey and asked, “So, where was he?”</p>
<p>“With his family in a cabin somewhere on a mountain without cell service, apparently,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Ah,” Rose said, nodding.</p>
<p>“I wonder if the in-laws went, too,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Hmmm...” murmured Rose. “If I was Soph, I would've left the kids with the grandparents and taken that man out into the wilderness all by myself to make up for lost time.”</p>
<p>“Rose!” Rey exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Look, nobody can deny that Soph has herself a good-looking man,” said Rose, grinning at the face of discomfort Rey made at her words. “She must really miss him when he's away from home.”</p>
<p>“Please, stop,” Rey said, shaking her head and covering her eyes with one hand.</p>
<p>“Fine, I'm done,” Rose said, laughing. “You don't know how lucky you are, Rey, getting to take your husband on the road with you. Thank god you and Finn don't have kids to worry about.”</p>
<p>“I know I'm lucky,” said Rey. “I see how much Ben is struggling to be away so often. I'm glad that it's not me.”</p>
<p>“His kids are adorable, but I can't figure out why they had so many of them when he was hoping for a career on the road,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“I'm pretty sure nobody plans on having twins, Rose,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Well, yes, but even three kids is a lot,” said Rose. “Once they outnumber the adults it's a whole different ballgame.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “You're probably right.”</p>
<p>“I know I am,” Rose said. “Two is the limit if you want to remain halfway sane.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed again and said, “Wisdom from Rose Tico. Careful, or people will start accusing you of hating children!”</p>
<p>“I love teaching kids,” Rose said. “I doubt I'll ever have one of my own. I used to think, 'maybe when I'm older I'll want one' but I keep getting older and it hasn't happened yet.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and peered at her friend. This was something she'd never shared before. Their conversations rarely touched on such things, typically staying on the subjects of music, food, work, and Rose's relationship woes. Perhaps Damion was the cause of Rose's new musings on parenthood.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Rose asked suddenly. Then, she sighed and shook her head.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Rey. Ignore me. I hate it when people ask me about having kids,” she said.</p>
<p>“It's okay,” Rey said. “I've always thought I'd have a child one day. Not anytime soon, though. Especially now.”</p>
<p>Rose nodded and said, “Just remember, Rey. Two is the limit!”</p>
<p>They were called into the kitchen by the men, and followed the mouth-watering smells in the hallway to find plates of food awaiting them in the dining room.</p>
<p>“I approve of this division of labor,” Rose said, looking hungrily at her plate. “These men of ours can cook, Rey! Look at this! Amazing.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed at the affronted looks on Finn and Damion's faces, exaggerated for Rose's benefit.</p>
<p>“Is that all we are to you?” Damion asked. “Your personal chefs?”</p>
<p>“Well, not all you are, but I do appreciate that particular perk of the relationship,” Rose said, winking at Damion.</p>
<p>“Oh, I see how it is!” he exclaimed, sitting down beside her with a grin on his face. The teasing quickly abated as they ate.</p>
<p>“Oh, Finn, Ben just called me back. He's going to meet us here to ride to the airport,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“What's he been doing that he couldn't return a call?” Finn asked, before putting a forkful of food in his mouth.</p>
<p>“Vacationing with his family in the mountains, he said,” Rey replied.</p>
<p>“You don't believe him?” asked Damion.</p>
<p>“I don't have any reason not to believe him,” Rey said, shrugging. “It would have been nice to know that he'd be off the grid for nearly a week right before we leave.”</p>
<p>“As long as he show up when he's supposed to and keeps putting on good shows I don't care how he spends his free time,” Finn said.</p>
<p>The morning of their departure Rey zipped up her suitcase after triple-checking what was inside. The doorbell rang. Finn was busy shaving, so Rey wandered to the front door as she pulled on a cardigan, and opened it to find Ben standing on the other side, looking sleep-deprived.</p>
<p>“Morning,” she said. “No offense, but you look rough. Need some coffee?”</p>
<p>He chuckled and stepped inside, leaving his bags on the porch.</p>
<p>“I'll take some if you have it made,” he said.</p>
<p>“Of course we made coffee,” Rey said. “What kind of establishment do you think we're running?”</p>
<p>Ben took the mug of coffee she poured for him and drank it, closing his eyes briefly as it passed his lips. He was sporting dark circles that normally were not present under his eyes and his scruffy facial hair was longer than usual.</p>
<p>“How was the trip with the family?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben grunted and said, “It was fine.”</p>
<p>“Just fine?” Rey asked softly.</p>
<p>“Just fine,” he repeated. Silence followed, in which Rey stared at Ben, and Ben avoided her gaze.</p>
<p>“Damion should be here soon,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Ben nodded, still drinking his coffee. Finn walked into the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben, welcome back to civilization,” he said, grabbing himself a mug and fixing his own coffee.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Ben said, tilting his head back to get the last sips from his mug.</p>
<p>“Have a good time with the kids?” Finn asked. Finn was very much a morning person, and this morning he was in especially high spirits because they were getting back on the road.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ben said. “The kids had a great time.”</p>
<p>Damion arrived while Rey tidied up the kitchen. Finn and Damion took Rey's bags to the car, and Ben went to gather his own things. Ben took the front seat. Rey and Finn sat in the back.</p>
<p>Finn and Damion led the conversation in the vehicle, and Ben began to drift off with his head propped against the passenger window. The coffee did not seem to be having the desired affect. Ben woke up long enough to get through the airport, then promptly fell asleep again as soon as they were seated on the plane. He sat across the aisle from Finn and Rey, his long legs crammed uncomfortably against the airplane seat in front of him. Rey was amazed that he could sleep at all that way.</p>
<p>“Do you think he's okay?” Rey whispered to Finn.</p>
<p>“I hope so,” Finn said. “We need to end this tour with some amazing performances. Louisville, especially.”</p>
<p>After a night's sleep, Ben was up early the next morning. He returned from a ramble through the city streets just as Rey and Finn were leaving for breakfast. Finn had an itinerary for each city, filling most of the daylight hours with art, culture, and food. They extended an invitation to Ben to join them, which he turned down.</p>
<p>“I'll meet you for dinner,” he said, disappearing into the hotel elevator.</p>
<p>Ben performed perfectly for the show that night and for every show after. Rey had a better time on stage with each successive show they played together. By the time they got to Louisville, Rey wished the tour could go on forever. Ben seemed to be enjoying the time away from Nashville far more than he had previously. He began talking more when the three of them were together, even cracking the jokes he typically kept to himself when Finn was present.</p>
<p>The Louisville show was their largest crowd yet. Rey was elated to discover she wasn't at all nervous as she and Ben stood backstage. Was this how Ben felt all the time? High on the anticipation of a performance?</p>
<p>“I can't wait to get out there!” Rey whispered to Ben, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet in her heels. They were standing side-by-side, watching sound crew and other stage technicians scurry about.</p>
<p>Ben smirked and said, “I figured you'd be jumping out of your skin with nerves tonight.”</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said in amazement. “I feel great. I think playing with you has cured my stage fright.”</p>
<p>“Could be,” Ben said, smiling wider, so that his dimples showed.</p>
<p>A member of the stage crew began waving them onto the stage. Rey put her hand on Ben' shoulder to get his attention.</p>
<p>“Ready, partner?” she asked, in an exaggerated country accent.</p>
<p>He shook his head at her, chuckling.</p>
<p>“Ready, darlin',” he replied.</p>
<p>They killed the show that night. Rey spent the show exhilarated, seeing and hearing everything they did with a clarity she'd never experienced before, connected not only with Ben, but with the audience too, as if she was one of the crowd.</p>
<p>At one point during the show, a lock of Ben' hair had become stuck to the whiskers on his chin as he played. Rey grinned at him, trying not to laugh as he subtly shook his head in an attempt to free it while he sang.</p>
<p>Rey sang a set of delicate runs before the next verse and stepped away from her mic long enough to help him out. The audience began cheering wildly as Rey got closer to Ben, and loud whistles rose above the crowd when she gently removed the offending strand and tucked his hair behind his ear. Laughing at his reaction as well as at the enthusiasm of the crowd, Rey patted him on the shoulder and hurried back to her mic to join him in singing the chorus. Finn loved the interaction so much that he told them to put it into more of their shows in the future.</p>
<p>The euphoric high of their last show lasted until they reached Nashville again. Ben became predictably moody when they left that morning, planning to be home in time for dinner. When they arrived, Finn shook Ben' hand and began toting the luggage inside, leaving Rey to say her own goodbye.</p>
<p>“Don't be a stranger,” she said, as Ben closed his trunk. “I expect to hear from you at least a few times before the new year.”</p>
<p>“I'll see what I can do,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey stopped herself before she reached out to hug him goodbye. She was astonished when instead of abruptly getting into his car and leaving, Ben stretched his arm over her shoulder and offered a brief parting embrace.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Rey,” he said, looking like a man about to walk into a lion's den. Rey's chest welled up with emotion as she watched him drive away. If only...</p>
<p>If only they had met sooner.</p>
<p><em>If only... </em>Rey thought, the words repeating themselves in her mind with every heavy footstep she took up the steps, over the porch, and into the house.</p>
<p>
  <em>If only, if only, if only...</em>
</p>
<p>If only Soph was supportive of Ben's career. If only she understood what it meant to live and breathe music. If only they had waited to have children.</p>
<p>
  <em>If only, if only, if only...</em>
</p>
<p>Rey stopped with her hand on handle of her cheerful yellow front door. If only Ben was not such an honorable man... but then, Rey would not love him as she did. The door swung open and Finn peered out at her.</p>
<p>“You coming inside?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey nearly burst into tears as she stared at her husband's familiar face. How could Finn, as perceptive he was, fail to see the truth? How could he believe he was only pushing carefully crafted stage personas onto Rey and Ben, when the passionate way they performed on stage was the most authentic part of Rey's life?</p>
<p>The following weeks of silence from Ben left Rey grimly resigned to eradicate the feelings she'd let spiral out of control during the last part of the tour. Ben was determined to save his marriage and stay in his kids' lives. It was admirable and noble and romantic, and it broke Rey's heart.</p>
<p>Rey had nothing but hopeful intuition to convince her Ben felt the same things she did. Did he love her, or did he simply love music? Rey was certain of only one thing – that she would never know.</p>
<p>Finn was oblivious to her mood. He was a ray of positivity as they prepared for the holidays, which included a visit to his parents in Seattle for Christmas that year. Finn's constant cheeriness over the holidays was a source of pain and intense guilt for Rey. They did everything together over the next few weeks – Christmas shopping, visiting local music venues, cooking, running errands, meeting up with Rose and Damion as often as possible, and attending an entire season's worth of holiday parties hosted by friends and industry contacts before they flew out to the west coast.</p>
<p>On Christmas Eve, Rey sat on Finn's parents' sofa holding her phone when she got a video call from Rose. Finn and his parents were laughing loudly about something in the kitchen, where they had gone to refill their glasses of eggnog.</p>
<p>“Rose?” Rey asked, seeing her friend's frozen face move jumpily for a moment as the video chat began.</p>
<p>“Rey!” Rose shouted, then laughed, puffing a cloud of white breath into the night air. The camera swung back and forth as she walked down the street. “Merry Christmas!!”</p>
<p>Rey heard Damion whisper something to Rose, who giggled and angled the phone so that they were both visible on the screen.</p>
<p>“We wanted you to be the first to know...” Rose said breathlessly. She looked at Damion and grinned, then turned her face back to the camera and held up her hand. There was a diamond ring on her finger.</p>
<p>“We're engaged!”</p>
<p>“Congratulations!” Rey said warmly. “I'm so happy for you two! And Merry Christmas!”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Rey,” Rose said.</p>
<p>Rey thought her friend seemed a little tipsy, but maybe she was just drunk on love.</p>
<p>“I've got to call everyone else, now!” Rose said happily, waving to Rey. “We love you! Tell Finn for us! Byeeee!”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “Goodbye!”</p>
<p>“Was that Rose?” Finn asked, coming back into the living room and reclaiming his seat beside Rey. He put his arm around her comfortably.</p>
<p>“It was,” Rey said. “She just called to tell us that she and Damion are engaged.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that's right,” said Finn, grinning. “I forgot you didn't know he was going to propose tonight.”</p>
<p>“What? You knew and didn't tell me?!” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Wasn't it better to be surprised?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Uh, no, not when you knew all along!” Rey said, smacking him playfully.</p>
<p>Finn simply laughed at her and drank his eggnog. Rey could not stand the stuff, and made a face as she caught a whiff of it.</p>
<p>“I'm so happy for them,” she said. “They're just the best couple.”</p>
<p>“They are the best. Cheers to them,” Finn agreed, clinking his glass of eggnog against Rey's wine glass.</p>
<p>“Finn, go open the front door!” came Bernice's voice. “We have carolers!”</p>
<p>Finn groaned and obediently went to the door, where Bernice and Charles joined him. Rey lagged behind, grabbing a crocheted blanket to wrap around herself. Finn turned around and pulled her into his chest, helping her hold the blanket closed to keep out the night air. Rey rested her head on Finn's shoulder and smiled at the group of carolers singing earnestly before her.</p>
<p>Rey's throat ached to sing a familiar harmony again with Ben. As if reading her mind, Bernice turned to Rey once the carolers had gone one their way, and said, “Rey, are you in the mood to sing for us? We'd love to hear your sweet voice.”</p>
<p>“Mom, let's just relax tonight,” Finn said, rubbing Rey's arm.</p>
<p>“It's okay, I'd like to sing a little,” said Rey.</p>
<p>She went to the piano, which was covered in a very thin layer of dust. Rey played a few carols for her in-laws, and Finn joined in for the last one, singing the melody of Silent Night mostly on-key while Rey moved between harmonies.</p>
<p>“Very nice,” said Bernice when they finished, clapping a little. “That was beautiful.”</p>
<p>“Rey manages to make even me sound good,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“She's a talented woman,” Charles said, clapping Rey on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“Aw, thanks,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“You know, Mom, Dad, we won't be offended if you want to go to that Christmas party. We can entertain ourselves for a few hours,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“We didn't invite you out here just to leave you home alone on Christmas Eve,” said Bernice. “Your sister is bringing Miles over later and we want to spend some time with just the two of you first.”</p>
<p>Rey had never been so anxious for the holidays to be over. Finn loved the busy holiday season, but Rey found it exhausting and distracting. She preferred the stretch of melancholic winter that followed the new year – it was when she always did her best writing. This year the promise of getting back in the studio with Ben loomed around the corner, just on the other side of Christmas.</p>
<p>Mia and Miles joined the family gathering late on Christmas Eve. Miles was already in his flannel pajamas and ready to be tucked into bed. Whatever festivities Mia had taken him to earlier in the evening tired him out enough that he barely protested, murmuring sleepy questions about Santa as Bernice read him The Night Before Christmas.</p>
<p>Rey offered Mia a glass of her wine before the adults retired for the evening. She and Mia were united in their hatred of eggnog.</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you,” Mia said gratefully, when Finn brought a glass into the living room for her.</p>
<p>“How is Miles doing in school this year?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“He loves his teacher,” said Mia. “That helps. He's doing better, now that his father has stopped calling and making promises about visits he doesn't intend to keep.”</p>
<p>Mia seemed to catch herself before she went into a rant about her ex-husband.</p>
<p>“Anyway, his teacher is wonderful. A sweet lady who's been teaching for about thirty years, now,” said Mia.</p>
<p>She stopped talking and concentrated on drinking her wine. Bernice turned on the radio, and they sat listening peacefully to soft Christmas carols until Mia said she should get to bed, since Miles would be up early begging to open presents.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben flew home a few days later. Flying during the holidays was a misery Rey never wanted to repeat again. They were lucky that their flight just missed a winter storm which shut down the airways completely for a few days.</p>
<p>Once home, Finn told her Poe wanted him to come in to the studio for a few days in preparation for their recording sessions. It would be a relief to have the house to herself. Even though she would see Ben in less than a week, Rey sat at her kitchen table the first morning after Finn left and tapped the call button next to Ben's phone number. She turned on the speaker and rested her chin on her fist, listening to the line ring over and over.</p>
<p>“Hello?” said an unexpected voice, just as Rey had given up on anyone answering. It was one of his kids.</p>
<p>“Hello, there,” Rey said. “Is this Elise?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Is this Rey?” asked Elise.</p>
<p>“It is,” said Rey. “Is your dad there?”</p>
<p>“Hold on,” said Elise abruptly.</p>
<p>The sound of the phone being jostled around followed and continued long enough that Rey assumed Elise was walking through the house with her hand over the receiver.</p>
<p>“Hey, are you still there?” asked Elise.</p>
<p>“Yes, I'm here,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Okay, good. So, uh, Dad left his phone at home by accident. Him and my mom are at... uh, the store,” said Elise.</p>
<p>“Oh, well, that's okay,” said Rey. “I'll just call back later.”</p>
<p>“No, wait,” said Elise. “I wanted to tell you... don't call him. Just text him. My mom doesn't like it when you call him. She thinks you call at weird times.”</p>
<p>Rey was momentarily speechless.</p>
<p>“Ah, okay. Thanks for letting me know, Elise,” she said.</p>
<p>“I go by Elle now,” Elise said.</p>
<p>“All right. Well, it was nice talking to you, Elle,” said Rey. “Wait a minute, shouldn't you be in school?”</p>
<p>“School doesn't start back until tomorrow,” Elle said, as if Rey was supposed to know that.</p>
<p>“Right. Okay, well have a nice day, Elle,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Bye,” said Elise, doing a perfect imitation of the way Ben often ended a call.</p>
<p>Rey waited until early the next morning to text Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>Looking forward to recording our album. See you Monday. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey sat in her living room with a steaming mug of tea and a book. Finn was still asleep, and the sky was just beginning to brighten in expectation of the sunrise.</p>
<p><em>Me too,</em> was his only reply.</p>
<p><em>I've missed you,</em> Rey typed, then quickly deleted the words.</p>
<p><em>Finn is meeting with our team today,</em> she wrote instead.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Ben replied:</p>
<p>
  <em>Without you?</em>
</p>
<p>Rey sighed and stared at the message.</p>
<p><em>I'll meet them when you do. Seemed fair that way,</em> she replied.</p>
<p>He typed for what seemed like an eternity, only to respond:</p>
<p>
  <em>Fair enough. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey resisted the urge to send him any more messages. About ten minutes passed, during which she simply stared at the lines of conversation on her phone screen.</p>
<p>
  <em>Saw you called. </em>
</p>
<p>His unexpected text was quickly followed by a second.</p>
<p>
  <em>You got the message. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey squinted at the phone screen, waiting for an explanation, but he didn't say anything else.</p>
<p><em>Yes,</em> Rey typed back.</p>
<p><em>See you Monday,</em> was his last reply.</p>
<p>When Monday came, Rey woke up far earlier than necessary to prepare for the day. Finn came down to the kitchen and feigned shock when he saw that she made breakfast.</p>
<p>“What's all this?” he asked. “Eggs? Bacon? A real breakfast?!”</p>
<p>“Don't get used to it,” Rey said as he kissed her forehead. “I couldn't get back to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Too excited about finally making the album?” Finn guessed.</p>
<p>“Something like that,” Rey said, smiling.</p>
<p>Ben beat them to the studio, despite their early start that morning. They sat down with Poe and looked at the schedule they'd worked out.</p>
<p>“This is a very ambitious pace we've laid out here, but somehow I don't think it's going to be a problem for the two of you,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“Just as long as Ben doesn't want to make too many changes,” Rey said teasingly.</p>
<p>“We've got this stuff pretty well perfected,” Ben said.</p>
<p>They went off to run through their music for the first time since Louisville. Rey's tension melted away as she closed the door to the room. Their room. Ben got out his guitar and sat down on the couch to tune it.</p>
<p>“Should we just... start at the beginning of the list and go straight through?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben frowned at his guitar and adjusted one of the strings without replying. When he was done fiddling with it, he bowed his head briefly.</p>
<p>“Ah, actually, I want to play you something I've been working on first,” he said into his guitar.</p>
<p>He looked up and raised his brows at her, waiting for a reply.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... go for it,” Rey said, sitting down beside him. “You're making me look bad. I haven't worked on anything new yet.”</p>
<p>“It's nothing much, don't get excited,” he said, beginning to play.</p>
<p>After a few lightly strummed chords, he began to sing softly:</p>
<p>
  <em>What if I leave this / </em>
  <em>What if I lose us / </em>
  <em>What if I give up / </em>
  <em>Well...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Would I miss this? / </em>
  <em>Would my heart ache? / </em>
  <em>Would I run away? / </em>
  <em>Well...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I do love you / </em>
  <em>And I will do / </em>
  <em>Until we're gone / </em>
  <em>But I won't stay / </em>
  <em>In this same damn place / </em>
  <em>No, I won't</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I could break this / </em>
  <em>I could cross lines / </em>
  <em>Make you leave me / </em>
  <em>'Oh...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I should name this / </em>
  <em>I should call it out / </em>
  <em>I should say it / </em>
  <em>Oh...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't wanna fight / </em>
  <em>But I have to / </em>
  <em>If you won't</em>
</p>
<p>The accompaniment was a gentle set of riffs followed by a sparsely strummed chord progression. It sounded like what Rey imagined growing up in the mountains of South Carolina was for Ben – slow-paced, beautiful, and austere. His voice remained soft and plaintive throughout most of the song, except for when he sang the words, “same damn place”, with such piercing agony that Rey held her breath each time he returned to the chorus.</p>
<p>Rey cried openly without realizing it until she had the sudden urge to sniff loudly.</p>
<p>“Oh, my god, Ben,” she said.</p>
<p>He simply looked at her with a blank expression on his face as she wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>“Come here,” she said, as more tears slid out of her eyes.</p>
<p>Rey wrapped an arm around Ben's shoulders and hugged him over his guitar, pressing her right ear into the side of his head to make up for barely being able to reach him over the instrument. After a few seconds, he rested one hand on Rey's shoulder, the other one still gripping the neck of his guitar. Rey heard him take a few deep breaths, but when they parted he appeared to be perfectly composed.</p>
<p>“Has it gotten any better since you wrote that?” Rey asked, when Ben finally pulled away from her embrace.</p>
<p>“I finished it yesterday,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey breathed, wiping her face again. She must be a blotchy mess. Thankfully, nobody would disturb them for a while.</p>
<p>“It's...” Ben seemed unable to form any words. He shook his head.</p>
<p>“I can't talk to you about it,” he said in frustration. “But I never said I wouldn't write about it.”</p>
<p>“Elise told me not to call you,” Rey said. “I guess you agreed not to take my calls?”</p>
<p>“No,” he said. “We work together, I can't do that.”</p>
<p>“But she doesn't like it when I call you at home,” Rey guessed.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and sighed.</p>
<p>“Elise shouldn't have told you that,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey sniffed again. She was wrung out from feeling Ben's pain so acutely. How was he sitting there so calmly?</p>
<p>“I wish I knew what to say,” Rey lamented.</p>
<p>“You don't have to say anything,” he replied. “I just wanted someone else to hear it. There's not much to say. It is what it is.”</p>
<p>“Are your in-laws still here?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and said, “They're leaving this weekend.”</p>
<p>“Will they come back to Nashville for our next tour?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Nah, Soph and the kids will move in with them back home,” he said. “It'll be better that way.”</p>
<p>Rey looked at him anxiously, and her next question tumbled out before she could stop it.</p>
<p>“Ben. Is this going to work? Us? The duo?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Of course,” he said easily. “It's been working great.”</p>
<p>“I'm talking about you,” said Rey. “Are you going to be able to do this without losing what's important to you in life?”</p>
<p>“Music is important to me,” Ben said quietly, after a long pause.</p>
<p>“Ben...” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I mean it,” he said. “I'm still in this.”</p>
<p>“But what if...” Rey hesitated. “What if Second Song ruins your marriage?”</p>
<p>Ben let out a short sigh.</p>
<p>“Things with Soph were headed this way already, Rey. The tour just pushed it along faster. Maybe it's better this way. You can't work at fixin' things if you keep pretending they aren't broken,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey stared at him, her heart aching at the thought that he still wanted to fix things with Soph. Soph, who didn't seem to understand her husband's lyrical soul or appreciate his music. Soph, who wanted him to go home and give up. Soph, who just wanted a partner to raise four kids in the ways of the lord. She would continue to stifle him, no matter much how he loved her and those kids.</p>
<p>“Do you mind me asking if you agreed to the counseling?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat before saying, “It's not with a religious nut, at least.”</p>
<p>“And when you leave Nashville again?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“It'll have to be a crash course of therapy, I guess,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“I don't think that's how therapy works,” Rey said, smiling a little.</p>
<p>“Well, it'll have to do,” Ben said firmly. “I'm not going to let you down. We created this success together and we have to see it through. I'm not gonna leave and take this chance away from you.”</p>
<p>“Not even if – ”</p>
<p>“I said I'm not leaving,” Ben repeated, an edge in his voice. “I'm gonna make this work. Soph and I... we're both determined to make this work.”</p>
<p>Rey simply stared at him as he then repeated to himself, “We'll make it work.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey finally said, touching his arm, right where it was covered in black-inked tattoos. “I'm glad you aren't quitting. You're my other musical half.”</p>
<p>Ben looked down at Rey's hand on his arm and then back up at her face.</p>
<p>“Same, darlin',” he said. “Now, let's get to work.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Deep Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They did not speak of Soph again while working on their album. Perhaps due to the departure of Ben's in-laws at last, he came into the studio each day in the best spirits Rey had ever seen. Rey was not the only one to notice that Ben had become more personable.</p>
<p>“I swear I never heard that boy string more than five words together until this week,” Karen muttered one day as she walked past Rey in the lobby. Ben was standing a few feet away with Poe and one of the sound technicians, laughing and smiling broadly.</p>
<p>“Morning, partner,” Rey greeted him, sidling up to the group.</p>
<p>“No Finn this morning?” Poe asked.</p>
<p>“He'll be along,” Rey said vaguely.</p>
<p>Finn was with Dan Pike discussing the release of another bonus single ahead of the album. Poe looked disappointed and said, “I was hoping to sit down with Finn and Pam today. Ah, well... I'll just send him a little reminder. Wouldn't want him to be late. You know Pam.”</p>
<p>Rey had no idea who Pam was. It seemed to Rey that all Poe and Finn ever did was sit with various people Rey had never met and and discuss Second Song's album. Better Finn than her, Rey thought. Finn seemed to genuinely enjoy a long day trying to get a word in edgewise around Poe. The thought itself was exhausting to Rey.</p>
<p>Rey caught Ben's eye as Poe left, and saw that he was amused. Ben leaned over and said into her ear, “I think Poe has a crush on your husband.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and shook her head.</p>
<p>“Finn makes him all flustered. Haven't you noticed?” asked Ben.</p>
<p>“Stop it!” she said, hitting him on the arm and laughing.</p>
<p>“Just saying,” Ben muttered.</p>
<p>Just as Poe predicted, Rey and Ben were able to swiftly complete the album, and it was released at the beginning of February. Bill Bickley joined them on a few songs playing percussion masterfully, and a talented woman named Hannah Dean came in to play the fiddle with them as well. The greater part of the album was built on Rey and Ben's vocals, guitar, and piano, with minimalistic production.</p>
<p>Earlier in the week, just ahead of the album's release, Rey and Ben made an appearance on <em>The Night Show.</em> Their performance for host, Larson McDowell, and his audience was shared online by a variety of popular singers, including Ada, Sarah Mathis, and Skylar Short. Second Song was hailed as the best live act seen anywhere that year.</p>
<p>The album, called <em>Deep Water,</em> was named after one of the tracks that was always a crowd favorite during their shows, and it became the number one downloaded album the week it was released. The album, and Second Song, quickly reached international critical acclaim, earning rave reviews from music media outlets.</p>
<p>Before the end of the month, Rey and Ben were scheduled to tour with Ada for nine weeks in the spring. They would open for the British singer's tour through the U.S. and Canada and then spend the summer at as many music festivals as possible. Finn was rapidly booking every other available week of the year for their second tour, beginning at the end of March.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben's only free weekend would be the week of Easter. Ben insisted on taking time off for the holiday week with Soph and his family in South Carolina. He spent the first few weeks of March packing up his family's belongings and preparing to move them to South Carolina.</p>
<p>“Where does Soph's family live in South Carolina?” Rey asked Ben the day he mentioned hiring movers.</p>
<p>“Barley Holler,” he said, smiling as Rey did a little double-take at his exaggerated accent.</p>
<p>“Barley Hollow?” she asked, grinning back. “Where is that?”</p>
<p>“Oh, it's in Briggitty.”</p>
<p>“Briggitty?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Sure. Little bit of nowhere between Lopens and Briggitty mountain. Just over the county line in Catawba,” he said.</p>
<p>“I'm still lost,” Rey said. “Where is Catawba?”</p>
<p>“Upstate, near the mountains,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Hmmm, I'll have to look it up,” Rey said. “When are you making the drive?”</p>
<p>“This coming Monday,” he said. “I'll be back by the end of the week so we can get real comfortable with our new sets before the tour.”</p>
<p>“All right,” said Rey. “Hey, you should bring the family over for a send-off dinner at our place. I'd like to do something to thank Soph for her support and sacrifices for the band. We could give the kids a private concert.”</p>
<p>Ben looked down and said, “That sounds nice, Rey, but it's not a good idea right now. I'll see you when I get back.”</p>
<p>Rey did not hear from Ben until a few days prior to the start of the tour, which would begin in Texas. Her phone rang after dinner, as she and Finn were loading the dishwasher.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben,” she said. “Good to hear from you.”</p>
<p>“You might reconsider that statement in a moment,” Ben said, sighing.</p>
<p>“Why? What's wrong?” Rey asked, catching Finn's eye. His face fell.</p>
<p>“Well, I've been crashing with a friend since I got back from South Carolina. We sold our house and I had to be out already,” said Ben.</p>
<p>He paused, then said, “There's been a family emergency here and I need to make myself scarce real quick.”</p>
<p>“Of course you can stay with us, Ben,” Rey said, before he got around to asking the question.</p>
<p>“I hate to ask. You can just put me on the couch. You don't need to make a fuss,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“It's okay, we don't mind at all,” said Rey. “We'll even let you skip the couch and stay in the guest room.”</p>
<p>Ben laughed and said, “Okay. Well, thanks. I've got my stuff packed in the car already. I should be over there in less than an hour.”</p>
<p>He arrived about a half an hour later, making Rey wonder if he'd already been on the road when he called.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, opening the door to let him in. He was carrying a small bag and his guitar.</p>
<p>“You need help carrying stuff?” Finn called from the living room.</p>
<p>“Nah, I'm gonna leave the rest in the car,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“This way,” Rey said, turning to lead him down the hallway to the guest room.</p>
<p>She waited by the doorway as Ben went inside and put down his bag and guitar. He flopped down on the bed and groaned.</p>
<p>“Totally beats sleeping on a couch,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “I'd say. What happened to your friend?”</p>
<p>“Drunk Grandma got kicked out of her apartment and showed up on the doorstep,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh, my,” Rey said, touching a hand to her chest as if to clutch imaginary pearls.</p>
<p>Ben sat up and rested his hands on his knees, looking around the room.</p>
<p>“This is nice,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and looked around the room as well, even though she knew every inch of it already. It was homey and rustic. Ben looked like he belonged with the décor, especially sitting on the handmade quilt over the bed.</p>
<p>“Does Soph know you're here?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Her voice was too high, and the question too aggressive. Rey wished she had not asked immediately.</p>
<p>“Of course,” he said. “I'm not gonna lie about it.”</p>
<p>“How did that go?” Rey asked curiously.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said.</p>
<p>He gave her a look that said he was done with the topic. Rey was happy to oblige.</p>
<p>“Did you have dinner?” Rey asked instead. “We have some leftovers down in the kitchen if you're hungry.”</p>
<p>“I could eat,” Ben said, getting up.</p>
<p>He followed Rey back downstairs and into the kitchen, where she made him a plate and handed him a beer.</p>
<p>“What service,” he said, taking the beer from her and sitting down at the island to eat.</p>
<p>“Don't get used to it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey?” came Finn's voice from the living room.</p>
<p>Rey walked to the doorway and replied, “Yes, dear?”</p>
<p>“Do you have a minute to look at the photos Lindsey sent?” he asked.</p>
<p>Finn had been asking Rey to do so for a few days, but she'd been so distracted by packing and preparing the house for their long absence that she kept forgetting.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I'll be right there,” she said.</p>
<p>There was a pause, and then Finn said, “Since Ben is here, we should get his input as well.”</p>
<p>Ben looked questioningly at Rey.</p>
<p>“The last photoshoot we did together,” Rey reminded him. “The ones they want to use for the website and social media posts while we're on tour?”</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Ben was ambivalent toward all the extra time and thought that went into their online presence. Finn was always looking for ways to connect them to their fans on various platforms and insisted they book regular photoshoots to create plenty of material to use. He also planned to hire a videographer to shadow them during various stints on the road. Finn wanted their fans to see them traveling and working together as well as performing on stage.</p>
<p>Rey sat with Ben as he ate, talking aimlessly about the various stops on their tour she was anticipating the most.</p>
<p>“Everything abroad is going to be amazing,” Rey predicted.</p>
<p>They spent a couple of hours looking through the photos Finn had amassed from a couple photoshoots and selecting their favorites.</p>
<p>“What's wrong with this one?” Ben asked for the third time, pointing to a shot of them standing stoically side-by-side in a grassy field.</p>
<p>“The grass is almost as tall as me, for one thing,” Rey said, gesturing to the screen of Finn's laptop.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but it's sort of cute,” Ben said. “You poking your head up over the grass. Like a gopher.”</p>
<p>“Uh, a gopher?!” Rey scoffed in surprise. “That was uncalled-for! No, we can't use that one. We look like the children of the corn.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and shook his head.</p>
<p>“Fine. What about that one?” he asked, scrolling down to the next set of images.</p>
<p>Rey squinted at the screen and rubbed her eyes.</p>
<p>“The one next to it is so much better, though,” she said.</p>
<p>The photo Ben had singled out was a straight shot of them both leaning against a brick wall covered in creeping vines. The one beside it was the first of a series of poses in which Rey leaned against his shoulder, looking into the camera mysteriously. Ben's head was bowed, but instead of looking at Rey he was peering up through his eyelashes at the camera as well.</p>
<p>“Eh,” Ben said, staring at the photo Rey had just been appreciating. “That one's too posed. Besides, we don't need to encourage people to think we're a couple.”</p>
<p>The fans to which Ben referred didn't just want to believe Second Song was a romantic musical duo – they feverishly insisted it was true in any and every comment section of Second Song's music videos, live show recordings, and interviews. They got into arguments about it with other commenters, and professed to have seen 'signs' of their affair before or after live shows. Ben despised the romance-obsessed part of their fan base, saying they cared more about the gossip than the music. Finn was thrilled about it.</p>
<p>“That's exactly what we need to do,” Finn said.</p>
<p>They argued over the photos for a while longer, making many compromises on their final selections.</p>
<p>Second Song was on the road again a few days later. The morning they left, Rey woke early after tossing and turning all night. She went down to the kitchen and walked in on Ben sitting silently at the island.</p>
<p>“Oh, my god!” she gasped. “I was not expecting to see anyone down here.”</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he said, looking up from the small journal in which he'd been writing</p>
<p>“Writing something new?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Trying,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey began making coffee, even though it was hours before they needed to leave.</p>
<p>“We should still be asleep,” Rey admonished the morning air between them lightly.</p>
<p>“I'll sleep when I'm dead,” Ben said. “Which might be sooner rather than later once Soph sees our latest band photos.”</p>
<p>“Oh... really?” Rey said.</p>
<p>“It's not that she doesn't trust me,” Ben said, grimacing at his journal as shut it. “It's that everyone we know back home will start wondering and asking questions, now that she's moved back with her parents and the kids.”</p>
<p>Rey couldn't blame anyone for wondering. After all, Rey still wondered at times, and she had plenty of good reasons to stop.</p>
<p>“I can imagine how the rumors will go,” Rey agreed. “I'm sorry. That's going to be difficult.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, nodding grimly.</p>
<p>“I'm lucky Finn isn't worried about the rumors,” Rey said. “It's sort of funny that he's the one helping create them.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but Finn is going to be on the tour with you, isn't he?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey nodded, feeling silly for comparing her situation to Ben's. Ben leaned on the island and rested his chin on his hand, staring at Rey.</p>
<p>“You ever wonder why your husband is tryin' so hard to start rumors about you having an affair?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey felt like a deer caught in headlights under his sudden sober scrutiny.</p>
<p>“I don't have to wonder,” she said slowly. “He's marketing the band. This is what works for us, so he's using it to our advantage.”</p>
<p>She stared back at Ben as he fixed his eyes unblinkingly on her.</p>
<p>“Why do <em>you</em> think he is?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben finally blinked and looked away.</p>
<p>“I dunno.”</p>
<p>The coffee was done. Rey poured two mugs and put another empty mug out for Finn. Handing Ben his coffee black, she then fixed her own and leaned against the counter again.</p>
<p>“I'm lucky to have Finn,” she said. “Without him, I might not have asked you to do this, you know.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm.”</p>
<p>“He knows a great sound when he hears it,” Rey said. “From the second he heard us sing together in that video Poe sent him, he insisted this had to happen.”</p>
<p>“You didn't think I'd do it,” Ben guessed.</p>
<p>Rey smiled sheepishly and shook her head.</p>
<p>“I was shocked that you agreed right away,” she said.</p>
<p>“Maybe my ear is just as good as Finn's,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Maybe.”</p>
<p>They drank the rest of their coffee in silence. Ben flipped open his journal and wrote something else down. Finn came downstairs in a bright and cheery mood, filling the kitchen with excitement and warm energy as the sunrise began to fill it with light.</p>
<p>Despite Ben' reservations about the pictures, the tour began on a high note. Their first shows in Texas were a welcome return to the stage for Rey. She and Ben performed as if they had never been apart.</p>
<p>Poe kept in touch with Finn and kept sending Rey and Ben text messages encouraging them to continue writing while on the road. Finn agreed and set aside whole days for them to work on new material, in which he disappeared for hours exploring their current towns and cities, reappearing regularly with offerings of food and drinks from local spots he discovered.</p>
<p>The tour went on at a grueling pace that spring, and as Ben requested, the week of Easter was their only break. Ben flew home to be with his family, while Finn and Rey stayed behind in San Francisco and reacquainted themselves with west coast life.</p>
<p>When Ben returned after the holiday, Second Song joined Ada's tour in California, pulling off their strongest live performances to date. If Rey thought she'd been able to read Ben's mind in the past, they had now reached the point at which they shared one mind on stage. Every breath, every move, every off-the-cuff slide of the voice, every pause, every stolen glance, and every smile was a mutual decision. There was never a moment of hesitation or miscommunication between them. The tour with Ada was an unparalleled success for Second Song.</p>
<p>As soon as they completed the tour in Canada, they returned briefly to Nashville. Ben immediately left for South Carolina.</p>
<p>Finn was upset that Ben's visit home coincided with a music festival in Chattanooga he'd wanted to book for them, and he spent the next two weeks anxiously booking new dates for them near the end of the year.</p>
<p>“When he gets back, we should work on getting that EP recorded,” Finn said, for the third time since Tuesday.</p>
<p>“We will, honey,” Rey said comfortingly. “We really should have one more song for it, though.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Finn said, looking at their tour schedule carefully.</p>
<p>“I think we'll have to plan on recording it in October,” he said. “We'll be in Tennessee by then, and we have a few shows here in the city, including another performance at Larry's.”</p>
<p>“Are you thinking of recording live?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No,” said Finn. “Ideally, we go in the opposite direction, away from your unplugged sound. We need to start working on Ben to put a little more polish and production on the next recording. Maybe add some more strings to fill out your sound. What you're doing now is great but you can't keep doing the same thing forever. People will get bored.”</p>
<p>“I agree,” Rey said, and it felt like a slap in the face. Rey was so enamored with the feeling of performing seamlessly and passionately with Ben that she forgot audiences did not experience the same feelings. They only heard the music.</p>
<p>“I'll see if I can get him to come around to a few new ideas,” she said. “I have one I've been sitting on for a while I want to try soon.”</p>
<p>“What's that?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I want to sing in French,” Rey said. “It's such a beautiful language, and I think it's suits our melodies. It would be unexpected.”</p>
<p>“That's for sure!” Finn said. “How are you going to get Ben to sing in French?”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” she said, and sighed heavily, causing Finn to laugh.</p>
<p>“Let me know how it goes when you tell him,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey used the time back in Nashville to catch up with Rose. While Damion and Finn sat in the living room talking about all the famous people Damion met bartending that year, Rose and Rey were in the kitchen working on a bottle of wine.</p>
<p>“I'm so proud of you, Rey,” Rose said, pouring herself another glass. “I watch every recording of your live performances I can find, you know.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Aw, I'm flattered, Rose.”</p>
<p>“Do you realize how much you've opened up on the stage? It's amazing to watch. You look like you're enjoying every moment,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“I am!” Rey replied.</p>
<p>“God, I can't imagine how his wife feels, seeing the way you two look at one another,” Rose said, quickly sipping her wine.</p>
<p>“Rose, she knows he's just acting,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Maybe he is,” said Rose, giving Rey a significant look. “All I'm saying is, have you seen yourselves together up there? I think sometimes that if there wasn't a guitar between you it would become a reenactment of <em>Dirty Dancing.</em>”</p>
<p>“Rose!”</p>
<p>Rose giggled into her wine glass, then took another long sip.</p>
<p>“I suppose you think it's the guitar he's making love to?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“Yes, I do!” Rey said. “You know how men are with their guitars.”</p>
<p>“All I know is that when you two get real close over that guitar and start dancing even I wonder if there's a couple of divorces in your future,” Rose said.</p>
<p>Rey opened her mouth to tell Rose to cut it out, but she was distracted by the sound of her husband calling to her from the living room.</p>
<p>“What, Finn?” she asked, giving Rose a reproachful look as she got up to walk to the doorway.</p>
<p>“I just got the call. Remember that music venue we tried to book last year in Greenville but it didn't work out with our schedule? The Front Room?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Rey called down the hall. She glanced back at Rose, who finished her wine.</p>
<p>“They want us to kick off the next part of our tour there Friday night,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“That's short notice!” Rey said, walking out of the kitchen. Rose followed a minute later, holding more wine – a glass for her and another glass for Rey.</p>
<p>“I told them we'd do it,” Finn said. “We can meet Ben in South Carolina and then head straight out to Atlanta the next day.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a plan,” Rey said. “Have you told Ben yet?”</p>
<p>“No, I just got off the phone with them,” Finn said. “Do you want me to call him right now?”</p>
<p>“I think you should,” Rey said. “He doesn't like surprises.”</p>
<p>Finn nodded and stood up, dialing Ben's number immediately.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben,” Finn said a few seconds later, walking into the hall. “Great news...”</p>
<p>Finn's voice faded as he put distance between himself and the TV. He and Damion were watching a food and travel show, and the host was currently walking through a noisy fish market, shouting into the camera about the local delicacies.</p>
<p>“Be right back,” Damion said, kissing Rose before he left the room, presumably for the bathroom.</p>
<p>“I want to make a bet with you, Rey,” said Rose, as soon as Damion was gone.</p>
<p>“What about?” Rey asked, laughing.</p>
<p>“Assuming Ben's friends and family come to the Greenville show – and why wouldn't they when it's so close to home – I will bet you an expensive dinner and a very nice bottle of wine that Ben does a repeat performance of that one bad show you had the last time Soph was watching,” said Rose, her eyes glittering with mischief.</p>
<p>“Rose,” Rey said, shaking her head. “You sound like an internet conspiracy theory.”</p>
<p>“You already know I'm crazy,” Rose said. “I decided to become a teacher, remember?”</p>
<p>Rey just smiled at her friend and took the extra wine glass out of Rose's hand before she forgot it was supposed to be Rey's.</p>
<p>“Do you accept the bet?” Rose prodded.</p>
<p>“Oh, all right! Yes, I accept,” Rey said, wondering when she was going to have time to buy Rose an expensive dinner.</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rose, grinning happily.</p>
<p>“What's great?” asked Damion.</p>
<p>“You are,” Rose said, patting the spot beside her on the couch.</p>
<p>Damion sat down and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Ben says he can't wait for the Greenville show,” Finn said, walking into the room.</p>
<p>“Is he bringing the whole family?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“God, I hope not,” Finn said. “I should have told him Soph isn't allowed to come.”</p>
<p>“Finn!” Rey protested.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Begging and Pleading</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soon they were in Greenville, South Carolina, waiting for Ben to arrive at the venue for a sound check. When he arrived with Soph and Elise – or, Elle, as she was still calling herself – Finn was not happy.</p>
<p>“At least the in-laws stayed home this time,” Rey whispered quickly, before greeting Ben.</p>
<p>“I'm glad you could make it,” Rey said to Soph and Elle.</p>
<p>Ben's oldest daughter seemed to have grown a foot since the last time Rey saw her. She was a tall, skinny teen now, with waist-length black curls just as wild as Ben's and the same large, warm brown eyes.</p>
<p>“So are we,” Soph said. “Elle's been begging for me to take her to a show all year.”</p>
<p>“I <em>wanted</em> to see them in California,” Elle reminded her mother bitterly.</p>
<p>Ben and Rey went to the stage to set up for the show and work with the sound guy for The Front Room. Soph and Elle sat near the stage sipping sodas and watching the preparations. The sound setup took longer than usual, which seemed to irritate Ben.</p>
<p>“Their stage lights are too bright,” he complained, tugging at his shirt collar. There were already a few beads of sweat near his hairline.</p>
<p>“I'll see if Finn can get them to do something about it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>When she returned to Ben backstage after hunting down her husband, she found he had removed his usual bow tie and unbuttoned his collar.</p>
<p>“It is warm in here,” she said, feeling a little guilty about the fact that her attire was far better suited to the heat of the stage.</p>
<p>Ben began playing wordlessly, as if to distract himself.</p>
<p>“What's that you're playing?” Rey asked, when she did not recognize the driving rhythm.</p>
<p>“New song,” he said.</p>
<p>“Does it have any words?” Rey asked, humming along lightly.</p>
<p>“Mmmhmm,” he hummed back.</p>
<p>He began singing softly, stepping closer to Rey's inclined ear:</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I knew a girl / </em>
  <em>She taught me things / </em>
  <em>A young man should know</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, down on my knees / </em>
  <em>Begging and pleading / </em>
  <em>Oh, she taught me to pray</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We found heaven every day / </em>
  <em>Lord, she could  / </em>
  <em>Oooooooo...</em>
</p>
<p>Ben strummed the last chord a few times and abruptly stopped, looking at Rey.</p>
<p>“Lord, have mercy!” she said dramatically, fanning herself. “If it starts off that steamy, where does it end up?”</p>
<p>“With cheatin',” he said.</p>
<p>“Why?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Because we don't write happy endings,” he said, shrugging.</p>
<p>“I can't wait to hear the rest,” Rey said after a moment.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the passion in Ben's demo of the new song backstage was his best moment that night.</p>
<p>The venue filmed the show to post online later. Rey fully expected a gloating phone call about a dinner date from Rose after Ben spent most of the evening singing straight into his own mic and peering blankly out over the crowd whenever he wasn't looking down at his guitar.</p>
<p>When she watched the video the next day, Rey thought Ben's excuses might have been legitimate – his face was flushed and sweaty from the overbearing stage lights, which might have also kept him from looking at Rey for more than a second at a time. The persistent sound issues had been bothersome for Rey as well, and she could be seen gesturing to the sound guy in the back to turn her mic up a few times. However, they'd dealt with all of those issues before and Ben had never looked so unhappy to be in front of an audience as he did that night.</p>
<p>“I was concentrating on trying not to mess up or pass out,” Ben explained to Rey and Finn the next day. “I couldn't see or hear much up there, and it was hotter than six shades of hell.”</p>
<p>Adding to the validity of his claims were the glasses he began wearing anytime they weren't performing. Rey had not found the angle of the bright lights as unbearable as Ben, but then, she still had perfect vision.</p>
<p>“If it happens again, just take an early break and we'll see if we can do something about the stage conditions,” said Finn.</p>
<p>Once Ben went out for a rambling walk, Finn and Rey sat by the river enjoying the sunny, breezy weather that day.</p>
<p>“You don't believe Ben about last night, do you?” Rey asked Finn, who put his arm around Rey before he answered.</p>
<p>“Of course not,” he said.</p>
<p>“It <em>was</em> extremely hot,” Rey admitted.</p>
<p>“I do believe that he was overheating up there, and I believe that the sound was off in your monitors, and that the lights were too bright in your faces... but I don't believe that is why he was so stiff and miserable last night,” said Finn. “What do you think?”</p>
<p>“Soph,” was all Rey said.</p>
<p>Rose sent Rey a short text that night:</p>
<p>
  <em>You owe me dinner!!! </em>
</p>
<p><em>You were right, </em>Rey replied</p>
<p>A few days later, Rey and Ben sat down to work on new music for their upcoming EP and their next album.</p>
<p>“What else do you have written for that song you played for me before the Greenville show?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“All of it,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Without further prompting, he began singing:</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I knew a girl / </em>
  <em>She sat me down / </em>
  <em>I walked the line</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She washed me as clean / </em>
  <em>As a sinner could be / </em>
  <em>Oh, she taught me to pray</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We prayed every day / </em>
  <em>Lord, she could / </em>
  <em>Oooo...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I knew a girl / </em>
  <em>Like a cloud in the sky / </em>
  <em>She came and she went</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She slipped out of sight / </em>
  <em>To another at night / </em>
  <em>Oh, she taught me to pray</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Til the day she walked away / Lord, she could / </em>
  <em>Oooo...</em>
</p>
<p>Rey could not help stomping her feet to the breaks in the rhythm as she swayed to the music, which seemed to amuse Ben.</p>
<p>“That one could be our next crowd favorite,” Rey said. “I think we should wait to put it on the full album.”</p>
<p>“What are we gonna put on the EP?” Ben asked. “So far, everything new we've got is going on the album.”</p>
<p>“I'd like to do a few holiday tunes, since it will be released in November,” Rey said, holding her breath as she anticipated his reaction.</p>
<p>“Christmas music?” Ben asked incredulously.</p>
<p>“Christmas... ish,” Rey corrected him.</p>
<p>“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Something that people can curl up and listen to by a fire on a cold winter night,” Rey said. “With a hot chocolate, or, ah, adult beverage of their choice.”</p>
<p>“You wanna write some cozy, fireside background music,” he said, his voice dripping with disapproval.</p>
<p>“No, I want to create something special for the holidays, that's all,” Rey said. “It would be a nice gift to our fans. It's going to be a while before we can release another full album, so this can hold them over. Maybe we'll get lucky and someone will put one of them in a TV Christmas special.”</p>
<p>Ben stared at Rey as if he did not recognize her for a moment, then said, “Everything you just said sounds an awful lot like what would normally come out of Finn's mouth. Just tell it to me straight, Rey. Was this holiday EP bullshit his idea?”</p>
<p>Rey's mouth dropped open in surprise.</p>
<p>“No! It was my idea,” she said. “Winter is my favorite season. I could write a hundred songs about the beauty of it, but I thought just a couple would be a good compromise!”</p>
<p>Ben gave her a long, searching look, as if he was sure that soon she would retract the statement.</p>
<p>“It was my idea,” she repeated. “But Finn thinks it's a great idea. We save our best new stuff for the album, and until it's released we give them EP's and release more live recordings since we're known for always doing something a little different with the songs on stage.”</p>
<p>Ben continued to stare, but now he seemed to be considering her words without contempt.</p>
<p>“In fact, I was thinking we should add a couple of live recordings to the EP,” said Rey. “For the two songs we've changed the most on stage since we recorded <em>Deep Water.</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>Home, </em>and <em>Does She Even Know?</em>” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “So, for those who can't see us live, they'll get to hear how we work together onstage.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Ben hummed, looking yet more thoughtful.</p>
<p>“I like that idea,” he finally said. “I'm not sold on the Christmas music.”</p>
<p>“Winter music,” Rey corrected him.</p>
<p>“Whatever you want to call it,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“This is important to me, Ben,” Rey said, looking him in the eye.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said after a few tense moments. “You write the new stuff, and we'll do it.”</p>
<p>Rey already had a few half-written songs in mind, which she began working on in earnest again. The next time she and Ben sat down to write, Rey had something to show for it.</p>
<p>“Want to hear the first song I wrote for the EP?” Rey asked, before Ben could get too far into the complex guitar work he was fiddling with that day.</p>
<p>“Hmmm... sure,” he said, rather unenthusiastically.</p>
<p>Rey began playing and singing the song she had titled, <em>Gathering Snow: </em></p>
<p>
  <em>In the quiet I drown / </em>
  <em>Looks like heaven's falling down / </em>
  <em>The heavy branches bend / </em>
  <em>Angel arches for my friend </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Everyone's waiting / </em>
  <em>Heads down, gathering snow / </em>
  <em>I warm my hands with my breath as I go / </em>
  <em>My coat is scarlet, and the stares are cold </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Spirit song is on the wind / </em>
  <em>I can hear the old hymns / </em>
  <em>My ears recall the sound / </em>
  <em>As snowflakes kiss the ground</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That's where you're waiting  / </em>
  <em>I put my hands out, gathering snow / </em>
  <em>I'm holding my breath as I go / </em>
  <em>My coat is scarlet, and the stares are cold </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nobody's waiting / </em>
  <em>Nobody holds my hand now / </em>
  <em>I'll clear a place in the snow / </em>
  <em>Leave that scarlet coat in the cold / </em>
  <em>For you</em>
</p>
<p>The song was delicate and haunting, and Rey heard Ben begin to gently pick through the chords she was playing as she sang.</p>
<p>“Not very cheery,” he commented when Rey was done singing.</p>
<p>“I don't write cheery music,” she reminded him.</p>
<p>“No,” he agreed. “It's not what I was expecting. I like it. It's like a creepy little lullaby.”</p>
<p>“Thats... not what I was going for,” Rey said, laughing. “Creepy?”</p>
<p>Ben shrugged and said, “Fine, not creepy. Elegantly gloomy?”</p>
<p>Rey laughed again and shook her head, saying, “I don't know if that's better! I want it to sound sorrowful and sublime at the same time. You know? Grief, but in a gorgeous setting.”</p>
<p>“It does that,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Feeling any better about my crazy idea for the EP?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I am,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh, ye, of little faith,” she teased. “I knew you'd come around.”</p>
<p>A few weeks later, Rey and Ben were ready to record the EP. They played the two new songs Rey had written for Finn.</p>
<p>“Well, that was enthralling,” Finn said, once they finished playing <em>Gathering Snow</em>. “What else have you got?”</p>
<p>“This is <em>O, Emmanuel,</em>” said Rey, looking at Ben. He did not approve of the title, but they had yet to agree on a better one.</p>
<p>Rey started the song by herself, with Ben humming a harmony briefly before adding in the guitar:</p>
<p>
  <em>O, Emmanuel, I've been awaitin' for you / </em>
  <em>Come, Emmanuel, now you tell me /</em>
  <em>That you've been awaitin' too / </em>
  <em>'Cause you're the only one for me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>O, come to me, my dear Emmanuel / </em>
  <em>Come to me, my love</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>O, Emmanuel, you can take my heart / </em>
  <em>O come, Emmanuel, and see / </em>
  <em>Please come and take away the doubt / </em>
  <em>And together we'll go to the grave</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>O, come to me, my dear Emmanuel / </em>
  <em>Come to me, my love</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>O, Emmanuel, you come home real soon / </em>
  <em>Please, Emmanuel, leave a light on for me / </em>
  <em>Tell me that you'll always be true / </em>
  <em>'Cause you're the only one for me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes, you're the only one for me </em>
</p>
<p>“Wow,” was all Finn said for a while, after listening to the song.</p>
<p>“What kind of 'wow' was that?” Rey finally asked.</p>
<p>“Wow, that's going to upset the religious crowd,” said Finn. “Also, wow – it's great. It might piss off the fans who discovered you because they knew you as Rey McNowan, the solo artist.”</p>
<p>“I don't care, Finn,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I know,” he said. “If Ben is okay with being sacrilegious during the holy season, then I have no issue with it.”</p>
<p>“I'm not religious,” Ben said flatly.</p>
<p>“It's the most country-sounding song you've written in a while, maybe ever,” Finn noted.</p>
<p>“I know. Ben can let his accent come out in all its glory.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled as she felt Ben staring at her, then turned to see the look on his face and laughed.</p>
<p>“Ain't nothin' wrong with a homegrown accent,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Just like that,” Rey said, nodding and laughing again.</p>
<p>By the time the EP, titled <em>Gathering Snow</em>, was recorded and released, Second Song had their greatest moment of success to date. They were nominated for various music awards across multiple genres, and won “Emerging Artist of the Year”.</p>
<p>Rey had not managed to buy Rose dinner while they were in Nashville recording <em>Gathering Snow</em>. They set aside a day just before Christmas to finally catch up after months of playing phone tag in sporadic bouts of calls and voicemails. Rey missed her friend, but was thrilled to hear that she was happily planning her upcoming wedding and that her current crop of students was her best ever.</p>
<p>“I hope you aren't upset that I haven't asked you to be my bridesmaid,” Rose said, after an unusually long conversation between shows one weekend. “I didn't think you'd be able to do it.”</p>
<p>“I'm not upset, I'm just sorry I can't be there for you,” Rey said. “I'd love to help you plan your wedding, if things were different.”</p>
<p>“I hope you'll at least be able to attend,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“Of course I will!” Rey exclaimed. “I've already told Finn that the first week of May is off limits!”</p>
<p>A few days after Rose's phone call, Finn woke Rey up in their hotel room far earlier than usual.</p>
<p>“Rey! Honey, wake up. I just got some great news!” Finn said urgently, sitting on the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>Rey rubbed her face.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked, trying to comprehend what Finn had just said.</p>
<p>“I just got a call from Skylar Short herself,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey sat up.</p>
<p>“She called you this early?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Rey, you're the only one who thinks nine a.m. is early,” Finn said, grinning.</p>
<p>“Well, what did she say?” asked Rey, smiling back at Finn.</p>
<p>“She's going to be recording a track for the new <em>Grandmaster Chronicles </em>movie,” Finn said, pausing.</p>
<p>Rey stared at him expectantly.</p>
<p>“And she wants Second Song to help write the song and feature in it for the movie!” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey grinned back at her husband, who was wearing a silly-happy expression.</p>
<p>“Really?” she asked, bouncing a little on the bed before getting up to accept Finn's hug. “That's great! We should get her something nice as a thank you. We owe her a lot already.”</p>
<p>“You deserve every bit of publicity she's given you,” Finn said. “What do you think Ben will say?”</p>
<p>“He'll be ambivalent,” said Rey. “More work at the end of our tour, less time at home for the holidays with family... but this is a fantastic development. He can't argue with that.”</p>
<p>“How does he feel about Skylar Short?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and said, “I don't know.”</p>
<p>Later that day, Rey learned Ben had a few strong feelings about the idea of working with Skylar Short the weekend prior to Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>“I was planning to be home by then, and stay there until January,” he said. “Did Finn agree to a date without asking me?”</p>
<p>“The date wasn't negotiable, Ben,” Rey said. “Skylar's schedule is already set for this. The date is the date, take it or leave it.”</p>
<p>Ben sighed in annoyance.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, looking away. He sighed heavily again.</p>
<p>“I'll call Soph after dinner and tell her the news,” he said unhappily.</p>
<p>“Are you at least a little excited about this?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben looked at her blankly for a moment, then said, “It will be good for the band. We'd be stupid to say no.”</p>
<p>“She had two days blocked off for the project, but I bet we could do it in one,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben raised his eyebrows as if to disagree.</p>
<p>“We've written a song in a couple of hours before,” Rey reminded him.</p>
<p>“Sure, we can do it, just the two of us, but once you start adding in more writers with different ideas, things start to take a lot longer,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“I got the impression from Finn that she's hoping we'll do most of the writing, give her the lead part, and then make her sound amazing with some great harmonies,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Are you sure that isn't just what Finn thinks we should do?” asked Ben.</p>
<p>Rey frowned and said, “What is that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“Just what I said,” Ben replied. “Don't pretend like you don't know Finn manipulates people.”</p>
<p>Rey opened her mouth to argue, but nothing came out.</p>
<p>“Finn does a lot of things without consulting you, doesn't he?” Ben asked, his gaze piercing. “Like all the times he talked to Poe without letting you know, or showed up at the studio as a surprise?”</p>
<p>Ben paused and squinted at Rey as if trying to read her mind for a moment.</p>
<p>“Or, like when he told me to keep pushing boundaries with you on stage, and said not to worry about upsetting him,” he said.</p>
<p>“When did he say that?” asked Rey, her heart beginning to race. “What did he want you to do?”</p>
<p>“He said it at the beginning of this tour,” Ben said. “As for what he had in mind, it beats me. I've spent a lot of time wondering what Finn was hoping I'd do that we're not already doing on stage.”</p>
<p>Warmth rose in Rey's neck and face as Ben continued to stare at her in silence.</p>
<p>“Maybe you should ask him,” he said.</p>
<p>“I'm sure he just meant for you to look back at me as often as I look at you on stage,” Rey said, recalling the handful of times Finn had mentioned Ben's tendency to look at the ground early on in their touring days.</p>
<p>“Maybe you're right,” Ben said, in a way that suggested he did not think so at all.</p>
<p>When the day came to fly out to meet with Skylar Short, Ben left his complaints about leaving South Carolina behind, much to Rey's relief.</p>
<p>The writing session went well – so well, in fact, that they completed the song and recorded it in one day. Ben was pleasant and quick to compromise with the others, perhaps because he just wanted to be done with the thing. When Skylar Short asked them to return a few weeks later to make an appearance in the music video for the song, which would be released the day after Christmas, Ben managed to hide his frustration until he and Rey were driving back to the hotel to pick up Finn for dinner.</p>
<p>“Well, I guess I'm missing the twins' birthday,” he muttered tersely, after shutting the car door too hard.</p>
<p>Rey held her breath for a moment, trying to think of what to say.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Ben,” was all she could manage at first.</p>
<p>He sat in angry silence, his face stony and cold as he turned the key in the ignition. They sat for a few minutes while the car idled in the parking spot.</p>
<p>“Did you know she wanted us in the music video?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Really? Finn didn't say anything about it?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Finn and I didn't talk about it, Ben,” Rey said honestly. “If you don't want to do it, we can tell her to leave us out. We'll still be featured in the song title.”</p>
<p>“No, we should do it,” Ben said in a tone of defeat. He sighed, and put the car into gear.</p>
<p>“I think so, too,” said Rey softly. “But I don't want you to agree if you're going to regret it.”</p>
<p>Ben did not respond. He drove halfway back to the hotel before speaking again.</p>
<p>“You two go on to dinner. I'm going to order in,” he said. “Do you want to go up with me, or are you just going to call Finn down?”</p>
<p>“He'll be down any second,” Rey said. “I already sent him a message.”</p>
<p>“All right. Well, I'm gonna go up and order something. I'm starving,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Me too,” Rey said. “I can't believe we wrote and recorded a song with Skylar Short in one day.”</p>
<p>“It was a long day,” Ben said, glancing at the clock.</p>
<p>It was already ten till eight. Skylar Short had rushed out of the recording studio as soon as they finished the song, and was probably already on her flight out to a friend's wedding that weekend. Ben had not been the only one determined to complete the song in record time.</p>
<p>“See you tomorrow,” Rey said, as Ben got out of the car.</p>
<p>Finn must have passed Ben on the way out of the hotel, because he appeared in the parking deck less than a minute later.</p>
<p>“Hello, dear,” he said warmly, plopping himself into the driver's seat and adjusting it forward with a loud click.</p>
<p>“How was your day?” Finn asked, his eyes bright with interest.</p>
<p>“Great,” Rey said. “It was the easiest songwriting I've ever done. Like I said, if we could catch an earlier flight, we could leave tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“I've already taken care of it,” Finn said smoothly. “We leave in the morning.”</p>
<p>“What time? I'll tell Ben,” Rey said, swiping at the screen of her phone.</p>
<p>“Ten-thirty,” said Finn.</p>
<p>Rey quickly sent Ben the information in a message. He responded with a simple, <em>Okay</em>.</p>
<p>“I suppose Ben was pissed about coming back before Christmas to do the music video?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“He's going to miss the twins' birthday,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Ah... so more than pissed?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“He was upset, but he said we need to do it,” Rey said. “Finn, did Skylar Short tell you about the music video before today?”</p>
<p>“No. I got the call this morning,” Finn said. “I also got the impression her people were pushing for her to make the video by herself, but Skylar had other ideas.”</p>
<p>Rey and Finn ate a quick dinner at a small diner that Finn insisted was one of the best he'd found while traveling with his last band. Rey gratefully returned to the hotel a short while later to shower and change into her favorite leggings and a cozy oversized sweatshirt she'd bought the first time she visited Finn in Nashville.</p>
<p>Just as Rey settled back onto the ineffective hotel pillows to watch TV with Finn before drifting off to sleep, her phone lit up with a message from Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>What time are we headed to the airport?</em>
</p>
<p>Rey typed back, <em>7:30. We'll grab breakfast on the way in. Yokels? </em></p>
<p><em>Sure</em>, Ben responded. <em>Anywhere with coffee. </em></p>
<p><em>What did you have for dinner? </em>Rey asked.</p>
<p><em>Chinese from down the street</em>, he answered.</p>
<p>A sudden soft snore from Finn startled Rey. Her husband was asleep, sitting up halfway with his neck at an odd angle. He would regret sleeping like that in the morning.</p>
<p><em>How did it go breaking the news?</em> Rey asked.</p>
<p><em>Fine</em>, was all Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey watched a few more minutes of the TV show, then rolled over and gently rubbed Finn's arm.</p>
<p>“Hey, honey, do you have the remote over there?” she asked, yawning. “I'm going to sleep.”</p>
<p>Finn mumbled something unintelligible and fumbled around with the sheets before clicking off the TV and dropping the remote onto the floor with a thunk.</p>
<p>“G'nite,” he said, laying his arm over Rey.</p>
<p>She lay still listening to Finn quickly fall back to sleep, then rolled over to the cool edge of the bed, out from under his arm. After checking her phone once more, she made sure it was on silent and turned it face down before falling swiftly to sleep.</p>
<p>They left for the airport early the next morning, and stopped at one of Rey's favorite local breakfast spots. Ben ordered black coffee and an enormous breakfast bagel. Rey indulged in a large latte and ordered a small fruit bowl as well, which came with a side of cubed cheese. Finn only wanted a cup of oatmeal with his coffee, which made Rey wrinkle her nose at him. She hated the smell of oatmeal.</p>
<p>The airport was busy when they arrived, but their journey to the gate went smoothly. With time to kill, Finn pulled out his laptop and secured himself a spot next to an outlet in the corner, sitting on the floor and propping himself against the wall.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben found a couple of empty seats nearby and watched Finn begin checking his email, typing rapid responses every so often. After a while, he pulled out his earbuds and put them on, presumably listening to a video for the website or one of the social media posts he was planning that week.</p>
<p>“Does he ever turn it off?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Turn what off? Work?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and looked at Finn, who was giving the laptop screen a penetrating stare as he listened intently to whatever was playing in his ear.</p>
<p>“Not really,” Rey said. Her stomach growled loudly.</p>
<p>“Hungry already?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey placed a palm on her stomach and said, “I wasn't until just now!”</p>
<p>“You should go back and get that fancy pastry thing you were ogling on the way here,” Ben said, referring to the enormous, heavenly-smelling blueberry cream cheese danishes on display at one of the gate's coffee stands.</p>
<p>“Mmmm... they looked amazing,” Rey said, her mouth watering at the thought. “I shouldn't, though. We'll have lunch when we land.”</p>
<p>Ben gave her an odd look, and stood up.</p>
<p>“I'll be back,” he mumbled, walking off.</p>
<p>Rey pulled her jacket over her body and slid down in her seat, closing her eyes as she waited for the plane to begin boarding. Less than ten minutes later, Ben was back. A delightful smell wafted ahead of him, causing Rey to open her eyes.</p>
<p>“You got one!” Rey said, staring jealously at the danish he held in his hand, nestled in a piece of wax paper. There was already a bite missing.</p>
<p>Ben sat down beside her and looked at the danish.</p>
<p>“You want some?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Oh... ah, sure,” Rey said. “Just a bite.”</p>
<p>Ben smirked and carefully broke the danish apart inside the paper. Rey could see that it was drizzled with honey. He offered her half.</p>
<p>“That's too much!” she protested, laughing.</p>
<p>Ben only shook the offering at her insistently.</p>
<p>“I need a napkin, it looks messy,” Rey said, fighting the urge to lick her lips in anticipation.</p>
<p>“Here,” said Ben, ripping the wax paper in half as well, and pushing the pastry into her hand. “Happy, now?”</p>
<p>Rey took a bite of the danish and briefly closed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Mmm, thank you.”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head and ate the rest of his half in two bites.</p>
<p>“When's the last time you had a real dessert?” Ben asked, watching Rey continue to savor her treat.</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and said, “I'm not a big dessert person. I use my extra calories for wine.”</p>
<p>Ben gave her the same odd look he'd worn before leaving to buy the danish.</p>
<p>“Are you always on a diet?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said. “I haven't actually counted calories in years. It's just my lifestyle now. I'm much healthier than I used to be.”</p>
<p>“Back when you were making those Christian music albums?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey finished her pastry and crumpled the paper in her hand.</p>
<p>“I never had a healthy diet as a kid,” Rey said. “My parents let me eat whatever I wanted and since we were so busy with school and music lessons, that was a lot of fast food. When I signed on to record the first album, they put me on a diet.”</p>
<p>“They shouldn't have made you do that,” Ben said. “You were just a kid. That could have really messed you up.”</p>
<p>Rey sighed and said, “I suppose it could have, but as boring as the diet was, it was much better for me than what I had been eating all my life.”</p>
<p>Ben was still staring at her.</p>
<p>“I'm aware that I looked like a completely different person on the cover of that first album,” Rey said, laughing. “That chubby baby face, the chunky blonde highlights... I'm always a little horrified when a fan mentions they listened to me back then.”</p>
<p>“You were a product of the times,” Ben said, smirking.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “I guess I was, but it's still embarrassing. Do you have any old embarrassing band photos?”</p>
<p>“Nope,” Ben said. “I've always looked this good.”</p>
<p>“Oh!” Rey laughed. “I'm going to need to see proof of that claim!”</p>
<p>The call was made for boarding, and people began lining up, anxious to get on the plane. Finn packed up his laptop and walked over to Rey and Ben.</p>
<p>“Helen just sent me a few clips of the recording session. Really great stuff. Hopefully we'll be able to use some of it on social media this month.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and stood up, putting her jacket on the proper way.</p>
<p>“Great,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn pulled a granola bar out of his bag and quickly ate it while they waited to board.</p>
<p>“You want one?” he asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, no thanks,” she said. “I just ate.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Finn asked curiously.</p>
<p>“I stole half of Ben' danish,” Rey said.</p>
<p>None of them were seated together for the flight, which was now full. Rey listened to music and dozed lightly against her travel pillow. She was groggy when they landed, and hungry. Ben managed to squeeze into the aisle just behind her as they disembarked.</p>
<p>“You sleep the whole time?” he asked, leaning down to speak near her left ear.</p>
<p>Rey jumped in surprise and whipped her head around to look at Ben.</p>
<p>“Pretty much,” she said. “You scared me!”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said, smirking.</p>
<p>They caught up with Finn a minute later.</p>
<p>“Lunch?” he asked eagerly.</p>
<p>Their next flight out to meet Skylar Short took place on a cold, dark December morning that was as overcast and moody as Ben's face in the car on the way to the studio. When they arrived, Rey and Ben were whisked away by a trio of stylists before catching a glimpse of Skylar. They met her nearly an hour later. She was dressed in floaty, flowing fabric and looked like an otherworldly elven creature.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben were wearing dark, somber attire as usual. Rey had been put into a long victorian-styled dress, and Ben wore a handsome vintage suit and hat, which he kept taking off and holding in his hands for a minute before placing it back on his head uncomfortably. The stylists fussed with Ben's hair far longer than they worked with Rey's, trying to achieve the perfect balance of tamed waves and masculine messiness.</p>
<p>The music video did not take long to shoot. Ben and Rey were done with their scenes first, and after changing back into their own attire they sat watching from the provided chairs as Skylar continued to film. Skylar insisted on having dinner with them after the shoot. Finn hovered close by the support crew while Second Songwas in front of the camera, talking to whoever was available to listen.</p>
<p>“Skylar's friend, Emily, is one of the photographers,” Finn said, when he finally joined Rey and Ben. “She's agreed to send us some of the photos of the three of you getting ready and talking between scenes today. It'll be great behind-the-scenes stuff for us to use.”</p>
<p>“That'll be great,” Rey said, failing to sound as enthusiastic as she intended.</p>
<p>Ben did not speak or look away from Skylar, who was now laughing at something one of the film crew said as a stylist rearranged her hair.</p>
<p>Dinner was a long, loud affair at an upscale restaurant. Skylar reserved the party room for their group, which consisted of Skylar, the film crew, stylists, video director, Skylar's manager and her husband, and Rey, Finn, and Ben.</p>
<p>“So, your husband is your manager?” asked one of the stylists, staring at Rey and Finn. Finn had put his arm around Rey moments earlier, prompting a member of the film crew to ask if they were married.</p>
<p>“Yep,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I had no idea!” exclaimed the stylist, whose name was Asha. “I thought you two were a couple.”</p>
<p>Asha motioned between Rey and Ben.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, that was awkward for me to say,” Asha said. “I just saw both of your wedding rings earlier and assumed. So, you're actually both married to other people?”</p>
<p>Asha looked mystified by the revelation and fell silent.</p>
<p>“Does your wife ever travel with you, Ben?” asked Jesse, another of the stylists.</p>
<p>Ben glared at Jesse and Asha for a long, uncomfortable moment, then said, “No.”</p>
<p>After dinner, Rey and Finn returned to their hotel for the night, and Ben returned to the airport to catch a redeye flight home.</p>
<p>“I can't believe you're getting back on a plane tonight,” Rey said, as the three of them walked away from the restaurant.</p>
<p>Ben shrugged and said, “I'd rather get back to my own bed.”</p>
<p>They drove him to the airport and Rey got out of the car to say goodbye when they dropped him off.</p>
<p>“Have a wonderful holiday with your family,” she said, giving him a quick hug. “We'll see you in February.”</p>
<p>Finn got out too, and hurried around the car to shake Ben's hand.</p>
<p>“Enjoy the time at home, Ben,” he said. “It's been a great year.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Finn,” Ben said. He picked up his bag and waved as he left.</p>
<p>Finn jumped back into the car, which was still running. Rey watched Ben walk into the airport and disappear before returning to the passenger seat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Things You Don't Want to Know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christmas was a low-key affair for Rey and Finn that year. They did not travel and Rey refused to let Finn obligate them to attend more than two Christmas parties before Christmas Eve, when they would be at the Space Man Records Christmas party. Poe was devastated that Ben would not be coming.</p>
<p>Rey met Rose a couple of days before Christmas at her Nashville apartment. Damion would be at work all afternoon and evening, so it was just the two of them.</p>
<p>“Rey!”</p>
<p>Rose enveloped Rey in a crushing hug as soon as she opened the door.</p>
<p>“Your place looks great,” Rey said, noticing that Rose had redecorated her apartment.</p>
<p>“Oh, thanks, I forgot you hadn't seen it yet,” said Rose, leading Rey to the kitchen and offering her a drink.</p>
<p>“So, tell me about the music video with Skylar Short!” Rose said excitedly.</p>
<p>“Well, we will be in a scene or two, but that's all I know,” Rey said. “We're mostly singing background decorations.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm, but this is still great for the band,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“I hope so,” Rey said. “The song will be released next week.”</p>
<p>“Can't wait to hear it,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“How is wedding planning?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“All the important decisions have been made,” Rose said. “It's down to the details now. Can I just say, I don't ever want to plan another wedding? It's exhausting.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded, even though she and Finn were married in a small ceremony with only his family present. Rey had never planned a wedding, but it sounded like a lot of work.</p>
<p>“Let's not talk about the wedding though, I'm sick of it,” Rose said. “It's all anyone wants to talk about. Tell me about Second Song. What's next?”</p>
<p>“<em>Deep Water</em> is going to be released internationally after the New Year,” Rey said. “Finn's busy booking us a tour around the U.K. for the summer. We'll start off next year's tour in February with a few shows in Nashville, then head out to the west coast and make our way back through the southern states.”</p>
<p>“Then you'll hop across the pond!” Rose said. “I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, Rey! Good for you – and good for Finn. He's really making it happen for Second Song.”</p>
<p>“Finn never stops making it happen for us,” Rey agreed. “He's tireless.”</p>
<p>“Are you tired?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“It was a long year, but I loved the tour,” Rey said. “It's a good kind of tired for me.”</p>
<p>Rose nodded and asked, “What about Ben?”</p>
<p>“What about him?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Is he happy with the way things are going?” asked Rose. “Is Soph still causing problems?”</p>
<p>“She just wants to see her husband once in a while,” Rey said. “I can't blame her.”</p>
<p>“It's the life,” said Rose, shrugging. “She knows that.”</p>
<p>“I suppose she does,” Rey said. “Ben is really trying. He flew out the same night we flew in to film that video with Skylar Short. Took a redeye flight home.”</p>
<p>“Wow, that's dedication,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“It was the twins' birthday,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Ah,” Rose replied, nodding. “Still, they're young enough they don't know what day it is. Easy enough to tell them it was another day. Well, I won't give Soph too much of a hard time. After all, it's because of her that I'm getting a free meal and wine tonight!”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Don't remind me. That show was our worst this year!”</p>
<p>“I think it was your worst ever,” Rose said. “Sorry!”</p>
<p>Rey and Finn managed to leave Poe's Christmas party at a decent hour, and came home to a cozily decorated home as a light flurry of snow fell. Finn drank his customary eggnog and made Rey a decadent spiked peppermint hot chocolate. They sat up late watching TV until Rey dozed off against Finn on the sofa.</p>
<p>On Christmas morning, Rey woke up to the smell of coffee wafting into the bedroom from the kitchen. She went down to find Finn sitting with a half-finished cup already.</p>
<p>“We got a gift this morning,” Finn said. He held up his phone, and Rey saw what looked like a still from their music video with Skylar Short.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas! The video was released early,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“They did it today?” Rey asked in surprise. “Why didn't they tell us? Did you know?”</p>
<p>Finn grinned and said, “I wanted it to be a surprise.”</p>
<p>“Finn!” Rey said, coming over to take his phone and play the video. “You've already watched it, haven't you?”</p>
<p>“No, I was waiting for you,” Finn said convincingly.</p>
<p>“Did you tell Ben?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Finn said. “Skylar's manager probably sent him the email, too.”</p>
<p>“He won't be checking it this morning,” Rey said. “I'll tell him.”</p>
<p>Though she wanted to call, Rey thought better of it, and sent Ben a text message instead.</p>
<p>
  <em>The music video is up early – Merry Christmas. </em>
</p>
<p>Ben did not reply until after dinner that evening.</p>
<p><em>Looks good. Merry Christmas, </em>said the message.</p>
<p>Ben sent another message hours later. Rey was sipping another peppermint hot chocolate on the sofa.</p>
<p>
  <em>We should work on the second album before we start the tour. I'll come back a few weeks early. </em>
</p>
<p>“Ben wants to come to Nashville before the tour to work on the music for our next album,” Rey said, causing Finn to look up.</p>
<p><em>Last two weeks of January?</em> Rey asked.</p>
<p><em>You still have a guest room available? </em>Ben asked in reply.</p>
<p>“He wants to stay here,” Rey said aloud.</p>
<p>Finn said, “It would be convenient for the two of you to work here.”</p>
<p>“I wonder what brought about this change of heart,” Rey said. “Should I tell him he can stay here?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Finn. “If the two of you make enough progress, we'll be able to record the album in the spring, before we go abroad.”</p>
<p>“That will be pushing it, Finn,” Rey said, as she typed a reply to Ben.</p>
<p><em>Sure, you can stay with us</em>.</p>
<p>Rey did not hear from Ben again until January 15<sup>th</sup>. He called her early that morning, a call she missed because she was still asleep. Ben did not answer when she attempted to return the call, but sent a message an hour later.</p>
<p><em>Heading your way tomorrow night. Be there around 9</em>.</p>
<p>Rey wondered at Ben's sudden desire to escape his family, after complaining all year about how infrequently he was able to go home. When Ben arrived the next evening it was pouring cold rain that was just short of freezing on the roads. He accepted the beer Finn offered and sank into the chair in the living room with a tired sigh.</p>
<p>“Well, that drive was no picnic,” he said after taking a few swigs of his beer. “Rained the whole way.”</p>
<p>“I'm glad you made it without any problems,” Rey said. “Welcome back.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he said, lifting the bottle to his mouth again.</p>
<p>Ben went to bed early, or at least pretended to do so, and left Rey and Finn alone for the night.</p>
<p>“I'm going into the city tomorrow,” Finn said. “I want to talk to Poe about the next album.”</p>
<p>“Finn,” Rey warned. “Give us a chance to get some work done before you go making plans for the spring.”</p>
<p>“Nothing is going to be set in stone,” Finn said reassuringly.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should all go,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“If you want come, you can,” Finn said. “But I thought you wanted to get back into the music as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>“We'll ask Ben in the morning,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Finn said, “He won't want to waste a day on a meeting with Poe.”</p>
<p>“Any meeting with Poe does take most of the day,” Rey agreed.</p>
<p>Finn was right. Ben and Rey stayed at the house while Finn went into the city to meet Poe the next day. Rey found Ben in the kitchen in the morning, already drinking a cup of coffee.</p>
<p>“How long have you been out here?” she asked.</p>
<p>“About an hour,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey began fixing coffee for herself.</p>
<p>“You want some breakfast?” she asked Ben.</p>
<p>He shrugged and said, “I'll eat whatever. You don't have to cook for me.”</p>
<p>“I'm going to have an omelette,” Rey said. “Sound good?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said.</p>
<p>A short while later they were eating together at the kitchen island. Ben poured a second cup of coffee.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said, waving a bit of omelette on his fork at Rey before eating it.</p>
<p>“You're easier to work with when you're not hungry,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Right back at 'ya,” he said.</p>
<p>They were soon in the music room again.</p>
<p>“How long do you reckon we have before Finn gets back?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>The way he said the question made Rey pause.</p>
<p>“Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>Ben grunted and said, “Lets get some stuff done before he comes in throwing suggestions at around.”</p>
<p>“Finn has good ideas,” Rey said defensively.</p>
<p>“Sometimes he does,” Ben said begrudgingly. “But they aren't <em>our</em> ideas. We areSecond Song, not Finn. As soon as Finn, and Poe, and whoever else they start talking to about the next album get too much influence, the sound won't be ours anymore.”</p>
<p>“If everyone thought like that, we would never have been able to make a living as songwriters,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“We aren't like other artists,” Ben said sharply. “That's how we got to where we are. Finn knows what works in the business, sure, but the problem is we aren't like anyone else in this business.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I get it,” Rey said, just as sharply. “Let's start working. I'm sure Finn won't be home for hours.”</p>
<p>Ben gave her a look that said he wanted to push the subject, but he nodded and picked up his guitar. They did not manage to produce anything inspiring. Finn did not return until after they gave up for the day.</p>
<p>“He answer your message yet?” Ben asked as he put his guitar away for the evening.</p>
<p>“He says he'll be home in about twenty minutes, and wants to know if we want Chinese for dinner,” Rey said, peering at her phone screen.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said, typing a reply to Finn. “Any requests?”</p>
<p>“I'm not picky,” Ben said, prompting Rey to give him look of mild disbelief.</p>
<p>“Whatever you and Finn usually get is fine,” Ben insisted.</p>
<p>“All right...” Rey said, relaying the information to Finn.</p>
<p>“What the hell were Finn and Poe talking about for seven hours?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey sighed and shrugged, saying, “Finn is still freelancing. He probably had a few meetings, or spent a couple of hours working on his laptop at <em>The Green Door</em>.”</p>
<p>“Does he normally spend a lot of time in Nashville without you?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“We're normally on tour,” Rey reminded Ben. “Being here in our own home is no longer normal.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded slightly in commiseration.</p>
<p>“You didn't answer the question,” he said after a moment.</p>
<p>Rey frowned, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.</p>
<p>“I'd rather be here than running around Nashville,” she said. “What exactly are you trying to suggest?”</p>
<p>“I'd be curious,” Ben said, staring hard at Rey.</p>
<p>“Curious about what?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“About what Finn is up to in Nashville.”</p>
<p>“Why don't you trust him?” Rey asked in exasperation. “He's done nothing but work tirelessly for us! I don't understand why you have to second-guess him. Look at where we are. It's not just because of our talent – it's because of Finn. We'd be nowhere without him!”</p>
<p>Ben stared at her in apparent shock for a moment.</p>
<p>“It's not Finn's work for Second Song I don't trust, even though I don't always agree with him,” Ben said slowly – significantly. He continued to stare at Rey, blinking a few times as the seconds passed between them.</p>
<p>“Then what...?” Rey trailed off, finally comprehending. “Ben, do you know something I don't?”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head and looked as if he now regretted bringing up the subject.</p>
<p>“I don't know anything,” he said. “I just know I'd be curious. If I were you.”</p>
<p>Rey frowned at Ben, her heart beating faster.</p>
<p>“Does Soph know you're staying with us?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben narrowed his eyes at her, and after a moment answered, “No.”</p>
<p>“Forgive me if I don't take your relationship advice, then,” Rey said coldly. “My marriage is not yours, Ben. Finn and I trust one another.”</p>
<p>Ben looked briefly repentant, but the next words out of his mouth proved otherwise.</p>
<p>“What if Finn doesn't trust you? What if he just doesn't care whether or not we're having an affair?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey's mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>“I can't believe you just said that.”</p>
<p>“I'm just calling it like I see it,” Ben said stubbornly. “I've seen a lot of you and Finn together. He's a devoted band manager, he's devoted to your career – and his own – but I'm not convinced he's a devoted husband. I think he'd rather have a famous wife than a faithful one.”</p>
<p>Rey's shock was quickly turning into anger.</p>
<p>“Stop it!”</p>
<p>She took a breath before continuing.</p>
<p>“Just because <em>you've </em>been pretending to still be in love with your wife – ”</p>
<p>Rey had struck a nerve. He opened his mouth, but Rey was not finished.</p>
<p>“I wasn't going to pry, but since you don't have a problem prying into my marriage, let me ask you... why are you here, staying in my home, instead of back with your family where you've begged to be all year? Have you finally given up on Soph? Did she cheat on you?”</p>
<p>“No,” he said. “I'm here because I decided Finn was right about getting an album out before the international tour. It didn't make sense to stay somewhere else when we need to work together every day. Soph was upset enough about me leaving early, so I made the best of the time I had with her and didn't start another argument about staying with you and Finn. That's it.”</p>
<p>“It's still a lie,” Rey said. “How would she feel if she knew?”</p>
<p>Ben stared at her blankly for a moment, then said, “She won't know. Doesn't matter. She still doesn't trust me to be on tour with you.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed, and some of her anger dissipated.</p>
<p>“So, Soph believes we're having an affair, and so you think Finn does as well?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I'm sure he does,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Why are you so sure?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“The things he says to me when you're not around,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Like what?” Rey asked, crossing her arms. .</p>
<p>“He tells me exactly how long he'll be out when we're practicing,” Ben said. “And he never comes back early.”</p>
<p>“So what? Finn likes to keep to a schedule. That doesn't mean anything,” Rey said dismissively.</p>
<p>“Did he tell you what time he'd be back today?” asked Ben.</p>
<p>“In time for dinner,” Rey said. “He should be here any minute, actually.”</p>
<p>“He'll be here at a quarter to six,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey laughed again and said, “Okay. That's in ten minutes.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and said, “Ten minutes.”</p>
<p>Rey could not help watching the clock for the next few minutes of silence between them. After a while, Ben cleared his throat and began picking at the strings of his guitar.</p>
<p>“This is ridiculous,” Rey said. “Finn doesn't think we're having an affair. He would say something if he did.”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” was Ben's answer.</p>
<p>“He would!” Rey insisted. “I know him. He's my husband. I've known him for almost ten years.”</p>
<p>“People can change a lot in ten years,” Ben said bitterly.</p>
<p>“Well, Finn hasn't,” Rey said, hugging herself.</p>
<p>“Hmm.”</p>
<p>Rey looked back at the clock. It was five forty-four. Ben continued to play the guitar without looking up again.</p>
<p>Five forty-five. Rey held her breath, knowing it was ridiculous to expect Finn to walk through the front door at precisely the predicted time. Ben hummed along to his tune, something Rey had not heard before. Despite her irritation with the man in that moment, her interest was peaked. Five forty-six. Ben stopped playing and glanced at the clock, then at Rey. They watched the second hand make its way around the clock face again.</p>
<p>They heard the sound of a car door shutting.</p>
<p><em>It doesn't mean anything, </em>Rey thought.</p>
<p>Seconds later, the front door opened.</p>
<p>“Honey, I'm home,” Finn called cheerfully.</p>
<p>Ben wordlessly took off his guitar and put it away as Finn appeared in the doorway holding a bag full of Chinese takeout containers.</p>
<p>“Still at it?” Finn asked. “Ready for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Mmmm, yes,” Rey said, walking over to kiss Finn's cheek. “I'm starving!”</p>
<p>“Me too,” Finn said. “It was torture smelling all of this on the drive home.”</p>
<p>Rey took the bag from Finn's hand and led the way to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“You coming, Ben?” she heard Finn ask.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I'll be right there,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Ben appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later, after Rey and Finn had grabbed plates and utensils and poured glasses of water. Finn went to the fridge and opened a beer.</p>
<p>“Ben?” he asked, holding up a second bottle.</p>
<p>“No, thanks,” Ben said, settling into his seat.</p>
<p>Rey was already helping herself to the fried rice. Ben picked up another container and inspected the contents seriously.</p>
<p>“Pepper steak, general tso's, teriyaki chicken, garlic green beans,” said Finn, walking over and pointing to the various unopened containers on the bar.</p>
<p>“Spring rolls,” added Rey, pulling them out of the bag.</p>
<p>“Is there any food left at the restaurant?” Ben asked, tipping a container over and using a fork to push steak and peppers onto his plate.</p>
<p>“We like to bring the buffet home,” Finn said, eagerly beginning to fill his own plate.</p>
<p>They began eating without speaking for a few minutes. Ben stared intently at his food and ate quickly. Finn crunched on a mouthful of crispy garlic beans, his favorite side dish. Rey savored her first spring roll and stole glances at both her husband and Ben. If what Ben claimed was true, how could Finn sit there beside Rey's supposed lover and happily devour his dinner?</p>
<p>Rey glanced back at Ben. He was mistaken, or he was lying. Rey took a large bite of fried rice and looked back at Finn. He caught her eye and smiled at her.</p>
<p>“Did you write any new songs today?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“We tried,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and kept eating. He looked as if he'd rather be anywhere else at the moment, and seemed to be trying to finish his dinner before he was forced to make any conversation. As soon as he cleaned his plate, he went to put it in the dishwasher and said, “Well, I'm going to get out of your hair for a while.”</p>
<p>He disappeared down the hallway. A minute later, he walked by wearing his winter jacket.</p>
<p>“Going for a walk in the cold?” Finn called.</p>
<p>“Yep,” came Ben' reply, before he opened the door and walked out of the house.</p>
<p>Whether Ben left that evening and did not return for nearly three hours because he thought Rey would confront Finn, or if he was simply uncomfortable being in the house after what had transpired in the music room that day, Rey did not know.</p>
<p>They watched a couple episodes of one of their guilty pleasure shows, <em>Audacious</em>. When Ben returned, he walked by the living room and said a brief goodnight before heading straight to the guest room.</p>
<p>Rey lay next to Finn in bed later that night, afraid to ask the question on her mind. Finn fell asleep before she worked up the courage to say anything. The next morning, Finn woke Rey up.</p>
<p>“Breakfast is ready,” he said, kissing her forehead.</p>
<p>“Thanks, babe.”</p>
<p>Finn left carrying his mug of coffee, and Rey took her time getting out of bed. She yawned for the fourth time as she walked into the kitchen. Finn promptly handed her a cup of steaming coffee.</p>
<p>“Mmmm,” she murmured into the mug.</p>
<p>Rey sipped her coffee before making herself a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast. She smiled at her husband, whose back was turned as he fixed himself another cup of coffee. Would a man who thought his wife was cheating on him make her breakfast?</p>
<p>“I'm going into the city this morning to meet with Alicia and Michael. Do you want to come?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... maybe. When are you meeting them?” asked Rey, thinking she should definitely shower and wear something much nicer.</p>
<p>“At ten,” said Finn, picking up another piece of bacon from the plate where he'd put a few pieces aside, presumably for Ben.</p>
<p>“You'll have to leave so soon,” Rey said, looking at the clock. “I'll pass this time. You should invite them over for dinner before we go back on the road. I haven't seen them in over a year.”</p>
<p>“Will do,” Finn said, washing his hands and drying them on the dish towel by the sink. “All right. I'll be back after lunch, around two.”</p>
<p>“I need to go to the grocery store,” Rey said. “Chili for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Finn, coming over to kiss her goodbye. “Can't wait.”</p>
<p>Ben appeared in the kitchen minutes after Finn left the house.</p>
<p>“Smells good in here,” he said, grabbing a piece of bacon as he walked by the counter.</p>
<p>“Finn made breakfast,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Where'd he go today?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Meeting with Alicia Waters and Michael Terrapin about that social media campaign,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“The environmentalists,” Ben said, nodding as he ate another piece of bacon.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said, nodding as well.</p>
<p>“He say when he'd be back?” Ben asked, his tone far more casual than the look he gave Rey.</p>
<p>“After lunch, he said,” Rey replied. “You want to work now or wait until I run to the store for some groceries?”</p>
<p>“Whatever suits you,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He poured himself a cup of coffee, and stood leaning on the counter drinking it.</p>
<p>“I like to go when it's not busy, so I'll run out now and we can work when I get back,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“All right,” Ben said, raising his mug to his lips and taking a long sip of his coffee.</p>
<p>Ben did not bring up the previous day's conversation again, though Rey waited on pins and needles for him to do so for the two weeks. Rey noticed over the following days that Ben was right – her husband always mentioned the time he would return. Finn was a meticulous scheduler of his time.</p>
<p>By the end of the second week, Rey and Ben had a few new numbers they felt belonged on the next album. Finn wanted to hear what they'd been working on, so on Monday morning they played for him while he recorded a video of the session on his phone to show to Poe later.</p>
<p>“You two could come into the city with me tomorrow and play it for him live,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I don't think we're ready for that yet,” said Rey, glancing at Ben. “It's all still rough.”</p>
<p>“It sounds great,” Finn insisted. “Keep working on the lyrics for the one with the French chorus, it's going to be the hidden gem of the album.”</p>
<p>Ben did not look as if he agreed.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I think you two should come in to the studio at the end of the week, then,” said Finn. “You can polish the work enough for Poe by then. We want him to feel really confident that you'll be ready to record in the spring.”</p>
<p>“Poe knows we'll come through,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“Finn, we should focus on coming up with a few more new songs this week,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Finn said. “I know how far you two can get with a few days of uninterrupted time to write. Poe's counting on hearing something by Friday.”</p>
<p>Ben made an unhappy sound and cleared his throat. Rey spoke before Ben could say anything.</p>
<p>“Fine, we'll get something ready for Poe,” she said. “But only be a couple of songs, Finn. Don't build this up too much.”</p>
<p>Once Finn was gone, Ben stopped fooling around on his guitar.</p>
<p>“You ready to get started?” he asked gruffly.</p>
<p>“I'll be right there,” she said from the kitchen. “You want some banana bread? It's Finn's family recipe.”</p>
<p>“Nah,” he said.</p>
<p>“You're really not happy about going in to play for Poe, are you?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“It's a waste of time,” Ben said. “If he needs to hear more before we come in to record, another video while we're on tour should be good enough. We'll lose a whole day of writing if we go to the studio. I didn't come back early to spend time driving around Nashville schmoozing.”</p>
<p>“Finn's been doing most of that for us,” Rey pointed out. “I suppose it doesn't look good if we don't show up at least once with him.”</p>
<p>Ben grunted and said, “It's Poe. He knows we'd rather be writing.”</p>
<p>“He also likes showing us off when we're in town,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Hmm.”</p>
<p>“Finn is just doing what he knows is best for the band,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Finn is pushing too hard,” Ben said. “We're not on tour yet. This was supposed to be down time for writing. Deadlines and private concerts for Poe were not what I had in mind when I came here.”</p>
<p><em>What did you have in mind for your stay here?</em> Rey wondered to herself.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Ben,” Rey said. “I don't like it either, but I think we have to do it.”</p>
<p>“Someday you'll have to say no, Rey,” Ben said. “Finn will keep pushing us to do more with less time and fewer breaks. When it gets to the breaking point I'll leave if you don't back me up. It's not even about my family, anymore. I can't be an artist – a writer, a good musician – at the pace Finn would have us do things. Nobody can. I won't hire other people to write our music, Rey. I'll leave before it comes to that.”</p>
<p>“Ben, I don't think Finn wants that for us,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“If he did, do you think he would tell you?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I – ” Rey began, but Ben interrupted her.</p>
<p>“Why do you still trust him?” Ben asked, his voice sharp.</p>
<p>“I have no reason not to trust my husband,” Rey said, just as sharply. “What is going on with you, Ben? I know you and Finn don't always see eye-to-eye on what's best for the band, but you and I have plenty of our own disagreements about the music as well. We're all in this together, and we're all doing what we think will benefit our careers. Sometimes that means compromising, and I've certainly done plenty of that when it comes to our sound!”</p>
<p>Ben stared at her, unblinking.</p>
<p>“Is this really about the new music, Ben? I know I'm asking you to follow me in new directions, but I think that's fair. We've spent a long time doing everything your way.”</p>
<p>Ben finally blinked, then said, “I just don't want to end up doing it all Finn's way. How do I know the stuff you're asking me to do isn't really coming from him?”</p>
<p>“Finn doesn't tell me how to write my music!” Rey said in disbelief. “If you hate my ideas that much, just tell me.”</p>
<p>“I don't hate your ideas,” Ben said slowly. “I have a hard time believing that rushing to develop our music into something new is your idea. Finn is lining up musicians to work with us on the album as we speak – isn't he?”</p>
<p>“If he is, he hasn't told me about it,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Wouldn't be the first time,” Ben muttered.</p>
<p>A deadly silence fell between them.</p>
<p>Rey finally took a deep breath and said, “Are we going to work today or not?”</p>
<p>They worked the rest of the afternoon, speaking as little as possible in the process. When Rey's phone buzzed against the piano bench half-way through the sixth rendition of one particular number, Ben sighed in exasperation.</p>
<p>“It's Rose,” Rey said. “Let's take a break, okay?”</p>
<p>Ben did not answer, but he took off his guitar and went to sit on the love seat. Rey answered the call and walked out of the music room.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rose,” she said warmly, happy to speak to someone who wanted to hear her voice.</p>
<p>“Rey! You answered!” said Rose in surprise. “I just got out of the school building, and I'm sitting in traffic. It looks like there's been a fender bender up ahead at the light. Ugh.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” said Rey. “How was your day?”</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rose. “School has been really good this year. My classes are wonderful. I want to see again before you go on tour. Do you have any free evenings this week?”</p>
<p>“Sure, any day,” said Rey. “I'm just working here at the house with Ben during the day.”</p>
<p>“Ben is there?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>Rey walked to the front door, pulled her winter coat off the hook, and went out onto the porch.</p>
<p>“Oh, that's right, you don't know,” said Rey. “He's been staying with us for the past week. We're trying to get some music written for the next album before we leave.”</p>
<p>“I thought you said he was going to meet you at the first tour stop in February?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that was the plan, but he decided we should get some uninterrupted writing done before the tour,” said Rey. “Finn tried to convince him of that before Christmas, but he never would agree to it.”</p>
<p>“What changed?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” said Rey. “He's been a real treat to work with, so I imagine things were not going well at home over the holidays.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm, I hope it doesn't affect him on tour,” said Rose. “This is a big one for you guys.”</p>
<p>“I know,” said Rey. “I'm starting to get nervous. I haven't been this nervous about getting on stage in a long time.”</p>
<p>Rose was silent for a moment, then said, “Well, I was thinking Thursday would be a good night for us to go out. Friday is a teacher workday for me.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Rey. “Is this a girls' night, or are we inviting the men?”</p>
<p>“Let's make it just us,” Rose said quickly. “Damion won't be able to come anyway. He just started that job at the new bar and he'll be working.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” said Rey. “Where do you want to meet?”</p>
<p>They agreed to spend the evening at a small, eclectic bar called <em>Shorty's</em>. Rey reluctantly said goodbye to Rose and went back inside the house. Ben was still sitting on the love seat, leaning back with his eyes shut.</p>
<p>“I'm meeting Rose for dinner on Thursday,” Rey said, wondering why she was telling Ben her plans as the words left her mouth. Ben's eyes opened and he looked at her for a moment. Rey sat down beside him on the love seat.</p>
<p>“Why did you leave South Carolina two weeks early?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben did not move, but his eyes roamed to the ceiling.</p>
<p>“I came for the music,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben looked as dissatisfied with that answer as Rey felt.</p>
<p>“I don't believe you,” she said quietly, and paused for a few minutes while she worked up the nerve to continue.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Rey finally asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing happened. Nothing changed.”</p>
<p>He sighed and folded his arms, closing his eyes again.</p>
<p>“Nothing ever will,” he said.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do about it?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He sighed and pressed his lips together.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” he said. “I just needed to get away and think I guess.”</p>
<p>“Have you talked to her since you left?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben slowly rolled his head over to look at her.</p>
<p>“Nope,” he said. “Not for lack of tryin' though.”</p>
<p>“Is this a separation?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Maybe it is.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to be able to tour?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>Ben laughed suddenly.</p>
<p>“That's all that matters to you, isn't it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“What? Of course not, Ben! I'm worried about you,” said Rey, hurt at his accusatory tone.</p>
<p>“You care about the music suffering,” Ben said, rolling his head away and closing his eyes again.</p>
<p>“It's not just about the music, Ben,” Rey said with conviction.</p>
<p>She touched his arm and said, “I care about you.”</p>
<p>He did not respond, but after a moment, he placed his own hand over hers.</p>
<p>“I'll be fine,” Ben said, and gave the back of her hand a pat before sitting up. “Don't worry about me.”</p>
<p>Things went smoothly for the next few days in the music room. Finn tried to convince Ben to come out with him on the evening Rey met up with Rose, but Ben insisted on staying in.</p>
<p>“Have a nice time, dear,” Finn said, as Rey prepared to leave.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do to entertain yourself without me?” Rey asked, smiling at her husband.</p>
<p>“Oh, didn't Ben tell you? We're going to write you a new song while you're gone,” Finn said, grinning back. “I might bring the Chinese buffet home again, if I can't convince Ben to get out of the house.”</p>
<p>Rey forgot to turn on the radio on her drive into the city. Instead, she ran through the songs she and Ben had been working on feverishly that week, the music and lyrics playing over and over in her head as she drove.</p>
<p>Rose was waiting for her at <em>Shorty's, </em>and got up to give her a bear hug.</p>
<p>“This is the last time I'm going to see you before the wedding, isn't it?” Rose said, squeezing Rey even tighter before letting go of her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Most likely,” Rey said, smiling at her sweet friend.</p>
<p>“Damn, I'm going to miss you,” Rose said. “But I'm so proud of you, Rey. I'm in awe, actually, of what you and Ben do.”</p>
<p>“Aw, thanks,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Rose continued to smile blindingly at Rey for a moment after they took their seats at the small booth against the wood-paneled wall of the bar. Her face quickly fell into a serious expression as she studied the menu. A waiter came to take their drink order.</p>
<p>“I'll have a Jack and Coke,” Rose said. “Make it a double.”</p>
<p>Rey ordered a sweet tea.</p>
<p>“You okay?” she asked her friend, laughing a little.</p>
<p>“Long week,” said Rose.</p>
<p>Rose cleared her throat and flipped through the menu.</p>
<p>“I can't decide what I want!” she said brightly. “Everything sounds amazing.”</p>
<p>“I'm getting the Big Blues Salad,” said Rey, eyeing the picture on the menu of a salad topped with juicy slices of steak and a generous sprinkling of blue cheese crumbles.</p>
<p>“A salad?” Rose said, wrinkling her nose. “You do you, Rey. I'm getting a burger.”</p>
<p>“How is the wedding planning going?” Rey asked after they'd placed their food orders.</p>
<p>“Oh, fine,” said Rose. “It's all done.”</p>
<p>“That's great,” said Rey. “What did you decide about the officiant?”</p>
<p>“I let my mother have that one,” Rose said. “It wasn't worth the fight, and it will mean a lot to Nana.”</p>
<p>“Isn't your Nana's birthday in May, too?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rose said. “She'll be ninety-eight years old the week before the wedding. So, I guess it will be my birthday gift to her to let her crazy old pastor marry us.”</p>
<p>Rey could not help letting her eyebrows rise up her forehead when Rose ordered a third drink.</p>
<p>“I took the bus here, don't judge, Rey,” she said, waving her hand lightly at Rey.</p>
<p>“No judgement, just a little concern, Rose,” Rey said. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I'm fine,” Rose said, laughing oddly.</p>
<p>Rey did not reply. What was wrong with Rose? Her friend's heavy sigh startled Rey into closing her mouth firmly.</p>
<p>“Rey, it's just... oh, I don't know how to say it,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“What, Rose?” Rey asked, anxiety tugging at her chest suddenly.</p>
<p>“I think...” Rose paused, as their server brought over her drink.</p>
<p>“Can I get another one?” Rose asked the server, as she slid the drink across the table to Rey.</p>
<p>“Here, you're going to want this,” she said.</p>
<p>“Rose, you're killing me!” Rey said. “What on earth are you trying to tell me?”</p>
<p>Rose shook her head and let out a long breath.</p>
<p>“Okay. Here goes. Ah, Damion thinks Finn is cheating on you,” said Rose, covering her face miserably. “He saw Finn out with a woman at his new job. It's a ridiculously expensive bar.”</p>
<p>Rey stared at Rose speechlessly for a moment, then laughed a little.</p>
<p>“How could he have, Rose? Finn has been home every night.”</p>
<p>It was Rose's turn to raise her brow at Rey.</p>
<p>“It wasn't at night, Rey,” she said. “Damion goes in after the lunch rush most days. He was waiting to start his shift when he noticed Finn at the bar with a woman. He was about to walk out and say hi, but then...”</p>
<p>“Then what?” Rey asked, wondering if her heart was still beating, from where it had dropped into her stomach.</p>
<p>“Damion said Finn put his arm around the woman and leaned in real close. Started whispering something in her ear, and she was giggling about it. Then, Finn leaves.”</p>
<p>Rey stared at her friend, unable to believe what she was implying about Finn.</p>
<p>“They didn't leave together?” she asked, clinging to anything to make sense of what Rose was saying.</p>
<p>“No, but Rey...” Rose pressed her lips together.</p>
<p>“Damion knows Finn flirts with everyone, but he said there was obviously something going on between Finn and this woman,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“I don't know how it could be obvious unless they were making out on the bar,” Rey said stubbornly.</p>
<p>Rose sighed again and said, “The woman stayed and ordered a drink from Damion. He asked her if that was her man who had just left. She said yes.”</p>
<p>Rey lifted the drink in front of her to her lips in silence.</p>
<p>“Did he get her name?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Again, Rose pressed her lips together. Her tried-and-true long-wearing red lipstick was fading unevenly on her bottom lip that evening. There were little bits of it stuck to her half-empty drink glass. Rey could not meet her friend's eyes as she waited to hear the name of the other woman.</p>
<p>“Dana Graybill,” said Rose. “She's an event planner. Damion mentioned he was engaged and planning a wedding. She left him her card.”</p>
<p>Rose dug into her pocket and took out a business card. She put it down on the table between them. Rey slowly reached out and picked up the card, struggling to focus her eyes on the small, neat cursive font that indeed read, <em>Dana Graybill, </em>in the middle.</p>
<p>“Maybe she only told Damion that Finn was her boyfriend because she thought he was trying to hit on her,” said Rey<em>. </em></p>
<p>Rose sadly shook her head and said, “I don't think so, Rey. I'm so sorry. I couldn't believe it when Damion told me. I still can't, really.”</p>
<p>Rey gulped down the last of the drink.</p>
<p>“Did I do the right thing, telling you this now?” Rose asked. “Damion said I should let him confront Finn first.”</p>
<p>“You'd want to know right away, if it was Damion, wouldn't you?” Rey asked, incredulously.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I would,” said Rose. “But Finn isn't just your husband. He's your manager. And the band is about to go international with the tour. A divorce would ruin your career.”</p>
<p>“My career!” Rey said, laughing at the absurdity of such a concern in the face of Rose's news.</p>
<p>“Yes, Rey. Your career. You know – the amazing music you've been making with the other man currently living under your roof? You can't let that slip out of your hands.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn't!” Rey said. “Neither would Finn. Even if we separated. He wouldn't sabotage my career, Rose.”</p>
<p>“A hour ago, would you have said he'd cheat on you?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey whispered, but her heart called her a liar. Ben had already planted the seed of doubt firmly in her mind, despite her best efforts to discount his accusations.</p>
<p>“Do you want to come over to my place for a while?” Rose asked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Don't Make a Fuss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You can stay the night, if you want,” Rose said as they got our of the cab and made their way up to her apartment.</p>
<p>Rey did not intend to take Rose up on the offer, but she gave her friend a small, appreciative smile.</p>
<p>“I'll make some coffee,” Rose said.</p>
<p>Rey followed her to the kitchen and sat down heavily at the kitchen table.</p>
<p>“So, what are you going to do?” Rose asked, her back turned as she poured water into the coffeemaker.</p>
<p>Rey listened to the water slosh into the machine for a moment.</p>
<p>“I have no idea,” she finally responded. “I still don't believe it. Part of me wants to go straight home and ask him about Dana Graybill, but I don't think I can.”</p>
<p>“It's what I would do,” Rose said, turning around and leaning against the counter with her arms folded.</p>
<p>A couple of hours later, Rey called Finn. The call went to his voicemail.</p>
<p><em>I'll be home late</em>, she texted him. <em>Went back to Rose's place. </em></p>
<p>When forty minutes passed without a response from her husband, Rey sent Ben a message.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is Finn at the house?</em>
</p>
<p>A few minutes later, Ben replied, <em>He turned in for the night a while ago</em>.</p>
<p>Rey checked the time.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, it's after midnight!” she exclaimed.</p>
<p>Rose nodded from her spot on the couch. They were watching a new tv series called <em>Broken Stones</em>.</p>
<p>“Are you staying, then?” she asked, yawning.</p>
<p>“No, I want to get home tonight,” Rey said anxiously, thinking of her car still parked a few blocks from the restaurant.</p>
<p>“I can drive you,” Rose said, yawning again, this time loudly.</p>
<p>“No, I'll get a ride. It's not far,” said Rey.</p>
<p>A short while later, Rose walked Rey out to meet the car she'd requested to take her downtown.</p>
<p>“Be safe, Rey,” Rose said.</p>
<p>She hugged Rey before she got into the waiting vehicle. On the short ride to her parked car, Rey got another message from Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>You coming back tonight? </em>
</p>
<p><em>On my way,</em> Rey replied. <em>See you in the morning. </em></p>
<p><em>Be safe</em>, Ben said, echoing Rose's sentiment.</p>
<p>Rey arrived home and slowly made her way up the steps to her front door, dreading reentering the home she shared with Finn. Nothing felt right, not the slight icy breeze, or the faint clanging of the neighbors' wind chimes, or the chill that seeped into her left boot where her sock had fallen down around her ankle.</p>
<p>The porch light was on. Rey climbed the steps and opened the front door, trying to be as quiet as possible. All she wanted to do was climb into bed, close her eyes, and drift off to sleep. However, as she walked down the hallway, she paused. A faint light was coming from the music room. She looked in to find Ben sitting on the love seat with his guitar beside him, staring at the small journal in which he wrote his lyrics.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>He looked up.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. “Did you have a good time?”</p>
<p>“You should go to bed,” she said.</p>
<p>“Getting there.”</p>
<p>“Well. Goodnight,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rey went to the hall bathroom to wipe off her makeup. She did not want to wake Finn up by messing around in the master bathroom. She managed to hold onto her composure until her face was clean, but before she could even reach for the towel, tears began sliding down her already wet cheeks.</p>
<p><em>No, I'm not doing this right now, </em>Rey told herself sternly.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, after another splash of cold water, only a slight redness in her eyes remained. Rey crept out of the bathroom.</p>
<p>“Oh!”</p>
<p>Rey suddenly noticed Ben standing a few feet away from the bathroom door.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey stared at his tall figure, bathed in the yellow bathroom light, dreading the moment she would slip into bed next to Finn as if nothing was out of the ordinary. A bit of light from the bathroom hit her face, making her squint.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said, belatedly.</p>
<p>Before Ben could say anything else, she turned and walked to her bedroom. Rey got into bed with her clothes still on, and gently pulled the edge of the comforter over herself. Finn stirred slightly and mumbled at her in his sleep. Rey held her breath until he was still and quiet again. She managed to fall asleep shortly after letting out a shaky sigh of relief.</p>
<p>Rey woke the next morning to Finn snoring lightly inches away from her face. She stared at him, memorizing the nearly imperceptible fine lines from decades of flashing his brilliant, crinkly-eyed smile, and the stubble that he would shave away before the morning was over.</p>
<p>Finn stirred awake, blinking at her.</p>
<p>“There you are, wife,” he said.</p>
<p>He yawned, and then said, “I figured you would stay with Rose.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to come home,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn yawned again and stretched.</p>
<p>“When did you get in?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I don't remember,” Rey said. “You must have gone to bed early. Did you see my messages?”</p>
<p>“I did go to bed early. I had a wicked headache,” Finn said, picking up his phone and scrolling through his messages.</p>
<p>“Oh, there it is,” he muttered, and began tapping at his phone screen.</p>
<p>Rey's phone buzzed. She reached over to pick it up off the bedside table and saw a message from Finn.</p>
<p>
  <em>Glad you made it home safely, love. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey looked back at her husband, who was grinning goofily at her. He leaned over to kiss her.</p>
<p>“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to cry. She smiled instead.</p>
<p>“Waffles?” she asked, forcing the smile wider.</p>
<p>“Waffles?” asked Finn. “You ask for a lot, wife!”</p>
<p>He hefted himself out of bed.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said. “Go have one of those boiling hot showers you like so much, but don't be too long.”</p>
<p>Rey watched him go. The tears that she'd been fighting back filled her eyes. She stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the shower as they streaked down her cheeks. A few minutes later, she stood under the near-scalding water and sobbed as quietly as she could manage.</p>
<p>She went downstairs fresh-faced and feeling better, as if the previous night was only a bad dream. Ben walked in the front door while Rey was fixing her coffee.</p>
<p>“Just in time for breakfast,” Finn said pleasantly when he saw Ben.</p>
<p>Ben sat down with Rey and watched as Finn served her a fresh, steaming waffle.</p>
<p>“Thank you, husband,” Rey said, her stomach growling.</p>
<p>“Do you want one?” Finn asked Ben.</p>
<p>“Ah... sure,” Ben said. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>On their way to the studio, Finn rambled at length about the upcoming tour. All of the information went in one ear and out the other for Rey. Ben occasionally nodded in the back seat, and seemed to be listening more attentively.</p>
<p>Poe was his usual, exuberant self that morning, and it took nearly an hour for Rey and Ben to convince him to get down to the day's business of hearing their new work. Finally, they were all assembled in their usual practice room.</p>
<p>“All right!” Rey said, as Poe settled down into a chair. “Without further ado, here is what we've been working on.”</p>
<p>Ben began playing his guitar as soon as the last words left her mouth. They opened with a wandering melodic number they called <em>Miss You. </em></p>
<p>“Well, that's pretty,” said Poe, when they finished. “So much sweeter than your usual writing.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and looked at Rey, his fingers already poised to play the next tune. Rey cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Our next one is something a little different... well, you'll see,” she said.</p>
<p>They began to sing <em>Don't Go Without Me</em>, the song with the French chorus and another soft, gentle opening, but this time with a powerful build and the addition of Rey's driving chords on the piano.</p>
<p>Poe nodded and smiled as if he was pleasantly surprised, which was encouraging. Their next song was the one that they'd been working on the longest. It was upbeat – for them – and was a sweet lilting tune set to a hopping guitar rhythm.</p>
<p>
  <em>I've got a friend you wouldn't know / </em>
  <em>He hides his heart away / </em>
  <em>Oh, I've got a friend, a hopeless romantic / </em>
  <em>Someone who wants to love</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, when the right one comes along / I</em>
  <em>f the right one ever comes along</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I've got a friend you wouldn't know  / </em>
  <em>She sings to herself / </em>
  <em>I've got a friend, who sings a sweet song / </em>
  <em>She can't wait to share</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Wouldn't it be a shame if they never met? / </em>
  <em>They'd be lovely, lovely, lovely</em>
</p>
<p>“Those were the sweetest lyrics I've ever heard come out of your mouth, Ben,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“We've got one more. This is called <em>The Devil I Know,” </em>said Rey.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my god, what have I done? / </em>
  <em>I fell in love with a man on the run / </em>
  <em>Oh my god, help me please / </em>
  <em>Don't take that devil from me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my god, where did he go? / </em>
  <em>I fell in love with the devil I know / </em>
  <em>Oh I just want to bring him home</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is my burden, this is my pain / </em>
  <em>How many, how many prayers will it take? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't care if he's guilty, don't care if it's true / </em>
  <em>He's heaven and hell and he's nothing like you / </em>
  <em>Oh my god, help me please / </em>
  <em>Don't take that devil from me</em>
</p>
<p>Rey sang the main vocals for the entire song – a tumbling, wailing plea. The lyrics were Ben's, on a melody Rey had put together after listening to some celtic-inspired music. As she was singing, Rey imagined standing on the edge of a cliff above the sea, begging god and the ocean to bring her lover home. The song was powerful and required more from their voices than anything else they played that day.</p>
<p>When they were done, Poe sat with his hand cradling his chin, half-covering his mouth. He was silent for a moment, then began to smile.</p>
<p>“I am intrigued,” he said. “I want to hear more.”</p>
<p>Poe looked at Finn, who said, “They've got more, just not more they're ready to share yet.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“What about that other song, guys?” asked Finn. “You know, <em>I Knew a Girl, </em>the one you were saving for this album?That's finished, right?”</p>
<p>Rey looked at Ben and said, “Ah, yes. I think so. Wanna play that one, Ben?”</p>
<p>He reluctantly nodded.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said. “Let's play it.”</p>
<p>He began banging out the chords, in a fast, aggressive rhythm.</p>
<p><em>Well, I knew a girl... </em>he began singing loudly.</p>
<p>Poe starting nodding immediately, and a smile grew on his face.</p>
<p>“Yes! Great!” Poe said.</p>
<p>Finn murmured his agreement.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling about the next album?” Poe asked them.</p>
<p>“Like I want to get back to working on it,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Poe laughed and stood up.</p>
<p>“I know you do,” he said. “Thank you for coming out today Ben. We miss you around here.”</p>
<p>“Aw...” Ben said. “I'm sure you're getting along fine without me.”</p>
<p>They weren't able to leave without joining Poe for lunch. Every minute away from their work seemed to wear away further at Ben's patience. He barely spoke until they got home.</p>
<p>“I'm going for a walk,” he said abruptly, shortly after they walked through the front door.</p>
<p>“Want to work on <em>Hey, Daniel </em>when you get back?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said.</p>
<p>Finn returned from the bathroom and walked up behind Rey.</p>
<p>“Do you want to go out with Rose and Damion tomorrow night before we leave?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Have you talked to them?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>A sudden pang in her chest reminded her of the events of the previous evening.</p>
<p>“No,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Well, Damion's got that new job,” Rey said. “He'll be working.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Finn said. “I haven't seen Damion in a long time. I'd like to see him again before the wedding.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“At least you got to spend some time with Rose,” Finn said, wrapping her in an embrace.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said again, resisting the urge to wriggle out of her husband's arms.</p>
<p>“We should start packing tomorrow,” she said.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Finn said, resting his chin on her shoulder. “That's an all day affair for you.”</p>
<p>“I can't wear the same thing at every show,” Rey said in mock indignation.</p>
<p>“Make a list of anything you need before we leave,” Finn said. “I'll make a run into town. I want to get a few new dress shirts for the tour.”</p>
<p>“I'll make a list tonight,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You can come with me if you want,” Finn said. “You can get another black dress to add to the collection.”</p>
<p>“No, I have enough,” Rey said. “They're taking over my entire closet.”</p>
<p>Finn packed all of his bags while Ben and Rey worked on their latest song that night.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hey, Daniel, do you have somethin' to tell me? / </em>
  <em>The whole town's been sayin' you been runnin' around</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, Daniel, you said that you'd never hurt me / </em>
  <em>The whole town's been sayin' you've dug your own grave now</em>
</p>
<p>“<em>Oh, Daniel, you know at the end of this road... there's a six-foot hole,” </em>said Ben, scribbling in his journal as he sang a few low notes to end the line.</p>
<p>Ben grabbed his guitar and strummed through the lines again, singing the words lightly. Rey hummed along.</p>
<p>“Oh, what about this next?” she asked, humming it again, louder, her voice rocking from high to low notes and back again a couple of times, leading back into the chorus. Ben hummed it back to her a few times, then experimented with the chords.</p>
<p>“<em>We said we'd love forevermore,” </em>he sang tentatively.</p>
<p>“<em>Everybody said our love was true...?” </em>Rey suggested.</p>
<p>Ben frowned and stopped playing. He repeated the line a few times, half-playing the chords, mumbling different variations of the words. Finally, he nodded an sang louder.</p>
<p>“<em>They all heard you promise to be true.”</em></p>
<p>Rey knew where she wanted to go next and took over the next line, singing, “<em>So, you're only gonna give your love to me – if it's the last thing you do.” </em></p>
<p>Rey moved on to their favorite part of the song so far, a series of “ooo's” and “oh woah's” on a high piercing pitch. Ben smiled as he strummed louder beneath her wailing voice. He joined her with a harmony on the final chorus.</p>
<p>“Whew!” he exclaimed after strumming the last chord a few times on the guitar.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said, grinning at him. “It's coming along nicely.”</p>
<p>“Poe can't call that one sweet,” Ben remarked.</p>
<p>“Nope,” said Rey.</p>
<p>They both fell silent in the energized air of the music room, committing the sounds they'd just produced to memory. Rey sat down on the piano bench.</p>
<p>“I should go start packing, I guess,” she said.</p>
<p>“Me too,” Ben said.</p>
<p>They stared at one another for a few seconds without moving.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said, standing up again.</p>
<p>Ben watched her go, then flopped back against the love seat. He scribbled in his journal before putting his guitar aside and going to pack his bags. The next morning, Finn and Rey were in the kitchen having breakfast when Ben walked in the front door.</p>
<p>“Anything you need for the road, Ben?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Nope,” Ben said. “Got everything I need.”</p>
<p>“No snacks?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Nope,” Ben said, holding up a bag from the grocery store a few miles away.</p>
<p>Finn left Rey still packing in the bedroom a little while later. She despised packing, and it seemed no matter how organized she tried to be about the process, it took forever. Rey was carefully stowing away the jewelry she wore on stage when Ben appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, looking at him briefly.</p>
<p>She zipped closed the compartment she was packing and stood up.</p>
<p>“You want to take a break and play something today?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Ah... yeah, sure,” she said, looking around the room at her progress. “I just have my shoes left to do.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and said, “All right.”</p>
<p>“What's so funny?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, nothin',” he said, shaking his head.</p>
<p>Rey stared at him with a raised brow.</p>
<p>“I'm only bringin' two pairs,” he said. “You're gonna have a whole suitcase full, aren't you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I challenge you to find a pair of heels comfortable enough to wear more than one night in a row.”</p>
<p>“Then don't wear 'em,” Ben said, folding his arms and leaning against the doorjamb.</p>
<p>“I can't stand on stage with you in flats, Ben,” she said.</p>
<p>He shrugged and said, “Says who? Of course you can.”</p>
<p>Rey scoffed and walked over to him to emphasize their height difference. She gestured to herself, then to Ben's head.</p>
<p>“This? It doesn't work on stage,” she said. “When they film a close-up of the performance, both of our heads won't be in the shot.”</p>
<p>She did not add that Finn insisted she wear heels while on stage for just those reasons. Ben looked down at her for a moment, then said, “You should wear what's comfortable. The video guys can figure out how to get the shot.”</p>
<p>“Eh, it's fine,” said Rey. “That's where all the different shoes come in – they all hurt different parts of my feet. So, I just rotate them each show.”</p>
<p>“So, you get blisters all over instead of just in one place?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “Well, when you say it like that it does sound a little crazy.”</p>
<p>“Come on, crazy,” he said, smirking. “Take a break.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” she agreed, and followed him out of the room.</p>
<p>They took their time working through their sets, most of the time not singing full-out, trailing phrases out into whispers and adding in extended instrumental sections while humming harmonies. It was during one of these spontaneous moments of harmonization that Rey caught Ben's eye and he did not look away.</p>
<p>That same old time-stopping feeling hit her, like it used to back in the studio when they started working together. Ben stopped humming and the rhythm he was playing on the guitar slowed, then died away. Rey drew a breath.</p>
<p>“Rose and Damion think Finn is cheating,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben did not move. His brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, then he looked down at his hand, which was resting on his guitar strings.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Rey,” Ben said. “What are you going to do?”</p>
<p>Rey fought to swallow the lump in her throat and sniffed.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head. “I'm going to go on tour and have a great time on stage with you.”</p>
<p>“And when you're not on stage?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and her face threatened to crumple. She turned her head and wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>“I can't confront him now,” she said. “I'm going to wait until April.”</p>
<p>Ben stared at her with a look of concern.</p>
<p>“What happens then?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” she said. “We finish writing our next album, and then go record it at the end of May.”</p>
<p>She looked at Ben and pressed her lips together.</p>
<p>“With or without Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben stared, then slowly nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey realized she was nodding along with him.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said again, and Rey clapped a hand over her face as a sob hit her unexpectedly. Ben stood up and hurriedly put his guitar down.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said, sitting beside her on the piano bench and lightly putting one arm behind her.</p>
<p>Rey pressed her face into her hands and tried to control her emotions. Ben did not speak. After a few breaths, Rey wiped her face again and turned into his embrace. She pressed her chin into his shoulder and stared blankly at the mirror on the opposite wall.</p>
<p>“I thought Finn and I were different,” she mumbled.</p>
<p>“We all think we're different,” Ben said. “That love can last forever, until it doesn't.”</p>
<p>Rey sat back and avoided looking at him.</p>
<p>“You don't think love ever lasts?” she asked.</p>
<p>He grunted and said, “Hell if I know. In my experience, even when it lasts it ends up broken.”</p>
<p>“Well, they say the best art comes from pain,” she said. “Maybe my writing will improve this year.”</p>
<p>“Ain't nothin' wrong with your writing now,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Well, I'll reach new heights, then,” said Rey. “Or, I suppose, greater depths.”</p>
<p>“You sure you want to do this?” he asked. “It's going to be a long three months.”</p>
<p>“I'm sure,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben got up and put away his guitar.</p>
<p>“I'm going to go finish packing,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn returned an hour later, and they spent the evening together talking about the various stops on the tour. Finn had a lot of plans for their downtime as usual, and shared them enthusiastically with Rey.</p>
<p>It was easy to pretend nothing was wrong. Rey could play her part in their relationship convincingly enough after so many years. Their dynamic had not changed since they met. It was like throwing on a comfortable, well-worn sweatshirt. It was a reflex.</p>
<p>They went to bed earlier than usual to wake up for their flight in the morning. Rey lay in bed with her thoughts. Finn was asleep by the time a few tears leaked from Rey's eyes, ran down the sides of her face and into her ears.</p>
<p>The tour began, and Finn seemed no different than before. Rey struggled to continue acting as if she was unchanged as well. Every touch and smile from her husband was painful to bear. She wanted to know, was desperate to ask him for the truth, but it had to wait. In the meantime, any moment Rey wasn't singing her mind anxiously played out every imaginable way the conversation with Finn might go.</p>
<p>Ben took just as many solitary long walks as ever, but not once did Rey see him return with his phone to his ear, talking to one of his children.</p>
<p>“Elle doesn't talk on the phone anymore,” he said, when Rey asked him about it one night. “She'll only text.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” asked Rey. “Is that a teenager thing?”</p>
<p>Ben scoffed and shook his head.</p>
<p>“I don't think so. I imagine she doesn't want to talk to me in front of her mother,” he said.</p>
<p>“What about the others? Do you get to talk to them?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Not since we left Nashville,” he said, his expression turning down. He bowed his head.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Ben,” she said.</p>
<p>“I need to fix this,” he said. “I'm not going to let her cut me out of their lives.”</p>
<p>“Have you talked to her?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “All she'll say is we can talk when I get home.”</p>
<p>Rey placed her hand on his shoulder and stared at the side of his head, mostly hidden by his hair. It was longer than usual. Ben turned and gave her a sideways look.</p>
<p>“You asked Finn about that other woman yet?” he asked.</p>
<p>“You know I haven't,” she said.</p>
<p>“I know,” he said. “How are you holding up?”</p>
<p>“The music is what keeps me together,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben sat in pensive silence. The stage manager stuck his head into the room.</p>
<p>“You're on in five,” he said, then hurried away again.</p>
<p>“Speaking of the music,” Rey said, as Ben stood up and threw back the rest of his glass of water.</p>
<p>He reached down to offer her a hand, and pulled her up off the low couch.</p>
<p>“Time to put the game face on,” Rey said, not sure if she was speaking more to herself or to Ben.</p>
<p>“This is my game face,” he said flatly, and Rey laughed and could not help smiling at him.</p>
<p>“And there's yours,” he commented.</p>
<p>Still smiling, Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“Let's go,” she said, a warmth filling her chest in anticipation of walking onto a stage with Ben.</p>
<p>It was the only place she felt she belonged now. Each show on the tour was better than the last. Each night singing with Ben was a salve for her heart.</p>
<p>After their first show in March, Finn rushed back to the hotel from the venue and crawled into bed with a migraine. Changing into leggings and a sweatshirt, Rey left Finn alone in the pitch black room, wearing earplugs, facedown in bed. She walked down the hall and knocked on Ben's door.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said, opening the door to her.</p>
<p>He was wearing his glasses and was stripped down to just his undershirt and jeans.</p>
<p>“Can I hang out with you for a while?” Rey asked. “Finn is trying to sleep off a migraine in our room.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey walked in and plugged her phone charger into the wall outlet beside the window. Ben grunted in acknowledgement and flopped down on the bed.</p>
<p>“I was about to go out for a walk,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh, well don't let me stop you,” Rey said. “I can go down to the lounge and entertain myself.”</p>
<p>“It's all right,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben turned on the TV and flipped aimlessly through the channels.</p>
<p>“You could come with me,” he said, finally flinging the remote down on the bed.</p>
<p>Rey stared at the TV, watching a woman frantically chop vegetables as she tried to finish her dish before time was up.</p>
<p>“Sure, I'll come with you,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben folded his arms. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said, abruptly hopping off the bed and pulling on a shirt, then his jacket.</p>
<p>“You gonna be warm enough in that?” he asked, nodding toward her outfit.</p>
<p>“Ah... probably,” Rey said, shrugging.</p>
<p>He went to the closet and pulled out another jacket.</p>
<p>“Here,” he said, tossing it to her.</p>
<p>“You brought more than one jacket?” Rey asked in feigned astonishment. “I thought you packed light.”</p>
<p>He shook his head and hid a smile.</p>
<p>“You ready?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yep,” she said, pulling on his jacket.</p>
<p>“Between the sweatshirt and a jacket five sizes too big, I must look ridiculous,” she said, trying to peer around Ben to see her reflection in the full length mirror.</p>
<p>They left the hotel and meandered through the streets of Atlanta. It was a Saturday night, and there were large groups of people out on the town. Ben walked slower than usual. For a while they walked in silence, watching the people around them without comment.</p>
<p>“So,” Ben said after a few blocks.</p>
<p>“So?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Are you gonna leave him?”</p>
<p>Rey looked at her feet.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” she said. “I'm trying not to think about it until the tour's over. I can't imagine life without Finn.”</p>
<p>She looked up and saw that Ben was staring blankly ahead.</p>
<p>“But it's hard to imagine life ever going back to normal with Finn after this... if it's true,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You think your friends are wrong?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey sighed.</p>
<p>“I want them to be wrong,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben did not say anything.</p>
<p>“But then, there's your suspicions, too,” Rey said. “You've had them from the beginning. Maybe this woman wasn't the first.”</p>
<p>Rey swallowed with difficulty and blinked away the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. Ben suddenly turned off of the sidewalk and led the way into a small park surrounded by a low brick wall. They sat down on the cool ledge together.</p>
<p>“Anything changed with Soph?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No,” he said. “Says she'll only talk once I'm back, and that she needs her space. Didn't even want to talk about the house we're building this year on the farm.”</p>
<p>“What about Elle?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“She's been keeping me updated on things at home,” said Ben. “I feel bad about it, though. She shouldn't be caught in the middle of this fight.”</p>
<p>“She's too old not to realize what's going on,” Rey said. “Even if Soph was trying to hide it.”</p>
<p>“I guess so,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey held her breath before deciding to ask her next question.</p>
<p>“What will you do if she wants a divorce?” she asked.</p>
<p>He jerked his head to the side half-heartedly.</p>
<p>“She doesn't,” he said. “She doesn't believe in it.”</p>
<p>“Still,” said Rey. “Plenty of christians end up divorced.”</p>
<p>“Not her kind,” Ben said. “They stay together no matter how bitter the marriage... til death parts 'em.”</p>
<p>“And you won't leave for the kids,” Rey said. “What about once they're older?”</p>
<p>He shrugged.</p>
<p>“Who knows?” he asked, then sighed. “Maybe we'll work this out before then.”</p>
<p>“So even if you cheated, she wouldn't consider divorce?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>The breeze picked up, making Rey shiver and the trees above them creak. Ben looked up at the branches and his breath floated up toward them in a long, visible swirl.</p>
<p>“I've already told you, she thinks I'm cheating. With you,” he said.</p>
<p>“And if you said it was true?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He avoided looking at her for another silent moment.</p>
<p>“She's decided it's true. Doesn't matter what I say,” he replied.</p>
<p>They sat staring out into the street, lost in their own thoughts, for a while. Then, they walked back to the hotel, their conversation moving to their music and the rest of the tour. The next morning, Rey woke up to the sound of Finn typing on his laptop.</p>
<p>“Good morning, dear,” he said when he noticed she was watching him.</p>
<p>“Feeling better?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Much better,” Finn said. “I was out before you came to bed.”</p>
<p>Rey rolled over and reached for her phone, but it was not on the nightstand. She froze as she realized where both her phone and her charger were – still plugged into the wall in Ben's room.</p>
<p>“We need to head out in an hour,” Finn said. “I'll go pick up some breakfast while you shower.”</p>
<p>He snapped the laptop closed.</p>
<p>“Okay,” said Rey, yawning.</p>
<p>Finn left a few minutes later. Rey jumped out of bed and went to the door as soon she was certain he'd be gone. She ran down to Ben's room and knocked on the door urgently.</p>
<p>A few seconds later he pulled the door open. He was holding her phone and charger in one hand.</p>
<p>“Looking for these?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you,” she said, taking them back. “We leave in an hour.”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said, as Rey retreated down the hall.</p>
<p>She heard the door close firmly a second later, as she swiped her door key. Rey was showered, dressed, and packed for the road by the time Finn returned with coffee and bagels for the three of them.</p>
<p><em>Foods here, </em>she texted Ben, who appeared in the room a minute later while Rey was pulling her hair back into a damp, loose bun.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Finn,” he said.</p>
<p>“No problem,” Finn said. “Okay, I'll meet you two downstairs in ten.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said, after swallowing her first sip of coffee.</p>
<p>She looked at Ben, who only had one bite left of the bagel he was scarfing down. He threw back a swig of coffee, making Rey wonder how he didn't scald his throat in the process. Finn grabbed his suitcase and one of Rey's bags, and disappeared. Rey made a pass around the room, checking for forgotten odds and ends. She zipped her hairbrush away and hoisted her purse over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Ready?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben gestured to the wrapped bagel she was stuffing into her purse.</p>
<p>“You're not gonna eat?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don't like eating in a hurry,” Rey said. “I'll just take it on the road so I can enjoy it.”</p>
<p>She grabbed her coffee in one hand and the handle of her suitcase in the other.</p>
<p>“At least drink more than one sip of your coffee,” Ben said. “It'll get cold.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and raised the cup to her lips.</p>
<p>“Happy?” she asked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Other Woman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened on a Sunday night, the last week of the tour. Finn was in great spirits as they looked forward to closing out another successful tour, completing their second album by the end of May, and traveling abroad that summer.</p>
<p>She made up her mind while in the shower that night, having just left her husband sitting on the bed with his laptop, chatting on the phone with their photographer about the next shoot he had planned for Second Song.</p>
<p>“Hey, Finn?” she called, after drying off and wrapping herself in a robe.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he called back. </p>
<p>Rey walked out of the bathroom and stared at her husband.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Ah..” Rey crossed her arms and hugged herself.</p>
<p>“No,” she said. “I'm not. I'm not okay, Finn.”</p>
<p>Finn slowly closed his laptop and set it aside.</p>
<p>“What's wrong, Rey?”</p>
<p>She sat down on the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>“Damion saw you with Dana Graybill,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn shifted on the bed and slid to the opposite edge. He looked out the half-shrouded window at the night sky.</p>
<p>“What does Damion think he saw?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“What do <em>you</em> think he saw, Finn?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“I've never done anything with Dana Graybill that I wouldn't do in your presence, Rey,” said Finn.</p>
<p>Rey scoffed at that statement and sighed.</p>
<p>“Damion – and Dana – said otherwise,” she said. “Just tell me truth, Finn. What is going on? Are you having an affair?”</p>
<p>Finn rested his chin on his fists, still staring out the window.</p>
<p>“Dana wishes,” he said. “I'll admit, I let her go on thinking it might happen for too long, but nothing happened. I wouldn't do that to you, Rey. Dana knows everyone who's anyone in Nashville.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” said Rey, feeling a strange conflicting battle of emotion rise in her chest. </p>
<p>“Finn, we can't keep pretending everything is fine,” she said. “If it's not Dana Graybill coming between us, then what?”</p>
<p>Finn stood up and paced back and forth by the bed.</p>
<p>“I'm fine, Rey. What's going on with you?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No, Finn, don't! Don't you pretend you're fine, when I <em>know</em> it's a lie!” Rey said. “I feel like I'm married to a job. All you care about, all you want to talk about, is my career, and where the band is going next!”</p>
<p>Rey swallowed back tears and said, “I just keep wondering if you ever really loved me, or if you just saw me as an opportunity you couldn't pass up.”</p>
<p>“Rey,” Finn said shaking his head. “Of course I love you.”</p>
<p>He came over and took her hands, pulling her up from the bed.</p>
<p>“Look me in the eye, Finn,” she commanded.</p>
<p>Finn looked at her.</p>
<p>“Tell me that you've never cheated on me,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn opened his mouth, confident up until the moment he spoke.</p>
<p>“I -” he began.</p>
<p>His eyes shifted away from her face. Rey drew a shaky, tearful breath.</p>
<p>“I can't,” he said quietly. “Neither can you, Rey.”</p>
<p>“What?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“You heard me,” said Finn. “I can't believe we're having this conversation. You really expect me to believe you and Ben have never – ”</p>
<p>“We. Have. <em>Never,” </em>Rey said. “Finn, we have never done anything more than flirt on stage – with your blessing and encouragement!”</p>
<p>She pulled her hands away from her husband's grasp.</p>
<p>“Why did you push us together like that if you thought it was more than an act?” she asked.</p>
<p>“It was what the band needed,” Finn said. “It's what's made you so successful.”</p>
<p>“That is not true!” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Amazing musicians are overlooked and beaten down by this industry every day,” Finn said matter-of-factly. “You need talent, luck, and a strategy.”</p>
<p>“So, what? You were just going to let us go on this way forever? You thought I was having an affair with Ben, and were just going to ignore it?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I figured there were some things best left unsaid,” Finn replied.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said, shaking her head. “That's not right, Finn.”</p>
<p>She put her hands on her hips and said, “Who was it?”</p>
<p>Finn shook his head and said, “What good will it do to name names? It's long over, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Finn, if we are going to move past this, I have to know,” she said.</p>
<p>He walked back to the window and crossed his arms.</p>
<p>“It was Lindsey,” he said. “Around the time <em>Deep Water</em> was released.”</p>
<p>Rey pressed her hands to her face, covering her mouth. She felt sick. Lindsey was one of their photographers, based out of Bowling Green, Kentucky. Had it been Lindsey on the phone just then?</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Rey,” Finn said. “I thought I'd already lost you. I told myself that at least I didn't cheat first.”</p>
<p>“Why didn't you talk to me?!”</p>
<p>“Because,” Finn said. “Whatever was going on with you and Ben, it was producing incredible music and performances.”</p>
<p>“Finn... that's crazy,” said Rey. “How long were you going to let us go on that way?”</p>
<p>“Until either the band broke up, or we did,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey stared at him in shock. How could he be so unaffected by what he was saying?</p>
<p>“I don't understand you, Finn,” she said. “I don't understand how we came to this.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Finn said. “I'm sorry.”</p>
<p>“Sorry isn't enough,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I know,” Finn repeated.</p>
<p>“You know how much I hate cheating! I thought we were different than all the other couples in this business. Now, here we are.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I'm going for a walk,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Rey,” Finn said, as she moved toward the door.</p>
<p>She looked back at him over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Take your phone with you. Be careful,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey grabbed her phone and left. She walked briskly through the hotel lobby, trying to keep herself together long enough to get away from prying eyes.</p>
<p>The humid air of a warm Birmingham night greeted her when she stepped outside. Rey pulled her hair into a ponytail as she walked. There were a few bars and coffee shops still open nearby, but Rey walked past all of them without a destination in mind.</p>
<p>“Hey! Rey!”</p>
<p>She stopped in her tracks and looked around.</p>
<p>“Over here,” said Ben, and Rey saw him sitting outside one of bars she'd just passed. He was alone among the wooden benches that made up the patio seating, a beer in hand.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, lifting her hand in a poor imitation of a wave.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Ah... not really,” she said, squinting at him as a car drove by, shining headlights in her eyes.</p>
<p>“You wanna join me?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I was going for a walk, actually,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“No reason you can't do both,” he said.</p>
<p>“Ah...” she hesitated.</p>
<p>“Come on,” he said, gesturing to the empty bench beside him.</p>
<p>Rey stood still in silent indecision for another moment, before saying, “Okay.”</p>
<p>She slid into the bench across from Ben.</p>
<p>“So,” he said, lifting his glass again. “What's eatin' you?”</p>
<p>The tears Rey had been holding back started to fill her eyes.</p>
<p>“Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>She buried her face in her hands and said, “I asked him. I was going to wait until we got home, but he was so goddamn happy about the tour... it just got to me tonight.”</p>
<p>Ben didn't speak. He continued to drink his beer.</p>
<p>“Oh, god,” Rey said, wiping her face and pulling air into her lungs as if she was in danger of drowning.</p>
<p>“Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut for one more week?” she asked miserably.</p>
<p>“I never thought you'd make it this long,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He finished off the beer and pushed the glass aside.</p>
<p>“So. What did he say?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey dropped her head down to the table.</p>
<p>“Come walk with me and I'll tell you about it,” she said. “I need to move. I can't sit still right now.”</p>
<p>“All right,” he said.</p>
<p>Minutes later they walked in the direction Rey had been taking earlier – away from the hotel and her husband. Ben walked beside her for a block before clearing his throat and snapping Rey out of her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Hey, sorry,” she said. “I'm just stuck in my own head.”</p>
<p>“S'okay,” he said. “You don't have to talk. We can just walk.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded, but started talking anyway.</p>
<p>“Finn denied having an affair with the woman Damion saw,” she said.</p>
<p>“You believe that?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said. “Yep. Because then...”</p>
<p>She paused to keep her composure.</p>
<p>“Then he told me he did cheat. With Lindsey, the photographer... he says because he assumed the two of us have been having an affair this whole time.”</p>
<p>“There it is,” Ben said grimly.</p>
<p>“So, my marriage has been a sham for at least a year,” Rey said. “Probably longer.”</p>
<p>With that, Rey could not hold in the tears any longer. She began ugly-crying in the middle of the street, which was mercifully deserted now.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Ben said, stopping and placing his hand on her back. He gently led her a few steps out of the middle of the walkway, under the awning of a closed storefront.</p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don't be sorry,” he said. “Come here.”</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. Rey rested her head on his shoulder, and felt the scraggly ends of his hair touch her forehead as he looked down.</p>
<p>After a long couple of minutes standing that way under the darkness of the awning, he began to slowly rock back and forth in a comforting almost-dance.</p>
<p>“I can't believe you were right,” she said into his shirt.</p>
<p>“I didn't want to be,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey pulled away and looked up at him.</p>
<p>“How could he think we were cheating and just... be okay with it?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Finn is an ambitious man,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“I know,” Rey said. “But not like this. This isn't the man I married.”</p>
<p>Ben looked as if he did not agree.</p>
<p>“Well, it's the man you've got now,” he said.</p>
<p>They stood a few feet apart now. Rey studied the pavement.</p>
<p>“It would have been easier if it was Dana Graybill,” she said.</p>
<p>“Who?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“The woman Damion met who said Finn was her boyfriend,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Why would that make it easier?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“It would make it easier to leave him,” said Rey, shuddering as the words left her mouth.</p>
<p>She could not imagine a life without Finn by her side.</p>
<p>“Is that what you're going to do?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said. “I can't think. He didn't even bother to confront me about you. He just went out and evened the score.”</p>
<p>Ben was staring at her with what might have been pity.</p>
<p>“He made a decision without consulting me. Now, he says it's over and done with. What does he expect me to do? I don't think he believed me when I told him you and I have never... you know. Cheated.”</p>
<p>Ben expression deepened, his brows furrowing together.</p>
<p>“You want to make it even?” he asked, looking off into the distance as a motorcycle sped by.</p>
<p>“What?” Rey breathed.</p>
<p>“Well, we're damned if we do, and damned if we don't,” he said, shrugging. “If I'm gonna be branded a liar and a cheater for the rest of my life, it might as well be the truth.”</p>
<p>He looked back at her with haunted, penetrating warmth in his eyes, reflecting the yellow cast of the streetlights.</p>
<p>“You want to – to – ” Rey stammered in shock.</p>
<p>“Tell me you don't,” he challenged, with such a piercing look that she didn't attempt to deny it.</p>
<p>He silently offered her his hand and after a moment's hesitation, Rey took it. They began walking back toward the hotel. Rey's heart felt like it was floating up into her throat. They walked most of the way back in silence. As they walked, Rey's nervous exhilaration turned sour. By the time they rounded the corner and the hotel was in sight, her stomach was in a knot.</p>
<p>“Wait, Ben,” she said, pulling her hand from his grasp.</p>
<p>He stared at her, then bowed his head and nodded.</p>
<p>“You're going to forgive him, aren't you,” he said.</p>
<p>“I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm not a cheater,” she said.</p>
<p>He looked up painfully at her.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she pleaded, unable to think of what else to say.</p>
<p>He reached for her slowly, and Rey shivered when his fingers touched her shoulder.</p>
<p>“It's a one time offer, darlin',” he said, bent over just enough to look her directly in the eye. “Tomorrow we'll both be in our right minds, and we'll do the right thing. It's now or never.”</p>
<p>Rey blinked a tear from her eye and placed her hand over his, pressing his large, warm palm into her shoulder for strength.</p>
<p>“Then, never,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Ben moved his hand up to caress her face, pushing the wispy hair that was growing wild in the humidity back from her temple. Rey closed her eyes, and when she opened them again Ben stepped away.</p>
<p>“See you tomorrow,” he said.</p>
<p>“You're not coming back with me?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I'll be along,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey left him standing in the middle of the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. She did not look back. She did not need another chance to her change her mind.</p>
<p>The last shows of the tour were torturous for Rey. Every song seemed purposefully written to exploit the longing and regret she felt each time she looked at Ben. Perhaps he was now in his right mind, but Rey was losing hers a little more each day.</p>
<p>Finn was more attentive than ever, and Rey knew another conversation about their broken relationship was overdue. However, she still did not know what she would say to him. Every moment on stage was a breath of head-clearing, worry-banishing fresh air.</p>
<p>“This is the first song Ben and I wrote together,” Rey said into the microphone on their last night on stage. “It's called, <em>The Fall.</em>”</p>
<p>She tried to hold onto Ben's gaze across the stage, but his eyes flicked down to his guitar as he played the intro for her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Tell me that you know / </em>
  <em>I have to let you go / </em>
  <em>I'm not falling</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, I'm not falling / </em>
  <em>Out of love with you</em>
</p>
<p>After the show, Ben took a different flight home. His goodbye was strained and distant – a brief reciprocation of her hug and a “see you soon” was all he offered her. They would reunite again in two weeks to finish and polish the new music for the album to be recorded in May, right after Rose and Damion's wedding.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn continued on as they always had, or at least they pretended to. Every time Rey thought she was ready to talk again, she told herself it was better to wait – till after the album, till after the international tour, till after she knew what she wanted.</p>
<p>Ben called on April 5<sup>th</sup>. She was sitting on her porch with a glass of wine watching the sunset.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said.</p>
<p>“Everything all right?” Rey asked, when he did not seem to have anything to say.</p>
<p>“Ah, yeah,” he said. “I talked to Soph.”</p>
<p>“You did,” Rey said. “How... how did it go?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said flatly.</p>
<p>“Right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Rey, I can't come back to Nashville before we record the album,” he said.</p>
<p>“What? Why not?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He sighed into the phone speaker.</p>
<p>“I've got to be here,” he said. “We're building our house, the kids haven't seen or heard from me in months, and...”</p>
<p>“And what?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“And I think you should come out here to work on the music instead,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey was quiet, wondering if that was Ben's idea or Soph's.</p>
<p>“Where would I stay?” she asked. “Isn't your location remote?”</p>
<p>“It is,” he said. “But there's a bed and breakfast down the road. Soph's aunt owns it. We'll get you the family rate.”</p>
<p>“I don't know, Ben,” she said. “I'll have to talk to Finn.”</p>
<p>“Is he gonna be coming with you?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“He'll want to be there,” she said. “He'll want to hear the work.”</p>
<p>Ben snorted into the phone.</p>
<p>“Right,” he said. “Well, let me know what Finn says, then.”</p>
<p>“I will,” she said.</p>
<p>He was silent, and she imagined that he was nodding into the phone.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Was this your idea?” she asked pointedly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was,” he said. “Soph and I did a lot of talking this week, and I realized something. She needs to understand that nothing happened between me and you, and I need you to understand where I come from and how important my family is to me. This is my solution to both of those things.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said. “I'll be there, whether or not Finn decides to be there with me.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Ben said. “See you soon."</p>
<p>“Bye, Ben,” Rey said, as the call dropped.</p>
<p>Rey sighed.</p>
<p>“Finn!” she called through the screen door.</p>
<p>“Yes?” came his muffled reply.</p>
<p>Rey went inside and found him on his laptop pricing out camera gear. Finn's new hobby was photography and videography, and it seemed he would be throwing himself into it full force. He wanted to document their next tour in part by himself. Lindsey certainly would not be coming along.</p>
<p>“Ben just called,” she said. “He wants us to come to South Carolina to finish the music for the album.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Finn asked. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Finn, he's building a house,” Rey said. “It's a reasonable request.”</p>
<p>Finn pondered his online shopping cart and removed an item.</p>
<p>“It is,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“He says Soph's family owns a bed and breakfast where we can stay,” Rey continued.</p>
<p>“I hope her family doesn't hate you as much as she does, or we might get poisoned.”</p>
<p>“Does that mean you'll come with me?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Finn looked at her, and for the first time since that night in Birmingham, Rey felt he was really seeing her. The real Finn was looking back at her again. How long had it been since she saw him?</p>
<p>“Of course I'll come,” he said. “I think it's what we need – to get away from this house and this city for a while. Be together in the mountains, away from it all.”</p>
<p>Rey left her husband to make his final decisions on his camera equipment, and went to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey?” called Finn. “Have you talked to Rose lately?”</p>
<p>Rey froze, her hand on the handle of the fridge.</p>
<p>“Not since we were in Decatur, why?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Am I still invited to the wedding?” Finn asked. “Damion hasn't returned any of my calls since we left for the tour.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey said softly to herself.</p>
<p>“I'll talk to Rose,” she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Barley Holler</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ten days later, Rey and Finn arrived in Barley Hollow, South Carolina. They pulled into the cul-de-sac in front of The Cherry Tree Inn just before dusk.</p>
<p>“It's adorable,” Rey said.</p>
<p>The inn was a large white farmhouse with a spacious wrap-around porch and rows of neat, black-shuttered windows. Weeping cherry trees lined the edges of the cul-de-sac in front of the house, and towering willows flanked the sides. Wind chimes clanged gently in the breeze.</p>
<p>They gathered their bags and ascended the front steps, where they were greeted by the largest welcome mat Rey had ever seen. The door swung open and a petite woman with salt-and-pepper hair appeared.</p>
<p>“You must be Rey and Finn,” she said. “Welcome! Come in, let's get you settled.”</p>
<p>Once inside, the woman offered her hand to Rey and said, “I'm Abigail Smith.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you,” Rey said, shaking her hand politely. Finn did the same.</p>
<p>“I'm a big fan of the music you and Ben make,” said Abigail, nodding. “Really wonderful music.”</p>
<p>“Oh, thank you so much,” Rey said, smiling. “Before we go back to Nashville, Ben and I will have to play for you.”</p>
<p>“I would love that,” Abigail said. “Well, follow me and I'll show you the room. There's only one other couple here at the moment, so tonight will be quiet.”</p>
<p>Abigail led them up the wide main staircase made of rich, dark wood that matched the wide, curved handrail and thick banisters running alongside it. Each stair creaked and groaned as they went, and Rey found it charming.</p>
<p>“Just ring the bell if you need anything,” Abigail said, after escorting them to a cozy bedroom. “Your bath is right across the hall. Breakfast is at eight-thirty.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said.</p>
<p>As soon as Abigail left, Rey yawned widely.</p>
<p>“I'm so tired,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn dug in his bag for a snack.</p>
<p>Rey went to take a shower while Finn started unpacking. The bathroom across the hall was decorated in a sparse, rustic manner, with fluffy white rolled towels by the sink and a push white mat that filled most of the floorspace. The next morning, Rey woke up when Finn got out of bed and went to shave. She checked her phone for the time and saw that she had a message from Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>When do you want to start working?</em>
</p>
<p>Rey typed, <em>Is today too soon?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Come over for dinner. Bring your keyboard. We can play afterward. </em>
</p>
<p><em>What time? </em>Rey typed.</p>
<p><em>6:30 all right? </em>He asked.</p>
<p><em>See you then, </em>Rey replied.</p>
<p>Finn returned to the room and began getting dressed.</p>
<p>“We've been invited to dinner with Ben's family tonight,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Including the in-laws?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Well, they live with them, so yes,” Rey said. “It will be an interesting evening.”</p>
<p>“Sure, if by interesting you mean awkward?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Most likely,” Rey said, sighing.</p>
<p>They followed the smell of freshly-brewed coffee down the stairs to the kitchen, where Abigail was frying bacon.</p>
<p>“Good morning!” Rey called, poking her head into the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Good morning. Help yourself to the table – the bacon's almost ready,” Abigail replied.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn fixed their coffees and piled their plates with bite-sized breakfast muffins, fruit, and cheese.</p>
<p>“Mind if I join you, since we're the only ones here this morning?” Abigail asked. She glanced up at the ceiling and said, “They won't be down until noon.”</p>
<p>“Of course we don't mind,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Abigail placed serving dishes with bacon and scrambled eggs in front of them, and began making her own plate.</p>
<p>“So, what are your plans for the day?” Abigail asked.</p>
<p>Rey looked at Finn and then back at Abigail and said, “No plans, other than dinner with Ben and Soph.”</p>
<p>“I can give you some suggestions, if you want to get out of here for a while,” Abigail said. “There's a few antique shops and a nice massage studio down the road in Mt. Gideon village. Joe's Diner or the Julep Cafe is good for lunch.”</p>
<p>Abigail gave Finn's crisp outfit an appraising look, and said, “There some good hiking trails nearby, too. You can hike up and visit one of the most photographed sites in the state, Mulberry Peak.”</p>
<p>“All of that sounds lovely,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Abigail nodded. They devoured their breakfast and coffee in silence for a while.</p>
<p>“Well, I hope you have a nice time at the farm tonight,” Abigail said. “It's really beautiful out there.”</p>
<p>“You should join us,” Rey said. “It's your family, after all. The more the merrier.”</p>
<p>Abigail began chuckling as she poured herself more coffee.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” Abigail said. “I thought Ben would've told you. I'm not welcome at the Skywalkers' anymore. Since my divorce, I doubt they'd call me family.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“It's okay, really,” Abigail said. “I was Sophie's aunt through marriage. Her Uncle John, Laura's older brother, was my husband while Sophie was growing up. We've been divorced ten years, now.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Rey said again. “Ben made it sound like you were all still close.”</p>
<p>“I'm still close to Ben,” Abigail said. “He's the only one of them that's got any sense anymore.”</p>
<p>Rey knew immediately what Abigail was going to say next.</p>
<p>“My divorce was amicable. John moved to Virginia shortly after, remarried, and started a family. No, it was once they all got serious about the lord, and I continued to be an atheist, that we had a falling out,” Abigail said. “Did Ben tell you about the accident?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“Well, all I can say is that Ben is a far stronger person than I am,” Abigail said. “I don't know how he puts up with them hounding him about Jesus and the constant church-going, praying, and worrying over his soul's final resting place. How can you continue to love a spouse who's become convinced you're destined for hell?”</p>
<p>Rey stared at Abigail, speechless.</p>
<p>“She thinks that?” Rey asked, but she knew it was true. Ben was an unrepentant sinner in his wife's eyes.</p>
<p>Abigail seemed to realize she was oversharing and said, “I shouldn't be telling their business, but I wanted you to know what you're about to walk into.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded again.</p>
<p>“We're prepared,” Rey said, looking at Finn. “We have some experience with very religious family members ourselves.”</p>
<p>“Well, that's good, I suppose,” Abigail said.</p>
<p>Abigail stood up and began clearing the table.</p>
<p>“If you do go to Mt. Gideon, make sure you stop by Julep Cafe and let Susan know you're staying at the Cherry Tree. She'll give you a discount,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to explore the grounds around the inn, which featured various walking paths and gardens. There were horses in an adjacent pasture, and wooded hills all around. Finn walked with her for about ten minutes, then answered a phone call from Poe and wandered off trying to find better cell service.</p>
<p>Rey kept walking toward the pasture where horses were grazing on rolling green hills. She stood at the fence and watched them for a while, her mind blissfully empty. It was a warm breezy day, and Rey's stray thoughts were carried away on the wind.</p>
<p>“You're not thinking of getting one, are you?” Finn asked, making Rey jump in surprise. She hadn't heard him approach in the grass behind her.</p>
<p>“Definitely not,” Rey said. “But they are beautiful.”</p>
<p>Finn leaned on the fence rail and looked at Rey.</p>
<p>“Poe says he can't wait to see you in the studio,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“That's what he always says,” Rey replied.</p>
<p>“How do you think this is going to go?” Finn asked. “Will Ben be able to work with his family around?”</p>
<p>“I have no idea, Finn. I hope so,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You never mentioned how religious the family is,” Finn said. “Is this going to be hard for you, being around the same stuff you grew up with?”</p>
<p>“Other than dinner tonight, I don't plan on socializing with anyone. I'm here to work, Finn. I'll be fine,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey smiled at her husband, remembering his support when she was struggling to cut ties with her religion and her parents.</p>
<p>“I've got you,” she said. “I'll be fine.”</p>
<p>Finn smiled slightly and looked far away past Rey's shoulder.</p>
<p>“It's odd that those two are still together,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey led Finn away from the pasture and they meandered through the trails and wooded areas around the inn for an hour before they got in their car and went to explore Mt. Gideon.</p>
<p>“Mt. Gideon is twelve miles 'down the road',” Rey said, looking at her phone as they prepared to leave. “Oh, but the massage studio has online booking...”</p>
<p>Rey tapped her phone screen a few times.</p>
<p>“...and they have some openings this afternoon. Want to get a massage?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure, book it,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“All right, don't go anywhere for a second,” Rey said, as Finn put the car into drive. “I've got service right here.”</p>
<p>They sat silently in the idling car for a few minutes as Rey scheduled their massages. The drive to Mr. Gideon on a curving, empty country road was pleasant. Even though Rey was used to living away from the city, the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the spring was something special.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn spent a few hours lazily walking the short main street of Mt. Gideon village, in and out of shops, and visited Julep Cafe. Then, they drove back to The Cherry Tree Inn, and freshened up before heading to dinner a few miles in the opposite direction at the Skywalker farm.</p>
<p>They arrived just after six-thirty, and climbed the long, winding driveway to the farmhouse, which was situated on one of the two large hills on the property. The younger children were running through the yard at the side of the house when Rey and Finn drove up. Ben, who had been sitting on the spacious front porch, stood up and waved them toward the back of the house, where other vehicles were parked in the grass. He walked around to meet them as they got out of the car.</p>
<p>“So this is your home,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“It is,” Ben said. “Come on inside, dinner's almost ready.”</p>
<p>He turned and led the way to the door, cupping his hands and shouting, “KIDS! DINNER!”</p>
<p>Lydia, Ava, and Aaron came scampering toward them and hurried into the house. Ben reminded them to wash up first.</p>
<p>Once inside, they were greeted by Soph and encouraged to take a seat at the long farmhouse table in the dining room. Ben disappeared into the kitchen and reappeared carrying large serving dishes of food, alongside Soph's parents. Rey could hear Soph supervising the kids in the hall bathroom as they took turns washing their hands.</p>
<p>“Elle, come down for dinner!” Soph called up the stairs.</p>
<p>There was no audible response, until Ben muttered, “I'll get her.”</p>
<p>“How do you like The Cherry Tree Inn?” asked Laura Skywalker politely.</p>
<p>She was sitting across the table from Rey. Her husband, Luke, was seated at the head of the table.</p>
<p>“I'm in love,” Rey said. “It's such a beautiful old house. You have a wonderful home, too.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Laura said.</p>
<p>“Did you folks get in yesterday?” asked Luke.</p>
<p>“We did. Yesterday night,” said Rey, nodding.</p>
<p>“I told Ben we'd be happy to host you here,” Laura said sweetly. “But I suppose you'll have a much more relaxing time at the inn.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and wondered if that was true, and if so, just how many bedrooms were in the large farmhouse.</p>
<p>The kids flooded into the dining room, followed by Ben with a reluctant Elle at his side. Soph took a seat by her mother, and Ben sat by Rey, who was grateful to the parents for creating a buffer between their guests and their children at the end of the table. Elle sat beside Ben, looking more unenthusiastic by the moment.</p>
<p>“Is everyone here? Everyone ready?” asked Laura, looking at her grandchildren.</p>
<p>“We're ready!” said Ava.</p>
<p>“I'm soooo hungry!” said Aaron.</p>
<p>“All right, then,” Laura said. “Let's let Grandpa bless the meal.”</p>
<p>The twins and Lydia quickly bowed their heads and squeezed their eyes shut. Elle followed with a slight tip of her head, and stared down at her lap. Soph, Laura, and Luke joined hands and closed their eyes.</p>
<p>“Let us pray,” said Luke.</p>
<p>Rey could not help bowing her head automatically at that familiar phrase, but she did not close her eyes. While Luke prayed over the meal, Rey peeked at the family members surrounding her. Ben and Elle were both staring at their laps. Everyone else remained in a fully prayerful pose.</p>
<p>“Lord, we thank you for this meal, and the hands that prepared it. Thank you for bringing our visitors here safely and for the talents you've given them,” prayed Luke.</p>
<p>Rey glanced at Finn, and held back a smile.</p>
<p>“We thank and praise you for these blessings and opportunities. Bless our meal and bless our friends and family. We ask this in Jesus' name...”</p>
<p>“Amen,” said most of the table in unison.</p>
<p>“Let's eat,” Luke said, reaching for the basket of rolls in front of him.</p>
<p>There was no conversation between the adults as the various dishes and condiments were passed around the table. Lydia, Ava, and Aaron chattered among themselves as they waited impatiently for the food to come to their end of the table.</p>
<p>“Mommy, I need the butter!” said Aaron, upon choosing his roll from the basket.</p>
<p>“Say, please pass the butter, Aaron,” Soph said.</p>
<p>“Please, pass the butter, Aaron,” Aaron said, and giggled.</p>
<p>“Here, Aaron,” said Ben, sending the butter dish down the table. “Let Elle get some first.”</p>
<p>Rey had a full plate in a matter of minutes. Finn was already eating. He had been uncharacteristically quiet since arriving at the Skywalkers'.</p>
<p>“So, Rey,” said Laura. “You're here to work on some new music with Ben? For the next album?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rey said, looking at Ben.</p>
<p>“Then the band is traveling to Europe?” asked Laura.</p>
<p>“Well, the U.K.,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“It's such a wonderful opportunity,” said Laura. “We can hardly believe it's real. Ben doesn't like to talk about the band when he's here. It's almost like this is all happening to someone else.”</p>
<p>She smiled again, then looked back at Rey and said, “I'm so glad you decided to come to South Carolina, Rey. You'll get to see the real Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and put a forkful of mashed potatoes in her mouth to keep from replying that maybe she already knew the real Ben Solo.</p>
<p>“How long are ya'll gonna talk about me like I'm not here,” Ben asked lightheartedly.</p>
<p>“We're just glad you're here, son,” Luke said. “Thank you, Rey and Finn, for agreeing to come work all the way out here. It was a sacrifice to leave your home and your friends when you just got back from the tour, and we appreciate it. We cherish every day we get to have Ben home with us.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded, as did Finn.</p>
<p>“Ben,” Finn said, breaking his silence for the evening. “I hear you are building a house.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Ben said. “It's going up right now. Soph's real excited about it – so are the kids.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we're getting a brand new house!” said Ava from the end of the table. “It's gonna be SO big... and beautiful! And I'm gonna have my own room – and it's gonna be PURPLE!”</p>
<p>Rey could not help grinning at the child's enthusiasm.</p>
<p>“Aren't you so happy, mommy?” Ava asked, a wide smile on her face.</p>
<p>Soph managed a smile at her daughter and said, “I am, Ava. Very happy.”</p>
<p>After dinner, Rey tried to help her hosts clear the table, but was handed a fresh glass of iced tea and shooed away to the living room with Ben and Finn. The children retreated back outside after taking their plates to the kitchen. Elle disappeared again, presumably back upstairs to her room.</p>
<p>“Want to see where we'll be working?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“This way.”</p>
<p>Ben led them down the hallway to the back of the house.</p>
<p>“In here,” he said, opening an unassuming wooden door at the end of the hall to reveal a sunroom with tall windows sheathed in sheer white curtains. Rey could see the kids running around the backyard catching lightning bugs.</p>
<p>Ben flipped the light switch. The room was furnished sparsely, but comfortably. A leather-covered bench sat against the wall opposite the windows, and a black wingback chair was wedged in the far corner. Ben's various guitars were positioned in between on stands, and an amp sat under one of the windows.</p>
<p>“You can put your keyboard over there,” Ben said. “Soph's parents have a piano in the study. If you'd prefer we can work in there. There's no windows, though,”</p>
<p>“I think this will be great,” Rey said, gesturing around the room.</p>
<p>“I'll go get your keyboard out of the car, Rey,” said Finn, giving her shoulder a squeeze before stepping out of the room.</p>
<p>Ben picked up his guitar.</p>
<p>“This used to be a screened in porch,” Ben said. “I'd sit out here for hours and try to write songs when I was young.”</p>
<p>Ben began picking at the guitar strings, no particular melody in mind..</p>
<p>“Hey, Dad,” came Elle's voice.</p>
<p>She appeared in the doorway, twisting her hair into a long braid. Rey noticed that she now had braces.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ellie,” he said.</p>
<p>She made a face and said, “Just Elle, Dad.”</p>
<p>“Okay, Elle,” he said. “Want to play with us?”</p>
<p>“No,” she said, shaking her head and glancing at Rey shyly. “Are you going to play tonight?”</p>
<p>Ben messed around on the guitar a little more and said, “I dunno. What do you say, Rey?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben started playing and Rey could not help swaying along. Elle sat in the wingback chair and watched as Rey and Ben sang. Half-way through the song, Finn returned with the keyboard and stood in the doorway listening.</p>
<p>“As lovely as ever,” Finn said. “Do you want this by these windows?”</p>
<p>“That's good,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Is that one of the new songs?” Elle asked.</p>
<p>“It is,” Ben said. “It's going on the album. Do you like it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Elle said. “It's nice.”</p>
<p>“Elle?” came Soph's voice.</p>
<p>She peeked into the crowded sunroom.</p>
<p>“There you are,” she said. “Have you finished your homework?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Mom,” Elle said.</p>
<p>“Really?” Soph asked, giving her a stern look. “All of it?”</p>
<p>“Ugh, yes!” Elle said.</p>
<p>“Elle, don't be disrespectful,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Can I please listen to Dad play for a while?” Elle asked. “I don't have any more homework.”</p>
<p>“You'll have to ask your dad about that,” said Soph.</p>
<p>“It's all right with me,” said Ben.</p>
<p>“Fine, but no staying up late,” Soph said. “It's a school night.”</p>
<p>“You don't mind, do you?” Ben muttered to Rey.</p>
<p>“Not at all,” she said.</p>
<p>“Elle, let Finn have that chair,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“No need,” Finn said. “Let her enjoy the music. I get to see all your shows.”</p>
<p>Finn leaned against the opposite corner and listened to the next song, then wandered out of the room to refill his glass of tea. When he didn't return, Rey assumed he'd been cornered into a conversation with Soph's parents.</p>
<p>After they played through everything they had for the new album, and a few songs from their last tour, Ben put down his guitar and stretched.</p>
<p>“Time to get ready for bed, Elle,” he said.</p>
<p>“All right,” she sighed, slipping off of the chair. “Goodnight, Dad.”</p>
<p>“ 'Night, daughter,” he said, reaching out to catch her with his arm as she walked by.</p>
<p>He pulled her into a bear hug and said, “Love you, girl.”</p>
<p>“Dad...” Elle protested, before hugging him back.</p>
<p>Ben let go of his daughter and she slouched out of the room, shutting the door behind her.</p>
<p>“I think I'm done for the night,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“We work better in the mornings,” Rey agreed. “I wonder where Finn's gone.”</p>
<p>Ben looked down, as if he was trying not to say something.</p>
<p>“I'll see you in the morning?” Rey asked. “How early?”</p>
<p>“Anytime after nine,” Ben said. “The kids will all be gone by then, and Soph's parents will be up working in the garden.”</p>
<p>“All right,” said Rey.</p>
<p>They both avoided looking at one another in the silence.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm going to find Finn and get going,” Rey said. “By the way, I really like Abigail.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and said, “I thought you might.”</p>
<p>“Did Laura really offer to let us stay here?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben scoffed and said, “Yeah, she did, but that was vetoed right away by Elle. She would've had to give up her room.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no,” Rey said, shaking her head. “I'd feel terrible!”</p>
<p>“You're better off with Abigail,” Ben said, leading the way out of the sunroom.</p>
<p>They found Finn sitting on the front porch with Luke, detailing what he anticipated being the best stops on their tour.</p>
<p>“Done for the night?” Luke asked, when he saw Ben.</p>
<p>“Yep,” Ben said. “Rey'll be here to work in the morning.”</p>
<p>“Bright and early,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Wonderful,” Luke said.</p>
<p>Finn and Rey returned to The Cherry Tree Inn and were greeted by Abigail, who was sitting on the porch swing by the front door.</p>
<p>“Well, it's just the two of you now,” she said. “The others just left. Can I get you anything? Tea? Something stronger? Beer? Wine?”</p>
<p>“Oh, thank you, but I'm ready to turn in for the night,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“How was your visit to the farm?” Abigail asked.</p>
<p>“It was fine,” Rey said. “It's a big house, and a big family.”</p>
<p>Abigail nodded and said, “I haven't seen the kids in a while. Last time I saw Elise she was looking more like her Daddy than ever.”</p>
<p>“She definitely looks like Ben,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“The rest of them favor their mother,” Abigail continued. “Especially Lydia and Aaron. They were the same, tow-headed little tots as Sophie was when she was young.”</p>
<p>Once upstairs in their room, Rey asked Finn, “How was your evening with Luke?”</p>
<p>“Luke is an okay guy,” Finn said. “I'd be willing to bet most of the in-laws' dislike of the band is coming from Laura.”</p>
<p>“I got that impression, too,” Rey said. “Soph was quiet.”</p>
<p>“She usually is when we're around,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“True,” Rey said.</p>
<p>The next morning, Rey woke earlier than usual, before Finn had even stirred in the bed beside her. She lay still, staring at her sleeping husband for a few minutes. Finn woke when Rey sat up.</p>
<p>“G'Mornin',” he mumbled. “What time is it?”</p>
<p>“Seven-fifty,” Rey yawned. “You need the bathroom? I'm going to shower.”</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” Finn said, rearranged his pillow and settling back into it with his eyes shut.</p>
<p>He was up by the time Rey returned, and they swapped places in the shower before going down for breakfast.</p>
<p>Rey nearly tripped on a calico cat sitting on the second-to-last stair on her way down.</p>
<p>“Oh! Hello, there, kitty,” she said.</p>
<p>The cat was surprisingly unfazed by the near-miss of Rey's foot. It looked up at her with wide amber eyes and meowed plaintively.</p>
<p>“That's Millie,” came Abigail's voice. “She loves guests.”</p>
<p>As if on cue, Millie hopped to her feet and began purring. She followed Rey and Finn to the dining room, meowing a few more times on the way.</p>
<p>“She's so vocal,” said Rey.</p>
<p>She began talking to the cat.</p>
<p>“Hey, girl. Aren't you pretty?”</p>
<p>The cat seemed to be encouraged and butted Rey's calf with her head, until Rey obliged and scratched behind her ears lightly. Millie's purring intensified. Abigail came out of the kitchen with a plate of sizzling sausages.</p>
<p>“What are your plans for the day?” Abigail asked.</p>
<p>“I'll be working this morning,” Rey said, looking at Finn. “Are you coming to the farm, Finn?”</p>
<p>“I have some things to work on, too,” Finn said. “I'll stay here and keep Millie company.”</p>
<p>Rey drove to the farm a little while later by herself. The drive was beautiful, full of lush green views under a gloriously clear blue sky. When she arrived Ben was in the front yard weeding one of the flower gardens.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Rey said, walking around to the front of the house where Ben was working.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said.</p>
<p>“How long have you been out here this morning?” she asked curiously.</p>
<p>“About an hour, I reckon,” he said. “I'm nearly done. You can go on inside and get settled in while I clean up.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben went back to aggressively weeding the garden. Rey wandered inside, hoping not to bump into any family members. She was not so lucky, and ran into Laura as she walked out of the dining room.</p>
<p>“Well, hello, Rey,” she said in a loud, bright voice.</p>
<p>There was a clatter from the kitchen, as if someone had dropped a few dishes into the sink suddenly.</p>
<p>“Hello, Laura,” Rey said, putting on a smile for her host.</p>
<p>“Is it nine already?” Laura asked, looking at her watch. “The time flies when you're getting kids ready in the morning, doesn't it?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “I imagine so.”</p>
<p>Laura patted Rey's arm and said, “You'll understand when you have yours.”</p>
<p>Rey forced out a little laugh, unable to think of an appropriate response. Soph appeared from the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Rey,” she said, wiping her hands on the apron she was wearing. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? We have some biscuits left over – Laura's secret recipe.”</p>
<p>“Oh, thank you, but I'm still full from Abigail's breakfast. We're her only guests at the moment, but she made enough food for an army this morning.”</p>
<p>An identical uncomfortable looked crossed the faces of both Laura and Soph.</p>
<p>“I'll take a glass of water, though,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Soph said, taking her apron off as she retreated back to the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm just on my way out,” Laura said to Rey. “I hope your songwriting gets off to a great start today.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Rey said, stepping aside to let Laura pass.</p>
<p>Ben must have finished weeding and walked around to the back door, because Rey heard Soph talking to him a moment later in the kitchen. Their voices were low murmurs, and Rey stopped in her tracks on the way to get her water. A few seconds later, Ben walked out and handed her a glass.</p>
<p>“Here you go,” he said. “I'll meet you in the sunroom.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and watched him trudge up the stairs. She took a sip of water before making her way back to their practice room, and heard a door shut in the upstairs hall. The sound of a shower cutting on came next.</p>
<p>Walking down the narrow hall to the back of the house, Rey noticed a few framed family portraits hanging on the walls. There was one of Ben and Soph with a baby that must have been Elise. Both Ben and Soph were baby-faced and tan. Soph was grinning at the camera and Ben was looking tenderly down at his first child.</p>
<p>The other portraits were of Laura and Luke from various decades, and the last was a more recent shot of Ben and his entire family sitting on the front porch steps. It looked like it might have been an Easter portrait from the previous year. The only person who was smiling from ear-to-ear was Aaron. Ava was pouting, Lydia was smiling woodenly as if she'd been doing it for far too long, and Soph had a similar tense smile in place. Elle and Ben wore the exact same stoic expression.</p>
<p>Rey heard Soph's footsteps behind her in the other room and hurried down the hall to the sunroom, where she shut the door behind her and went to her keyboard. She was in the middle of a long, thoughtful exploration of a chord set, when Ben came in.</p>
<p>“That's somethin',” he said.</p>
<p>“Just playing around,” Rey said. “It's nothing yet.”</p>
<p>Ben went over to one of the windows beside the keyboard and stared out.</p>
<p>“It's going to be a hot one,” Rey said. “It's good you got the gardening done early.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said, swiping his fingers through his damp hair, sweeping it back behind his ears.</p>
<p>He picked his glasses up from the window sill and put them on.</p>
<p>“You have anything new?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Eh, bits of things,” he said, and picked up his journal, which was lying on the bench beside him.</p>
<p>He opened the journal and read over a few of the pages silently, then began tuning his guitar.</p>
<p>“I started this last week,” he said, and started playing a slow, pensive rhythm over a simple chord progression.</p>
<p>After a moment, Rey began hitting the chords on the piano along with him. She was surprised when after running through the chords a few times, he began to sing softly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Behind your eyes / </em>
  <em>Beneath the laughter / </em>
  <em>At the end of the day</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're just lonely / </em>
  <em>So lonely</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You've been actin' / </em>
  <em>It's your disguise / You c</em>
  <em>an't fool me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You've been lonely / </em>
  <em>So lonely</em>
</p>
<p>Ben stopped playing abruptly and cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“That's all I have,” he said, staring at her as if waiting for a comment.</p>
<p>Rey played around with the chords again and added a couple more in for a chorus.</p>
<p>“Hmmm...” she said, playing the progression a few times.</p>
<p>She went back to the original chords again and hummed the verse Ben had just sung. The words fell into place in her mind as she pictured him sitting there behind her, still staring at her expectantly in unspoken challenge.</p>
<p>
  <em>You keep your head up / </em>
  <em>You fight the fights / </em>
  <em>You've done your time</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You've been lonely / </em>
  <em>So lonely</em>
</p>
<p>Rey kept playing through the chords, the words she'd sung repeating themselves in her head. She moved on to the tentative chorus she'd plunked out before, and played it while humming experimentally. Ben stopped playing while she sang. Finally, Rey turned to look at him, and saw he was writing in his journal.</p>
<p>“Are you writing that down?” she asked. “You liked it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “Might keep it.”</p>
<p>“Hmmm... what about this?” she asked. “Chorus?”</p>
<p>She played it, humming again, a flitting melody that rose high and lilted back down, spiraled around, and settled quietly into a drifting, drawn-out cry.</p>
<p>“Huh,” he said, playing around with the chords on his guitar.</p>
<p>They did this for a while without speaking. Rey stared out of the window and began to get another wind of inspiration. She stopped playing and listened to Ben picking delicately through the chords of the chorus again and again, and time seemed to slowly wind the words together in her mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Let me in the walls around you / </em>
  <em>We could burn them down, oh</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'd hold you in my arms and dance / </em>
  <em>With flames around us</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Burn it to dust</em>
</p>
<p>Rey turned to look at Ben apprehensively. He stopped playing and stared back blankly. After a while, he nodded.</p>
<p>“That's good,” he said.</p>
<p>He slowly picked up his journal again and scratched down the words Rey has just sung. When he was done he snapped the journal shut and stood up. Ben walked out of the room, and returned with his own glass of water.</p>
<p>“Want to run through that again?” he asked.</p>
<p>“<em>Burn it to dust?</em>” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Hmm... what about, just <em>Burn</em>?” he asked.</p>
<p>That familiar feeling of time stopping between them came back again. Ben looked at her over his water glass, which he held halfway to his lips. Rey did not breathe until he lifted it all the way and tipped his head back to finish it.</p>
<p>“Or, <em>To Dust</em>,” Rey offered.</p>
<p>“It needs a final verse,” Ben said. <br/><br/>“Hmm...” Rey said, not sure she agreed.</p>
<p>She put her hands on the keys of her keyboard.</p>
<p>“Ready?” she asked.</p>
<p>They played and sang for the next hour and a half, working out the details of their new song.</p>
<p>“Let's take a break,” Ben said. “You hungry yet?”</p>
<p>“I could eat,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She followed Ben to the kitchen, where he made himself a ham biscuit and poured two glasses of iced tea.</p>
<p>“You want one?” he asked, holding his biscuit aloft.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said. </p>
<p>Ben handed her a plate and moved aside from the space on the counter where he'd put together his own sandwich. He went to the fridge and pulled out a jar of pickle spears, then a tray of sliced peppers, carrots, celery, and broccoli. Finally, he placed a small glass bowl of what appeared to be homemade ranch dip on the counter.</p>
<p>“Where is everyone?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, around,” Ben said. “Soph's off today. She's probably outside reading. Laura's still out running errands in town, and Luke's likely gone fishin' by now.”</p>
<p>He was already on his second biscuit, and he grabbed a couple of carrots and dipped them into the ranch.</p>
<p>“Hope you weren't expectin' me to cook for you,” he said. “We're pretty casual about lunch around here. Nobody here cooks a hot meal in the middle of the day, at least not in this weather.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “No, I wouldn't either.”</p>
<p>“Well, you want to get back to work in fifteen?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Rey. She was still snacking on the veggie tray.</p>
<p>Ben left, the sound of his boots fading up the stairs. Rey finished her lunch and went to refill the water glass she'd left in the sunroom. Once there, she caught sight of Ben walking through the yard from the window at the far end of the room. Curious, she walked over and peered out as he crossed in front of a small vegetable garden and headed toward a patch of wooded hill that began at the edge of the back yard.</p>
<p>Soph was lying in a hammock under the trees, reading a book. Ben walked up her and said something that caused her to smile and mark her page before closing the book. Ben put a hand on the hammock and rocked it lightly as they conversed. Rey watched until Ben left and Soph went back to her book, then she settled herself at the keyboard and played the instrumental interlude she'd been working on.</p>
<p>Ben returned a few minutes later. Rey played around with the music she was composing and Ben sat writing and re-writing lyrics in his journal.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said at last. “Look at this.”</p>
<p>He handed her the journal, and Rey read the open page with some difficulty due to all of the marked out sections and tiny, added words.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't want to talk to you / </em>
  <em>I want your arms around me / </em>
  <em>In this moment before it's gone</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Say it's not over / </em>
  <em>Say it's not so, dear / </em>
  <em>Let the stars watch tonight</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't let go / </em>
  <em>Just hold onto me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Can I pull you closer than this? / </em>
  <em>Remember the moon on your skin? / </em>
  <em>Why does this have to end?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Say it's not over / </em>
  <em>Say it's not so, dear / </em>
  <em>Let the stars watch tonight</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't let go / </em>
  <em>Just hold onto me</em>
</p>
<p>“Is this the one you were working on before?” Rey asked. She began humming the melody of the song in question as she read the lyrics again.</p>
<p>Ben nodded and hummed along with her, adding a harmony on the chorus.</p>
<p>“Nice,” Rey said. “You want to sing the first verse, and I'll take the second? Then you do that harmony you just hummed for the chorus?”</p>
<p>Ben cleared his throat as if to speak, paused, then said, “Actually, I'd like to take the lead on this one, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... no, you're right. That's your song, you should have the lead,” Rey said.</p>
<p>They rarely sang a song without swapping parts at some point, but when they did it was usually Rey who sang the melody. Ben's voice blended so beautifully with hers when he was singing high, aching tenor notes, that it had become their signature style. If Rey was honest, Ben was also better at picking out the unique, unexpected harmonies that also characterized their music.</p>
<p>“Let me hear that harmony you were just singing again,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She sang through the chorus, listening carefully to Ben's voice as it rose and fell.</p>
<p>“Mmm... one more time,” she said, when they'd sung it twice.</p>
<p>“Okay, got it,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben played the intro, then sang the first verse so tenderly and hauntingly that Rey nearly cried. Rey could not help falling a little more in love with him as they sang.</p>
<p>“That was good,” Rey said. “Really nice, Ben.”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“I'll – ah – be right back,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Let's take another break,” Ben agreed.</p>
<p>She went to the hall bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet. Only one day working with Ben in his family's home, and Rey was losing her grip on reality. Ben was not going to leave Soph, and Soph wasn't going to leave him. These were the facts, and they weren't going to change. Rey repeated them to herself a few times before flushing the toilet and running the water in the sink. She splashed her face a couple of times and patted it dry.</p>
<p>Ben was not in the room when Rey returned. She sat down on the stool by her keyboard and stared at the keys, waiting for Ben to return so they could keep working on the song that had just undone her. There was a soft knock on the door before it opened. Rey looked around to see Elle standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Hey, Elle,” Rey said in surprise. “Is school out already?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Elle said, coming into the room hesitantly. “We live close, so we're the first ones off the bus.”</p>
<p>“That must be nice,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“It is,” Elle replied.</p>
<p>“Are you looking for your dad?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No. He's outside,” said Elle.</p>
<p>Elle plopped down on the chair in the corner and stared at Rey, swinging her foot anxiously in the air over her crossed legs.</p>
<p>“My dad said you're from California,” said Elle.</p>
<p>“I grew up there,” said Rey, nodding. “Now I live in Nashville.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Elle said. “I know. What was it like in California? Did you see any celebrities?”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “A couple, but not where I lived. It was really nice growing up there. You know, California is a really big state. There's all kinds of different towns and cities.”</p>
<p>Elle nodded, then sighed and said, “I want to move there one day. I'm trying to convince my mom to take me to your next concert there.”</p>
<p>“I'd love for you to come,” Rey said. “I hope she agrees.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. She probably won't,” Elle said dismally. “Did you and Dad write any new songs today?”</p>
<p>“Actually, we did,” Rey said. “We wrote two.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Elle asked. “Cool.”</p>
<p>Elle repositioned herself in the chair.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you a question?” Elle asked.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Elle looked back at the door to the room, as if to make sure it was still closed.</p>
<p>“Okay, so there's this boy at school,” she said. “I can't tell my mom because she doesn't let me talk about boys. Anyway, he's like, this really great musician – he plays the guitar, drums, piano, like he's some kind of genius. All I can do is play the guitar and kind of sing, but I thought maybe I could ask him if he wants to play with me. Maybe we could start a band.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” was all Rey could think to say.</p>
<p>“So, what should I do if he says yes? My mom isn't gonna let me go to his house to practice, and I'm not allowed to have boys over here.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Rey said. “Have you asked your dad about it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Elle said. “He'll say I should do it and he'll try to get Mom to let me. They'll just fight again.”</p>
<p>“Can I ask <em>you</em> something?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah,” Elle said, looking apprehensive.</p>
<p>“Do you want to start a band with this boy because he's a great musician, or because you like him and want a reason to spend time with him?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>Elle gave her a strange look and said, “Um... both.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“So you want this boy to be your boyfriend?” she asked.</p>
<p>Elle blushed, but nodded.</p>
<p>“What will happen if you start a band with your boyfriend, and then you break up with him?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” Elle said. “I guess there wouldn't be a band anymore.”</p>
<p>“Let me tell you what I would do,” Rey said. “If you can get permission to start the band with this boy, just take it slow. Do it because you love making music, not because you like the boy.”</p>
<p>Elle nodded slowly and peered at Rey.</p>
<p>“You're a really great singer, Rey,” she said. “I'm glad you and my dad are playing together. He used to be sad all the time about quitting his old band.”</p>
<p>“I'm glad we are playing together, too,” Rey said. “Your dad is also a really great singer.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he's all right,” Elle said, grinning.</p>
<p>The door opened and Ben walked into the room.</p>
<p>“Speak of the devil,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Elle, your momma's lookin' for you,” he said.</p>
<p>“What does she want?” Elle asked, groaning.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Ben said. “Don't give her an attitude. She wants to know about your Spanish class... you're supposed to be bringing food for a party?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah,” Elle said. “I forgot that's tomorrow.”</p>
<p>She left.</p>
<p>“Sorry if she was bothering you,” he said. “She's a little starstruck by you, I think.”</p>
<p>“By me?” asked Rey skeptically. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ben said. “She thinks you have the most beautiful voice she's ever heard.”</p>
<p>“Aw, that's sweet,” Rey said. “Did she really say that?”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and said, “I'm not lying.”</p>
<p>He picked up his guitar.</p>
<p>“Want to run through that last one a couple times and call it quits for the day?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Rey. “Let run through it again. It's just gorgeous.”</p>
<p>Rey felt a sadness being to creep into her chest. It grew until the end of their session that day, and stuck with her until morning. Ben was determined that nothing would change. He wanted his wife, his family, and his home in South Carolina, and he also wanted the band, the international tours, and Rey singing by his side. Rey mourned what could be but would never be. Making music together was a half-measure. The longer they worked together, the harder it was to pretend the music was enough.</p>
<p>Finn was sitting on the porch with Abigail when Rey got back to the inn.</p>
<p>“Well, there she is,” Abigail said in greeting. “How is the songwriting?”</p>
<p>“We wrote two songs,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Really?” Finn said happily. “You'll have enough for two new albums if you keep this pace up.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “You know how it goes, Finn. Some days everything just falls right into place, and some days we rip up everything we try to write and start over the next day.”</p>
<p>Finn nodded and said, “I do know. It has actually been relaxing, staying out of the process here. I think I'm going to wait until Friday to hear anything.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said. “How was your day? Productive?”</p>
<p>“I don't know about his work, but he helped me move some furniture today,” said Abigail. “I'm making him work for the room!”</p>
<p>“It was no problem,” Finn said. “I needed the exercise.”</p>
<p>“After that long run? I doubt it!” Abigail said.</p>
<p>“Oh, you went on a run?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“I did,” Finn said. “Looks like I'm going all cardio while we're here with no gym.”</p>
<p>Abigail cackled and said, “People out here don't need a gym. There's plenty of hard labor to be done!”</p>
<p>“You can come over to the farm and help Ben with the gardening,” Rey said. “He was weeding when I got there.”</p>
<p>“I'll stick with the cardio,” Finn said, grinning. “Bent over gardening in the heat sounds like a great recipe for a migraine.”</p>
<p>“Are you a migraine sufferer, Finn?” Abigail asked.</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, I am,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“You know, I had a friend who suffers terribly from migraines. She swears by her chiropractor for it,” Abigail said. “Personally, I never trusted all that chiropractic nonsense. More likely to break your neck than help it.”</p>
<p>“I'm going to get out and run early in the morning tomorrow,” Finn said. “Try to beat the heat. Want to join me, dear?”</p>
<p>He was grinning at Rey, knowing the answer already.</p>
<p>“Sorry, honey,” Rey said. “You're on your own.”</p>
<p>Abigail was looking at her curiously.</p>
<p>“I'm not an early bird kind of person,” Rey explained.</p>
<p>Finn managed to get out of the room without waking Rey the next morning. She woke up when he came in from his run.</p>
<p>“Good morning, sunshine,” he said. She rolled over and opened her eyes as he shut the door to their room.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” she said murmured, blinking heavily.</p>
<p>“Better get up if you want breakfast,” he said.</p>
<p>“Mmmphf,” Rey groaned, rolling over and pushing her torso off the bed.</p>
<p>“You should have joined me,” Finn said brightly. “It's a beautiful morning in the mountains.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, you're so... perky,” Rey complained, but she leaned back on one arm and smiled at him.</p>
<p>“I'm going to shower,” Finn said. “You can sleep in for ten more minutes.”</p>
<p>“Mmmm... maybe I will,” Rey said, flopping down on her back again.</p>
<p>After a quick breakfast downstairs with Abigail, Rey was off to the farm again. She drove up to see Ben once again working in the garden beds. He waved at her car as she passed and stood, brushing his hands and knees off. Ben was already inside in the shower when Rey walked in to what seemed to be an empty house. It was quiet and dark, with most of the shades drawn shut. Soph might be at work, but where were the in-laws?</p>
<p>Rey went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water before wandering back to the sunroom.</p>
<p>“Mornin',” Ben said, when he walked in.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” she said. “Where's the family?”</p>
<p>“Soph's at work. Laura and Luke volunteer at the elementary school on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he said. “It's just us here today.”</p>
<p>Rey stared at him. His stoic expression gave away nothing. After a moment, he walked over and picked up his guitar.</p>
<p>“Let's start nailing down some details for the 'burn it down' song,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey giggled and said, “The 'burn it down' song?”</p>
<p>“Burn to dust, burn down, to the ground, whatever,” he said, strumming the guitar.</p>
<p>Ben's mood was worse than the previous day. The sessions were long, and the breaks were short. They stopped at three in the afternoon.</p>
<p>“The kids will be home soon. I'm on parent duty since Soph's working late,” he said.</p>
<p>“Ah, all right,” said Rey. “I guess tomorrow we'll try to write something new?”</p>
<p>Ben nodded.</p>
<p>“Guess we will,” he said, removing his guitar and setting it aside.</p>
<p>“You all right?” she asked. “You've been a little off today.”</p>
<p>“I'm fine,” he said. “Just sore from all the gardening.”</p>
<p>As soon as Rey saw Finn that afternoon, he told her about an email he'd received from Poe.</p>
<p>“Poe just sent this,” he said, showing her his laptop screen.</p>
<p>
  <em>Finn, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>One of our songwriters that used to work with Ben has come up with something for you. I think you are right on track with this one – it could go far with their country music fan base. Might even win some awards. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>-Poe</em>
</p>
<p>“What is he talking about?” Rey asked. “Finn, what did you ask for and why does it involve another songwriter? Ben is not going to like this.”</p>
<p>“Before you make any judgements, just read it,” Finn said, opening the attachment.</p>
<p>Rey's eyes fell on the lyrics of the chorus first:</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, pull me up from this valley / </em>
  <em>To a mountain high in the sky / </em>
  <em>I will pray, pray, pray / </em>
  <em>To feel your warm embrace</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I will pray, pray, pray / </em>
  <em>To the one I love</em>
</p>
<p>Rey stopped reading and opened her mouth to protest, but Finn held up a finger and said, “Before you tell me you hate it, just listen.”</p>
<p>He opened an audio file and a twangy guitar lick began playing. Rey gave Finn a skeptical look but he only held up his finger again and inclined his head toward the computer, which was now playing a brash, country rhythm reminiscent of a bluegrass revival song. When the music ended, Rey continued looking at Finn silently and skeptically.</p>
<p>“Go ahead. Let's hear it,” Finn said.</p>
<p>She didn't know what to say first.</p>
<p>“Well?” asked Finn, looking amused.</p>
<p>“Finn, what <em>was</em> that?” she asked.</p>
<p>“It's just an idea, Rey,” Finn said. “We've been looking at the demographics of your fans, and there is a lot of crossover into christian and country music, for obvious reasons. A song like this will resonate with both of those groups, and it is right up the alley of the people giving away country music awards at the moment.”</p>
<p>“Finn... 'Jesus, carry me'?” Rey asked, skimming the rest of the words on the page. “Come on... it might as well be 'Jesus, take the wheel'! No, that has to go.”</p>
<p>“Why not? Ben's family would love it,” Finn asked. “Maybe it will save his marriage.”</p>
<p>“Finn, stop,” Rey said, as her husband let out a short laugh. “No, I don't like it. It's exactly what you and I have been steering the band away from up until now.”</p>
<p>“Poe and I realized that might not be the right strategy,” Finn said. “Look, I'm saying do this as a one-off. Do what you will with it – take out the more obvious religious references, change the tune, re-write the whole damn thing if you want. I think it would be good to throw your christian, country music-loving fans a bone.”</p>
<p>“And you think it will get us an award,” she finished.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do,” Finn said. “Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”</p>
<p>“I don't think either of us wants to win an award for a song that wasn't our idea, and that we didn't write ourselves,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Then write a different one,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I'll see what Ben says.”</p>
<p>“He'll be just as pissed as you are,” Finn said. “But just like you, he'll realize I'm right about this.”</p>
<p>Rey scoffed and stood up.</p>
<p>“Well, if you would include me in these decisions, I wouldn't be so pissed, Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>“If I told you about it ahead of time you would have killed the idea without really considering it,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey glared at him and crossed her arms.</p>
<p>“That's not the point,” she said. “We're songwriters, Finn. We take a lot of pride in that.”</p>
<p>“How is it different than doing a cover of a song that someone else wrote and putting your own spin on it?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“We do covers of songs that are already good,” Rey said. “We're not trying to improve it, just make it our own.”</p>
<p>“So make this your own,” said Finn. “I'm only asking you to try it out. If you can't make it work, then we'll scrap the idea.”</p>
<p>“We'll see,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben was going to be furious when she told him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Caged Bird</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey put off telling Ben about Finn's song idea until after lunch on Thursday. They spent the morning developing a new musical themes that would eventually become songs.</p><p>For lunch, Ben made BLT's from an abundance of leftover bacon from breakfast. Once again, they were the only people in the large, dark farmhouse.</p><p>“I have something to tell you,” Rey said, as she finished the last bite of her sandwich.</p><p>“Oh?” he asked, sipping on his second glass of iced tea.</p><p>“Before I tell you, just know that I only found out this week. Finn didn't tell me until now,” she said.</p><p>Ben scowled and set his glass down.</p><p>“What's he done this time?” Ben asked.</p><p>Rey sighed and shook her head, briefly covering her eyes.</p><p>“Finn and Poe decided that we need a song for our christian country music fans,” she said.</p><p>“We have christian music fans?” Ben asked. “I mean, enough to speak of?”</p><p>Rey cleared her throat and said, “Most of them are people who know me from before, Ben.”</p><p>“Right,” he said. “I just didn't think there'd be that many...”</p><p>He trailed off at the look on her face and said, “... you know, since it was such a long time ago, and you don't even look like the same person.”</p><p>“I have the same name,” she reminded him.</p><p>“Okay. So, they want us to write a good old country Jesus song?” he asked.</p><p>“Well, yes, but that's not what I have to tell you. Finn went ahead and had one of Poe's songwriters, Peter Gilliam, write us something,” she said.</p><p>Ben scowled silently for a moment, then said, “Pete does a lot of work for country music artists. Some big names.”</p><p>He did not say anything else.</p><p>“So... how do you feel about it?” she finally asked.</p><p>Ben folded his arms and leaned back against the kitchen counter.</p><p>“I don't like the idea of someone else writing our music, but I like Pete Gilliam. I'd like to see what he came up with. Maybe we can use some of it.”</p><p>Rey held out her hands helplessly and said, “Really? You're not mad?”</p><p>“I am mad,” he said. “But I expect this from Finn. The question is, why are <em>you</em> surprised? He makes decisions for us all the time when he thinks he knows best and doesn't want a fight.”</p><p>“I'm not surprised he did it,” Rey said. “I'm surprised you're accepting it so easily.”</p><p>“When someone tells you who they are, over and over, you have to start believing them,” Ben said, shrugging. “As long as Finn's our manager, this will keep happening. Whenever you're ready to change that, let me know.”</p><p>“You mean whenever I'm ready to leave him,” Rey said.</p><p>Ben raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement.</p><p>“Ben, I can't,” she said.</p><p>“Why not?” he asked.</p><p>“Why can't you leave Soph?” she asked. “It's not just the kids, is it? It's all the years together, before the fights. You still love her.”</p><p>Ben stared through her, his face an empty mask with faraway eyes.</p><p>“Of course I do,” he said.</p><p>“And I still love my husband, and he's our manager, and I can't... Ben, I can't just throw all of that away. My life before Finn was miserable, and he was there with me through it, helped me get out of it. We've been through so much together,” she said.</p><p>“You can't hang on to what a person used to be. It's already gone. There's only moving on to something new,” he said.</p><p>“You haven't given up,” Rey said, looking up at him accusingly.</p><p>Why was he insisting she do what he could not.</p><p>“I did,” he said flatly. “You forget Birmingham?”</p><p>“I didn't forget,” she said.</p><p>“Regret your decision?” he asked.</p><p>“No,” she said.</p><p>“Liar,” he replied.</p><p>Rey opened her mouth to protest, but could not. Rey's heart beat erratically as she decided to act. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. It was a quick peck, just enough to wipe the smug look off his face. They stared at each other. His expression became conflicted.</p><p>“I – ” Rey started to apologize.</p><p>When he leaned forward to meet her lips again, the words melted back into her mind. His facial hair tickled her face, and Rey realized she'd never kissed anyone who wasn't clean shaven. Between that thought and her giddiness, she nearly started laughing. Ben's fingertips brushed the sensitive skin on her neck, but he otherwise kept the distance between them. Then he straightened up and looked down at her, catching her hands in his own as she pulled away.</p><p>“Now, look what you've done,” he said.</p><p>“I shouldn't have,” Rey said. “That was a mistake.”</p><p>Ben let go of her hands, and said, “Yeah, it was. I told you. I'm here now, trying to make this work, trying to be the best father I can be.”</p><p>He folded his arms and gave her a long look.</p><p>“Even so, you should leave him, Rey,” he said.</p><p>“Because he cheated,” Rey said.</p><p>“The cheatin's just one reason you should leave,” Ben replied.</p><p>“Oh?” Rey said. “Why else?”</p><p>Ben leaned back on the counter, moving away from her.</p><p>“He suffocates you. If you weren't so scared of making something Finn didn't like for so long, you'd have made another album before you met me.”</p><p>Ben paused and seemed to size Rey up before going on.</p><p>“He manipulates you. Controls you. He doesn't trust you to make the right decisions. He says he does it all because he cares about you, but how long can you live that way?”</p><p>Ben scoffed and said, “To me, that's worse than the cheatin'.”</p><p>“That's not... that's not it, Ben,” Rey said. “He's supportive. It took me years to figure out what my music should be, and if I hadn't met you, who knows how long it would have taken. Maybe I'd still be struggling to find it.”</p><p>Ben blinked in surprise and fell silent.</p><p>“I still love Finn, and you're not leaving Soph. So... we'll forget what just happened,” she said.</p><p>She fixed Ben with a resolute gaze.</p><p>Ben bowed his head and said, “I'm telling you as a friend, not because I want anything else from you, to leave that man.”</p><p>He looked at her and Rey had never felt so vulnerable under another person's gaze.</p><p>“Who is Rey McNowan?” he asked. “Is this band even what you really want to be doing?”</p><p>“Yes!” Rey burst out. “This band is the <em>only</em> thing I want to be doing!”</p><p>She was fighting tears now.</p><p>“How can you doubt that?” she wondered. “Don't you feel it too?”</p><p>Ben tipped his head to the side and sighed.</p><p>“When we're on the stage, there's no place else I'd rather be,” he said. “But then I come home, and see my kids, feel that ache and that guilt when I leave them again... and I see why Soph can't trust me.”</p><p>He pressed his lips together, then looked down and shook his head.</p><p>“Even when we've got nothing booked, and I'm here without any deadlines or demands, my mind is on the road and the music. Everything else in my life is a distraction, no matter how much I pretend it isn't.”</p><p>“Ben, stop,” Rey said. “You have to stop beating yourself up. You're doing the best you can.”</p><p>“Am I?” he asked. “I don't know.”</p><p>Rey stared, trying not to say the first thing that came to mind.</p><p>“Maybe she doesn't see it, but I do,” Rey said. “I see you doing everything you can to be here. I see the guilt you carry. If she can't, she's blind.”</p><p>Ben rubbed his face in response.</p><p>“So, when are you going to let me hear this songwriting Finn got for us?” he asked, his voice taking on a neutral, almost bored tone.</p><p>“Finn's going to bring it tomorrow,” she said.</p><p>“All right,” Ben said.</p><p>They went back to work as if nothing happened. They spent the afternoon working on their next cover song, which was an emotional rendition of Etta James' <em>I'd Rather Go Blind</em> in a melancholic, folksy style.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Somethin' told me it was over / When I saw you and her talkin'</em>
</p><p><em>Somethin'</em> <em>deep down in my soul said, 'Cry, girl' / When I saw you and that girl walkin' around</em></p><p> </p><p>This cover had been Rey's pet project. She sang through the song for the first time since they nailed down the changes to the melody that matched the urgent, rolling tempo. The sound of it made Rey think of a storm building overhead on a summer afternoon. The effect of Ben's picking on the guitar for the intro and first verse was like the first prickling drops of rain before the downpour.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, I would rather go blind / Than to see you walk away from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, I love you so much you see / I don't wanna watch you leave me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Most of all, I just don't wanna be free, no</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben cut in with an odd, but perfect, eerie harmony on the chorus. He continued to sing as Rey finished the song.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, I was just sittin' here / Thinkin' of your kiss and your warm embrace</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the reflection in the glass that I held to my lips</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Revealed the tears running down my face</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, and I'd rather be blind / Than to see you walk away from me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Woah, baby, baby / I'd rather be blind</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The kids and the in-laws came in while they were playing through it for a third time. The door to the sunroom was open, and the commotion of Lydia, Ava, and Aaron arguing about something carried through the house. Ben kept playing, and they sang until the noise died down.</p><p>When they finished playing, there was applause.</p><p>“That's good music, Daddy!” came Ava's voice.</p><p>Rey turned to see the entire family, sans Soph, standing in the hall outside the door peering in with smiles on their face.</p><p>“It's not good, it's great!” Aaron chimed in, bouncing up and down before taking off down the hall.</p><p>“Sounds like work is going well,” said Luke. “Sorry to interrupt. The kids heard you playing and wanted to listen.”</p><p>“It's fine,” Rey said. “They should get to hear their dad play.”</p><p>Lydia was staring shyly at Rey, absently playing with a lock of her own hair.</p><p>“Did you write that song or did Daddy?” she asked.</p><p>“Well, we both wrote the music,” said Rey. “Another person wrote the words.”</p><p>“Oh,” Lydia said, a hint of a smile crossing her face. “It's pretty.”</p><p>“Thank you, Lydia,” said Rey.</p><p>“All right, girls, lets go find Aaron and let your daddy and Miss Rey get back to work,” said Laura.</p><p>She ushered the girls away.</p><p>“All right. I'll get out of your hair,” said Luke.</p><p>“We're just finishing up,” Ben said. “Don't worry about keeping the kids away.”</p><p>“Soph will be home at seven,” Luke said. “We'll give the kids a snack to hold them over until dinner with their mom. If you need to keep working, go ahead. Laura's gonna take them out to pick berries for a while. You know what that means.”</p><p>“Pie for dessert,” said Ben, nodding. “All right!”</p><p>Luke left, and shut the door before he went.</p><p>“What's Soph going to do when you move into your own place?” asked Rey. “Her parents do a lot with the kids.”</p><p>“I imagine either the kids will spend a lot of time here, or Luke and Laura will spend a lot of time at the new house,” said Ben.</p><p>He sat down on the bench and put his guitar aside.</p><p>“It'd would have been that way even if I'd been here the past couple of years,” he said. “It's always nice to have help with four kids, and they're the only grandchildren.”</p><p>Rey sat down beside him.</p><p>“Does Soph have any siblings nearby?” she asked.</p><p>“Her sister lives in Charlotte,” said Ben. “She's probably around your age.”</p><p>“Do you even know how old I am?” Rey wondered.</p><p>Since her birthday was right before Christmas, and she never made a to do about it during the holiday season, it had never come up between them.</p><p>“Soph's sister is thirty-two,” he said. “Is that about right?”</p><p>“Close,” Rey said. “I'll be thirty this year, in December.”</p><p>“You're a Christmas baby?” he asked.</p><p>“Almost,” Rey said. “The twenty-first. What about you?”</p><p>“July twenty-fifth,” he said.</p><p>“What? Why didn't you ever say anything?” Rey asked. “We've been on the road together for your birthday!”</p><p>“I don't see the point in celebrating getting old,” Ben said, shrugging.</p><p>Rey gave him a sideways look of appraisal.</p><p>“So? How old are you? I've told you my age, so it's only fair,” she said.</p><p>“You're the one that brought it up,” he said grumpily.</p><p>“Come on, Ben. It's not right that we've known each other this long and don't know these things,” she said.</p><p>He fidgeted, clearly more uncomfortable than his voice gave away.</p><p>“Let's just say I'm closer to forty than thirty,” he said.</p><p>“Thirty-six?” Rey guessed.</p><p>Ben shook his head as he said, “A lot closer to forty.”</p><p>Rey opened her mouth to guess again, and he interrupted her.</p><p>“I'm thirty-nine, Rey,” he said darkly.</p><p>After a beat, Rey said, “What's so terrible about being thirty-nine? Are you that scared of turning forty?”</p><p>He scoffed and said, “Yeah. Forty is when you're officially old.”</p><p>“Eh,” said Rey dismissively. “You don't look old. Do you feel old?”</p><p>“Not most days,” he said. “But I'm in denial.”</p><p>Rey laughed, since she wasn't sure what else to say.</p><p>“I never would have thought you'd care so much about hitting forty,” said Rey.</p><p>“You probably think you won't care, either,” Ben said. “Just wait until it happens to you.”</p><p>“<em>You would cry too if it happened to you,” </em>Rey sang lightly, then laughed again.</p><p>“Maybe you're right,” she said.</p><p>In the silence, a high-pitched, joyful squeal floated across the backyard, followed by giggling and shouting.</p><p>“I'm going to go,” Rey said. “So you can spend some time with them. It sounds like they're having fun.”</p><p>“Yeah, they love it here,” Ben said. “Well, except for Elle. She dreams of the city life.”</p><p>“She's a lot like you,” Rey said.</p><p>“Because she's stubborn and antisocial?” Ben asked, raising an eyebrow as if daring her to agree.</p><p>“Sure,” said Rey, grinning at him. “And a lot of other things, too.”</p><p>“Hm,” Ben murmured, looking as if he was naming a few to himself.</p><p>“Has she told you she wants to start a band?” asked Rey.</p><p>Ben looked back at Rey, surprised.</p><p>“No,” he said. “When did she tell you that?”</p><p>“The first day when she got home from school,” said Rey. “Remember, when you found her in here?”</p><p>“Really?” he asked, still in a surprised tone. “My kid is already trying to start a band. <em>Now</em> I feel old.”</p><p>“She's afraid Soph won't allow it,” Rey said.</p><p>Ben frowned and said, “Why would Elle think that? Soph's always encouraged her to keep playing and singing.”</p><p>Rey cleared her throat, then said, “Because she wants to start a band with a boy.”</p><p>This time Ben nodded slowly.</p><p>“I see,” he said, sighing. “Yeah... she's told Elle she's not allowed to date until she's eighteen.”</p><p>“What?” Rey asked, laughing. “Are you serious? That's not an overprotective parent joke?”</p><p>“As serious as a heart attack,” Ben said.</p><p>“Why?” Rey asked. “Is she afraid Elle's going to get knocked up?”</p><p>“I imagine she's remembering what the two of us got up to in high school,” Ben said. “Now that she believes all of that was sinful, she's determined to keep Elle from doing the same thing. And of course she's afraid her daughter might get knocked up. There's plenty of teen girls that end up pregnant out here.”</p><p>“Not the best sex education happening in South Carolina, I suppose?” Rey asked.</p><p>“No,” Ben said. “I honestly don't know what Soph's told our daughter, or what the school's told her. If I had to guess, it'd be as little as possible on both fronts.”</p><p>“She definitely won't want to hear it from you,” Rey said.</p><p>“I definitely don't want to have that conversation, either,” Ben said. “I'm not sure she's ready for it.”</p><p>Rey gave Ben a look and said, “How old is Elle?”</p><p>“Just about fifteen,” he said.</p><p>Rey gave him a longer, knowing look and said, “Think about yourself at fifteen. A freshman in high school, in the spring...”</p><p>“Yeah, you're right,” Ben said, rubbing his face with his hands. “She's boy crazy, more than likely. God damn, I'm old.”</p><p>“Don't be so dramatic,” Rey said, patting his arm. “You're not old yet...”</p><p>He looked at her, waiting.</p><p>“You've got three months left,” she finished.</p><p>He pulled his arm away and said, “Get out of here.”</p><p>“I'm going!” she said. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p>The next day, Finn drove over to the farmhouse with Rey, his laptop in tow. He was insufferable after hearing that Ben did not immediately veto Pete Gilliam's songwriting for the band.</p><p>Since the adults were all at the house, and the kids were all at school, they gathered in the living room where there was enough seating for Finn, Soph, Luke, and Laura. Rey stood by the fireplace, waiting for Ben to return with his guitar.</p><p>“Have you all been eavesdropping on the progress?” Finn asked, looking at first Soph, then her parents.</p><p>“Oh, here and there,” Luke said. “When the kids aren't keeping us busy.”</p><p>“I heard Ben playing a real beautiful guitar piece the other day,” Soph said. “I could listen to him play like that forever.”</p><p>''Ben walked in as she spoke and touched her shoulder as he passed. Soph kept her eyes only on Ben as he joined Rey at the center of the room.</p><p>“All right,” he said. “So this is what we've been workin' on.”</p><p>Without further preamble, he began playing and they sang through their newest work. Finn listened intently with his chin resting on his hand, occasionally nodding or smiling at a section with especially nice harmonies. Luke and Laura looked at each other more than the musicians in front of them, and Luke's foot twitched along to the beat a few times.</p><p>Soph maintained a laser-focused gaze on her husband, and wore a critical look, as if she was listening for proof in their lyrics that they were secret lovers. When they were done, their audience applauded enthusiastically. Rey looked at her husband.</p><p>“Thoughts?” she asked him, then looked around the room. “Anyone, please... don't just say nice things. Let us have it.”</p><p>Luke looked at Laura and said, “I can't think of any criticism, can you?”</p><p>“It was wonderful music,” Laura said. “The only thing I'd say is it seems like Ben is mostly singing the second part... except for that one song.”</p><p>“We haven't worked out when we'll swap parts yet,” Ben said.</p><p>“Right,” Rey said, looking at Ben. “It's still early.”</p><p>“Yeah, still early,” Ben said, tapping on his guitar absently.</p><p>“I see,” said Laura. “Well, then it was great work. Very beautiful. What do you think, Soph?”</p><p>“I've always wondered how I ended up with someone so talented,” Soph said, smiling at Ben. “Nothing but amazing, honey.”</p><p>“All right, Finn,” said Rey. “I know you have a critique.”</p><p>“It's all good. You two can't seem to write a bad song. I think we should really look at how you swap parts this time, and be very intentional about which songs follow your old formula, and which ones we'll have one or the other of you lead the whole time. It will be something new for the next album, whether or not you change it on stage. Your audience is large enough now that most will never get to hear you in a live setting.”</p><p>Rey nodded as Finn paused before his next critique.</p><p>“I know that <em>I Had a Girl, </em>and <em>The Devil I Know, </em>are going to be on the album, but I think you should write one more lively track, some more foot-stompin' stuff,” Finn said.</p><p>“There's also <em>Oh, Daniel</em>,” said Rey, glancing at Ben, then back at her husband. “But you're right. I think our next one should be something up-tempo... but not happy. We don't really do happy.”</p><p>She looked back at Ben.</p><p>“Angry?” she asked.</p><p>“Angry,” he agreed.</p><p>“Angry,” Rey repeated, looking back at Finn. “We'll do an angry song.”</p><p>Luke and Laura looked politely confused, and Soph was still staring at Ben.</p><p>“On that note, I'm going to play something for you,” Finn said, opening his laptop.</p><p>Luke turned to him with great interest, and Finn held up his hands.</p><p>“I should clarify, I'm not going to sing for you. We have something from songwriter Peter Gilliam, which he wrote for Second Song. It's a different direction, but not too far from where the band is musically,” he said.</p><p>As the first progression of chords played, Luke and Laura began nodding.</p><p>“Sounds like bluegrass,” Luke said.</p><p>Soph sat forward, listening for the first time without fixing her eyes on her husband. Ben seemed to be looking at the floor without seeing it, focused entirely on the music.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh, a caged bird craves a high wind / That will come lift up her wings</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like a voice searches for a melody / Oh, Jesus, carry me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The song ended, and everyone sat back a little in their seats. All eyes went to Ben.</p><p>“What do you think?” Rey asked him.</p><p>“Well...” Ben said, tilting his head back and forth.</p><p>“I don't hate it,” he said. “But I'm not sure I like it.”</p><p>“You don't like it?” Laura asked in surprise. “I thought it was great. Didn't you, Luke? Soph?”</p><p>“It's a nice song,” Soph said. “I like how rough and country it sounds. It fits you.”</p><p>“It strikes me as a simple mountain song,” Don said. “I'm a simple mountain man, so... I like it. Sounds like a bluegrass hymn, which I don't mind, either.”</p><p>“Think you and Rey can pick at it until you've got something you really like?” Finn asked.</p><p>Ben looked at Rey. She nodded slightly.</p><p>“Yeah, we can do something with that,” Ben said. “Tell Pete we thank him.”</p><p>“You can tell him yourself when we get back to Nashville to record this thing,” Finn said. “He'll be there. I think he's taking on a lot of projects that would have been yours, Ben.”</p><p>“Probably so,” Ben said.</p><p>Finn took the car, promising he'd be back for dinner after Luke pressed him to agree. Rey and Ben went back to the sunroom with the lyrics and annotation for their new song, determined to knock that one out by the end of the day.</p><p>“Are we taking the weekend off?” Rey asked, after they'd messed around with the lyrics for an hour.</p><p>“I'm gonna take the kids to the lake tomorrow,” he said. “Soph's working. Sunday's god's day in this house. It'll just irritate the in-laws if we try to work in here on their day of rest. The Sunday afternoon nap is sacred. You're welcome to come over for dinner, though. Laura loves to host a Sunday dinner.”</p><p>“All right,” Rey said. “Finn wants to go hiking while we're here. Maybe we'll do that tomorrow.”</p><p>“It'd be a good day for it,” Ben said. “No rain, not as hot.”</p><p>The weekend went as planned, and for Rey was both uneventful and agonizing. Every moment with her husband was painful. He was attentive and supportive, praising the music they'd written in the past week, and predicting new heights of success for the band with the next album. Their entire hike was filled with gorgeous scenery and views, but Rey had no space in her mind to appreciate it. Her thoughts remained on her music and her predicament. How could she leave Finn? But how could she stay?</p><p>Finn refused to fight, but Rey needed one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Heart to Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On Monday, Finn dropped Rey off at the farm in the morning, and then set out on his own personal road trip with his cameras.</p>
<p>Ben was nowhere to be found. Rey wandered through the quiet house to the sunroom, then back outside to the backyard. Soph was sitting in the hammock again, swaying gently.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Rey said, when Soph heard the door shut at looked over.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” she said. “Ben drove the kids to school today. He'll be back any minute now.”</p>
<p>“The house was so empty, I was starting to worry,” Rey said. “Are your parents still asleep?”</p>
<p>Rey walked over to where the hammock hung under the trees.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, it's their week to volunteer at the church food bank,” said Soph. “They'll be there most of the day.”</p>
<p>“So this is your own private spot?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“It has been since I was a kid,” said Soph. “My dad put this here for me when I was thirteen.”</p>
<p>“It's nice,” said Rey, surveying the view down the hill past the house. “It's a beautiful place to read.”</p>
<p>“The kids know not to bother me when I'm out here,” she said. “I'll have to get Ben to put one up at the new house, too.”</p>
<p>Rey hesitated, then said, “It must be so hard to have a moment of peace with four kids when he's gone on tour.”</p>
<p>Soph laughed and said,“It's hard to get a moment peace with four kids no matter what, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Children are a blessing. I'm thankful I have my parents to help.”</p>
<p>Rey gazed out at the morning sky.</p>
<p>“What's your husband do while you're here all day?” Soph asked.</p>
<p>“He works, mostly,” Rey said. “Today he's out with his camera, seeing where the road takes him.”</p>
<p>“I didn't know Finn was a photographer,” Soph said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he's gotten into it since the band started touring,” Rey said, more tersely than she intended.</p>
<p>“Photography was my favorite class in high school,” Soph said. “Our school only had two cameras and the darkroom used to be a bathroom, but it was fun. My old camera is still packed up in the house somewhere.”</p>
<p>Soph seemed to get lost in her thoughts for a moment.</p>
<p>“Now that everything's digital, photography just isn't the same,” Soph said, shaking her head. “The craft is gone.”</p>
<p>“It's still a craft... just different,” Rey said. “Finn is teaching himself to edit photos and video.”</p>
<p>“Digital photos don't have the same soul to them,” Soph said. “It's not real photography to me.”</p>
<p>Rey did not reply. Her mind was trying to replay every interaction she'd witnessed between Finn and Lindsey.</p>
<p>“You should get your old camera out and start shooting again,” Rey said after a while. “What better time to capture memories than when your kids are growing up?”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Soph said. “I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of the my life looking back at photos of my family without my husband in them.”</p>
<p>“He hates being gone as much as you hate him leaving, you know,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Soph said. “But when he's out there on tour he's got his music to take his mind off the distance. Music is what he's lived for as long as I can remember. All he has to do is start playing, and the rest of the world ceases to exist.”</p>
<p>Soph sighed.</p>
<p>“The time passes slower when you're not the one on the stage,” she said.</p>
<p>Just then, Ben opened the back door and waved at Rey and Soph.</p>
<p>“There you are,” he said, walking over to them.</p>
<p>“I was just telling Rey we'll have to put up a hammock at the new place,” Soph said. “I'm going to miss my reading spot.”</p>
<p>“Of course we'll have a hammock,” Ben said. “Speaking of the new place, we need to go over after lunch and meet the contractor again.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said. “It shouldn't take long.”</p>
<p>“I guess Finn took the car?” Ben asked Rey. “I thought maybe you were sleepin' in this morning.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he's out for a drive, practicing his photography today,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Photography, huh?” Ben asked. “He's still doing that?”</p>
<p>Rey ignored the look Ben was giving her and said, “I don't think he's ever going to stop – it's his newest challenge. He wants to make some behind the scenes videos while we're on our next tours.”</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and said, “It's going to be pretty boring behind the scenes with us. What's he going to show? Us brushing our teeth and fixing our hair?”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged and said, “I dunno. It's Finn – I'm sure he'll have some good ideas.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was Ben' reply.</p>
<p>“Well, we're going to get to work,” Ben said to Soph. “Don't fall asleep out here and get sunburnt.”</p>
<p>“I won't,” Soph said. “I'm fixin' to make a grocery run.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He led the way back inside to their airy practice room.</p>
<p>“So, we're writing something angry today,” Ben confirmed.</p>
<p>“That's the plan,” Rey said. “You got any angry-sounding licks floating around in that head of yours?”</p>
<p>“A few,” Ben said thoughtfully. “How about this?”</p>
<p>He played a fast, hopping rhythm in a high progression of chords. After a few rounds, he threw in an extra beat, imitating a bass guitar with two leaping low notes that led right back into the main rhythm.</p>
<p>Rey listened, then began to nod.</p>
<p>“I like it,” she said. “It sounds like you're angry but you're still stewing over what to do about it... plotting some payback.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he said, still playing the whole thing over and over. “So, what are we angry about?”</p>
<p>“Ah... hmm...” Rey mumbled. “Let me think.”</p>
<p>Ben kept playing, and then moved on to trying out new chords for a chorus. Rey grabbed the notepad that she kept by her keyboard and sat down. They continued this way, with Rey stopping Ben every now and then to offer her thoughts on where he was going with the music, for over an hour.</p>
<p>Finally, Rey found some lyrical inspiration.</p>
<p>“Okay, here goes,” she said, and began singing her lyrics slowly, still seeking out a melody line.</p>
<p>
  <em>Drive far, far away / Don't stay here another day</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A warm welcome waits out there / Somewhere else that isn't here</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Go far, far and stay / Somewhere we won't ever meet</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tell the wind to lead you where to go / And leave me here alone</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, now the chorus,” Rey said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Don't return my dear / I'll stay up late with the moon / I'll be waiting here for you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben ended with a final round through the chords, loud and fast, with a flourish.</p>
<p>“Hey. That's a song,” he said.</p>
<p>“It is,” Rey said, smiling in happy disbelief. “But is it good? I feel like that was too easy.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Ben seemed to agree.</p>
<p>A long, uncomfortable silence grew between them, as Rey waited for him to offer some kind of criticism. Finally, he sighed.</p>
<p>“Let's take a break,” he said.</p>
<p>He turned and walked to the door.</p>
<p>“You want anything?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head.</p>
<p>“No, thanks,” she said.</p>
<p>While Ben was gone, Rey wandered down the hall to the bathroom. Then, she paced the first floor of the house, and stopped by the front windows. Soph's car was gone. She must be at the store, as she'd said earlier. Ben's footsteps made the floor creak as he left the kitchen. She backed away from the window and looked over to see him standing in the dining room, a bottle in one hand and a biscuit in another.</p>
<p>“Hungry?” he asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said. “I, ah, had a big breakfast.”</p>
<p>Ben gave her a skeptical look and tilted his head back to finish his beer. Then, in two large bites, the biscuit was gone as well.</p>
<p>“I guess we should work on Pete's song next,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“We should,” Ben said, with a nod.</p>
<p>They worked on the tune until Soph returned with a car full of groceries and Ben went out to help carry them inside. It was early afternoon, and after getting everything put away in the kitchen, Ben came back to the sunroom.</p>
<p>“Hey, we have to go over to the new house,” he said. “It shouldn't take long, if you want to wait here.”</p>
<p>“Would you mind if I come with you?” Rey asked. “I'd like to see your new place.”</p>
<p>“It's not much to look at yet,” Ben said. “But you're welcome to come along.”</p>
<p>He looked uneasy as he gestured for her to exit the sunroom ahead of him.</p>
<p>“We'll be taking the truck,” he said. “You okay with squeezin' into the backseat?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Soph was running water in the kitchen as Ben opened the front door.</p>
<p>“Ready, Soph?” Ben called.</p>
<p>“I'm coming,” she said.</p>
<p>The water cut off and Soph hurried out of the kitchen, surprise appearing on her face as soon as she saw Rey.</p>
<p>“You driving?” Soph asked Ben.</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said, jangling the keys at her.</p>
<p>They got into a black pick-up truck.Rey slid awkwardly into the middle of the cab's narrow bench seat behind the driver and passenger seat. Ben rolled down the windows and started down the gravel driveway, dust rising quickly around them in the bright sunlight.</p>
<p>“How far is it?” Rey asked, once they pulled out onto the paved road.</p>
<p>“Not far,” Ben said. “It's on the far corner of the farm.”</p>
<p>In less than five minutes, Ben pulled off the road and put the truck into park.</p>
<p>“I'll get the gate,” Soph said quickly.</p>
<p>She jumped out of the truck. After Ben pulled the truck through the open gate, Soph swung it closed and hopped back in the passenger door. There was no driveway to follow across the field, which slowly swelled upward as they drove. Finally, as the land flattened out, Rey saw new construction appear in front of them.</p>
<p>“Like I said, it's not much to look at yet,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“It looks like it's going to be amazing,” Rey said, shading her eyes with her hand.</p>
<p>The foundation and first floor were up, unfinished, the raw wood glowing brightly in the hot sun. The frame of a large farmhouse was taking shape, surrounded by a few work trucks bearing loads of wood and other building materials. The sounds of hammers and power tools were punctuated by the shouts of the men working.</p>
<p>“There's Randy,” Soph said, as one of the men stepped toward them and held up a hand in greeting.</p>
<p>Rey waited by the truck in the shade of a sprawling maple tree as Ben and Soph went to talk to Randy, who walked them around the back side of the house, pointing at various parts of the construction as he went.</p>
<p><em>What time will you be back?</em> Rey texted her husband, as she leaned against the truck. She did not want to be stuck at the farm for dinner again.</p>
<p>She waited on Finn's answer until Ben and Soph reappeared from behind the opposite side of the house. Randy was no longer with them, and they stopped together to gaze up at what would soon be the second floor of their new home.</p>
<p>Rey's heart dropped, remembering her impulsive kiss in the kitchen. It was shameful, and she would never forgive herself for doing it. Rey McNowan was not a homewrecker. If Ben wanted to leave his wife, he was going to do it without Rey's help. Another glance at the couple walking toward her, and her heart continued to sink as she saw Soph reach out and briefly touch Ben' shoulder.</p>
<p>Rey's phone buzzed in her hand, and she looked down.</p>
<p><em>Don't worry, I'll be back before dinner, </em>Finn wrote.</p>
<p>Rey stared at the phone, inexplicably near tears in relief.</p>
<p><em>4 at the latest, </em>Finn added.</p>
<p><em>Good,</em> she replied.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” Ben asked, startling Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, ah... yeah,” Rey said. “What about you? Everything good with the house?”</p>
<p>“Great,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Soph flashed what might have been the first genuine grin at her husband that Rey had ever witnessed, and Ben put his arm around his wife to squeeze her upper arm.</p>
<p>“We should get going, if we're going to get some more work done today,” Ben said, opening the passenger side door for the women. Rey hopped in first, the rush of heat from the truck's interior flushing her face and chest.</p>
<p>“This move can't happen soon enough,” Soph said, once Ben turned on the truck. “My parents just volunteered to host bible study nights for the church.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was Ben' only reply.</p>
<p>“Which would be one thing if it was only the seniors group, but they've asked the family group to join,” Soph continued.</p>
<p>“And that means...” Ben began.</p>
<p>“All their kids will come along,” Soph said wearily.</p>
<p>“How many?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Let's see... there's Sarah and Gemma Jones, they're five... Jordyn Gardner, who's also five or six, and her older brother, Kevin. I think he's eight.”</p>
<p>Soph sighed and kept counting.</p>
<p>“That's four. Then, there's the Levitts, they have four kids under six – Maddie, Caleb, Joshua, Hannah, and baby Penelope. So that's eight, plus the Hardys and the Woods kids, who each have two. At least their girls are a little older. They can help watch the younger ones.”</p>
<p>“Twelve kids? Plus ours?” Ben asked incredulously. “Are your parents crazy?”</p>
<p>Rey wanted to answer in the affirmative, but kept silent, waiting for Soph's answer.</p>
<p>“I don't know what made them think this was a good idea,” Soph said. “It is going to be complete chaos. They think the kids will be entertained well enough by running around outside together for a few hours while the adults talk. Apparently the mothers take turns watching the children each week.”</p>
<p>“At least you won't get stuck watching them all the time,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Well,” Soph said moodily.</p>
<p>“Well?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I don't trust half of those women to make sure nobody gets hurt. Kelly Jones will be out there talking someone's ear off on the phone, and Melanie Hardy can barely keep her own girls from killing one another after church each week,” Soph said.</p>
<p>Soph huffed lightly, then said, “I wasn't even in the family study group. Now, I'll have to join, or help the mom of the week watch fifteen kids every week.”</p>
<p>“You could get Elle to help you,” Ben said, but Soph just gave him a skeptical look.</p>
<p>“Or, you could take our kids out for the evening instead,” he suggested.</p>
<p>Soph sighed again and said, “No, that's more trouble than it's worth, especially once it starts getting dark earlier. Besides, Ava and Aaron will love having all the kids over – mom's already got them excited about the idea.”</p>
<p>Rey wondered if Soph was having doubts about her commitments to her church, or if she was just tired of living like a single parent.</p>
<p>“I shouldn't be complaining,” Soph said. “I've been looking forward to this new bible study. I just thought I'd be joining the seniors at my parents' house, and our kids would be content to play upstairs for a couple of hours alone. Then Mom and Dad got the idea that I'd like it if they included other parents.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was Ben' response once again.</p>
<p>They were now back at the house. Ben shut off the engine and Soph quickly exited the vehicle and pulled the seat forward for Rey.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Rey said, climbing out awkwardly.</p>
<p>“I'm going to pick up the kids after school and take them to The Scoop Shoppe for ice cream,” Soph told Ben.</p>
<p>“What's the occasion?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Good report cards, remember?” Soph asked. “I'll come back and pick you and my parents up afterward and we can have dinner at Shakey's.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Ben said, looking from Soph to Rey. “We'll finish up before then.”</p>
<p>They returned to the sunroom and their music. Despite the morning's success, the next hours were not productive. Ben was restless, moving around the room, playing and scribbling in his notebook in fits and starts. Gilliam's song was proving to be a greater challenge than they expected, defying their usual ability to rewrite a piece with ease. Ben finally settled on one of the first variations of the chords he had worked out that day and played through the verse and chorus a few times, humming to himself and squinting at the window behind Rey.</p>
<p>She was happy enough with the changes she'd made to the lyrics. She had left one mention of Jesus in the lyrics to appease Finn, but perhaps Ben would want to take that out, too.</p>
<p>“Okay, read this and tell me what you think,” Rey said, handing Ben the lyrics.</p>
<p>He took his time, tipping his head back and forth as he read it over a few times.</p>
<p>“It's better,” he said.</p>
<p>“You still don't like it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I like it better,” he said, repositioning his guitar. “Let's try it.”</p>
<p>Ben began strumming loudly, moving through the chord progression of the intro with more enthusiasm than either of them felt. When he came to the end of the intro, he paused and have Rey a look before inhaling at the same time as she did. They sang the first 'oh' of the song, dragging it out longer as Ben lifted his chin. When he finally nodded, they jumped into the first verse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, a desert needs the river / Longs to travel out to sea</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Like my heart yearns for the ocean / Longs to be wild and free </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sang it through simply, with Rey singing the melody and Ben singing loud, bold harmonies. At the end, Ben began to improvise a picked set of chords, singing lightly.</p>
<p><em>Oh – a – oh, o-oh-o, oh-ahh-oh... </em>he murmured.</p>
<p>Rey joined in, echoing his rambling notes. Ben continued and their echoed notes became a round, then a harmony. After this went on for untold minutes, Ben dove back into the final chorus. Rey could tell by the look on his face that he was truly enjoying the music now.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, her heart continued to splinter into pieces.</p>
<p>They ended the song on the last verse, drawing out the lines with competing harmonies, stretching the words to wring every last drop of pleasure from the music before the sound died in the air between them. The silence took over and the warmth of the music faded quickly from the room.</p>
<p>“Well,” Rey said. “I wasn't expecting to like it so much.”</p>
<p>“Me neither,” Ben said thoughtfully.</p>
<p>Rey checked her phone for the time and saw that Finn had texted her again.</p>
<p><em>I'll be there a little early</em>.</p>
<p>“Finn should be here any minute,” she said. “I'm glad we got to a good place with that song today.”</p>
<p>“It was a good day,” Ben agreed.</p>
<p>They put away their instruments and thew away the scattered discarded pages of scribbled lyrics and notes. Ben walked to the front door with Rey and then sat on the front porch with her, as they waited for their spouses to pull into the driveway. Finn's car appeared first, much to Rey's relief. They stood and watched him slowly ascend the long driveway. Rey realized she was clutching her purse as if it was a lifeline pulled across her chest.</p>
<p>“I'm going to talk to him tonight,” Rey said quietly.</p>
<p>She caught the turn of Ben's head out of the corner of her eye, and could feel him looking at her. Rey stared at the car moving toward them.</p>
<p>“What are you going to say?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said. “I'm just tired of pretending we're fine.”</p>
<p>“Good luck,” he said, after a beat.</p>
<p>Finn parked the car and got out, waving to Ben.</p>
<p>“Where is everyone?” Finn asked, looking around.</p>
<p>He joined them on the porch seconds later.</p>
<p>“They'll be back soon,” Ben said. “They took the kids out for a treat after school.”</p>
<p>“Sorry you had to miss that,” Finn said. “Did you at least have a productive afternoon?”</p>
<p>“Very much so,” Rey said. “We got Pete's song worked out.”</p>
<p>“That's great,” said Finn, reached out and putting an arm around Rey for a brief hug. “I knew you'd be able to do something with it. Can't wait to hear your interpretation. Ready to go? I have a plan for tonight I think you'll like, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” she said. “See you tomorrow, Ben.”</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said, nodding.</p>
<p>Rey walked with Finn to the car as if to her doom. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest. Her hands went cold and clammy. She shoved them into her pockets. When Finn turned on the car she shivered as the chilled air from the vents hit her arms.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, fine,” Rey said. “Just a long day.”</p>
<p>“Ben in one of his moods?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Mmmm, a little,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She crossed her arms and rubbed the chill out of her arms.</p>
<p>“So, what's this plan for tonight?” she asked, trying to sound more interested than she felt with the pit of her stomach lurching uncomfortably.</p>
<p>“I want to take Abigail out to dinner,” Finn said. “As a thank you. She'll have some more guests showing up tomorrow, so I wanted to do it before they get here.”</p>
<p>“That's a sweet idea, Finn,” said Rey. “Where do you have in mind?”</p>
<p>“I figured we'd let her pick,” Finn said. “She'll know better than we do where to find the best food.”</p>
<p>When they got back to the inn, Abigail was in her usual spot on the porch. Millie was curled up on her lap.</p>
<p>“How was the drive? And the hike?” Abigail asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Fantastic,” Finn said, hoisting his camera bag out of the back of the car. “I'll be editing photos all day tomorrow while Rey is working.”</p>
<p>“I'd like to see your photos,” Abigail said.</p>
<p>“I'd like to show you,” Finn said.</p>
<p>He set his equipment down on the porch and bent to give Millie a scratch on the head. She began purring loudly.</p>
<p>“Abigail, Rey and I would like to take you out to dinner tonight,” Finn said. “As a thank you for your hospitality.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you don't have to do that,”Abigail said. “I enjoy cooking for my guests.”</p>
<p>“We insist,” Finn said. “You said you've got a few families showing up tomorrow, so take the night off and relax with us.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and agreed with Finn, urging Abigail to join them for dinner out. She was relieved to delay her talk with her husband.</p>
<p>“So, let's leave in about an hour?” Finn asked, looking at his watch.</p>
<p>Rey missed hearing Abigail's restaurant recommendation.</p>
<p>“I'm going to change,” Rey said. “How nice should I dress for this place?”</p>
<p>“Oh, don't worry, it's a casual place,” Abigail said, waving her hand. “Dress however you want.”</p>
<p>Upstairs, Rey changed into a cotton dress while Finn eagerly uploaded his photos to his laptop and sat browsing the images.</p>
<p>“Are you going to change? I won't wear this if you're going to be in hiking clothes,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Of course I'm going to change,” Finn said. “In a minute.”</p>
<p>Rey paced back and forth until he was ready to leave.</p>
<p>The three of them drove to a small town past Mt. Gideon. Divers boasted a main street with a small movie theater on one end, two stately stone churches on the other, and a variety of mom and pop shops and restaurants in between.</p>
<p>It was not until Abigail directed Finn to park anywhere along the street that Rey looked to her left and saw a large, old-fashioned painted metal sign that read, “<em>Shakey's Diner</em>”.</p>
<p>“What was the place called?” Rey asked, looking around hopefully at the other restaurants nearby.</p>
<p>“<em>The Grill</em>,” Finn answered. “It's just up there.”</p>
<p>He pointed to a patio strung with lights to their right. There were groups of people chatting with pints of beer, and dogs resting under the large round tables.</p>
<p>“Looks busy,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Happy hour at the grill is the place to be in Divers,” Abigail said. “Even on a Monday night.”</p>
<p>Rey stared at the front of <em>Shakey's</em> as she waited for Abigail to exit the vehicle. If she squinted, she could make out the shadows of people sitting on low barstools at the counter and in booths along the windows.</p>
<p><em>The Grill </em>was a sparse and dark inside with a modest bar at one end. The walls were white and all the trim and furniture was black. The waitstaff hurried back and forth with drinks.</p>
<p>“How many?” a hostess asked suddenly from the dark corner by the entrance. She was dressed in boots, a denim miniskirt, and a black crop tee.</p>
<p>“Three,” Abigail said, and the girl's face broke into a genuine grin.</p>
<p>“Abigail! I didn't see you there!” interrupted a waitress who was walking by.</p>
<p>“Who are your friends?” she asked, still smiling broadly. She was a tall, lanky young woman with a deep tan, pin straight hair in a messy high bun, and bright blue eyes rimmed with black makeup.</p>
<p>“This is Finn and Rey,” Abigail said. “Rey is the other half of Second Song,and Finn is their manager.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, I knew you looked familiar!” the waitress said to Rey. Her voice was loud and rough, making her sound older than her appearance suggested.</p>
<p>“Abigail showed us a video of one of your shows. That's where I've seen you! Hey, Ash, I'll take this group to the back patio, okay?”</p>
<p>The waitress grabbed some menus and led them through the restaurant to another door at the back, which opened onto another patio with smaller tables, its own half-size bar, and a stage at the far side of the fenced-in patio.</p>
<p>“You want your usual spot?” the girl asked Abigail, placing the menus on a table in the corner between the wall of the building and the fence.</p>
<p>“This is perfect, Danielle,” said Abigail, and the three of them sat down.</p>
<p>“Can I get ya'll anything before happy hour ends? The specials are on the back of the menu.” said Danielle.</p>
<p>“You know what I want,” Abigail said.</p>
<p>Danielle nodded and looked at Finn.</p>
<p>He peered at the wall behind Abigail and said, “I'll have a Dear John Double. Is that local?”</p>
<p>“Sure is,” said Danielle, smiling at Finn before looking at Rey. “And for you?”</p>
<p>“Um...” Rey flipped her menu over and scanned it quickly. “Just a rum and coke for me.”</p>
<p>“A single?” Danielle asked.</p>
<p>“Ah, you know what? Make it a double,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I'll get those drinks in for you and be right back with some water for the table,” Danielle said.</p>
<p>“So, you're a regular,” Finn remarked to Abigail.</p>
<p>“Oh, yes,” Abigail said. “I've been a regular here since high school, when my daddy started bringing me along. Ben used to play here. He still joins me sometimes when he's in town.”</p>
<p>“We should have invited him,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“He's out with the family tonight,” Rey said. “Actually, I heard Soph say they were going to <em>Shakey's</em>, so they're probably right across the road.”</p>
<p>“Is that a fact?” Abigail asked, looking thoughtful. “I remember Soph would come here with me to watch Ben play on that very stage, way back when he was just a skinny kid with an old guitar, playing covers with his friends.”</p>
<p>Abigail scoffed and said, “Soph hasn't stepped foot inside the grill in years. They remodeled a couple of years ago. It used to be a real dive. Still owned by the family, so the food's the same.”</p>
<p>“What's good here, Abigail?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Best burgers in town,” Abigail said, “but it's all good. I get the taco salad with the extra spicy dressing. It comes in a bowl this big.”</p>
<p>She held her hands out as if holding a large mixing bowl and said, “There's not much about it that counts as a salad... oh, shoot...”</p>
<p>Abigail frowned.</p>
<p>“I meant to order the happy hour fried pickles!”</p>
<p>Finn ordered the fried pickles when Danielle returned with a pitcher of ice water and three glasses. Rey looked over the large menu, which included a handful of 'salads' that Abigail assured her were probably the least healthy items on the menu, an assortment of burgers, sub sandwiches, and wraps, all of which featured at least one deep fried ingredient. After that, the dinner menu included a few cheesy pasta dishes, seafood entrees, and barbecue.</p>
<p>“There's a little bit of everything,” Rey said, flipping back to the first page.</p>
<p>Rey was still undecided when Danielle came back again with their drinks, and handed Abigail something in a tall hurricane glass that looked like black ink over ice.</p>
<p>“What is that?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Danielle only smiled.</p>
<p>“This is a secret,” Abigail said before taking a sip. “They only serve it in the fall, except to me.”</p>
<p>In the end, Rey and Finn ordered burgers and shared their sides – tater tots and fried string beans.</p>
<p>“This is not the place to eat if you're on a diet,” Abigail said, surveying the leftovers at the end of the meal.</p>
<p>Rey still had a pile of tots, fried beans, and a few pickles on her plate.</p>
<p>“We should have come over the weekend,” Rey said. “I'd like to hear some live music.”</p>
<p>“Oh, they have someone every night,” Abigail said. “On weekdays it'll be one of the locals, maybe someone on their staff. Lots of kids work here hoping to get on stage.”</p>
<p>“Shall we order another round and wait for the music?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>The uneasiness crept back into Rey's chest, but she wanted to enjoy the evening with Abigail far more than she wanted to go back to the inn and fight with Finn. When Danielle came to take away their plates, they ordered more drinks.</p>
<p>“Who's playin' tonight?” Abigail asked Danielle.</p>
<p>“Tonight? It's Little Matt,” Danielle said. “Him and his wife are singin' tonight.”</p>
<p>“I didn't know his wife sang,” Abigail said.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Danielle said, nodding. “Little Matt says she's good.”</p>
<p>“Why does he go by 'Little Matt'?” Finn wondered.</p>
<p>Danielle grinned and said, “Well, there's already an Old Matt and a Big Matt that work here. Old Matt's the original owner's son, and Big Matt is one of the cooks. Little Matt is one of the bartenders.”</p>
<p>'Little Matt' and his wife, Chelsea, took the stage to the whistles and cheers of a small group of patrons and servers gathered around the back door to watch for a few minutes on their breaks. Little Matt was at least six and a half feet tall, thin and long-limbed. He wore a cowboy hat, crisp white shirt, tight jeans, and worn boots.</p>
<p>“Howdy folks,” he greeted them. “We're glad you're here on this Monday night. This is my beautiful wife, Chelsea, here to help me out on vocals tonight.”</p>
<p>There were more cheers and whistles, mainly from the other restaurant staff.</p>
<p>“And if you don't know me, I'm Little Matt,” he said.</p>
<p>He began playing his guitar as he continued, saying, “We're going to play some of your favorite songs tonight. And if they're not your favorites... well, what's wrong with you?”</p>
<p>He laughed and leaned away from the microphone as he finished the song's intro.</p>
<p>Little Matt and Chelsea sang a few sweet, low-key renditions of country songs. Rey did not recognize all of them. Danielle came back to see if they wanted more drinks, and Finn looked at the women.</p>
<p>“I'm done for the night,” he said. “You ladies need anything else?”</p>
<p>Abigail shook her head, but Rey said, “Sure, I'll have one more. The music is good.”</p>
<p>Rey turned to Abigail. “Do you know Little Matt?”</p>
<p>“Oh, sure,” Abigail said. “His mother and I went to school together. Matthew and his wife teach at the high school, and he's been bartending here for years in the evenings.”</p>
<p>Rey took the drink Danielle offered her and sipped it. Finn excused himself as the song ended.</p>
<p>“They're good,” Abigail said, watching the couple on stage. “But they don't have a tenth of the stage presence that you and Ben do.”</p>
<p>“Aw, I'm flattered,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You know, I haven't seen you and Ben perform in person, but I've watched the videos of the shows. There's something really special between you that shines through on stage. Your music is beautiful on its own, but even more when you see it performed,” said Abigail.</p>
<p>“I think that's true for most music,” Rey said. “Listening to it live is a better experience, even if it's not perfect.”</p>
<p>“Maybe you're right,” Abigail said.</p>
<p>“I wish you could hear us play before I go back to Nashville,” Rey said. “Maybe I can get Ben to come over to the inn one day this week.”</p>
<p>“You know what?” Abigail said. “If you're up for it, I bet the grill would love to host Second Song this week.”</p>
<p>“Play here? Oh no, I wouldn't want to take someone's spot from them!” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Nonsense, they can always play on a different day,” said Abigail.</p>
<p>“Really, I couldn't,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Couldn't what?” asked Finn, rejoining the table.</p>
<p>“I was just thinking, that since this is where Ben started out, that he and Rey should see if the grill wants to have them do a show this week while they're in town,” said Abigail.</p>
<p>“I think that's a great idea,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“I don't want to take away another musician's gig,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Finn shrugged and said, “So, let them play a set first. You won't have to play a full show.”</p>
<p>Rey hesitated.</p>
<p>“It's all right,” Abigail said. “I shouldn't have insisted. You and Ben are here to write music, not perform. I understand if you don't want to do it.”</p>
<p>“I think it would be fun, but the reason we're writing here and not in Nashville is so that Ben can have more time with his family,” Rey said.</p>
<p>The three of them contemplated that statement for a moment.</p>
<p>“So, who wants to ask him?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Hold on,” Abigail said. “First, we have to ask if they'll have you. Give me a minute.”</p>
<p>Abigail got up and disappeared inside the restaurant. Rey and Finn listened to Little Matt and his wife play another song, then another, without speaking. By the time the third song was over, Abigail returned with a balding man with a weathered face who was wearing an apron.</p>
<p>“Rey, this is Matthew Benton. He owns the grill,” said Abigail.</p>
<p>Rey stood and shook his hand.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you,” she said.</p>
<p>“How does Friday sound?” Benton asked gruffly, shaking her hand with a vice grip.</p>
<p>“As long as we aren't stepping on another band's toes, I'd love to play for you,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Nah, The Mountaintop Boys won't mind,” he said. “I can say that for sure because it's my nephew's band and he's a fan of Ben's music.”</p>
<p>“Great,” said Rey. “Ah, I'll talk to Ben.”</p>
<p>“I haven't seen that boy in while,” Benton said. “Last time we talked he said he was gonna build Soph a big house on the farm.”</p>
<p>“It's going up right now,” Rey said, nodding.</p>
<p>“Well, good for him,” Benton said. “We all knew he'd make it. Tell him Old Matt looks forward to hearing the band.”</p>
<p>Later, Rey sent Ben a text as Finn drove back to the inn.</p>
<p>
  <em>Went to The Grill with Abigail tonight. She wants to hear us play. </em>
</p>
<p>Ben replied just before they got back.</p>
<p><em>We can arrange that,</em> he said.</p>
<p><em>She already did. They want us to play Friday night, </em>Rey texted.</p>
<p>Ben did not respond.</p>
<p><em>I said we would – is that okay? </em>she asked.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, he replied, <em>Guess so. See you tomorrow.</em></p>
<p>Rey was now sitting on the bed in their room at the inn. Finn had his laptop out and was looking at his photos again.</p>
<p>“Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>Rey pressed her lips together and willed herself to be strong.</p>
<p>“Can we talk?”</p>
<p>“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” he asked.</p>
<p>He tapped the trackpad on his laptop a couple more times and then slowly closed the lid. Finn leaned back against the pillows on one arm and looked at her.</p>
<p>“I want to talk about us. Our relationship. We can't keep ignoring it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn blinked at her and said, “I know. Tell me what would make it better, Rey. What could I say or do that would fix it?”</p>
<p>Rey did not know what to say.</p>
<p>“If you don't know, then I certainly don't,” Finn said.</p>
<p>He shook his head and looked at his outstretched feet.</p>
<p>“I love you Rey. You're who I want to spend the rest of my life with, have a family with, grow old with. These past weeks, I've been waiting for the moment you tell me it's over, but it never came. So... is this it?”</p>
<p>Finn took her hand and rubbed his thumb over the diamond she wore on her ring finger, beside her wedding band.</p>
<p>“Finn,” Rey whispered, not far from tears already. She put her hand over his.</p>
<p>“You hurt me,” she cried.</p>
<p>It was all she could think to say.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” Finn said, pressing the back of her hand to his forehead, then kissed it.</p>
<p>Rey's anger was dissolving, and she tried to hold onto it a little longer. She pulled her hand away.</p>
<p>“Stop,” she said. “I'm not deciding anything until you tell me why. Why Lindsey? How did it happen?”</p>
<p>“Rey, that's not going to help,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“If you don't want me to leave you're going to tell me,” Rey said. “No secrets that only Lindsey knows about you if we're going to get past this, Finn!”</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said after a moment of stoic silence. “There were a few times that Lindsey and I – ”</p>
<p>He paused and looked at Rey as if he was about to jump off a cliff.</p>
<p>“The first time was while she was traveling with us for a photoshoot, while you were on stage one night. After that, she would sometimes get tickets to one of your shows and surprise me.”</p>
<p>“How many times did she 'surprise you'?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Three,” Finn said. “The last time I broke it off. As soon as I saw her at the show that night I told her it was over.”</p>
<p>He scoffed darkly.</p>
<p>“She didn't take it well,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, it was her!” Rey exclaimed. “She egged our rental car! It wasn't random vandalism, it was Lindsey!”</p>
<p>Finn grimaced and nodded.</p>
<p>“That was Lindsey,” he said.</p>
<p>“So, it's really over,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“It's been over, Rey,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey sighed and sat back against the headboard.</p>
<p>“Just tell me what you want,” Finn pleaded. “I'll be here until you say otherwise.”</p>
<p>Rey sighed again and slid down under the blankets.</p>
<p>“It's late, Finn. I'm tired. We'll talk again tomorrow,” she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. A Road Not Taken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Rey woke up feeling like a truck had run over her while she slept. Even though she'd barely shed tears the night before with Finn, her eyes were puffy. Her head ached enough that she dug around in her bag for the little bottle of pain medicine she kept for emergencies.</p>
<p>Finn brought his laptop downstairs and promised to show Abigail his photography after breakfast. When Rey left the inn both Abigail and Millie were peering over her husband's shoulder at the images on the screen.</p>
<p>The Skywalker house was empty when Rey pulled up. She walked through the house and into the backyard, but Ben was not there either. She heard the unmistakable sound of an ax splitting wood. Rey followed the sound past the grassy lawn in the back of the house, through a sparsely wooded area to a shed that sat in its own small clearing. Ben was wielding an ax, as suspected, his forehead dripping with sweat. He rested the ax on the ground and wiped his face with his shirt.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. “You're early.”</p>
<p>“A little,” she agreed.</p>
<p>Rey looked at the fallen dead tree beside them that had already been cut up into log-sized sections.</p>
<p>“When did this happen?” she asked.</p>
<p>“A while ago,” Ben said. “Luke said he was getting to it, but he really shouldn't with his shoulder bein' what it is.”</p>
<p>Ben left the ax in the stump and walked toward Rey.</p>
<p>“I'll go get cleaned up,” he said. “And finish this later.”</p>
<p>“So, you said we'd talk about the show at <em>The Grill</em> today,” Rey said as they walked back toward the house.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I wanted to run it by Soph first,” Ben said. “I want to do it.”</p>
<p>“Okay, good,” said Rey. “I was hoping you'd say that.”</p>
<p>“I should've stopped by to see Benton already,” Ben said. “Did Abigail tell you I started playing on the patio in high school?”</p>
<p>“She did,” Rey said. “It'll be like a homecoming for you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it's been a while,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“So, you were at <em>Shakey's</em> last night?” Rey asked. “Right across the road from us?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Ben said. “I saw your car when we left. You guys stay out late?”</p>
<p>“Not too late,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Get any talking done?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Some,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Get any fighting done?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.</p>
<p>“Some,” Rey said uncomfortably.</p>
<p>“And?” he asked.</p>
<p>“And nothing,” Rey said. “We put it on hold.”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head in disbelief.</p>
<p>“At some point, you have to pull the plug, Rey,” he said. “You can't drag it out forever.”</p>
<p>She rounded on him.</p>
<p>“I can do as I damn well please with my marriage, Ben!” she said. “You're still trying to fix yours, and it was failing before we even met!”</p>
<p>He stopped in his tracks and watched her walk back into the house. Rey saw him still standing there like a sweaty, wild-haired statue, staring at the back door, when she peered out of the sunroom windows. He turned around and disappeared back into the trees. The sound of the ax hitting wood resumed a few minutes later.</p>
<p>Rey played the keyboard while she waited for Ben to cool off. About an hour later, he emerged from the trees and went up to shower. By the time he finally came to stand in the doorway of the sunroom, Rey was calm again.</p>
<p>“You're right,” Ben said. “I'm the last person who should be giving relationship advice. I'll stay out of it.”</p>
<p>“I'm sorry I shouted at you,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben grunted and came in to pick up his guitar.</p>
<p>“Guess we should get to work,” he said.</p>
<p>The rest of their day together was uneventful after the truce was called. Rey was lulled into a sense of security that promptly disintegrated when she got back in her car to drive back to the inn. Back to Finn and the decision she must make.</p>
<p>The inn was receiving new guests when Rey arrived and Finn was not in their room. She went outside and paced around the porch with her phone.</p>
<p><em>Where are you? </em>she finally messaged Finn.</p>
<p>Her question was answered not by Finn, but by Abigail, who poked her head out of the front door.</p>
<p>“Your husband went for a run,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Abigail,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“What did Ben say about the show?” Abigail asked.</p>
<p>“We're doing it,” Rey said. “We'll play you some of our new stuff, too.”</p>
<p>“Fantastic!” Abigail said, and disappeared again.</p>
<p>One of the families decided to send their kids outside and run off their energy from a long ride in the car. Rey left her spot on the porch for the quiet of her room, and unintentionally fell asleep on the bed while reading. Finn woke her up when he came in.</p>
<p>“Sorry I didn't see your text, I was running,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Abigail told me,” Rey said, yawning.</p>
<p>“I'm going to take a shower, then we can go get some dinner,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey dozed off again while waiting for Finn, and only woke up when he flopped down on the bed next to her, fully dressed and ready to go. After a while, he put an arm over her.</p>
<p>“Rey?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey opened her eyes and stared at him from under heavy lids. Strong light from the window hit his face, making it glow golden and warm. The same face Rey had been waking up to for so many years.</p>
<p>“Ready to go?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she said, still staring at her husband without moving.</p>
<p>“Finn?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Rey put her hand on the arm that encircled her waist.</p>
<p>“I don't want to break up,” she said, squeezing his arm.</p>
<p>She heard Finn take a shallow breath.</p>
<p>“Does that mean you forgive me?” he asked.</p>
<p>“It means I want to,” Rey said.</p>
<p>They lay that way for a while, staring at the ceiling of their room at The Cherry Tree Inn. The next two days passed quickly. Ben and Rey wrote one more song. They had enough work ready to start recording after Rose's wedding in May, which was just over a week away.</p>
<p>Rey called Rose on the drive back to the inn Friday night.</p>
<p>“Rey?” Rose asked when she picked up the call. “Is it really you?”</p>
<p>“Hey, sorry,” Rey said. “It's been a crazy few weeks since we got back from the last tour.”</p>
<p>“Too busy to return any of my calls?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“I couldn't, Rose,” said Rey. “I just had to get through the tour.”</p>
<p>“You didn't ask about her, did you?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“Oh, I did,” Rey said. “Near the end of the tour.”</p>
<p>“And? What did he say?”</p>
<p>“He said nothing happened,” Rey said. “That Dana Graybill wanted plenty to happen, but it didn't.”</p>
<p>“Do you believe him?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” said Rey. “I believe him.”</p>
<p>She pressed her lips together to keep herself from telling her best friend the rest. It would be hard enough for Rey to forgive her husband – it would be impossible if Rose found out. She wouldn't understand.</p>
<p>Rose was silent for a moment, then said, “Okay.”</p>
<p>“You don't agree,” Rey guessed.</p>
<p>“If you believe him, that's all that matters,” Rose said. “He's your husband.”</p>
<p>“He's telling the truth,” Rey said. “Have you heard otherwise?”</p>
<p>“No,” Rose said. “So, what's going on since you got back that's keeping you so busy?”</p>
<p>“Well, I've been in South Carolina since the fifteenth,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“South Carolina,” Rose repeated. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Ben asked us to come out here to work on our new music, so he could be with his family. We've been living in a little inn run by a friend of the family,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Wow,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“How is the family? Do you see much of them?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“We've been over for dinner a few times. During the days the kids are in school, Soph works, and the in-laws volunteer, so we have the house to ourselves while we work,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Uh-huh,” Rose said. “What's Finn been doing?”</p>
<p>“Running, hiking... photography,” Rey said. “He's still working, too.”</p>
<p>“I'm surprised Finn agreed to go out there,” Rose said. “He never struck me as the outdoorsy type.”</p>
<p>“He can be,” Rey said. “Just as long as there's an internet connection nearby when he gets tired of exploring nature.”</p>
<p>Rose laughed.</p>
<p>“We're so excited for the wedding,” Rey said. “I can't wait to see you, Rose.”</p>
<p>The next evening, Rey, Finn, and Abigail led a caravan of the inn's guests down the road to Divers. Even the children were coming along to hear Second Song play. When they arrived, Ben was already there setting up on the stage.</p>
<p>“Hey, partner,” Rey said, hopping up on the stage with him. “Where's the family?”</p>
<p>“Oh, they're not coming,” Ben said grimly. “It's too late for the little ones to behave themselves, and Soph seems to think the atmosphere here will corrupt Elle. I figured we could play them the newest stuff after Sunday dinner – you were still planning to come, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes, we'll be there,” Rey said, stunned that even Soph was not coming to the show. Did they hate Abigail that much?</p>
<p>Rey had a wonderful time that evening. It was the most laid-back performance she'd played in a long time. She savored every moment, even the mistakes, such as when Ben played one of the new songs in the wrong key. They laughed about it together on stage afterward, and their audience cheered.</p>
<p>The next day Rey slept in for so long that Finn went down to breakfast without her. He left a muffin and a mug of coffee on the nightstand when he returned. While there was no outward change in Finn's demeanor, Rey felt like she could breathe again around her husband. Perhaps the rift would eventually heal.</p>
<p>Dinner at the farm was a long affair, even before Ben got out his guitar and they sang for the family one last time. The next morning, Finn and Rey left South Carolina. As soon as Rey stepped foot in her own house again, things started to feel right.</p>
<p>Rose and Damion's wedding was outdoors in the countryside. The ceremony was held in front of a grand gazebo hung with flower chains and baskets. Rose wore a flower crown in her dark, loose hair, and her signature red lipstick. Her bridesmaids wore airy dresses in various pastel shades. Rey could not help wishing she was standing beside her friend as well. After the ceremony, Damion was just as friendly to Finn as ever, and Rey hoped her friends would soon forget their suspicions about her husband's infidelity.</p>
<p>Ben returned to Nashville the next week, and they began recording. The process took longer, now that Second Songwas picking up more band members. For their album, a total of six musicians contributed their talents, and three of those would also join them on tour – drums, bass/guitar, and a young woman named Sadie Fernwell who played the flute, violin, various unusual percussion instruments, and even a hand saw (a talent she demonstrated a few times between recording sessions).</p>
<p>They spent the first week practicing with the new band members and musicians. Ben greatly disliked working with so many new people, but he managed not to show it too much. Finn was elated by their new sound, and Rey was torn between enjoying the challenge of the changes and missing the simplicity of a guitar, a piano, and two voices.</p>
<p>Rey could tell that working with the full band was tedious and exhausting for Ben. They had fewer opportunities to improvise. Harmonies had to be more meticulously planned. It was stressful, hard work, but Rey thrived on the intricacies of it all – it was like completing a puzzle.</p>
<p>When everything was finally recorded, and it came time to name their second album, nobody could agree. In the end, it was called <em>To Whoever</em>.</p>
<p>Ben did not stay at Rey and Finn's home this time around. He told Rey he'd made other arrangements and left it at that, but she gathered from his conversations with the other musicians that he was staying somewhere in the city, within walking distance of at least one bar.</p>
<p>“Hey, we should all go out tonight,” said Sadie on their last day in the studio together. “We'll go to that bar near your place, Ben. You seem to like it.”</p>
<p>“<em>Corkie's </em>is a hole-in-the-wall, but it's all right,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Finn went home that afternoon with a migraine – his first in a long time. Rey agreed to go out with the band and sent Finn a message that he probably wouldn't see until much later that evening. Sometime just before midnight, after everyone else had called a ride home, Ben and Rey sat across from each other in a booth at <em>Corkie's</em>, nursing their last drinks.</p>
<p>“I hope you aren't thinking of driving home,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head and tapped her phone screen with her fingernail.</p>
<p>“Don't worry. Damion's coming to get me once his shift is over,” she said.</p>
<p>“What's Rose doing?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“She's on a weekend trip with the school choir,” Rey said. “So, probably sleeping.”</p>
<p>“Isn't school out yet?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head again and said, “They have two weeks left.”</p>
<p>“What time does Damion get off?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“One,” Rey said. “A little earlier, if he's lucky.”</p>
<p>“So, in an hour,” Ben said, raising his eyebrows. “What are you gonna do for an hour?”</p>
<p>“Drink?” Rey asked, looking uncertainly at her half-empty glass.</p>
<p>Ben swallowed the rest of his beer and set the glass down with a loud clunk.</p>
<p>“I have a better idea,” he said. “Pay your tab, and we'll get out of here.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Rey asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>“Well, for one, this place is about to close,” Ben said. “For another, I want to show you something.”</p>
<p>Once outside, Ben led her down the street, walking a little too fast.</p>
<p>“Slow down,” she said. “And tell me where we're going!”</p>
<p>“To my humble abode,” Ben said, waving his hand vaguely in front of them.</p>
<p>“How far is it?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Not far,” he said.</p>
<p>A little over a block later they stood at the bottom of a narrow stairwell that led to what looked like an impossibly narrow door.</p>
<p>“You got an apartment?” Rey asked in surprise. “Do you have a roommate?”</p>
<p>“No,” Ben replied, and began to ascend the steps.</p>
<p>Rey followed, then grabbed his arm and stopped him.</p>
<p>“Wait,” she said. “What exactly do you mean, you want to 'show me something' in your apartment?”</p>
<p>Ben started chuckling.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked in annoyance. “What's so funny?”</p>
<p>“Nothin', now come on and stop yellin' on the stoop,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben unlocked the door and pulled Rey inside.</p>
<p>“I wrote a song a while back,” he said, going to get his guitar. “I never played it for you. I thought we could make it a single or somethin', since the album won't be released for a while.”</p>
<p>“Ben, is this really the time for work?” Rey wondered.</p>
<p>He glared at her and commanded, “Sit down and listen.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Rey murmured, dropping into a chair.</p>
<p>Ben began playing a slow, seductive rhythm with a lurching hook. When he began singing, it was in a much lower, softer voice than usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>If I didn't know better / I'd leave my drink right here</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If I didn't know better / I'd follow you up the stairs</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The wind is howling louder / A storm is coming in</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey's heart thudded obnoxiously in her chest every time Ben looked up at her. As he sang the next lines, his voice suddenly jumped up an octave and sent a shiver through her with haunting tenor notes that started as a soft moan and grew to a wail before dropping off to a near-whisper again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And so I keep drinking / Well / If I didn't know better / But, damnit, I do</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>There's nothing to what you're saying / Oh, what a fool I'd be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You love to keep me waiting / Baby, it's time to see</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You might as well be the devil / With that apple in your hand </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And so I keep drinking / Well / If I didn't know better / But, damnit I do</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stopped singing and stared at her.</p>
<p>“Do you like it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“It's... it's good,” Rey said, staring back. “Why haven't I heard it before?”</p>
<p>“Thought it would be more trouble than it was worth,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Hmm. But now you want to record it,” Rey said. “Why now?”</p>
<p>“It's a good song,” Ben shrugged.</p>
<p>“I thought you were fixing your marriage,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben did not react for so long that Rey wanted to go over and shake him.</p>
<p>“It's just a song, Rey,” he finally said.</p>
<p>“Is it?” she asked, standing up and walking over to him.</p>
<p>“You wrote that about some imaginary people?” she asked, tilting her head and looking up at him.</p>
<p>“You could say that,” he answered.</p>
<p>“If <em>I</em> didn't know better... I'd ask what you imagined was going to happen after you sang me that song tonight,” Rey said.</p>
<p>His jaw moved as if he were about to speak, but he just looked at her for a few seconds.</p>
<p>“I imagined you'd sober up and that you'd tell Damion where to find you,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey squinted at him.</p>
<p>“I'll text him right now,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben put his guitar down and sat down on the couch. On one side of the tiny sitting area was an even tinier kitchen, and on the other side a short, narrow hall that must lead to a bedroom and bathroom.</p>
<p>“What's your address?” Rey asked, fingertips ready to type it. After sending the message, Rey sat down beside Ben on the couch.</p>
<p>“It was a good song, Ben,” she said. “We should use it. Will you play it again for me?”</p>
<p>Ben scoffed and asked, “You really want to do this now?”</p>
<p>“Please. Play the song, Ben,” Rey said.</p>
<p>He reluctantly got his guitar and sat down beside her again. Rey closed her eyes and her body swayed with the music as he began to play. When she opened her eyes again he was watching her.</p>
<p>Ben began to sing and Rey had to resist joining in. Every time their eyes met, Rey's resolve melted a little more. He sang in a softer voice this time, perhaps not to wake the neighbors, or perhaps because he knew how sensual it sounded over the dance of his guitar playing.</p>
<p>The song ended, and the sudden lack of sound made Rey's chest ache. She scooted closer to Ben and put her hand over his where it was resting on the guitar. The only sounds in the apartment were the faint noises of the city traffic and the breathing of two people afraid to speak.</p>
<p>“Play it again,” she said.</p>
<p>He blinked slowly at her.</p>
<p>“Rey,” he said.</p>
<p>“Play it again,” she whispered. “Let me start this time.”</p>
<p>He played the intro for the third time that night, and this time he refused to look up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>If I didn't know better / I'd follow you up the stairs</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sang as sultrily as she ever had, almost slurring the words, though she felt sober already. Ben suddenly joined in with a smooth harmony on the next line, and continued through the chorus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The wind is howling louder / A storm is coming in</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finally lifted his head to peer at her through the bit of hair in his face. Rey threw her head back as her voice slid up to the high notes of the next line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And so I keep drinking / Well / If I didn't know better</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My turn,” Ben murmured as they began the next verse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You love to keep me waiting / Baby, it's time to see</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey cut in with the next part, surprising Ben with a high, wailing run on the melody as she sang:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You might as well be the devil</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben moaned a low “oh” over her voice as she sang the next words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>With that apple in your hand</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey dropped out and listened to him finish the verse. Not to be outdone by her, Ben improvised his own lines and in a high octave, singing with such quiet intensity that Rey got goosebumps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And so I keep drinking </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sang the next line, and Ben let her finish out the song.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Well / If I didn't know better / But damnit I do</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They dragged the ending out by repeating, “I do... baby, you know that I do...” in various rounds of overlapping runs.</p>
<p>When they finally let the song die, there was a soft knock at the door. Ben went to open it, and Damion greeted him.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben, how have you been, man?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Been working,” Ben said. “Congratulations on the wedding.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Damion said.</p>
<p>Rey stood up and walked over to them.</p>
<p>“Thanks so much, Damion,” she said. “I really appreciate this.”</p>
<p>“No problem,” Damion said. “I'm glad you called me.”</p>
<p>He looked around the apartment and then said, “Were the two of you working on a new song just now?”</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah... we were,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well, it sounded great,” Damion said, smiling sheepishly. “I might have listened to you through the door for a minute or two.”</p>
<p>“I hope we didn't just make your neighbors hate you,” Rey said to Ben.</p>
<p>He shook his head and said, “Don't have any neighbors at the moment.”</p>
<p>“Well, that's good,” Rey said, repositioning her purse on her shoulder.</p>
<p>Ben nodded.</p>
<p>“See you around, Ben,” Damion said, offering a hand. “Good luck on the tour. When do you guys leave?”</p>
<p>“Sixth of June,” Rey said, smiling at the thought.</p>
<p>Ben nodded again and said, “Later, Damion. Good seein' you.”</p>
<p>Rey followed Damion out the door and down the steep stairs to the street. She looked back at Ben as he shut the door behind them and disappeared. She heard the lock turn.</p>
<p>Damion was quiet on the drive to his apartment.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry to make you do this,” Rey said. “I was planning to slip out early and get home to Finn, but the rest of the band kept buying me and Ben drinks.”</p>
<p>“Finn's in town?” Damion asked.</p>
<p>“He went home earlier with a migraine,” Rey said. “While we were wrapping up the last recording.”</p>
<p>“Have you heard from him?” Damion asked.</p>
<p>“We're good,” Rey said. “He knows I'm staying at Rose's... er, your place.”</p>
<p>Damion nodded and fell silent again.</p>
<p>“You and Rose will be in Greece while we're in the U.K.,” Rey said. “How was the mini-moon weekend?”</p>
<p>“Great,” Damion said. “Really great. I've been working my ass off since we got back, but it'll be worth it.”</p>
<p>“You guys will love it there,” Rey said.</p>
<p>They finished the ride in silence. When they parked, Damion shut off the car and turned to Rey.</p>
<p>“I wasn't expecting to pick you up from Ben' apartment. I figured he was still staying at your place when he's in town,” Damion said.</p>
<p>“He made other arrangements this time,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Damion cleared his throat and said, “Anybody that saw you go into Ben's apartment tonight would get some ideas about why.”<br/><br/>Rey frowned at Damion.</p>
<p>“This isn't this first time you've been quick to jump to conclusions like that,” she said.</p>
<p>Damion held up his hands.</p>
<p>“I know... I know. Rey, what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I accused Finn of cheating when it wasn't true.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Thanks,” Rey said. “And really, Finn and I are fine.”</p>
<p>The next morning on the drive home, Rey sang the song from the night before to herself over and over. Finn was waiting for her at the house, looking far better than the last time she'd seen him.</p>
<p>“Hey, beautiful,” he greeted her, handing her a mug of coffee.</p>
<p>Rey smiled before he kissed her.</p>
<p>“Want to hop back in the car and go grab some brunch?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Ah, sure, but let me shower first,” Rey said. “I look pretty rough.”</p>
<p>“That's what happens when you party all night,” Finn teased her.</p>
<p>“Hey, I left the bar before it closed,” Rey said.</p>
<p>At brunch, while waiting for their food, Rey sent a message to Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>I think we should release an EP with that song and a few covers. We can record it before we leave, just us, no band. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey checked her phone anxiously a few times during the meal, until finally Ben replied.</p>
<p>
  <em>You're married to the band manager. Make it happen. </em>
</p>
<p>“Finn, Ben and I have an idea,” she said.</p>
<p>“Shoot,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“We had a few extra days planned for the album before the tour. We want to record some things with just the two of us, and release an EP ahead of the album,” Rey said.</p>
<p><br/>Finn seemed to ponder it while finishing his last piece of bacon.</p>
<p>“What would you put on it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Ben has a new song that we can use, and I'd like to release some new covers. We can add them into the shows this year,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn nodded and said, “Sure, why not?”</p>
<p>Rey smiled at her husband and said, “I knew you'd like the idea.”</p>
<p>“I knew you wouldn't be content to stop working before the tour,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“If I stop working, I'll only worry,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“What are you worried about?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rey could not name what was making her so anxious about the upcoming tour. There was a growing, shadowy fear somewhere in the back of her mind that refused to show itself. Rey hoped that once the tour began she could shake the feeling of foreboding that had hung over her head since they began recording the album.</p>
<p>“We should sit down with Ben Monday and go over everything,” Finn said.</p>
<p>The shadow in Rey's mind flickered.</p>
<p>“Finn, did you add more shows without telling us?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I did tell you,” he said. “Remember when we talked about adding Glasgow?”</p>
<p>“Finn.”</p>
<p>Rey closed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Please tell me you didn't take away our two week break,” she said.</p>
<p>“That was never a guarantee, Rey,” Finn said. “Ben knew that it was a big maybe.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Finn,” Rey said, shaking her head. “He's going to be livid.”</p>
<p>Their long tour overseas was originally planned in two parts – one from June through July, and another from August through mid-September. Ben was hoping to be able to fly home in between and spend a week with his family for his birthday.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. The Head and the Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next few weeks Rey wondered many times how much better the experience of recording their EP might have been if not for Finn pissing Ben off the day before they went back into the studio. The music did not suffer for it, but Rey did. Ben was a misery to be around that week, but she couldn't blame him.</p>
<p>They released it immediately, an EP called <em>Laid Bare</em> that featured three covers – <em>Baby Britain, It Ain't Me Babe, </em>and<em> Winter Lady, </em>with just their two voices and Ben's guitar, all dark, spare, and haunted. The fourth track was Ben' song, <em>If I Didn't, </em>sung almost exactly as they had done it that night in Ben's apartment.</p>
<p>Rey threw herself into the work of arranging the covers for the EP. It was her favorite challenge, and the immediate deadline allowed her to forget everything but the music. Before she knew it they were on a flight to London.</p>
<p>Finn planned various side trips for the band during the tour, including a stay in Paris, which Rey was most excited about. Finn wanted to photograph and vlog their trip and post updates online during the tours. Finn would have to settle for something less invasive if he was going to convince Ben to go along with it. Between shows, Ben and Rey continued to write more music. It was the only familiar ritual they would have for months.</p>
<p>One evening while they were in Paris, drinking French wine together with the rest of the band after a long day of sightseeing, Finn suggested Rey use the evening to write a song.</p>
<p>“Write the French song you've been saying you want to do,” Finn insisted. “Tomorrow you can ask Pauline to check the translation for you.”</p>
<p>“Finn, she's our guide, not an editor,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“So, we'll give her a very generous tip,” Finn said. “She won't mind helping you. She's already said she wants to come hear you play in the states, and you've offered to let her stay with us when she visits.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “I don't want to ruin the evening with work.”</p>
<p>“We don't mind,” said Sadie.</p>
<p>Joel and Chris echoed their agreement.</p>
<p>“Okay...” Rey said, looking at Ben.</p>
<p>She stood up and went to the window, where they had a view of the Eiffel Tower lit up at night. No, she didn't want to write about the city, nor it's iconic tower.</p>
<p>“Well, it'll be a sad love song, obviously,” Rey said. “As most of ours are.”</p>
<p>She stared out the window, sipping her wine.</p>
<p>“How should it start?” she asked the room.</p>
<p>“On the streets of Paris?” Chris supplied.</p>
<p>“I'm walking down the street...” Rey said, closing her eyes and picturing their recent excursions.</p>
<p>“To the Basilica – the Sacred Heart,” she continued.</p>
<p>Turning around, she saw Finn with a pen in his hand, searching for some paper.</p>
<p>“Looking for someone,” Rey continued.</p>
<p>She drank more wine.</p>
<p>“A lover?” asked Sadie, lifting her glass as well.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “A love that ended too soon.”</p>
<p>Finn found a stack of napkins and was now scribbling on them. Ben began picking around quietly on the strings of his guitar.</p>
<p>“So, she's waiting for the one that got away,” said Finn.</p>
<p>“They used to meet at the Sacred Heart,” Rey said. “They promised they'd never forget each other, no matter what. Every year, on the same day, they return there to talk about their lives.”</p>
<p>“When does the sad part come in?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>He seemed to have found a sweet little riff that he liked and was repeating it with his head tilted thoughtfully to one side.</p>
<p>“Something happened and they stopped meeting,” Rey said. “Maybe another relationship took her away. He hasn't spoken to her since. She wants her old lover back...”</p>
<p>Rey listened carefully to the tune Ben was playing slowly and delicately across the room.</p>
<p>“But she doesn't know if he has forgiven her,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey looked out the window again.</p>
<p>“She's sitting on the steps, waiting for him to show up, the crowds are gone,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She finished her wine. Ben was still playing the gentle tune that was almost a lullaby.</p>
<p>“Does he show up?” Sadie asked.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“There's the sad part, Ben,” Joel said.</p>
<p>Ben stood up and joined Rey by the window, looking out at the impressive view with her.</p>
<p>“Finn, are you going to be my scribe?” Rey asked, looking over at him.</p>
<p>“I'm ready when you are,” he said. “As long as you aren't asking me to write French.”</p>
<p>“No,” Rey laughed. “Let's get a line-by-line idea in English first.”</p>
<p>Soon, Finn had several napkins worth of ideas for Rey to translate and craft into melody.</p>
<p>
  <em>Walking down the street / To the Sacred Heart / Thinking of promises / Of lasting love</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wait on the steps for you / Will you be there? / I'm here at the steps /Only for you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Will you hold me this time / Until the sun goes down? / Will you kiss me / Until the sun comes back?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe you're late / Maybe you don't care / Anymore / It's getting dark</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wait on the steps for you / Will you be there? / I'm here at the steps /Only for you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey began to translate her ideas into French phrases and rhymes in her own notepad. Ben continued working with the music, with occasional input from the band. Soon Ben had music for both the verses and the chorus. The verses seemed to perfectly capture the atmosphere of Paris in the evening, and the chorus was begging for Rey to get out her keyboard and add a sacred, hymnal feel to the music.</p>
<p>“I just have one question,” said Chris.</p>
<p>His face was red from the wine, and he looked as warm as Rey felt after her own glasses of pinot noir that evening.</p>
<p>“Yes?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“How are you going to get Ben to sing proper French?” he asked, chuckling. “He doesn't even speak proper English!”</p>
<p>Ben laughed along with the rest of them and said, “That's a good question.”</p>
<p>“I'll help you,” Rey promised. “Besides, if you're singing harmony, you can fudge the accent a little and nobody will notice.”</p>
<p>“You want to try it?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, let's see how well this fits the music,” Rey said, holding up her notepad.</p>
<p>Rey sang her French translation for the first time as Ben played slowly through the verse and chorus. As she went, Rey circled lines she wanted to change, and underlined vowels and syllables she wanted to emphasize. Nobody else in the room spoke more than a few phrases of French, and were unaware of her many mistakes.</p>
<p>“You sound like an actual French person singing,” Sadie marveled. “At least to me.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Rey laughed. “But you have no idea how bad that was!”</p>
<p>“At least your accent is good,” Finn said. “If Pauline is to be believed.”</p>
<p>By the time all of the cheese, fruit, and bread was gone, Rey completed the French lyrics to the best of her ability. She hoped Pauline would not find much to critique – Rey would hate to offend her new friend.</p>
<p>Instead of going to bed and sleeping off the wine that night, the band stayed up late listening to some of Ben and Rey's new music, which included a wistful song of Ben's that they had been calling <em>Darlin'. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Darlin', I hate to be away / There's so much I want to say / But I'm short on time</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So many things left unsaid / But you already know / You'll always be my love</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Darlin', I don't know what to do / Can't live with or without you / We're out of time </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I'd get over you / Just don't ever ask me to / You'll always be my love</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You say you want me to be happy / Well, happiness was when I had you with me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But you were always standing in the way /You'll always be my love</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Darlin', if you only knew / You'll always be my love</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day, Rey wrote the beginnings of a song while sitting in a cafe, sipping wine with her lunch:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>In a little cafe downtown / Time stops when there's wine around</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She came in with nowhere to go / Somehow always and never alone</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, will she let him go? / Oh, will she ever know? / She's the one / With the red balloon</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As she wrote the lyrics, Finn sat beside her editing photos on his laptop. Ben was at the table in front of them alone, putting his own thoughts to paper. Whether he was writing lyrics or writing home, Rey could not tell. Ben mailed handwritten letters to Soph and postcards to the kids regularly.</p>
<p>Joel, Chris, and Sadie left the cafe to go to a nearby museum. Ben sat with his back to Rey, looking out of the cafe's large window onto the street. She could just see the outline of his profile over his left shoulder.</p>
<p>Finn interrupted Rey's writing to film footage for a video he had envisioned for the band. Rey reluctantly agreed to go up to the cafe counter and order pastries while Finn filmed her through the window from the street.</p>
<p>“The light is great right now,” he said.</p>
<p>“Finn, it's cloudy and it looks like it's about to rain,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Finn said. “Second Song isn't a bright, sunny kind of band. It's perfect.”</p>
<p>When Finn showed her the video later, Rey realized that he'd also been sneakily filming Ben write his letter.</p>
<p>“Oh, wow, I look so awkward! I'm laughing too much,” Rey said, as she watched herself thank the lady at the counter. “Finn, did you only ask me to do that so you could get a shot of Ben writing through the window?”</p>
<p>“I wanted both shots,” Finn said. “I have almost nothing usable of Ben. Every time I get the camera out he disappears, turns away from the shot, or clams up.”</p>
<p>“Just leave him alone, Finn,” Rey said, shaking her head. “He's probably afraid you're going to try to make it look like we're together. He's not writing all those letters to his wife just to have you film us traveling together and post it online to remind her that he's traveling the world with me instead of her.”</p>
<p>“Rey, I don't care what Soph thinks about this tour. We asked her to come along. The kids could have stayed with her parents all summer – they already live with them!” Finn said irritably.</p>
<p>Rey stared at him.</p>
<p>“She has a job, Finn. She'd have to quit,” Rey reminded him.</p>
<p>“Why does she need a job?” Finn asked. “She's got four kids to take care of and a husband making enough money to support her. He built her an enormous farmhouse in the mountains. She's got free childcare, too.”</p>
<p>“Maybe she didn't want to leave her kids for so long,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Finn scoffed and said, “Well, if they didn't have so many they could bring them along.”</p>
<p>He fell silent and seemed to be done with the subject.</p>
<p>“That's what we'll do,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“What?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Bring our kid along as much as possible,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey stared at her husband.</p>
<p>“We don't have to worry about that for a while,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn took her hand and tugged her down to the bed with him.</p>
<p>“I'm not worried,” he said. “Are you?”</p>
<p>Rey peered curiously at her husband, who had not talked about having children in years. For him, and for Rey, it was always a 'maybe someday' desire.</p>
<p>“Well, yes,” she said. “It would mean putting my career on hold – or at least slowing down a lot.”</p>
<p>“We've been going at a breakneck pace from the beginning,” Finn said. “It's affected our marriage, and Ben's as well. Maybe it's time to slow down.”</p>
<p>Rey gave Finn an incredulous look.</p>
<p>“Are you serious, Finn? You never want to take a break. You don't know what that means,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn took her hands in his.</p>
<p>“Well, maybe it's time I learned,” he said. “I don't want to lose you, Rey. I want to focus on us and I think... maybe it's time to start our family.”</p>
<p>“You want to have a baby? Now?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm not getting any younger,” Finn said. “I don't want to be an old man chasing kids around. Your career will be in a good place after this tour. We could get a third album out before a baby comes, even if you got pregnant tomorrow. By then, all of us will be ready for a break. After that, we just make it work. A kid doesn't need a conventional childhood to have a good life.”</p>
<p>Rey blinked as she considered Finn's argument. She realized she agreed with him.</p>
<p>“Wow,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn squeezed her hands after a moment.</p>
<p>“So, what do you think?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I'm going to need some time to think about this, Finn,” she said. “I'm not sure I'm ready.”</p>
<p>“I'm ready whenever you are,” Finn said.</p>
<p>A few days later, Rey sang <em>Let Him Go </em>for the band.</p>
<p>“Ooh, that's so lovely,” Sadie said afterward. “Were you thinking of the Bansky painting with the little girls and the red heart balloon when you wrote it?”</p>
<p>“Ah, no. What's that?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>After Sadie pulled up the image, Rey told her that <em>Le Ballon Rouge</em> was a French short film from the fifties featuring a little boy who meets a red balloon with a mind of its own.</p>
<p>“The balloon follows him everywhere, never leaving his side, moving on its own, even when he isn't holding onto it. In the end, the balloon is destroyed by some other children, but then more balloons appear and together they give the boy a ride through the city,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Sounds like a very loyal balloon,” Chris said.</p>
<p>“Sounds like a weird film,” said Joel. “Very French.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “That was the consensus when we watched it in French class, but I liked it.”</p>
<p>“That's because you love everything French,” Chris replied.</p>
<p>“So, l think I've got your song figured out,” said Joel. “This lady's got a guy following her around Paris, creepy dude, high as a kite, who thinks she's gonna fall in love with him? That's some weird, stalker shit, Rey.”</p>
<p>Rey giggled and shook her head.</p>
<p>“No!” she protested. “Don't ruin it, Joel!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, don't ruin it, Joel,” repeated Sadie, punching him. “It's about not knowing what you've got 'til it's gone. Am I right, Rey?”</p>
<p>“I guess that's one way to put it,” Rey said thoughtfully.</p>
<p>“How would you put it?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>“I always thought of the balloon in the film as a symbol for hope,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“So, the woman is hopeless?” asked Joel.</p>
<p>“Wait, is the balloon a man, or is the balloon hope? Or both?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>Ben was laughing.</p>
<p>“Are you going to sing this one in French, too?” asked Joel.</p>
<p>“No,” she said, shaking her head at him.</p>
<p>“What I want to know, is if this balloon is a man, why is he just floating around waiting for her to decide if he's hopeless?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>“Because HE'S A BALLOON!” Joel said, throwing his hands up at Chris in mock outrage. “Balloons can't talk, Chris!”</p>
<p>“All right, all right,” Rey said. “You know what? Pretend the song is about the Banksy painting. Okay? Geez.”</p>
<p>They all stared at her.</p>
<p>“Well, why didn't you just say so?” Joel asked.</p>
<p>Rey and Ben worked out the music that day, a dark, drifting waltz, that reminded Rey perfectly of the overcast day in the cafe when the idea first came to her. The band members stopped giving Rey a hard time about <em>Le Ballon Rouge</em> and listened with helpful, critical ears.</p>
<p>“You know what this song needs?” asked Sadie.</p>
<p>“It doesn't need anything, if you ask me,” Chris said. “The music is so good, I don't even care about the weird balloon anymore.”</p>
<p>Sadie ignored Chris.</p>
<p>“An accordion,” she said. “Think of how French it would sound, Rey. Just some soft accordion chords underneath Ben's guitar, like you can hear them being played far off down a Paris street.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “That's actually a great idea, but I don't know anyone who plays the accordion.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you do,” Sadie said brightly.</p>
<p>“You have an accordion?” asked Joel.</p>
<p>“Well, no. Not with me,” Sadie said. “However, I <em>do</em> happen to have a concertina.”</p>
<p>“Why on earth do you just happen to have a concertina?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>Sadie stared at him blankly for a moment, then said, “So I can practice. Hold on, I'll go get it.”</p>
<p>She ran down the hall to her room, and returned with an oddly shaped instrument, smaller than an accordion, with bellows between two thick, hand-sized ends covered in buttons. Sadie slid her hands into the straps on either end and played a few notes.</p>
<p>“I think it will work,” said Rey.</p>
<p>They played around with the song until they were satisfied. Rey was high on the thrill of creating something new, and Sadie to promised to teach her how to play the instrument before the tour was over. She hoped to learn to play well enough to perform <em>Let Him Go </em>whenever she and Ben played without the rest of the band. The song was perfect for a more intimate setting.</p>
<p>“Thanks for your help, everyone,” Rey said, when they were all in agreement that the song could not be improved upon.</p>
<p>“You guys want to go find that bar we passed yesterday? It looked like a good time,” Joel asked.</p>
<p>“Let's do it,” said Chris.</p>
<p>“I'm in,” said Sadie, looking at Rey and Ben.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, I'm exhausted,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Ben?” asked Sadie.</p>
<p>“Nah, I'm too old for your shenanigans,” he said, shaking his head. “You kids have fun.”</p>
<p>“Who are you calling a kid? I'm the oldest person in this room!” said Chris, who was in his forties.</p>
<p>“You don't count,” Ben said. “You don't have any gray hair yet.”</p>
<p>Chris did not look or act his age, and probably never would.</p>
<p>“Where's Finn?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>“Last I checked he was back at the cafe, working on a video,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Oh, great,” Ben muttered.</p>
<p>“Well, you know where we'll be,” said Chris.</p>
<p>The three of them left and Rey poured herself more of the wine she had with dinner. She poured a glass for Ben as well.</p>
<p>“How are you?” she asked him.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said, taking the glass from her.</p>
<p>“How are you really?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I am having the time of my life and also absolutely miserable,” Ben said. “Is that what you want to hear?”</p>
<p>“I just want to know what's going on with you,” Rey said. “Are you still mad at me about the extra tour dates?”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head and said, “Well, I'm not happy about it, but I assume you had nothing to do with it. Did Finn surprise you with that information as well?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded slowly.</p>
<p>“I don't like being manipulated,” Ben said, glaring at her as he lifted his glass and drank.</p>
<p>“I know,” was all Rey could say.</p>
<p>She braced herself for a lecture about how she shouldn't put up with it either, but Ben remained silent.</p>
<p>“Speaking of the tour,” she said, “Finn and I wanted to run something past you.”</p>
<p>Ben dropped his hand, his glass already nearly empty.</p>
<p>“What?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Our time in France has been so amazing,” Rey said. “And it's always been my dream to sing here.”</p>
<p>“Oh no...” Ben said under his breath.</p>
<p>“We could add a few dates back here in Paris at the end of the tour, and play our new work. We do a video preview of the live performances, then record them when we get back. Finn thinks if we can get another album out by next Spring we'll be in a good place to take longer break.”</p>
<p>Rey took a breath and said, “We can stop touring for a while and focus on our relationships and our families.”</p>
<p>“No,” Ben said, draining his glass and reaching around her to set it on the bar counter.</p>
<p>“Ben, please,” Rey begged. “This means a lot to me.”</p>
<p>“And seeing my kids means a lot to me,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Just two shows. It's one extra weekend,” said Rey. “It would only be a few days.”</p>
<p>Ben sighed and sat down on the bar chair beside her.</p>
<p>“A few more days this time,” he said. “Then, Finn will tell me next week someone wants to book us for something else we just can't pass up. Will it ever end?”</p>
<p>“I promise you, this is absolutely the last addition to our schedule,” Rey said. “This is my dream, and I can't do it without you. I wouldn't even be here without you, without Second Song. I'd probably still be in Nashville writing songs for other people.”</p>
<p>Ben groaned and propped his elbow on the counter before dropping his forehead into his palm.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey could have cried.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said sincerely.</p>
<p>Ben poured the last of the bottle of wine into their glasses without acknowledging her. He got up, glass in hand, and went to look out of the tall, heavily-curtained window across the room. Rey saw the screen of her phone light up where it lay on the counter beside her. It was a message from Finn.</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm going out with the guys and Sadie. You coming? </em>
</p>
<p><em>We're going to keep working, </em>Rey said, and she hoped it was true.</p>
<p><em>Okay. Tell Ben about the Paris shows,</em> Finn replied.</p>
<p>Rey looked up and saw that Ben had not moved from the window. His dark, wild-haired figure struck Rey as the loneliest thing she'd ever seen. She wished they could stay in Paris forever, feverishly writing music together, but it was killing him.</p>
<p>She lifted her glass and sipped, thinking that if there was really a god that he was a cruel deity to allow them to meet at the wrong time. Ashamed, Rey tried to shut off her thoughts. It was useless to wonder what might have happened if Ben had not come into her life with a wife and four kids. Her heart told her to go over to him and find out whether he was thinking the same kind of thoughts as he stared out the window, but her body refused to comply.</p>
<p>“Anything interesting happening out there?” she finally asked.</p>
<p>Instead of going to him, she grabbed the corkscrew and opened another bottle of wine.</p>
<p>“Just appreciating our view before it's gone,” Ben said. “I never thought I'd see the Eiffel Tower in person."</p>
<p>“I never thought I'd be touring with Ada, or touring through the U.K.,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben looked at her over his shoulder with a small smirk and said, “Well, I for one, always knew Ada would try to use me to get her name out there.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and her melancholy mood lifted a little. She finally joined Ben by the window, where they both proceeded to stare silently through the glass with their wine and their thoughts until Ben inhaled sharply and Rey turned her head to look at him.</p>
<p>“Is that conversation with Finn still on hold?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“You said you'd stay out of it,” Rey reminded him softly.</p>
<p>Ben looked back out the window and pressed his lips together in frustration.</p>
<p>“Why do you want to know?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He heaved another breath out before he answered.</p>
<p>“I don't know how long I can do this.”</p>
<p>“The tour?” Rey asked worriedly.</p>
<p>“The tour. This. Us.”</p>
<p>Rey hugged herself with one arm and held her wine glass aloft in the other hand as Ben went on.</p>
<p>“I'm writing letters to my wife, trying to convince myself it's not over. You and Finn are pretending you're the perfect happy couple. I hate being away from my kids all these months, but I don't want to go back, and I hate to admit that even more.”</p>
<p>“Why don't you want to go back?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“You really don't know?”</p>
<p>Ben gave her a sideways look, then set his wine glass down on the windowsill and reached toward her with both hands. Rey's blinked in surprised as he cradled her head in his hands and stared at her with sad, well-deep eyes. Slowly, he leaned forward. His parted lips only just brushed hers. It was the suggestion of a kiss – a suggestion that Rey wished she could take. She closed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she said, pulling away.</p>
<p>She bought herself a moment to clear her head by sipping her wine again, which she knew was counterproductive.</p>
<p>“Finn and I aren't pretending everything is fine. I decided to forgive him,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben' eyes scanned her face skeptically as she continued.</p>
<p>“One of the reasons we're hoping to get out another album and then take a break is – we're thinking of starting a family. It's – well, if I'm ever going to be a mother, it's time.”</p>
<p>Ben' eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>“Two months ago you were thinking of leaving him,” he said, his voice shaking a little.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head and said, “Yes, but I never really wanted a divorce.”</p>
<p>“All this time I've been asking for more time with my family, for less time on the road, for longer breaks, and the answer was always no,” Ben said. “But now that you and Finn want a family, we're going to take a break?”</p>
<p>“It's not fair, I know. I thought the same thing when Finn suggested it, and part of me doesn't want to slow down. But Finn's right. We've gotten to a point where we can step away and breathe. We've made a name for ourselves. You've sacrificed so much to get us here, Ben. I'm so sorry it had to be that way... and I'm so grateful for you. If you need to disappear into the mountains with your family for a while to fix things, I understand.”</p>
<p>And then, she tentatively put her hand on his arm.</p>
<p>“But..."</p>
<p>Ben waited without seeming to breathe, like a stone pillar wearing a mask.</p>
<p>“If you want to jump off a cliff with me instead...” Rey said, her heart racing as the words came out of her mouth.</p>
<p>“I'll do it. I'll leave Finn and we'll see where this crazy, incredible thing we have takes us. It's more than music between us. There could be so much more.”</p>
<p>Ben stared at her for a long minute, looking lost for words. Rey felt unexpectedly light with hope as she allowed herself to imagine a future where she did not do the right thing, but instead did the thing that felt right.</p>
<p>“I'd never see my kids again,” he said, turning back to the window.</p>
<p>“You don't know that,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You just said you want a baby,” Ben said. “And I definitely do not.”</p>
<p>“That's okay,” Rey said after a beat.</p>
<p>“It's too much to give up, Rey,” Ben said. “I can't take that from you.”</p>
<p>“It would be worth it to be with the other half of my soul,” Rey said, and her voice cracked.</p>
<p>She ignored her better judgment and put her hand on his cheek. She turned his face to hers. His eyes were closed.</p>
<p>“Is that you think I am?” he asked, the words barely audible.</p>
<p>His eyes blinked open and found hers. Rey's next thoughts disappeared before they could reach her lips. The last coherent thing she did was put her wine glass down. Then her mind was screaming, churning, and reeling as arms, bodies, and lips met all at once. All the music they'd ever made together was ringing in her ears. Moments later, Ben stiffened. One hand cradled her wrist, removing her hand from his shoulder. He pressed his forehead against hers.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, unable to stop a smile from growing on her lips.</p>
<p>“We should talk about this tomorrow,” he said.</p>
<p>“I don't want to talk,” she said, trying to kiss him again.</p>
<p>He straightened up, easily evading her.</p>
<p>“Rey...”</p>
<p>He sighed and wrapped his hands around hers, bringing them briefly to his lips.</p>
<p>“Let's write something tonight,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey only agreed because there was a promise in his warm brown eyes. They sat down and wrote two songs as well as one new cover that night before Finn and the others got back.</p>
<p>The first one was called <em>I'll Go:</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why are you still sittin' there / Lookin' out that window? / Will you ever let me know?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If I said what I was wishing / Would you even want to hear? / There's just one way to know</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll go, go, go / I'll go</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I don't wanna hurt you / I don't want to be broken / What will I become?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What will we become? / I don't even care / I don't want to care</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll go, go go / I'll go</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other was what would become <em>Show Me a Way: </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I wish there was a map for me / That might show me a way to go</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm filled with chords of loneliness / And answers to questions I can only guess</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Where do I go from here? / Show me a way / How long is someday?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After writing the first two songs in what might have been record time even for Second Song<b>,</b>they took a break. Rey poured what she intended to be her final glass of wine of the evening.</p>
<p>“You want to do a new cover?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey lifted her glass and drank.</p>
<p>“You really want to keep working?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Just listen,” he said, and began singing so quietly he was almost whispering:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When you close your eyes and you fall asleep / And it's down to the sound of a heartbeat</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I can hear the things that you're dreamin' about / When you open up your heart and the truth comes out</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben punctuated the lines of the first verse by tapping a light driving rhythm on the body of his guitar. Then, he began strumming, quickly building the sound with his voice as it crescendoed to higher, wailing pitches.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You tell me that you want me / You tell me that you need me / You tell me that you love me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I know that I'm right / 'Cause I hear it in the night</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey could not help humming a harmony with Ben on the chorus:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I hear the secrets that you keep / When you're talkin' in your sleep</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey continued humming the next verse, then sang full out with Ben on the final choruses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When I hold you in my arms at night / Don't you know you're sleepin' in the spotlight</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And all your dreams that you keep inside / You're telling me the secrets that you just can't hide</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door to the room opened while they were singing the end of <em>Talking in Your Sleep. </em></p>
<p>“I didn't expect you two to still be at it,” Finn said. “You should give your voices a rest.”</p>
<p>“No rest for the wicked,” Rey said, tipping her wine glass up as she looked at her husband.</p>
<p>Finn laughed and went to inspect the wine bottles left on the counter, holding up the one with something left in it.</p>
<p>“Did the wine help the writing process?” he asked.</p>
<p>“You could say that,” Rey replied. “We have three new songs.”</p>
<p>Finn poured what was left of the wine into a glass and said, “You'll be ready to put out another album by next week.”</p>
<p>Ben excused himself for the night and left with his guitar. Sadie passed out on the couch a few minutes later. Chris and Joel went to bed. Finn sat down beside his wife and asked her to tell him about the new music. He put his arm comfortably around her shoulders and Rey stared at the door through which Ben had left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. The One That Got Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Rey woke up with the first hangover she'd had in a while. Finn was still in bed, too.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh...” Rey said, squinting as she sat up.</p>
<p>“How do you feel?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Like I'm not young anymore,” Rey said.</p>
<p>They left Paris that evening and resumed the tour with Ada, which ended the week before Ben's fortieth birthday. It was during that last week that they spent a few evenings off stage with Ada and her team.</p>
<p>Ada was a tall woman with large, expressive eyes and a rich, sultry voice that was soft as silk when she spoke and could rise to a booming heights on the stage. She had professed many times to Rey and Ben that she was Second Song's biggest fan.</p>
<p>“Do you both just sit and write songs all the time?” she asked. “I am amazed at how prolific you are!”</p>
<p>“We do spend most of our time together writing and singing,” Rey said. “We can't help it. Anytime we're in the same room we start throwing ideas around.”</p>
<p>Rey looked at Ben, who was nodding silently. They had not yet talked about what happened on their last night in Paris. There had been little opportunity to do so, and Ben did not seem inclined to find a moment alone with Rey.</p>
<p>“Well, seeing as how you are currently in the same room, would you play me something you're working on? I can't get enough of your music, honestly. I'm dying to hear what you do next,” Ada gushed.</p>
<p>“I don't mind if you don't mind,” Rey said to Ben.</p>
<p>“Sure, why not?” he said, pleasantly enough, but Rey could tell he was reluctant to get his guitar out.</p>
<p>They played <em>Let Him Go</em> and <em>Talking in Your Sleep</em> for Ada, who was delighted with both.</p>
<p>“And you've got more?” Ada marveled. “All written while on this tour?”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and nodded. Ben put away his guitar without looking up.</p>
<p>“Astounding,” Ada said. “You two are going to be bigger than me by next year. You've got the talent – the writing, the singing, the music – all of it, unbelievable.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, you're too kind,” Rey said, a little flustered.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” was all Ben said, with a small smile of acknowledgement.</p>
<p>Finn was outside talking to Ada's manager. When Ada excused herself to take a phone call, Rey looked at Ben.</p>
<p>“Hey there, partner, you okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I'm fine,” he said. “You?”</p>
<p>Rey blinked at him and shook her head slightly.</p>
<p>“No, I'm not. Can we talk about – ”</p>
<p>Rey was interrupted by Finn poking his head inside the tour bus.</p>
<p>“You want to join them for dinner?” he asked. “Where are Sadie and the guys?”</p>
<p>“They're on the other bus,” Rey said. “They wanted to hear Sadie play <em>Take On Me</em> on the concertina.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Finn said, looking amused. “So, dinner?”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben did not comment, but Finn nodded and said, “Good. You ready? We're heading out.”</p>
<p>She did not get another chance to speak to Ben alone that week. Finn seemed to be glued to her side, as if he sensed a change in the air. The night they said farewell to Ada, Ben left the gathering early, saying he didn't feel well. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days the next morning as they hit the road again.</p>
<p>Rey sat down beside him when they stopped for lunch.</p>
<p>“Feeling any better?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Not really,” he said.</p>
<p>“Do we need to find you a doctor?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben grunted and shook his head.</p>
<p>“Nah,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey's stomach growled and she leaned forward to see Finn's progress in the line at the counter.</p>
<p>“You really should eat something,” she said. “They have soup.”</p>
<p>“Nah, I'm good,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey watched him lean back against the booth, eyes closed.</p>
<p>“Hey, isn't your birthday tomorrow?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Please don't tell anyone,” Ben said in a flat voice.</p>
<p>“I won't,” Rey promised.</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>Ben sat like that with his eyes closed until the others returned with their orders. Finn handed Rey a basket with half a sandwich and a cup of soup.</p>
<p>“Is he asleep?” asked Chris.</p>
<p>“No,” Ben answered, but kept his eyes closed.</p>
<p>“You gonna be okay, man?” asked Joel.</p>
<p>Ben sat up and pushed his hair out of his face. He picked up the mug of tea he'd been sipping and drank from it.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben stayed upright but did not join in the conversation at the table. Rey finished her sandwich and saw that her soup was still steaming hot. She went to ask for a to-go cup.</p>
<p>As they got back on the bus, Rey handed the soup to Ben.</p>
<p>“Here. In case you get hungry,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben took it and stared at the lid.</p>
<p>“What kind is it?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Chicken Barley Soup,” Rey said. “It sounded good.”</p>
<p>“Then why didn't you eat it?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “I was full.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Ben said, but he did not eat the soup. It sat in the fridge forgotten for the rest of the day after Ben disappeared into the back of the bus. He was still asleep when Rey went to check on him later that evening.</p>
<p>Ben spent his birthday alone in bed while Rey and everyone else explored Glasgow and found their first venue of the second leg of the tour. It was a large, old stone church that had been made into a bar and music hall.</p>
<p>While the others were inspecting the space and ordering drinks, Rey sent a message to Ben.</p>
<p>
  <em>Happy Birthday, Ben. Sorry you're sick. What can I pick up for you?</em>
</p>
<p>He did not reply, and Rey sent another text.</p>
<p>
  <em>Our venue for the first show is amazing! </em>
</p>
<p><em>Honey, lemon, whiskey, </em>was Ben' response.</p>
<p>When the got back, Rey and Finn walked a few blocks together from their hotel to find a grocery store.</p>
<p>“I guess he really is sick,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Did you think he was faking?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“At first I did,” Finn admitted. “To get out of all the socializing.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “He isn't that much of a recluse.”</p>
<p>They returned to the hotel and Rey went to deliver Ben's requested items while Finn took a shower.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Rey,” Ben said when he opened the door.</p>
<p>He tried to take the bag from her, but Rey held onto it and stepped inside his room.</p>
<p>“Do you feel well enough to talk for a minute?” she asked, sitting down on the extra single bed across from the mussed one he'd clearly been using that day.</p>
<p>“Do I have a choice?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>He sat down on the other bed and said, “You shouldn't be in here breathing my germs.”</p>
<p>His voice was hoarse and strained. That was okay. Rey planned to do most of the talking.</p>
<p>“You sound terrible,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She found the instant kettle and filled it. Minutes later, she combined the lemon juice, honey, and a strong pour of whiskey in a mug and handed it to Ben.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he said.</p>
<p>“You're welcome. Now, listen,” she said, sitting down again. “I don't know what you think I do or don't remember about our last night in Paris... but I wasn't that drunk. I'm sure you realize that, so the only conclusion I can come to is that you've changed your mind.”</p>
<p>Rey waited. Ben slurped the hot liquid and then stared into the mug.</p>
<p>“I didn't change my mind – it wasn't made it up,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey took a breath.</p>
<p>“Well, have you made it up yet?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben continued to stare at his steaming drink.</p>
<p>“There's only one answer, and you know it, Rey,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey's heart crumpled like an unwelcome love letter.</p>
<p>“Ben...” she said. “There's not.”</p>
<p>“There is!” he insisted in a hoarse whisper.</p>
<p>He held back a cough and drank from his mug.</p>
<p>“Why?” Rey asked sadly.</p>
<p>“You know why,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Is it just the kids?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Just?” Ben challenged her.</p>
<p>“I meant...” Rey sighed and decided to wade right into the weeds.</p>
<p>“How can you make that work? She won't be happy until you're a church-going family man and your touring days are over. Can you honestly say you'd be happy living that way?”</p>
<p>Abashed, Ben looked for answers in his mug again. After a while, he spoke, hoarsely and haltingly.</p>
<p>“I turned forty today,” he said. “I was too old for this when we started. I never expected it to take us this far, and neither did Soph. Jesus, Rey! I thought we'd spend a few years doin' short tours around the country, and that'd be it. Then you would go on to bigger and better things.”</p>
<p>“You never believed in us?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Of course I did. I believed in our music, but you know as well as I do that it doesn't matter how good we are – most of making it big is luck,” he said. “Being in the right place at the right time and knowin' the right people.”</p>
<p>“It wasn't luck that got us here. It was our hard work and Finn,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Finn's great. So, why are you tryin' to leave him for an old man with four kids?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Because that's not who you are to me!” Rey cried.</p>
<p>“It <em>is</em> who I am,” Ben said. “I can't change it, and I don't want to. I want to be there – really be there – for my kids. I know what it's like to not matter to a parent.”</p>
<p>He coughed again.</p>
<p>“So...” Rey plodded on. “Are you saying you want to leave the band?”</p>
<p>He slumped with his mug in his hands.</p>
<p>“No,” he said. “I'm not leaving.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded, and wrapped her arms around herself.</p>
<p>“That's good,” she said.</p>
<p>“Just as long as we get that break you promised,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded again and said, “Promise.”</p>
<p>She stood up, and so did Ben.</p>
<p>“I should go,” she said.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Rey,” Ben said. “The other night, I shouldn't have – ”</p>
<p>“It's okay,” said Rey. “It's not in the cards for us, no matter how we feel.”</p>
<p>Ben embraced her. The mug grazed her back as she pressed her cheek against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Ben rested his cheek on the top of her head and sighed as well.</p>
<p>“Go,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He let go of her and fiddled with the mug.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said simply, and let herself out of the room.</p>
<p>Ben was recovered well enough in time to play their next show. It was just the two of them, like old times. Rey remained on the verge of tears for the first half of the performance. By the end of the show, she was resigned to the fact that music was all she would ever have with him. It would have to be enough.</p>
<p>A few nights later, Rey slid into bed beside Finn, who was reading. Rey got out her own book and settled back against her pillow.</p>
<p>“So, I've been thinking,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Yes?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I'm going to stop taking my pill,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn smiled and closed his book. He leaned over and kissed her.</p>
<p>“I love you, wife,” he said, placing a hand over hers where it held her place in the book.</p>
<p>“I love you, too,” Rey said, putting her book aside.</p>
<p>Finn scooted closer and kissed her again.</p>
<p>“You sure you're ready?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I am,” Finn said seriously.</p>
<p>Rey smiled at her husband's earnest expression.</p>
<p>“Good,” she said, pulling his face toward her again.</p>
<p>Somehow, Rey and Ben made it through the end of their U.K. tour without completely losing their energy on stage. As it had always been, their time together in front of an audience was sacred and separate from the rest. However, they struggled to write new music. The others were beginning to notice Ben and Rey's unwillingness to sit down together and work.</p>
<p>“What's going on with Ben?” Sadie asked Rey one night backstage.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“He hasn't gotten his guitar out for anything but a performance in weeks,” Sadie said. “That's not like him.”</p>
<p>“You're right,” Rey said. “I think he's just missing home, you know?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Sadie said, looking unconvinced. “I hope he isn't depressed.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, me too,” Rey said. “I'll talk to him.”</p>
<p>But Rey did not need to talk to Ben to know what was wrong. She couldn't write anything on her own, either. She tried getting away from the group to wrestle with her thoughts, but she could not arrange them into anything that made sense.</p>
<p>One day, sitting alone in a pub with a notepad, she saw Ben sitting outside with a beer. His journal was open to an empty page. Rey watched him as he watched the people walking by on the street. She started writing. An hour later, both of them were still there, and Rey took her notes outside to sit with him.</p>
<p>“I guess we both had the same idea,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben showed her the open page in his journal filled with scratched out words.</p>
<p>“You have anything?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I have something,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She sat down and slid her work toward him. Ben took it gingerly, as if it was cursed.</p>
<p>“Hm,” he grunted, after reading it.</p>
<p>He handed it back to her.</p>
<p>“We can use it,” he said.</p>
<p>“You want to work on it tonight?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben sighed a long, deflated sigh.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded sadly, holding her notepad to her chest. She got up.</p>
<p>“Okay. See you later, then,” she said.</p>
<p>That night was the last they'd have with the rest of the band before their final show together. Sadie, Joel, and Chris would fly home and Rey, Ben, and Finn would return to Paris.</p>
<p>Ben waited until after dinner, when the goodbyes had been said and the rest of the band went to bed to catch a few hours sleep before their early flight. Then, he got out his guitar and started tuning it.</p>
<p>Rey gave Finn a significant look.</p>
<p>“If you two want to write something tonight, I've got a lot to work on myself,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said. “If Ben is up to it.”</p>
<p>Ben did not answer until he noticed both of them watching him expectantly.</p>
<p>“Well, I'm not holding this guitar just for shits and giggles,” he said.</p>
<p>Finn left them and Rey waited.</p>
<p>“You want to try the one you showed me earlier?” Ben asked at last, after sitting in silence for a few minutes.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and said, “I suppose it should start in a minor key.”</p>
<p>Ben strummed a chord, turning first one note, then another, as he developed a soft, anxious rhythm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>How did we ever to get this deep? / I didn't know what it would mean</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, if only you were / The one that got away</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben stopped her and said, “Try this.”</p>
<p>He added a few chord changes in a rising progression, and Rey immediately knew where her voice would go. She nodded and sang it again.</p>
<p>Ben stopped playing and waited to see where Rey would go with the chorus. A melody flowed out of her as if it was an old, well-known tune.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why can't we go back / To when you never held me? / Back to just the yearning</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish we never got into this mess / Oh, if you only were / The one that got away</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stopped singing, her voice caught in her throat. Ben did not say anything, just kept quietly playing. Soon, he was picking out a dark, rolling bass line. Something about it pushed Rey to launch into the next verse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>I miss the way you wanted me,” </em>she sang suddenly, and paused as Ben strummed the chord and let it ring, then fall off in the air.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stared at him as he tapped the guitar to keep the time, waiting for her to come back in. She began singing the chorus again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why can't we go back / To when you never held me?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben returned to the bass line and played it for a while without looking at Rey. When he stopped they sat silently. Rey began marking up the lyrics on her page.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” she finally asked.</p>
<p>“Needs more punch,” he said. “The chorus should be more aggressive.”</p>
<p>“Hmm...” Rey hummed, looking at the page in front of her.</p>
<p>“<em>Why can't we...”</em> Ben sang softly as he played, trying out different pitches and rhythms. “<em>Why can't we go back... why can't we... why-y can't we go back?” </em></p>
<p>“I like that last one,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“<em>Why-y can't we go-o back -” </em>Ben smacked the front of his guitar before singing the next line, “<em>To when you ne-ver held me-e?”</em></p>
<p>Rey found herself nodding along.</p>
<p>“That's good. Let's do the verse again,” Rey said.</p>
<p>An hour later, they sang through it together for the first time.</p>
<p>“You sing the lead,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“You don't want to switch off some of the lines?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He shook his head and waited for her to play the opening chord on the keyboard before adding the guitar rhythm on top. Ben did not come in until the second verse, but when he did it was with a heart-wrenching harmony. Rey felt the distance between them disappear into the music. It only lasted until the song ended. Ben frowned at his page and marked a few things down.</p>
<p>“What are you thinking?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“It needs an electric guitar,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“We can do that,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben nodded put away his guitar.</p>
<p>“We can work on it later,” he said. “I'm gonna go to bed.”</p>
<p>They did not work on the song again while on tour. The Paris shows were painfully intimate. Traveling without the others exposed the raw tension between them, and Finn became increasingly concerned that Ben was planning to cut himself loose from Second Song once the tour was over.</p>
<p>“He won't, Finn,” Rey insisted, but she didn't know if it was true. He was still Ben on stage, but a stranger to her everywhere else.</p>
<p>They caught different connecting flights home from Dulles.</p>
<p>“I hope that's not the last we see of him,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Stop, Finn,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She was beginning to wonder if Finn was right. They would find out in November, when Ben was supposed to come back to Nashville for another writing and recording session. Finn wanted to do both at their home. While on tour, he had spent a considerable amount of time and money researching and buying studio equipment, talking to contractors about the renovation of the music room. As soon as they arrived home, the work would begin. Finn's grand vision was to record informal living room sessions there, and he wanted the space to be both functional as a studio and conducive to making live session videos.</p>
<p>The renovation put a damper on Rey's songwriting. While on the road she always missed her piano, and now that she was home it was currently crammed into a dark corner of their living room.</p>
<p>Rey found Finn in the music room late one night mid-October, surveying the progress with satisfaction.</p>
<p>“Hey, husband,” she said, pushing the plastic sheeting aside as she stepped into the room.</p>
<p>Finn held out an arm and Rey curled into his embrace.</p>
<p>“The room looks so much bigger,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn laughed and said, “That's because there's nothing in it yet.”</p>
<p>“True,” Rey said. “You know, I was thinking we should redo the spare bedroom while we're at it.”</p>
<p>“You mean the junk room?” Finn asked. “What do you want to do with it?”</p>
<p>“Well, we're going to need the space,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn's arm tightened around her.</p>
<p>“For when the baby comes,” Rey continued.</p>
<p>Finn turned around to face her.</p>
<p>“You're telling me...?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and broke into a smile.</p>
<p>“I took a test this morning,” she said.</p>
<p>“You took a test this morning,” Finn repeated, grinning at her before he kissed her happily.</p>
<p>“We're going to be parents,” Rey said, hugging him.</p>
<p>The words felt like a lie, but there was a positive pregnancy test still sitting in their bathroom to prove it was true. Rey could not stop thinking of how excited she was to share the news with Finn's family, Rose and Damion, and their Nashville music family, even Poe... but she did not know how or when she would tell her own parents. Rey had not yet decided whether she wanted her future son or daughter to know them.</p>
<p>Finn's parents and sister were thrilled and began scheduling visits to Nashville and talking about baby showers. Rose and Damion took them out one night in celebration. Rey was grateful that nobody seemed to doubt that they could handle raising a child and continue Rey's performing career. They began picking out names and cleared out the spare room.</p>
<p>Rey planned to tell Ben when he was in town, when they would announce the pregnancy to the rest of their friends and acquaintances as well. When the day finally came for Ben to arrive, Rey was sick with anxiety. She blamed the nausea on the pregnancy, but it increased by the hour as they waited for Ben to show up. Finn answered the door when Ben knocked.</p>
<p>“You look great, man. South Carolina must be treating you well,” Finn said, coming down the hall.</p>
<p>“It is,” Ben said pleasantly.</p>
<p>“You all moved in to the new house?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we're in the new place,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Do you have any pictures? I'd love to see it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I have a few,” he said.</p>
<p>“Well, first let us show you the new music room,” Rey said. “Or, I guess I should say, the music studio.”</p>
<p>Ben followed her into the room and let out a soft, “Wow.”</p>
<p>“Do you love it?” she asked. “I can't wait for us to work in here.”</p>
<p>Rey didn't get to see the photos of Ben's new house until Finn had given him a tour of the studio.</p>
<p>“It's gorgeous, Ben,” Rey said, staring at his phone screen, where the whole family was posing on the front porch with wide, genuine smiles – even Elle.</p>
<p>“Did Elle ever start a band with that boy?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No, the boy moved away,” Ben said. “She's got a girl friend she's been playin' with recently. They sound all right.”</p>
<p>“Does she ever play with you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I'm workin' on it,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“I'd like to hear her play some day,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben smiled. Rey cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Want to break in the studio?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben nodded, looking around.</p>
<p>“Let's do it,” he said.</p>
<p>They practiced and refined the music they had written on tour that summer. The day passed easily. Rey was encouraged by their progress. Ben seemed to be in a much better place after getting back to his family. Soon it was dark and Rey tried to get Ben to stay for dinner, which he refused.</p>
<p>“Thanks, but I can't. I'm meeting an old friend tonight in the city,” he said.</p>
<p>“Next time, then,” Rey said. “Hey, ah, before you go, I wanted to tell you the news.”</p>
<p>“What's that?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I'm pregnant,” Rey said, unable to help smiling despite her nerves. It was the first time she'd told anyone other than family members and Rose.</p>
<p>“Wow...” He trailed off, then cleared his throat. “Congratulations.”</p>
<p>He smiled.</p>
<p>“I guess we're really taking that break,” he said. “When are you due?”</p>
<p>“June 15<sup>th</sup>,” she said. “The band can take it easy this winter and spring, do a couple of smaller tours, then finish our next album in May before the baby comes.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like you're right on schedule,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “We didn't expect it to happen so quickly... but yes, it fits into our plans nicely. You'll get more time with the family this year, and then a break. Isn't that, ah, what you want?”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and said, “That works just fine for me.”</p>
<p>“I'm glad you're happy,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You, too,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“See you tomorrow,” Rey said, and walked him out, feeling optimistic and light with energy.</p>
<p>“So, how was it?” Finn asked, emerging from the kitchen, where dinner was simmering on the stove.</p>
<p>“He was great today,” Rey said. “Seemed like old times.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Finn said. “Maybe tomorrow you can ask him about letting me film while you guys work.”</p>
<p>“We'll see,” Rey said, smiling sweetly at her husband. “I don't think it matters what his mood is when it comes to being on camera. He'll always dislike it.”</p>
<p>Finn tasted the food he was stirring and added more seasoning.</p>
<p>“But I'll see what I can do,” Rey said.</p>
<p>The next morning, Finn left early to assist with a photoshoot in Nashville. He was taking photography jobs here and there now. Ben arrived as Finn got into his car, and the men talked for a few minutes in the driveway. Rey watched from the door. Ben waved to her as Finn hopped into his car, and then walked up the steps. Rey stepped out onto the porch.</p>
<p>“Bright and early,” she commented.</p>
<p>“I said I'd be here early,” Ben replied.</p>
<p>“Coffee?” she asked, as they went inside.</p>
<p>“Nah, I'm good,” he said. “Already had mine.”</p>
<p>“Well, I haven't. I'll be right there,” Rey said laughing.</p>
<p>Ben was sitting on a stool tuning his guitar when Rey joined him in the studio.</p>
<p>“What do you want to work on first?” she asked.</p>
<p>Ben continued tuning his guitar. Then, he asked, “Do you have anything new?”</p>
<p>“Hmmm... no,” Rey said. “I've been stuck with writer's block ever since the tour ended. What about you? Got anything?”</p>
<p>Ben gave her a look, then said, “I've got something. Just one. I couldn't write anything, either.”</p>
<p>Rey sipped her coffee and nodded.</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben began picking a chilling, soft tune. After a while, he began to sing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Find me in the woods where the flowers grow / Down by the creek</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I have a secret on my lips / They'll give it away</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, take it with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Find me on the swing where the wind blows cold / Down by the lake </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Soak up the warmth on the weathered dock / Hear the thunder roll</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, take it with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You and I / We're not keeping time / I'm trying / But it rewinds</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Find me in a verse from ages past / Dusty and gray</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Find me in a picture from long ago / Torn from a frame</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, take it with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The overall effect of the song was that of a mournful sigh. The rhythmic thrum of lightly picked notes, which ebbed from dissonance to resolution and back again in a constant urgent syncopation, gave the impression of a clock ticking away – a depressed clock, Rey thought.</p>
<p>They worked with the song, which would be called <em>Keeping Time</em>, for most of the day, in between breaks and detours to their other music. Ben was reluctant to try some of the ideas Rey had for the music they'd already written.</p>
<p>“We're getting away from our sound,” he said, for perhaps the sixth time that day<em>.</em></p>
<p>“It's still our sound,” Rey insisted. “We're just evolving a little.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but we're evolving in the wrong direction,” Ben said. “Too pop, too light, too...”</p>
<p>He paused as he searched for another descriptor.</p>
<p>“Too sweet,” he said.</p>
<p>“It's really not,” Rey said irritably. “It's a nice change.”</p>
<p>“It can be a change and not be... like that,” Ben grumbled.</p>
<p>Ben sighed and grabbed the song notes in front of him. His eyes scanned over the lines and his mouth moved slightly, as he sang over the music in his head. Rey watched until he sighed again and put down the page.</p>
<p>“I just don't like it,” he said.</p>
<p>“Let's leave this one alone for now,” Rey said. “Take a break.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He left his guitar on the stand and walked out of the room. Rey heard the front door open and close.</p>
<p>“What...?” Rey said to herself.</p>
<p>It was as if Ben thought the previous day was too easy and was determined to make up for it. When Ben came back, presumably from a walk down the road in front of Rey's house, he sat down and took out his phone. Rey watched him poke at it with his thumb for a minute.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” she asked tersely.</p>
<p>“I wanna show you something,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey waited.</p>
<p>“Remember Simon from Ada's sound crew?” asked Ben.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well, he wanted us to do a cover of a Portishead song,” Ben said. “He brought it up a few times, actually.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well, I think we should do this one,” Ben said.</p>
<p>He held up his phone and tapped the screen to play the music video for <em>Over. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I can't hold this day / Anymore / Understand me / Anymore<br/>To tread this fantasy, openly / What have I done / Ooh this uncertainty, is taking me over</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>I can't mould this stage / Anymore / Recognize me / Anymore<br/>To tread this fantasy, openly / What have I done / Ooh this uncertainty, is taking me over<br/>Is taking me over</em>
</p>
<p><em></em><br/>To tread this fantasy, openly / What have I done / Ooh this uncertainty, is taking me over<br/>Is taking me over / Is taking me over</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, wow...” Rey said. “Over? Are you trying to tell me something?”</p>
<p>She laughed, but a dagger of fear hit her in the chest.</p>
<p>“It's either that or <em>Sour Times</em>,” Ben said. “We can try both and see what ends up sounding the best.”</p>
<p>“All right. Right now?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said.</p>
<p>They tried, but Ben left that afternoon before they got anywhere. Rey hoped that he would return the next day in a better mood.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Truth Hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben was only in town for two weeks, and then would be returning home for Thanksgiving. Rey would not see him again until after the New Year, when they began their tour of the west coast. Her first baby shower, thrown by Finn's family, would coincide with the end of the tour in February.</p>
<p>They struggled to work together. At first Ben fought her at every turn. As the days wore on, he became increasingly apathetic about the whole process.</p>
<p>On the two evenings Finn came in to film as they recorded their first music in the home studio, Ben managed to pull himself together. They picked <em>The One</em> and <em>At the Sacred Heart, </em>at Finn's urging. Rey was amazed that Ben agreed to allow Finn to film the process of helping him sing in French – even if he only agreed to it for a few minutes.</p>
<p>Two days before Ben was due to leave Nashville, Rey finally confronted him. They were still working on <em>Keeping Time</em>, making glacial progress despite Rey feeling the song was practically complete the first time Ben played it for her.</p>
<p>“Ben, what's wrong?” Rey asked, after they stood in silence for five minutes while he stared at the page in front of him, tapping his pencil every few seconds in thought. He stopped tapping and twirled the pencil once in his hand.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he asked.</p>
<p>“You can't stand to be in the same room as me anymore,” Rey said, her heart beating faster. “You're fine when anyone else is around, but we've been totally off since your second day here. You're either fighting me or acting like you don't care at all. Why?”</p>
<p>Ben just stared at her, his hands resting on his legs, his head slightly bowed, and his hair in his face.</p>
<p>“What do you want from me, Rey?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I want to know where you've gone, because this isn't you,” she said. “This isn't us.”</p>
<p>“What are we besides two people who disagree a lot but manage to make great music anyway? Isn't that what we've always been?” Ben asked tiredly.</p>
<p>“Can't we be friends?” Rey begged.</p>
<p>Ben scoffed and said, “Friends don't hold back. Are you sure you want to hear what I think?”</p>
<p>“Of course I do,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Okay. I think you're going to realize you're marriage isn't as solid as you pretend once that baby comes. I've been there,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey's mouth opened in surprise, but Ben was not finished.</p>
<p>“Does anyone else in your life know the truth? That he cheated? Do they know that the only reason you're having this baby with him is that I wouldn't leave my wife?”</p>
<p>Rey could only continue to gape at him, speechless at his words.</p>
<p>“No. They don't know you like I do,” Ben continued. “But hell, I don't even know if you really believe that you're happy with Finn,” he added.</p>
<p>“I <em>am</em> happy with Finn!” Rey interjected. “I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I love him, and I love having him as our manager, and I agree with him that our music needs to change.”</p>
<p>Ben looked away.</p>
<p>“Are you trying to stifle my ideas on purpose? Is it some kind of self-sabotage? To end Second Song?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben shook his head at the opposite wall.</p>
<p>“That's what you think?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey did not reply.</p>
<p>“I'm not against trying new things, but like I've been sayin', almost daily now – I don't like the direction we're headed. If we're going to experiment, you have to trust me. Let's do some real diggin' in the roots of the sound that got us to where we are now. You want to move toward the stuff all the indie pop artists are doing, but that's just not us. Well, it's not me,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Isn't there some way we can do a little of both?” Rey asked optimistically.</p>
<p>“Maybe there is,” Ben relented, but still unconvinced. “But leave Finn out of it. He's chasing success, not good music.”</p>
<p>Rey bristled at his words, even though they rang true. Perhaps she was more protective of Finn now that he would soon be the father of her child. She cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Ben, I have to say one more thing,” she said.</p>
<p>His apprehensive face pulled at her resolve.</p>
<p>“This is the last time I ever want to talk about Paris. We were both in bad place, and there was a lot of wine involved, so let's bury it for good. When I forgave Finn and we talked about kids I guess I got scared when he said we should start trying. I was expecting him to put it off for a few more years. Thank god you're the man that you are and we did the right thing.”</p>
<p>Ben looked unhappily down at his hands.</p>
<p>“We did the right thing,” Rey repeated. “I'm telling you that I'm happy. Please believe me.”</p>
<p>She gently placed her palm over his clasped hands.</p>
<p>“You were right. I'm glad I didn't give up becoming a mother,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey pulled her hand back and added, “Even though it does scare me, some days.”</p>
<p>Ben said, “You should be scared. Raising kids ain't easy.”</p>
<p>“So I hear,” Rey nodded.</p>
<p>Their last day of work together was almost as good as the first had been. Rey hoped the truce would hold through the spring. Rose called Rey the day Ben left Nashville.</p>
<p>“Hey, Rey, are you free tomorrow?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I am, what do you have in mind?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Well, you said that you need to go shopping before the tour for something to wear on stage,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“I do,” Rey said. “I doubt any of my dresses will fit by February.”</p>
<p>“Sooo... I also need a dress to wear to a wedding. We should have a girl's day, just us,” said Rose.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said easily. “You convinced me.”</p>
<p>“Well, actually, I was hoping to convince you to stay the night here,” Rose said. “I'm playing a little gig at the farmer's market the next morning.”</p>
<p>“Of course, that sounds wonderful,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Great,” Rose said. “Want to meet for brunch tomorrow to kick off the weekend?”</p>
<p>Rey relayed her plans to Finn that evening.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to get anything at the farmer's market for your Thanksgiving spread?” she asked.</p>
<p>Finn's family was traveling to Nashville for Thanksgiving, and he was preparing the meal.</p>
<p>“Mmmm, I'll give you the grocery list, get whatever you can find there. And some decorations?” he said.</p>
<p>They never decorated the house for Thanksgiving, since they were rarely in town for the holiday.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“What's Damion doing while you ladies are having your girl's day?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Working, I assume,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Do you know if they're traveling for Thanksgiving?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“I think so,” Rey said. “If they aren't, we should invite them to ours.”</p>
<p>“I agree,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey's mood was bright the next morning as she drove into the city. She turned on the radio and for the first time in months she sang something other than her own music.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Were you lying all the time? / Was it just a game to you? / But I'm in so deep</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You know I'm such a fool for you / You've got me wrapped around your finger</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do you have to let it linger? / Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, I thought the world of you / I thought nothing could go wrong / But I was wrong, I was wrong</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey stopped singing and changed the station. Rose met her at their favorite brunch spot within walking distance from her apartment – a small cafe and bakery painted bright daisy yellow, called <em>Wildflour</em>.</p>
<p>“All right, spill,” Rose said, as she sipped her iced coffee.</p>
<p>“Ah... spill what?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling about all of this?” Rose asked. “The baby? Touring while pregnant? Putting out another album right before you have a baby?”</p>
<p>Rey smiled at her friend and shrugged.</p>
<p>“I'm feeling good about it,” she said.</p>
<p>“Finn isn't pushing you too hard?” asked Rose.</p>
<p>“What? No, if anything he's keeping me from doing too much,” Rey said. “If it were up to me we'd be booking longer tours.”</p>
<p>“Ben wouldn't like that,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“It's a tough situation,” Rey said. “I mean, what would you do?”</p>
<p>“I'd never have four kids,” Rose said raising her glass.</p>
<p>“If you did, though,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rose sighed and said, “I don't know.”</p>
<p>She studied Rey, then asked, “Does he talk to you about it?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Do you think he'll ever leave her?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“I think it's less likely than ever,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rey and Rose both had a successful day. Rey bought a few black maternity dresses to wear on tour, and Rose found an emerald green cocktail dress to wear to the wedding.</p>
<p>“Who's getting married?” Rey asked, as Rose paid.</p>
<p>“My best friend from elementary school, Maya Brooks,” Rose said. “I don't think you've ever met her, but she lives in Austin now.”</p>
<p>“Did she move for a job?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“A job and a man,” Rose said, laughing. “She has been with her fiance, Nathan, for almost seven years. This wedding is a long time coming!”</p>
<p>“What does she do?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, she's an event planner,” said Rose. “Before that she worked in marketing. Actually, you know what? Maya reminds me a lot of Finn. She's never met a stranger.”</p>
<p>The next day, they got to the farmer's market early. The vendors were still setting up as they walked through the stalls. Hearing Rose play as a one-woman act that day made Rey unexpectedly sad. It was so simple and pure to see her friend perform her songs as they were written, with just a guitar and a voice. Rey returned home to Finn with bags full of groceries, fall-scented candles, a hand-crafted pumpkin centerpiece for their table, a wreath made of autumn leaves, and a rustic porch pumpkin made of welded scrap metal painted with burnt orange enamel.</p>
<p>“Rose and Damion are coming to our Thanksgiving,” she told Finn, after giving him a peck on the lips in greeting.</p>
<p>He followed her outside to help carry in the rest of the bags.</p>
<p>“Great,” he said.</p>
<p>“It was so nice to hear her play today,” Rey said. “But it made me miss performing.”</p>
<p>“You will be soon enough,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey hoisted a bag over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“Soon? January?” she asked. “That's almost two months away!”</p>
<p>Finn picked up the rest of the bags.</p>
<p>“At least you'll have the holidays to distract you,” he said. “And you have the studio all to yourself now. Work on something just for you, Rey. Don't think of Second Song<em>.</em> Do something different.”</p>
<p>“Hmm, maybe,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rey did not write anything in November or December, though not for lack of trying. She was stuck in a place where she could not write anything she liked for Second Song, and she could not write anything she liked that went in another direction. It was as if Ben had rewired her brain over their time together, and now her voice and her fingers went automatically to the dark, twisted melodies and haunted, drifting harmonies that had come to define her musical career.</p>
<p>By the time Christmas arrived, Rey ached to be on a stage singing for someone other than herself. She packed her maternity dresses for the road, even though she wasn't showing enough to wear them yet.</p>
<p>Ben arrived the night before they left Nashville, and this time he would stay the night with Rey and Finn. His friend, Jim, who was subletting Ben's Nashville apartment, drove out to the house that night, and would drop them off at the airport in the morning.</p>
<p>Jim was also a musician, and brought his own guitar to mess around in the studio with Ben that evening. Rey sat in the living room with Finn, catching faint sounds of dueling guitars carrying a driving rhythm that was broken up by frequent solos by one or the other musician.</p>
<p>“Where was Jim when we were looking for a second guitarist?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I think he's the one Ben said was in California playing in Lenora Swannoe's band,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” was Finn's thoughtful reply.</p>
<p>“I hope you aren't thinking of replacing any of our band members,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“They're all probably wondering if we'll ever ask them to tour again,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Second Song was touring solely as a duo until after their next album release, which also meant after the baby and a long break. Rey gave in to her curiosity and went to sit in the studio. After a few minutes, the guys stopped playing and both began playing around lightly on their guitars, chatting idly.</p>
<p>“Do you guys still drive yourselves around to all the tour stops?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“We haven't for some time with the big summer tour, but yes,” Rey said. “We travel light.”</p>
<p>Finn, however, had other ideas this time around. When they got off the plane in San Diego and went to find their luggage, a stranger was holding a sign that said, “Finn Strommand &amp; Co.”</p>
<p>Rey turned to give her husband a confused look.</p>
<p>“Honey, why is there a man holding a sign for us?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Because I have a surprise for you two,” he replied.</p>
<p>Rey looked at Ben and quirked an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Did you hear that?” she said. “A surprise.”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Ben said, looking far less excited than Rey.</p>
<p>Finn shook the hand of the man holding the sign, who introduced himself as Ernest, then led them outside to the parking deck. He stopped abruptly next to a line of parked tour buses and looked at Finn.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas, Second Song<em>,” </em>Finn said, gesturing to the tour bus closest to them.</p>
<p>Rey stared first at the bus, then at her husband. Then, she looked over at Ben with apprehension.</p>
<p>“The bus?” she asked. “Finn, you got us a <em>tour bus</em>?”</p>
<p>“Come see it,” Finn said, gesturing for them to follow him as he started off in the direction of the tour bus. Ernest handed him the keys.</p>
<p>Ben lagged behind Rey as they followed. Finn opened the door and held it for them to enter. Rey stepped inside and could not help smiling as she looked around. The bus was beautiful inside, with plenty of lighting and a cozy, well-designed kitchenette and seating that led back to a curtained-off area.</p>
<p>“Bathroom?” Rey asked, pulling the curtain aside.</p>
<p><br/>“Oh, nice...” she said.</p>
<p>There was a bathroom in front of a bunk area with four beds. Ben's hair touched the top of her head as he peeked over her. He quickly backed away. She turned around.</p>
<p>“What do you think?” she asked Ben.</p>
<p>He leaned on the wall that separated the front of the bus from the back.</p>
<p>“It's real nice,” he said.</p>
<p>“Won't it be great to get some real sleep on the road?” Rey asked. “No more car napping.”</p>
<p><br/>Ben nodded.</p>
<p>“So, are we driving this thing all the way home?” he asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Only if you want to,” Finn said. “What do you think, Rey? You up for a cross-country road trip?”</p>
<p>“In here?” Rey asked, looking around. “Sure.”</p>
<p>“Well, let's load up the bus and head out,” Finn said, grinning at her.</p>
<p>The tour started off well enough. The first shows were a dance of figuring out which of their many old and new songs to showcase and in what order. They also had to get used to being the only two people on the stage again. The stage had always been sacred between them, no matter what was going on in their personal lives, but slowly, in increments that passed unnoticed, something changed. By February, Rey began to feel alone in front of the crowds.</p>
<p>At first, it only happened every now and then – she would look over at Ben in the middle of a song, and even if he was looking back it was like staring at the face of a tired stranger. Rey would be caught remembering the hundreds of times they'd sung that particular phrase in the past. She'd remember the many slight smiles, the tiny lift of his chin, the crinkle of his eyes as she hit a run perfectly, placing their counter melodies just so in rising crescendo... and Rey would falter. All it took was Rey missing a well-practiced cue on stage, and Ben would snap out of it.</p>
<p>Near the end of the tour, Rey tried to talk to him about those odd moments on stage. They sat in the front of the bus together as Ernest drove them to the next city after a show on Friday night. Finn was sleeping in the back. Ben slouched in the bench seat with his phone, staring absently at the screen. Rey made a cup of tea with honey to soothe her voice after a long show.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she said, whispering even though Finn had put in his earplugs to sleep.</p>
<p>Ben did not seem to hear her.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she repeated, a little louder.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” he asked, frowning at his phone before putting it down on his lap.</p>
<p>“I don't know how to ask this, but...” she began. “What is happening on stage lately?”</p>
<p>Ben folded one leg and threw his arm over his knee.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I mean, where do you go?” Rey asked. “Sometimes it's like you just... I don't know... like you turn into someone else up there. Like you're looking at me but you don't recognize me.”</p>
<p>Ben just stared at her.</p>
<p>“You have to know what I'm talking about,” Rey said. “I know you do.”</p>
<p>“All I know is that you've been missing things we nailed down a long time ago,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey's temper rose.</p>
<p>“It's because you aren't yourself on stage and it's been throwing me off.”</p>
<p>“I don't know what that means,” Ben said. “I'm doing what we always do up there.”</p>
<p>“No, you're not,” Rey said. “You're distracted.”</p>
<p>“I guess I'm just tired,” Ben said. “Some nights I'm just tired, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Tired of what? Me? The band?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Just tired,” Ben repeated with a sigh. “I'm an old man now, remember?”</p>
<p>Rey scoffed at his answer and shook her head.</p>
<p>“Stop saying that,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben grunted.</p>
<p>“You'll say it too the day you hurt your back just by sleeping wrong,” he grumbled.</p>
<p>He stared out the partially-curtained window into the dark sky.</p>
<p>“Well, whatever's going on, I miss you,” Rey said. “I wish you'd tell me.”</p>
<p>Ben glanced at her.</p>
<p>“No, you don't,” he said gruffly, picking up his phone again.</p>
<p>Rey sipped her tea in silence, then went to lay down in her own bunk. Her stomach was beginning to grow noticeably now, and every week her body felt different. She tried to convince herself it was the pregnancy hormones making her feel as if Ben was suddenly a different person.</p>
<p>Ben flew home to South Carolina at the end of the tour, but Rey and Ben drove their tour bus from Phoenix to Nashville. It took them a week, with a few stops along the way. Neither of them heard from Ben until the week before their next tour – the second week of March. Ben called Finn to ask what time they planned to leave the following Thursday. Rey did not speak to Ben until they were loading their bags onto the bus.</p>
<p>“Are you flying home for Easter?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Nah,” he said. “Soph and her parents are taking the kids to Florida for spring break this year.”</p>
<p>“You don't want to join them?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>Ben shook his head and said, “They're going to Disney. I hate theme parks.”</p>
<p>“Your kids will love it, though,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Well, most of them will,” Ben said. “Elle wanted to stay home with a friend.”</p>
<p>“Is she?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“No. She's bringing the friend along,” Ben replied. “Lucky kid is getting my spot on the trip.”</p>
<p>He cracked a half-smile for a second.</p>
<p>Rey said, “Elle will end up having a great time.”</p>
<p>“I hope so.”</p>
<p>“So, how are things?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Things are fine,” Ben said, pulling his guitars out of his car.</p>
<p>He carried them to the bus and disappeared inside, while Rey stood watching him. Finn came around the other side of the bus with his own bags.</p>
<p>“You got everything?” he asked Rey.</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>“All right. Let's go,” Finn said, breaking into a smile.</p>
<p>Finn was always in the best of moods when they started a tour. This time he was the only one. Rey was too busy wondering if this would be their worst tour yet. So far, she was dealing with the pregnancy well, but she was under no illusions that being on a stage performing for a couple of hours might change that soon enough. Finn had insisted that she bring a few pairs of flat shoes, even though Rey intended to wear her tall wedges for as long as possible. Fatigue and forgetfulness hit her unexpectedly at times, though Rey hated blaming anything on 'pregnancy brain'.</p>
<p>Besides her own concerns, Rey worried about Ben. Would the Ben she knew return to the stage this time around? Nobody in the audience was likely to realize that Ben wasn't quite himself. If Finn noticed, he did not mention it. Rey kept her observations to herself. Finn did not need another reason to assume Ben would take a break from touring and never return. He was already pitching Rey ideas for her future solo career.</p>
<p>“Finn, stop!” Rey finally said one night.</p>
<p>They were laying awake together on a hotel bed after showering and ordering pizza. It was their third pizza that week, due to it being Rey's current pregnancy craving.</p>
<p>“I refuse to keep talking about what I'm going to do if Ben leaves,” she said. “I want Second Song to have a long career. I'm not interested in being a solo act right now.”</p>
<p>“You could carry it, Rey. Don't doubt yourself,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I don't doubt myself. I know I could do it, Finn, but I don't want to,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Think of all the things you could do musically without him holding you back,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“He's not... he's...” Rey struggled.</p>
<p>“He makes me fight for the changes, but I think that's a good thing,” she said. “If I want to convince him, I have really believe in it. And besides, I like a challenge.”</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the rest of the tour seemed to suggest that Finn might be right. Ben was increasingly absent while performing, and increasingly irritable while off the stage. His depressive mood from the previous tour was replaced with terse, sharp replies whenever forced to hold a conversation with Rey. They spent most of their time together in stony silence, and Rey felt every minute of it painfully. It was as if they were trapped in a sealed tomb together, slowly suffocating with every silent breath.</p>
<p>They did not write anything. Rey tried, and she often saw Ben hunched over his journal with an unmoving pen, but the tension between them sat heavy on their spirits and killed all inspiration. There was something deeply wrong with Ben – something pulling him under so hard and fiercely that anytime Rey offered an olive branch he yanked it from her hands and pulled it under with him.</p>
<p>Then, finally, Rey found him in a vulnerable moment. They were in New Orleans for a few days, and had a show the next evening. Finn was editing their latest video and was terrible company. When she saw Ben leave for one of his walks, Rey followed him.</p>
<p>“Ben, wait!” she called.</p>
<p>He stopped and turned around.</p>
<p>“What are you doing, Rey?” he asked, the wind whipping his hair.</p>
<p>“Can I join you?” she asked. “Finn's going to be glued to his laptop for a few hours.”</p>
<p>Ben lifted his hands and let them fall back down.</p>
<p>“You don't even know where I'm going,” he said.</p>
<p>“Do you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No,” he said.</p>
<p>“That's okay,” Rey said, a little out of breath. The pregnancy was already starting to affect her lung capacity, and she still had a few months to go.</p>
<p>“You sure you're up for it?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“Of course I am. Walking is good for me.”</p>
<p>Ben just shook his head.</p>
<p>“Lead the way,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben began walking slowly, which Rey appreciated. After nearly ten minutes of silence, Rey cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“I'm still worried about you,” Rey said, trying to look at him through her hair as the wind swept it into her eyes and mouth. She pulled it behind her head and tucked it into her collar.</p>
<p>“Stop worrying about me, Rey,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“I can't,” she said, stopping and lightly touching his arm.</p>
<p>He crossed his arms away from her reach and avoided her eyes.</p>
<p>“This is just the way I am,” he said. “I'm not all sunshine and rainbows.”</p>
<p>Rey smiled and said, “I'd never expect you to be.”</p>
<p>“Well... good,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>Ben kept walking, and Rey followed.</p>
<p>“Have you ever...” she trailed off, thinking better of her question.</p>
<p>“Have I ever what?”</p>
<p>“Ah, have you ever you know? Talked to someone about it? A doctor?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“A doctor?” he frowned.</p>
<p>“Well, yeah. I know you and Soph went to therapy, but have you ever talked to someone yourself?”</p>
<p>Ben did not answer for a block or so.</p>
<p>“You think I need a shrink,” he said scornfully.</p>
<p>“I don't know what you need,” Rey said. “I just want to help.”</p>
<p>“Well, you can't,” Ben said.</p>
<p>They walked into a vintage music store that was housed in an old, restored mansion with a wrap-around porch. Rey suspected it had been Ben's intended destination all along. Inside, they went separate ways, and Rey found Ben an hour later upstairs. He was holding a record and staring out of the large bay window at the top of the staircase.</p>
<p>“Find something good?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he muttered, glancing down at the cover.</p>
<p>Rey went to sit down on the cushioned seat under the window.</p>
<p>“Have you been here before?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Ben silently began perusing the shelves again, and it was Rey's turn to stare out the window. The baby moved suddenly, and Rey could not help touching her belly with a soft, 'oh!' that made Ben turn to look at her.</p>
<p>“The baby's kicking me,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben looked away. After he paid for his purchases and they left the shop, Ben broke the silence again.</p>
<p>“Do you know what it is?” he asked, glancing down at her waist.</p>
<p>Rey blinked at him and asked, “The baby?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“We decided we don't want to know until the birth,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben said. “Okay.”</p>
<p>They did not speak again that night. Rey hoped it would be enough to turn the last week of the tour around for them, but the change in Ben was minimal. He seemed to make an effort to connect with her on stage, but otherwise he kept to himself, hiding in the back of the bus and disappearing as soon as his obligations for the shows were done. They would meet again in a few weeks to record their album, but Rey did not look forward to the process. Ben was difficult in the studio even in the best of moods. More and more, Rey felt she was holding together the broken shards of a dream with her bare hands.</p>
<p>Rose and Damion were at Rey's home frequently over the next weeks, helping Rey and Finn finish the nursery, listening to Rey and Rose play and sing together in the music studio, and taking turns cooking – which was now a fierce competition between the men.</p>
<p>“It's so good to spend time with you again,” Rose said one evening, while Finn and Damion were in the kitchen creating another wonderful meal.</p>
<p>Rey and Rose were in the living room. Rose was drinking iced tea in solidarity with Rey, who missed her wine.</p>
<p>“It is good,” Rey said. “I've missed you these past couple of years.”</p>
<p>“Well, you're living the dream,” Rose said. “I can't say I'm not a little, tiny bit jealous.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and held her belly.</p>
<p>“To be clear, I'm jealous of the band's success, not the baby,” Rose said, laughing as well. “I'm not going to change my mind about the no baby thing.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn't expect you to,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I will be happy to be the fun 'aunt', though,” Rose said. “I can't wait to meet her.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed again. Rose was convinced that the baby was a girl. She claimed her intuition was never wrong, and that she'd guessed all her friend's babies correctly so far.</p>
<p>“This kid will have traveled more than me before it's in kindergarten,” Rose said. “You're still planning to take her on tour, right?”</p>
<p>“That's the plan,” Rey said. “The shows must go on!”</p>
<p>“Do you think Ben will resent that? Seeing you with a family on the road while he's missing his?”</p>
<p>“I'm sure it won't be easy for him,” Rey said. “You know, Elle is old enough that she could tag along for some of it – over the summer, school breaks.”</p>
<p>“Would her mother allow it?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head and said, “I doubt it.”</p>
<p>“That's too bad. If she's interested in music it would be a great experience for her.”</p>
<p>Before she knew it, Rey was eight months pregnant and back in the studio, shaking Poe's hand and hugging the band members she had not seen in months. Then, just as suddenly, it seemed she was spending most of her days arguing with Ben and her husband about how and when they should include the band in the mix for the album.</p>
<p>Rey's vocals were not quite what they used to be, before the baby bump. It took her more breaths, more careful planning, and more breaks to get through a recording session. Ben seemed to become more frustrated with her by the hour, and more annoyed with the entire process by the day.</p>
<p>Still, Rey did not break down in the face of their fractured working relationship until the day she was into the studio bathroom for one of her many pee breaks of the day, and overheard Sadie talking to one of the sound technicians as she walked in.</p>
<p>“I'll be surprised if they make it through the album,” said Sadie.</p>
<p>She opened the stall closest to the door. Rey was all the way at the far end, and the women did not notice her presence. Heather, the other woman, stood at the sink and fixed her hair in the mirror.</p>
<p>“Was it this bad last year?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Sadie said, over the sound of her own pissing. “They were writing a song a day, sometimes more.”</p>
<p>“Well, something happened. They can't stand to be in a room together,” Heather said. “I've never seen two people who seem to hate each other make such gorgeous music together.”</p>
<p>“Nah, they don't hate each other,” Sadie said, her words lost in the sound of the toilet flushing.</p>
<p>“He hates her,” Heather insisted. “He won't even look at her.”</p>
<p>“Mmmm, I dunno,” Sadie said, washing her hands. “I don't think that's it. Ben is a good guy. He doesn't hate her.”</p>
<p>“If you say so,” Heather said.</p>
<p>The women left, and Rey immediately began crying into her hands, still sitting on the cold toilet seat. She did not tell Finn that the other musicians and techs were talking. She was certain her husband already knew the gossip.</p>
<p>A few days later, it was just Rey and Ben in the studio for the day. They were set to work on vocals together. Rey asked Finn to take the day off. His presence would only make the inevitably tense and tedious process slower. However, it did not seem to matter that Finn was not there to offer his opinions. Ben glared at the walls from the start, seeming to look anywhere and everywhere in the room but at Rey as they tried to sing together. When Poe offered to try having them record their parts separately, in a desperate attempt to diffuse the tension in the room, Ben refused.</p>
<p>“We aren't doing that.We sing together, that's how this works,” he said, gesturing forcefully between himself and Rey, his voice louder and harsher than Rey was used to hearing.</p>
<p>She winced, and saw that Poe gave her a look of sympathy.</p>
<p>“All right, all right,” Poe said. “Rey, do you agree with Ben?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I do,” Rey said, nodding. “We need to sing it together, or it won't sound like us.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Poe said. “Let's, ah, take a break. Back in fifteen, guys.”</p>
<p>He left, looking exhausted. Rey couldn't blame him. Ben was pacing beside her. Rey fell into her chair.</p>
<p>“Ben, let's get out of this room for a minute and talk,” she said.</p>
<p>“I'm really not in the mood for a talk,” he said.</p>
<p>“I know, but it's either talk to me now or we stop working for the day,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben gave her a hard look, but stopped pacing and gestured at the door.</p>
<p>“Where?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Well, our bus is parked outside,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben walked behind Rey all the way out to the parking lot and onto the bus. They sat down opposite one another without speaking.</p>
<p>“So, what do you want to talk about?” Ben asked stubbornly after a while.</p>
<p>“How am I supposed to know? You're angry with me, but I don't know why. Everyone thinks we hate each other. I don't hate you, Ben, so what is it? I want to go back to making music together, not just going through the motions. How can you hate me so much that you won't even look at me? Please tell me so I can fix it.”</p>
<p>Ben just stared at the floor, mute. Rey cursed as her eyes welled up.</p>
<p>“Nothing?” she asked, sadly. “I can't believe we're here right now.”</p>
<p>Ben slumped over the narrow ledge of the window, his forehead in his hand. The warm air in the bus grew thicker between them.</p>
<p>“You're right. I can't look at you anymore. But it's not because I hate you,” he said. “It's because I hate myself.”</p>
<p>“Wh – ?”</p>
<p>“I can't look at you because every time I do you're closer to having that kid, the one you wouldn't be having if I could go back to Paris and tell you to leave Finn.”</p>
<p>Tears began to leak down Rey's face as he continued.</p>
<p>“I love you, Rey. When I came back to Nashville I hoped it wasn't too late to change my mind. But then...”</p>
<p>“I told you I was pregnant,” Rey choked out.</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“I can't be around you without feeling like the scum of the earth. I hate feeling this way. I hate seeing you happy and about to start a family with Finn, and I hate that I even have that thought in my head.”</p>
<p>Ben sighed.</p>
<p>“Now that we've established that I'm the worst, you see why I can't stay,” he said.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said. “No, don't... we have to at least finish the album.”</p>
<p>“I can't,” he said. “I've been draggin' myself into this studio on two hours of sleep. I can't sleep, can't think straight, can't do anything but wish I was as far away from you as possible.”</p>
<p>Rey tried to hold in a sob unsuccessfully.</p>
<p>“Tell everyone it's my fault we broke up,” he said. “Tell them I didn't want to tour, didn't like the new music, didn't like the fame, didn't get along with Finn... there's truth to all of that.”</p>
<p>Rey shook her head, and tried to protest, but her throat ached and refused to allow her to speak.</p>
<p>“Finn already booked our next U.K. tour in the fall. We'll have to cancel it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>It was not what she wanted to say. Ben gave her a long, sad look. He stood up and held out a hand to her. Rey let him pull her up off the bench seat. Ben brushed her hair back from her face, pulling it from her tear trails. She continued to cry as he kissed her forehead.</p>
<p>“Why?” Rey asked. “Why did you reject me if this is how you felt?”</p>
<p>“Because I'm a stubborn, self-defeating son-of-a-bitch,” Ben said grimly. “I always have been.”</p>
<p>“You don't have to leave,” Rey insisted miserably.</p>
<p>“Are you gonna leave the father of that baby?” he asked sternly.</p>
<p>Rey could see both beaten-down hope and self-loathing in his eyes.</p>
<p>“No,” whispered Rey, blinking through her tears.</p>
<p>“Then I'm going home, where I belong,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“That's not where you belong,” Rey said. “You're meant to be on a stage, Ben.”</p>
<p>“I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hating myself for wantin' you. I'll be all right, eventually, and hopefully I can become a better man and father. Good luck on your solo career. As for me... I think I'm done writing music for good.”</p>
<p>Ben lifted her hand. The brush of his lips and scratch of his chin was his goodbye. He left without another word. Rey sat trying to dry her tears for a while before she dared to leave the bus. When she did, she saw that Ben's car was gone. Rey went inside to find Poe and tell him the news.</p>
<p>“He what?!” Poe asked in shock. “He's <em>quitting</em>? I thought when he said he was done, he meant for the day!”</p>
<p>“No. He's gone for good,” Rey said. “That's it, Poe. No album.”</p>
<p>Poe hugged her.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, there will be an album, dear,” he said. “We have enough to put something out.”</p>
<p>Poe led Rey to his office, where she called Finn and told him the news.</p>
<p>“I can't believe that bastard couldn't wait until the end of the month,” was Finn's response.</p>
<p>Finn handled the loose ends while Rey worked with the studio to put together an album from the music they'd recorded at Space Man and in their living room sessions at home. A few weeks later, Finn met with Ben to negotiate the end of their working relationship. Rey did not go with him.</p>
<p>Shortly after the album was released, titled simply, <em>Second Song</em>, Finn cancelled all of their future tour dates. The uproar was immediate and overwhelming. Rumors flew online and on radio talkshows. Rey did as Ben said, and blamed him for the sudden break-up of the band. Finn insisted that she take a couple of interviews to give an explanation on her own behalf.</p>
<p>“Today we have Rey McNowan, formerly of Second Song, the indie-folk duo that recently took the world by storm. Welcome, Rey, it's great to have you with us,” said her host, Paul Pavin, in her first interview post break-up.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Paul,” she said.</p>
<p>“So, let's jump right in – I'm sure everyone listening is wondering what happened. The official release said 'irreconcilable differences'. We've spoken a little already about it, and I know you can only tell us your side. So... why is Second Song no more? We were all taken by surprise here.”</p>
<p>“Well, it took us by surprise, too,” Rey said. “Or, at least me. I can't speak for Ben, but I know that up until it came time to work on putting the last album together, I planned on having years and years together as a duo. Neither one of us wanted to end it, but I think he... he decided he had to step back and once that decision was made there was no point in dragging it out.”</p>
<p>“So, the decision was all Ben's? You were blindsided?”</p>
<p>“A little bit, yeah,” Rey said. “There were signs, you know. Disagreements about the direction we wanted to go musically, and he's got a large family and young kids, which made it difficult to tour so much. That put a lot of stress on him. I'm sure you've seen some of our old interviews...”</p>
<p>“I think I've seen all of them, actually,” Paul laughed. “Preparing for today.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Rey laughed, too. “Well, Ben always said that touring was a double-edged sword for him.”</p>
<p>“Right, and your husband was the band's manager, so being away from family wasn't an issue for you,” Paul said.</p>
<p>“Yes. So, you know, Ben has always been ambivalent about the fame aspect of all this, and it happened so quickly for us,” she continued, not sure where she was going, trying to stick to the script.</p>
<p>“I see,” Paul said. “Interesting. You said the decision was made while you were recording your last album? Can you tell us any more about that?”</p>
<p>“About the album, or why it happened at that time?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Ah, both,” Paul said.</p>
<p>“Sure. I don't know what you know about making an album, but...”</p>
<p>Paul laughed.</p>
<p>“It's stressful,” Rey said. “Other people start getting involved in the work. If there's already some tension there, it will be amplified during the process. More opinions get thrown around.”</p>
<p>“It's a lot,” Paul said.</p>
<p>“It is a lot to navigate,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Was it a straw that broke the camel's back situation?” Paul asked.</p>
<p>“It might have been, I really can't say,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Have you talked to him since the break-up?” asked Paul.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I heard he went completely off-the-grid,” Paul said.</p>
<p>“I believe he did,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Wow,” Paul said.</p>
<p>“So, I've made you talk about Ben Solo enough, let's talk about the future. What's next for Rey McNowan?”</p>
<p>“Well, any day now I'll have a newborn,” Rey said. “That will keep me busy for a while. Then, I'm planning a solo career.”</p>
<p>Paul gave her a few minutes to talk about herself, then ended the interview. Rey did not make it to the second interview, because she went into labor a week early. Their daughter, Darcy Strommand, was born on a Wednesday afternoon during a thunderstorm. Just as they put her daughter into her arms, Rey looked up and saw the sun cutting through the rolling dark skies. Rey did not believe in signs anymore, but it was poetic nonetheless. The relentless exhaustion of new motherhood kept Rey from mourning the loss of Second Songtoo deeply, and out of the storm of the past few years came her daughter to brighten her life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Never Ending Story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey took a long break from songwriting after Darcy arrived – much longer than the break she thought she would take from writing, singing, and touring. A year and a half later, she finally picked up her pen again. The words and the music were elusive, but she was ready to try something new.</p>
<p>Ben disappeared from music just as he had from her life. Rey wondered if he'd finally converted to his wife's beliefs and renounced the worldly ambitions that had taken him away from his family. It was more likely that he got a new phone number so that nobody could harass him about his decision to break up Second Song<em>. </em>Rey knew that the moment she launched her solo career it would be all anyone would want to talk about in interviews.</p>
<p>Darcy was three years old when Rey's next album, <em>Flora,</em> was released. When Rey gave her first interview after the album, it was the first time that she heard anything of Ben.</p>
<p>“Your fans are online picking apart your lyrics, looking for references to a certain former songwriting partner,” the host, Rachel, said.</p>
<p>“So I hear,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You have to admit, some of what you've written since the break up of Second Song sounds like a message for Ben Solo. There are strong themes of regret, loss, sadness, loneliness, even a sense of depression, throughout the whole album,” said Rachel.</p>
<p>“Oh, I've been writing depressing songs for years now,” Rey said, laughing. “My happy music phase ended a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“You're talking about your early success as a teen?” asked Rae.</p>
<p>“Yes, I am,” Rey said. “Even back then, those incessantly upbeat lyrics weren't true to myself. It was the image I thought I had to portray when I was young. But then, you get older and you realize there's a lot more power in the messy, dark truths of life.”</p>
<p>“I sense there's a story in what you just said that we don't have time to go into today. So, I'll just ask you this – even if the lyrics themselves weren't written with Solo in mind, would it be accurate to say the overall mood of the album was influenced by the breakup of the duo?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” said Rey. “Songwriters often draw inspiration from personal experiences and the end of Second Song was a major turning point in my life. It took me a long time to get past what happened. It was a shock when he left. There was a lot to unpack emotionally, after such a fast-paced, intensely creative few years working together.”</p>
<p>“Have you spoken to him since the last Second Song album?” asked Rachel.</p>
<p>“No, I haven't,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“So, then, you don't know that he's running an independent recording studio in Greenville, South Carolina?”</p>
<p>“I... didn't,” Rey said, astounded.</p>
<p>Rachel grinned at her triumphantly, clearly glad she had been able to break the news to Rey.</p>
<p>“He's kept it quiet, but Solo and Evan Turner of <em>The Southern Five </em>founded the label together last year,” said Rachel.</p>
<p>“Wow,” was all Rey could think to say. “That's great.”</p>
<p>“So, it seems Solo might be done making his own music,” Rachel concluded. “He's moved on to another role in the industry.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no... I don't think we've heard the last of Ben Solo,” Rey said. “Give it time.”</p>
<p>Rachel grinned again and said, “I'll take your word on it. Let's talk about your new album. After all, that's why you're here!”</p>
<p>“Well, it's called <em>Flora</em>, and it's a little different than what most people might be expecting,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Let's listen to a little of it,” Rachel said.</p>
<p>She played part of Rey's song, <em>The Truth:</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I can't be the only burdened one / I have to stop carrying on / We're all torn down, like fallen angels</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The truth is / You're far from me but my voice is here / I could say so much about you leaving</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But I don't because I'm not / That kind of woman</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a brief pause, Rachel spoke.</p>
<p>“It's definitely a new direction from you, especially to your Second Song fans. What was your inspiration for the change?”</p>
<p>“You know, it really wasn't a huge change for me, in terms of my musical background,” Rey said. “Before I met Ben, I'd never even considered that I might enjoy writing Americana or folk-inspired music. So, if anything, <em>Flora</em> is a return to my own roots, but I'm also reaching for a more modern, ethereal sound.”</p>
<p>“Ethereal is a great word to describe it,” Rachel said. “The whole album makes me feel like I'm floating through a universe – a dark, vast, mysterious, and very feminine universe.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I like that!” Rey said laughing.</p>
<p>“Maybe it's just that I'm used to hearing you sing alongside a male vocalist, but I am really loving the girl power vibes of your latest work,” Rachel said. “You named the album 'Flora' – is that because you feel you've finally come into your own as a songwriter? Blossomed, if you will?”</p>
<p>“Ah...” Rey was still laughing as she considered Rachel's question. “I think that's a fair assumption. I'm so proud of the work, and so excited to continue.”</p>
<p>Finn already knew about Ben and his record label, of course.</p>
<p>“I can't believe you didn't tell me!” Rey exclaimed, her hands on her hips, later that night.</p>
<p>Darcy was asleep for the night, so Rey did not exclaim very loudly.</p>
<p>“Honey, I thought you'd rather not talk about that asshole,” said Finn bluntly, reminding Rey of the many times she'd asked Finn not to bring up Ben or Second Song in conversation.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rey said. “But I thought you'd tell me if there was news.”</p>
<p>Finn shrugged and said, “So, he started a label. He hasn't been writing or recording himself, and apparently says he never will again.” <br/><br/></p>
<p>Rey pressed her hands to her face.</p>
<p>“I can't believe that,” she said. “How could he just stop?”</p>
<p>“Maybe he's coming to terms with the fact that he made the biggest mistake of his career leaving you.”</p>
<p>They sat watching the tv in silence, their ritual after Darcy was down for the night. Rey leaned against Finn's shoulder and pulled her legs under the afghan.</p>
<p>“Did I make the biggest mistake of my career going back to pop music?” Rey asked at the end of the episode.</p>
<p>Finn turned off the tv.</p>
<p>“What? No,” he said. “Your album is perfection.”</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Rey said. “I've been second guessing myself since the release.”</p>
<p>“It's wonderful. You're wonderful,” Finn said, kissing the side of her head.</p>
<p>“Something about it isn't right,” Rey said. “When I'm singing and mixing the music it sounds great. Then I listen to it later and it feels so... cold.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Maybe I should have listened to Poe and gone acoustic with my first solo release,” she said.</p>
<p>“No, it would have been too much like Second Song,” Finn said. “You would never hear the end of people saying 'it's good but it needs Ben Solo'.”</p>
<p>“They're saying that anyway,” Rey said. “Maybe it would have helped to ease them into a new sound instead of jumping in headfirst.”</p>
<p>“Rey, the music is good. The album is good. It was the right decision. Trust me,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey relented.</p>
<p>They sat on the couch together, trying to convince themselves to uncurl from the cushions and go to bed.</p>
<p>“But...” Finn said.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“We could do an acoustic release of a few of the tracks,” said Finn. “It would help you hold onto the old fans looking for more from Second Song.”</p>
<p>“We'll need a great guitarist,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Shouldn't be too hard to find one in Nashville,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“We can record it here, with minimal production,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She was quickly warming to the idea.</p>
<p>“If that's what you want,” Finn said. “You're the boss, now.”</p>
<p>Rey yawned.</p>
<p>“The boss says it's time for bed,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn's idea would not leave Rey alone. Her heart longed to sing to the soft picking of a guitar again. She could not walk past the music room without feeling the ache of loss. She pitched the idea to Rose the next time she was at the house.</p>
<p>“Oh, Rey... are you ready for that?” Rose asked with concern.</p>
<p>“Why wouldn't I be?” Rey asked. “It's been over three years.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Rose said. “You've been refusing to talk about him for three years – refusing to sing anything like what you wrote together.”</p>
<p>“Yes. But I'm ready now,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rose smiled a little and nodded.</p>
<p>“Then, I think it sounds lovely,” she said. “I still listen to your old music all the time. Acoustic suits your voice so well. Actually, I heard something the other day that made me think of you.”</p>
<p>Rose got out her phone and tapped the screen.</p>
<p>“Here it is,” she said. “Listen to this – it's a violin-cello duo – they are incredible.”</p>
<p>She tapped play and they watched a video of the live performance.</p>
<p>“That was gorgeous,” Rey said, smiling when it was over.</p>
<p>“They were in Nashville a few months ago,” said Rose. “It was great show.”</p>
<p>“Why do they remind you of me?” asked Rey, fearing she already knew the answer.</p>
<p>“For years, I've been trying to put my finger on what made the sound of Second Song so magical,” said Rose.</p>
<p>So, it was that, Rey thought.</p>
<p>“When I heard these two play, I realized that your voices were just the human equivalents of a pair of string instruments. The blend, the resonance, the dynamic vibrato, the expression, the range... you both have it all. As I was listening to the concert I could imagine your voices in counterpoint. My god, Rey, it's amazing what you two did.”</p>
<p>Rey sniffed and blinked.</p>
<p>“I know,” she said.</p>
<p>“Oh, I'm sorry,” Rose said. “I'm making you cry!”</p>
<p>She hugged Rey.</p>
<p>“It's okay,” Rey said. “It's part of moving on.”</p>
<p>The problem of moving on followed Rey through the next few years as she found moderate success with her album and embarked on an ambitious solo tour with Darcy in tow.</p>
<p>Once she was old enough, Darcy lived with Finn's parents and went to a nearby private school. Rey and Finn also lived with Finn's parents when they were not on tour or in Nashville working. Rey missed their home. Whenever they returned to the house in Nashville, it felt empty and lonely.</p>
<p>After recording some of her music with nothing but her voice and an acoustic guitar, Rey's mind was made up. Her next album would be a return to the sound that made Second Song famous. For better or for worse, it was now the sound of her soul, and she could not translate it into something else. There was no avoiding the truth Ben had changed her. It seemed the only way forward was to embrace the pain and write as if Ben was singing along with her. So, she did. And the music flowed out of her freely, like blood and tears.</p>
<p>Rey collaborated with various other songwriters and slowly the songs came to life. Finn urged her to record new music as soon as possible, but Rey resisted. Instead, they put together a band and began playing small shows, testing the waters with Rey's new act. The reception was warm and enthusiastic, even outside of Nashville. Rey weathered the storm of renewed interest in the mystery of her past with Ben and Second Song. She pressed on.</p>
<p>As Rey poured her soul back into her music, Ben released an album out of nowhere. Suddenly, his name was out there again. He was picked up for interviews and live sessions by a few of the outlets that had promoted Second Song.</p>
<p>Something changed with Finn while Rey was writing her second album. Perhaps it was an unnamed fear of what her return to the music she made with Ben might mean, or the long evenings he spent occupying their daughter while Rey tinkered with her melodies and rewrote her chords in the music studio. He stepped back. It was the first time in their relationship that Finn was anything short of enthusiastically supportive of her songwriting. His normally constant praise became silence.</p>
<p>“Finn, are you afraid this music is going to ruin my career?” she asked.</p>
<p>It was late one night, and Darcy was asleep. Rey had been working for hours without a break before Finn peeked in to check on her.</p>
<p>“No,” he said.</p>
<p>“But you don't think it's the right decision,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I don't know,” Finn said. “I'd like to hear more of what you did for <em>Flora, </em>instead of going backwards. On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there waiting and hoping for more Second Song. So maybe you're making the right decision.”</p>
<p>“I'm just trying to write the best music I can,” Rey said. “I think this is it, Finn. You know how much I struggled to write for myself, before – ”</p>
<p>Rey stopped herself, but Finn finished the words for her.</p>
<p>“Before Ben,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey looked away.</p>
<p>“I'm going to bed. Are you going to keep working?” he asked.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to say that she was done for the night and join her husband.</p>
<p>Instead, she said, “I have to finish this or I'll never be able to sleep. I'll be up for a while.”</p>
<p>“All right,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey should get up and follow him to the bedroom, but she could not abandon the work. She was in the midst of a writing fervor and must see it through.</p>
<p>By the time Rey was done recording her second album, <em>The</em> <em>Blue Door, </em>Finn was a different person. He was now an accomplished photographer and videographer. Finn managed Rey's career while also running his own media and marketing business. When on tour with Rey he would frequently fly out for meetings, or to oversee a shoot with a client.</p>
<p><em>The Blue Door</em> was recorded at warp speed in May the year Darcy turned seven. Rey was determined to be finished in time to fly to the west coast for her daughter's birthday. With just her vocals and a hard-working band, they recorded all the music for the album in a little over a week. Everything just flowed into place and Rey took it as a sign she was doing what she was meant to do.</p>
<p>Rey and Finn brought Darcy with them on the summer tour and Rey tried not to feel guilty about the many late evenings and frequent sitters her daughter endured. Darcy took after her parents and thrived on challenges and hard work. She was already an overachiever who loved to read and practiced the piano and guitar constantly between lessons.</p>
<p>“Mommy, when can I have singing lessons like you did when you were a kid?” Darcy asked, for possibly the tenth time since the tour began.</p>
<p>They were eating a rare fast food meal in the tour bus one night. Rey gave Finn a look. He wanted to put Darcy in every lesson possible despite her young age, but Rey wanted her daughter to able to enjoy childhood and avoid following in her mother's footsteps as a teen.</p>
<p>“Darcy, your mother is going to be your singing teacher, remember?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but...” Darcy sighed. “She's always working.”</p>
<p>It was Finn's turn to give Rey a look.</p>
<p>“Darcy, I thought you wanted to start dancing with Emma at the academy this year,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I do!” Darcy said. “I want to do both, mommy.”</p>
<p>“Honey, that's a lot of things for a girl to do after school,” said Rey. “You'll be so busy.”</p>
<p>“I know, but I like being busy!” Darcy insisted. “It's more fun that way.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “She's definitely ours.”</p>
<p>Finn just shrugged with a smile.</p>
<p>“We'll see, baby,” Rey said to Darcy. “I promise, one day you'll have all the lessons you want. We'll talk about it again after you've gone back to school and started dancing.”</p>
<p>Rey's daughter played absently with one of her braids and looked down at her half-eaten burger. Her thick, full baby lashes rested on her cheeks.</p>
<p>“I'm full, can I be excused?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure, Sweetie. Go get ready for bed before you start reading,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Allll riiiight,” Darcy said in a sing-song voice, as she slid out of her seat.</p>
<p>“Our kid is a work-a-holic,” Rey said. “What have we done to her?”</p>
<p>“We didn't have to do anything. It's in her genes,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I love our kid,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“She's going places,” Finn agreed.</p>
<p>Rey looked at her husband, the stranger, and finally understood why Ben never left Soph. He had three more reasons than Rey and Finn did to stay together.</p>
<p>In July, Ben released another album. It had taken Rey months to find the courage to listen to his first one when it came out. <em>Accord </em>had been full of melancholy tunes, verses verging on bitterness, brimming with resignation. It was the musical embodiment of Rey's pain after the breakup of the band, and it was devastatingly beautiful work.</p>
<p>The second album was called <em>Burning Wheel, </em>and it was exactly what Ben had wanted Rey to trust him to do with their music all those years ago. He had gone deep into the roots of his country influences, and added to it a floating, otherworldly quality, accomplished with the addition of strings, piano, even a little synth, and country backup vocals against a prominent bass line that ran through every song.</p>
<p>On top of it all was his voice, with it's signature lilting and soaring notes, reaching tender heights, then coming down gently and furiously in turns. His vocals were more dynamic than ever, and he had fully embraced his southern drawl. Rey was able to overlook her dislike for the more twangy instrumentals and backup vocals in the album whenever Ben was singing. His voice brought it all together, as captivating as ever. So captivating, that it took a few listens through the ten tracks for Rey to pay attention to the lyrics.</p>
<p><em>Burning Wheel </em>was a lyrical tribute to classic country themes, or so it seemed to Rey. There were a few narrative songs, which wasn't Ben's usual style. There was a cheating wife song, a break-up song, a coming home song, and a bit ironically on such an retro-inspired album, a political song lamenting how the south was stuck in the past.</p>
<p>Rey's favorites were the songs about longing, ill-advised love, and hurt. A whimsical tune titled, <em>Heart in the Clouds, </em>floated through her thoughts for days<em>:</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>She'll always be drifting away / Just out of reach</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll wait here day after day / For the day she comes down to earth</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Many of the songs were written in a waltzing tempo, and the music rarely fit the mood of the lyrics. Rey pictured Ben sitting on his front porch, no phone, no contact with the world, playing those chord phrases as the sun set and his kids ran wild in the yard. It did not seem unlikely that he'd spent a year doing exactly that each evening, without writing a single lyric.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It's the devil's world / It's a cruel joke / I found your loving heart / And all it's bitter notes</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, it's true / Love ain't always kind</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was tempting for Rey to hear Ben singing to her in the music, but that wasn't fair. If he had any interest in speaking to her again he would have done so years ago. They were just songs about messy human love, like so many songs were, and it had nothing to do with her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I was so cautious / Kept it to myself</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But you looked right through me / Who do we think we're fooling?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When you kiss me / It's heaven and it's hell</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I knew it wouldn't end well</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was hard not not to dwell on the past every time she heard his voice, no matter what he was singing. Listening to <em>Burning Wheel </em>was becoming a penance for Rey.</p>
<p>When Finn was not around Rey watched and listened to all of Ben's interviews. He was promoting his album and his studio in a way that Rey would never have imagined possible for a man who hated doing the work of self-promotion. It seemed that Ben had learned a lot from Finn during their time together.</p>
<p>“I wrote <em>You Had to Be There </em>for my kids when I was starting to feel the pull to get back out on the road and tour again. It's a song about coming home, often too late and missing so much of their lives, and it's about how hard it is to show my love for my family and also to love sharing music with audiences,” Ben said, in one interview.</p>
<p>Rey nodded as the host spoke.</p>
<p>“You've said before that it was the difficulty of managing a touring career while having young kids that ultimately was responsible for your break with Rey McNowan of Second Song,” said the host.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that was a big part of it,” Ben said. “There were other things, of course. As you'll hear in a moment, I've moved in a direction that Rey wasn't prepared to go.”</p>
<p>“Her first solo album after the break supports that,” the host agreed. “But she just released a second album as well, which sounds like a whole-hearted return to your work together.”</p>
<p>“Did she?” Ben asked tersely.</p>
<p>“You didn't know?” the host asked, and Rey could hear his skepticism clearly.</p>
<p>“I've been so busy writing, collaborating, and recording, that I haven't had the chance to hear it. Let's just say that producing music for myself as well as others is more than a full time job at the moment,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“And you've been touring regularly since <em>Accord</em> came out,” said the host. “You've really jumped back into the fray after taking those years off.”</p>
<p>“I did,” Ben said. “It helps that my studio is practically next door to my house.”</p>
<p>Every time Second Song was mentioned in an interview, Rey could hear Ben's annoyance. Interviewers must not have been able to pick up on it, or else they didn't care, because it came up again and again.</p>
<p>Rey had more patience with the fixation on Second Song – after all, they had won a handful of Grammy's over the years, including an unexpected one for their song, <em>Deep Valley.</em> Rey had accepted it without Ben present.</p>
<p>Neither Rey nor Ben had yet reached the level of success they'd achieved together. The break up and a baby had derailed the trajectory of fame they'd been riding. Most listeners knew them from Second Song, and probably did not follow their solo careers at all. There was no avoiding the constant reminders of what they had lost, or that it had been devastating.</p>
<p>Rey agreed with the fans who were still grieving the breakup – they were better together. Ben probably heavily resented that opinion, and any mention of Rey's name, now that he was once again trying to carve out a place for himself. It seemed they would never escape the shadow of their meteoric rise to fame together. The only thing to do was embrace it. Rey had an easier time of it, since she was not the one taking the public blame for leaving.</p>
<p>Still, the relentless curiosity of fans was exhausting.</p>
<p><em>The Blue Door</em> was a greater success than Rey's previous solo work. After the release she was asked to collaborate with both pop and country artists, often to sing duets, and she wrote another song with Skylar Short for a country music charity event called <em>This One's For the Girls</em>.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Rey's marriage was wilting away. They barely spoke about anything except work or their daughter, and even those conversations were becoming fewer and shorter.</p>
<p>Finn stepped so far back as Rey's manager that Rey was essentially managing herself. He still handled the tedious details of booking tours and negotiating contracts, but more and more Rey was the one scheduling interviews, answering emails, returning phone calls, planning photoshoots and promotional events. Finn focused on his other clients, on growing his business, and on Darcy.</p>
<p>Her daughter was right – Rey was always working. Anytime she wasn't gone or in her office making decisions she hoped would advance her career, she was in the studio trying to write. Darcy entertained herself so well that it was easy to forget how rarely they spent quality time together.</p>
<p>Finn was their daughter's chauffeur to her various lessons and, whenever possible, to school and back. He could work from anywhere most days, and he would sit with his laptop in a nearby coffee shop and wait for Darcy's lessons to be over.</p>
<p>The day Finn decided to stay with Darcy and his parents in Seattle while Rey went on tour the following spring, they finally had a real fight.</p>
<p>“Finn, don't walk out that door,” Rey begged.</p>
<p>He already had his bags packed for his flight to Seattle the next day. Rey would meet the band for the start of the tour in two days. He'd decided to sit out the first part of the tour and bought a plane ticket home without telling her. She'd be touring without him for the first time. Darcy had a dance recital and Finn needed a break.</p>
<p>“I'll meet you in Santa Monica,” he said.</p>
<p>“Finn, where are you going?” she demanded to know.</p>
<p>He looked at her blankly, an unnatural look on his usually animated face, but one Rey saw more and more now.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Rey,” he said.</p>
<p>If the band had questions about Finn's unexpected absence, they did not voice them. Darcy called Rey from her new smartphone – an early birthday present from Finn – the day her father left Seattle to rejoin the tour.</p>
<p>“Mom?” she asked when Rey answered, and Rey wondered when 'mommy' had turned to 'mom'.</p>
<p>“Hey, Darcy,” she said. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Just waiting for Grammy to get here,” said Darcy.</p>
<p>It was a school day afternoon, one of the last ones. Darcy stayed after school for piano lessons on Wednesdays.</p>
<p>“What's up?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Nothing. Is Daddy there yet?” asked Darcy.</p>
<p>“No, honey, but he'll be here later tonight. Do you miss him already?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“A little,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>“We'll be back in time for your birthday in a few weeks,” Rey said. “I can't wait to see you. I miss my baby girl.”</p>
<p>“I'm not a baby, mom,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>“I know you're not,” Rey said. “You're getting so tall.”</p>
<p>“Yeah...” Darcy sighed. “Mom?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I heard Grammy and Grandpa talking about something I wasn't supposed to,” she said.</p>
<p>“Oh?” asked Rey. “Well, what did they say?”</p>
<p>“Something about you and Daddy,” Darcy said, her voice turning to a whisper.</p>
<p>“It's okay, Darcy. What did they say?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Grammy said Daddy would get me if you get a di-divorce...” Darcy said, and Rey could hear that she was crying into the phone.</p>
<p>“Oh, Darcy, don't cry,” Rey said. “We're not getting a divorce. Grammy shouldn't have said that.”</p>
<p>“But is it true that – that I'd live with them and Daddy and you wouldn't ever come back?” Darcy whisper-cried, then sniffed loudly.</p>
<p>“No! No, that's not true,” Rey said. “I'll always come back. I love you so, so much, Darcy.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Darcy said shakily. She sniffed a few times.</p>
<p>“Jada's mom and dad got divorced,” she stated.</p>
<p>“I see. Does Jada still get to see both her parents?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Yeah, just not at the same time,” said Darcy unhappily.</p>
<p>“Well, that's not going to happen to you, Darcy,” Rey said. “Don't you worry about me and your daddy, okay?”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“I love you, big girl,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“I love you, too, Mommy,” said Darcy. “Grammy's here.”</p>
<p>“Okay, bye darling,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Bye,” Darcy said quickly, and hung up.</p>
<p>That night, Rey and Finn had another fight, this time about whether he had told his parents he wanted a divorce.</p>
<p>“They asked if we're at that point and I said I didn't know,” Finn repeated. “That's all I said!”</p>
<p>“Why would you even say that? We had a fight, Finn! That's normal. What's not normal is walking out the door and going home to tell your parents we're on the verge of divorce before we even discussed it! Our daughter thinks her parents are breaking up right before her birthday!”</p>
<p>“They know I haven't ever missed a tour with you,” Finn said. “I didn't bring it up. They asked.”</p>
<p>“So, what?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“So, I didn't lie to them,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Well, you should have,” Rey replied. “Or are you saying you don't want to try to fix this?”</p>
<p>“Of course I want to fix our marriage, Rey! I just don't know if we can.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean? We haven't tried yet,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“What do you think will help?” Finn asked. “Another break from touring? You can't do that right now. I know you won't.”</p>
<p>“No, I won't. We can go to counseling,” Rey said. “After this tour is over I won't be back on the road until July. We'll find someone in Seattle and go to couples therapy.”</p>
<p>“You really want to do that?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Well, I don't want to get divorced!” Rey exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>Rey glared at him.</p>
<p>“I don't know if living in my parent's house together while trying to work this out is a good idea,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Well, it will have to work, because I'm not going to tell our daughter that mommy isn't coming home for her birthday,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Finn said.</p>
<p>The rest of the tour with Finn by her side was like smiling her way through a hemorrhaging knife wound. Rey felt drained and corpse-like by the time they arrived in Seattle for their daughter's birthday.</p>
<p>At the birthday party was the following weekend the atmosphere between the adults in the house was tense. Bernice seemed to be watching Rey like a hawk for any signs of a new fight with her son. Charles was not his usual effusive self.</p>
<p>Couples therapy session began that Thursday. Rey felt like she was scheduled to throw herself down a flight a stairs, but she had to try something before giving up on her marriage. Finn wouldn't talk and wouldn't fight, and Rey was not going to get a divorce without knowing exactly why her husband was unhappy.</p>
<p>Finn drove them to the appointment. They did not speak on the way, and they had not said a word to one another since the previous night when they said goodnight to Darcy. They were greeted by Dr. Linda Hawthorne shortly after checking in with the receptionist at the small practice located inside an old stone house surrounded by sprawling shade trees, prettily decorated with window boxes full of cheery yellow and pink flowers.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, Dr. Hawthorne,” said Rey, shaking her hand.</p>
<p>“Please, call me Linda,” said the petite blonde woman with bold, red glasses frames, returning the handshake. “Most people call me Dr. Linda. Come in, have a seat.”</p>
<p>Rey sat down on one end of a low-slung modern sofa, and after a moment of considering the other chairs in the room, Finn joined Rey on the other end.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda picked up a clipboard and settled down in a leather office chair across from them.</p>
<p>“So, welcome, Rey and Finn,” she said. “For our first meeting, I'd just like to get to know each of you. To do that, I'm going to ask each of you to describe the start of your relationship, up until the point that you felt things got difficult.”</p>
<p>She held up a hand and said, “Now, please understand that today I do not want you to talk about anything that led up to the two of you sitting here with me – no past fights, no current fights, no things you should have realized were signs of problems to come. I also don't want to speak for the other person or tell me their part of the story.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda cleared her throat and said, “Start with where you were in life right before meeting, and how the relationship began. Okay?”</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“All right. Just a few things before we start... ah, what are your ages?”</p>
<p>“Thirty-eight,” Rey said, as the same time as Finn said 'forty-four'.</p>
<p>“Okay, and how many children do you have together and if any, how many separately?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“Just one,” Rey said. “Our daughter, Darcy, who's eight.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda wrote on her clipboard and smiled at Rey.</p>
<p>“Rey, you were the one who made the appointment. Would you like to go first?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said, glancing at Finn. He was sitting with his hands clasped.</p>
<p>Rey began the story of her early career, controlling family, and meeting Finn in her darkest hour. She told Dr. Linda that Finn was her rock and that she married her best friend. She said that she had forgiven him completely for his affair during her time touring with Second Song. She finished with Darcy and the rebirth of her career as a solo artist.</p>
<p>“I guess I'll stop there,” Rey said, once again looking at Finn, who had not moved the entire time. “I don't know where it went wrong from there, but it did.”</p>
<p>“Great. Thank you, Rey,” said Dr. Linda. “All right, Finn. Can we hear from you?”</p>
<p>Finn looked up and then cleared his throat. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, hands still clasped, as if talking to close confidant.</p>
<p>“Before I met Rey I was dating a woman who worked in the studio of the label Rey was signed with – her name was Kathleen. We weren't together long, but I met Rey through her. I was so impressed with her voice that I started to call her with career advice because I thought her talent was being wasted with her christian label. We became friends, then started dating when Rey was almost twenty. Rey was such a sweet, loving young woman. She was an old soul with an incredible talent. I fell in love for the first time in my life. I knew I wanted to marry her after a few weeks. Her family disliked me and tried to keep us apart, probably because they realized I was helping Rey remove herself from their influence and any future contracts within the christian music industry. We moved to Nashville together and got married, and Rey's early success allowed her to become a songwriter. She was so good that I knew it was only a matter of time before she was performing her own work. Then, I got her a job that put her in collaboration with Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>Finn stopped talking. Dr. Linda waited, looking at her clipboard, pen poised and still. Rey stared at Dr. Linda, whose eyes finally flicked up to Finn.</p>
<p>“That's when you feel the marriage began to fail?” she asked.</p>
<p>Finn gave a curt nod. Rey breathed deeply and closed her eyes, willing no tears to come.</p>
<p>“Hmm...” Dr. Linda hummed, wrote something, then turned to Rey.</p>
<p>“Rey, you've revealed there's been infidelity in the marriage in the past... but you don't believe that was the point at which the current problems started?” she asked.</p>
<p>“No. We got past that... at least, I thought we did,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“You said that you forgave Finn for his affair. Did you believe he did the same for you?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“I didn't have an affair,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda blinked and Finn made a soft scoffing noise.</p>
<p>“Finn?” asked Dr. Linda. “You don't believe her?”</p>
<p>“I believe her,” Finn said. “She never had sex with Ben Solo.”</p>
<p>“But?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>Finn nodded.</p>
<p>“I knew the first time I heard them sing together that she was going to fall in love with him,” Finn said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. The Loving and the Losing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“All right,” Dr. Linda, and she put down the clipboard.</p>
<p>“Folks, I know there's a lot more to the story. We're going to get there, just not today,” she said.</p>
<p>Rey thought Dr. Linda looked like she might regret taking this case.</p>
<p>“Until next session, I want you to each spend time writing down the things you love most about your partner. Go back to the point in time you each just described to me, before the troubles began in the relationship. Remember that feeling and put every good thing you can remember into words,” she said.</p>
<p>Their faces must have shown their skepticism, because Dr. Linda held up her hands.</p>
<p>“I know it's the last thing you want to do right now, when you're hurting and fighting, but hear me out. If you're going to be able to talk about this with me, you need to come from a common place of love... even if that place is in the past right now,” she said.</p>
<p>It wasn't in the past for Rey, but how could Finn be convinced if he'd made up his mind all those years ago? Dr. Linda made them agree to put a pause on their relationship issues and treat one another as if they were old acquaintances until the next session.</p>
<p>“Don't feel pressured to show affection, but leave the arguments alone. We'll address them next time,” she said, as she ended the session.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to say that would be easy, since it's what they'd been doing for months. Finn rarely argued. He either ignored problems or else convinced Rey to come around to his side of things. Darcy's birthday was a welcome reprieve from the oppressive stillness of the house that week. Francie and Charlie tiptoed around them, and Rey and Finn went about their separate endeavors. Darcy was kept busy and out of the house by summer music camp in the mornings and her friends down the street in the evenings.</p>
<p>There were so many little girls and boys running through the house on the day of the birthday, that Rey wondered if Francie had invited the entire school to the party. It turned out that it was the entire music program, plus Darcy's friends from class.</p>
<p>Mia was there with Miles, who was much older than Darcy, but happy to eat cake and ice cream nonetheless. It was the first time Rey had seen Miles since he was a chubby fifth grader and now he was tall, with awkwardly long limbs and feet bigger than Finn's. Miles occupied Finn and kept Rey from having to find little ways to interact with her husband so that family and guests would not start wondering what they were fighting about.</p>
<p>The next session came soon enough, and Rey had done her homework in her songwriting journal. She carried it in with her to Dr. Linda's office. Finn was empty-handed.</p>
<p>“I'm sure this week was difficult, but I hope you did what I asked... I see you've brought yours with you, Rey,” Dr. Linda noted.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Rey said, smiling nervously.</p>
<p>“I did some homework as well,” Dr. Linda said. “I hope you won't be offended, but I didn't actually know who you are or anything about your music.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no... not offended at all,” Rey said, laughing. “It's not like I'm a household name!”</p>
<p>“So, now I know who you are and who Ben is, and we're going to get into all of that in a minute,” said Dr. Linda. “But first, I want you to tell each other what you wrote down for your homework.”</p>
<p>Rey looked down at her hands clutching her journal for dear life.</p>
<p>“Finn, why don't you go first this time?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>Finn shifted in his seat on the far end of the couch.</p>
<p>“So I want you to start by saying, 'Rey, what I love about you is...',” Dr. Linda prompted.</p>
<p>“Rey, what I love about you is...” Finn repeated robotically.</p>
<p>He paused, cleared his throat and pulled out a notecard from his pocket.</p>
<p>“What I love about you is that you are kind-hearted. You are a beautiful woman and you have a beautiful soul. You aren't afraid to face your fears. You are strong, driven, and ambitious. You are an optimist, even though you can write some sad, depressing music. You keep me from judging others too harshly. You are empathetic toward others. You love our daughter as much as I do.”</p>
<p>Finn stopped and crumpled the card back into his pocket. Without comment, Dr. Linda turned to Rey and nodded. Rey opened her journal and read.</p>
<p>“Finn, what I love about you is that you see things that other people don't. You saw me struggling when I was in a bad place and you helped me through it. I love your energy, your infectious smile, your ambition for me, for our family, for our future together. I love your sense of humor, your wisdom, and your cooking...”</p>
<p>Rey wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and laughed.</p>
<p>“You always said the way to a woman's heart was through her stomach. I love that you're the extrovert to my introvert, and that you don't let me sit in the studio for days without getting out of the house and experiencing the world.”</p>
<p>Rey looked up and said, “And I love that you're such a wonderful father to Darcy.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda let them sit in silence for a few minutes.</p>
<p>“Okay. Now that we're coming from a place of love, let's talk about what went wrong in your marriage. Finn, since you said it all began before Rey started touring with Ben, I want you to tell me more about the things that took you from that point to now.”</p>
<p>Haltingly, as if it was being tortured out of him, Finn told Dr. Linda that he had watched his wife fall in love with another man and pretended it wasn't happening.</p>
<p>“Can you be more specific? What made you believe Rey was falling in love with Ben?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>Finn sighed in exasperation.</p>
<p>“She stopped complaining about him and started defending him... she's always had stage fright but it disappeared with him... they would share a look and an hour later they had another song written about falling in love with the wrong person.”</p>
<p>Rey's jaw dropped and she involuntarily made a sound of disbelief.</p>
<p>“Any other reasons?” Dr. Linda asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Just the way she looks at him,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Okay. Rey, it sounded like you were surprised by what Finn just said – which part was it that surprised you?”</p>
<p>Rey looked at Dr. Linda, then at Finn.</p>
<p>“Finn, you were the one pushing us together. I didn't even want to ask him about starting a band! You told us to flirt onstage to make our act more interesting, and you told me to look at him instead of the audience so I could overcome my anxiety in front of a crowd! If you were worried, why would you do those things?”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda looked at Finn as well and said, “That's a fair question, Finn.”</p>
<p>He held up his hands helplessly and said, “They were meant to sing together. Anyone who heard them knew it immediately. I didn't want her to miss the opportunity to write and sing with Ben. It was the worst thing to do for our marriage but I thought it was worth the risk.”</p>
<p>“So, you thought from the beginning that Rey and Ben might have an affair?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Finn, that's not fair!” Rey said. “You knew we didn't get along. I came home complaining about how difficult he was all the time. Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>“Opposites attract,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“That's not fair,” Rey repeated.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda watched and waited as they sat in silence. Rey stewed in frustration over the maddening way Finn always thought he knew best, even when it meant destroying their marriage for their careers.</p>
<p>“Rey, you said Finn had an affair, but you don't consider that the moment when your current problems started. Why not?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“He had an affair with our photographer. He said it was because he thought I was already unfaithful. With Ben. I forgave him and we moved on. Once Darcy was born, things were good for a while. Then, he just changed. After the first album, he was less involved with my music. He was less supportive. He was always my biggest fan, supporter, and cheerleader, but he stopped being excited about my work, and then he stopped being himself. All of a sudden, it was like I didn't know him anymore, and he doesn't want to fix it.”</p>
<p>Rey took a breath and tried to compose herself.</p>
<p>“It feels like he lost interest in my career, and also lost interest in me. So, I wonder if he ever really loved me, or if I was just one of his great ambitions and now that I've peaked he's bored.”</p>
<p>Rey could not help the few tears that fell, and grabbed a tissue from the box on the end table next to her. Dr. Linda let the sniffling silence sit for a few minutes. Finn spoke before she could probe them with more questions.</p>
<p>“You haven't peaked,” he said.</p>
<p>He wasn't looking at Rey.</p>
<p>“I'm glad you don't think so,” Rey sniffed.</p>
<p>Another minute passed, then Dr. Linda addressed Finn.</p>
<p>“Finn, you look like you want to say something else,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn nodded slightly, his hands under his chin, elbows resting on his knees.</p>
<p>“I hate that you've gone back to the music you were writing with him, and I hate that the new album is so successful because of it. I had to step back because I want to steer you away from the very thing that is going to put you back on the level of success you had with him. Every time I hear you sing something that sounds like Second Song I want to be as far away from you as possible. I just want to move on, Rey, and you won't let me.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda studied Finn, who was looking down at his hands now. Rey wasn't sure if she was supposed to talk yet, but she did.</p>
<p>“I'm not going to stop, Finn. This music is what's in my soul. Nothing else feels right,” she said.</p>
<p>Finn chuckled and shook his head.</p>
<p>“Oh, I know,” he said.</p>
<p>“So, Finn... it sounds like you were actually deeply unhappy in the marriage during the time Rey was working and performing with Ben. Did you communicate these fears and feelings to Rey at that time?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“No,” Finn muttered. “There was no point.”</p>
<p>Rey scowled at her husband and began to open her mouth to speak.</p>
<p>“Hold on, Rey. I want Finn to explain what he means by 'there was no point',” Dr. Linda said calmly.</p>
<p>“If she admitted she was in love with him, it would be the end of the marriage, the band, or more than likely both,” said Finn, shrugging. “There was no point in asking her if anything was going on with Ben, or acting like a jealous husband. It would only ruin everything we had worked so hard for. So, I focused on my wife's career and my own as their manager. That was what really mattered.”</p>
<p>“How can you say that? Our marriage didn't matter to you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I'm a realist,” Finn said, then fell silent.</p>
<p>“Rey, go on. What else do you want to say?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>“I – I don't know,” Rey said. “He acted like he was happy through it all. Up until Damion saw him flirting with another woman at the bar, I didn't suspect a thing. He was just Finn, like always. My husband.”</p>
<p>Rey blinked another tear out of her eye.</p>
<p>“If you thought I was in love with Ben, how could you act like nothing was the matter? How, Finn?”</p>
<p>Finn looked like he might not answer. Rey almost expected him to get up and walk out of the room.</p>
<p>“I wanted you to come back to me when the duo eventually broke up,” Finn finally said. “Ben was never going to be as ambitious as you. I thought the duo was a stepping stone, and one day he'd be gone and you'd be a solo artist again.”</p>
<p>Finn sighed.</p>
<p>“In the beginning, I pushed the two of you together as much as possible because I thought the possibility of an affair with you might interest him enough to keep him on the road as often as we wanted.”</p>
<p>Rey stared at her husband, and the only thing she could think of was Ben saying that he was manipulative. Did Finn have so much faith in his own powers of intuition that he thought he knew the future? Or did he just trust so firmly in his power to control Rey and everyone else? </p>
<p>“That's crazy. You expect me to believe that?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“It's the truth,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Well, since you're telling the truth now... did you ever really think I was sleeping with Ben?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I tried not to think about it,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“You knew better,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda's bracelets clinked softly as she lifted her glass of water to her lips in the following silence.</p>
<p>“Rey? Could you elaborate on that?” Dr. Linda asked. “How did it hurt you when Finn accused you of having an affair?”</p>
<p>“He knows I would never be the other woman,” Rey said. “He knows that I hate how many people in the music industry are cheaters. He knows I wouldn't sleep with a married man. So, he knew I didn't cheat, and he still used it as an excuse to sleep with someone else.”</p>
<p>Rey cried again.</p>
<p>“You knew I didn't, Finn,” she said. “You blamed me for your affair anyway, and I... I forgave you!”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda waited for a few long minutes as Rey slowly composed herself again. Finn sat silently, looking uncomfortable and pensive.</p>
<p>“We have come to the end of our session today,” Dr. Linda said quietly. “This week, I want you to spend time apart. For next time, I want you to write down the things you still want from this relationship and your marriage. Then I want you to make another list, in which you will write down the things you still want from life – regardless of whether this relationship continues.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded and reached for a tissue.</p>
<p>“I want you to think of your separation this week as positive time spent on yourself. Do things you enjoy. Take your daughter on an outing. You're not avoiding your partner out of anger. You are spending necessary time alone for self-care and reflection,” said Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“I'm going to get an Uber home,” Finn said. “You can take the car home.”</p>
<p>Finn stood up and left. Rey reached for another tissue, and Dr. Linda sat drinking her water.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Rey said reflexively, dabbing her still-leaking eyes.</p>
<p>“Take your time,” Dr. Linda said kindly.</p>
<p>“It's not looking good for us, huh?” Rey said. “After today you probably think I'm crazy for trying to save this marriage.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda blinked and tilted her head slightly at Rey.</p>
<p>“My goal is not to save your marriage or to tell you end it, Rey,” she said. “I'm here to help you identify and work through the roots of the relationship problems together, so that you and Finn can decide how to move forward.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Rey said, smiling weakly at Dr. Linda. “Of course.”</p>
<p>“Do you believe that divorce is inherently bad?” Dr. Linda asked suddenly.</p>
<p>“No,” Rey said quickly. “But... I used to. It's how I was raised. My parents are still devout christians.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda nodded.</p>
<p>“I'm going to give you extra homework, Rey. I want you to write about divorce. Imagine that you do end up divorced. What would change in your life, the good and the bad? You don't have to share this list with Finn. It's only for you.”</p>
<p>“I will,” Rey promised.</p>
<p>But Rey put off her assignments that week for as long as possible. She took Darcy to lessons, and watched her dance with her journal open on her lap, unable to write anything. They went out for ice cream afterward, and the next day Rey took her daughter and her friends to the park. Rey sat for hours in the shade of various trees, keeping one eye on the kids, and one eye on her empty page.</p>
<p>Nothing came to her. Rey was living her life like a deer in headlights, waiting for the impending crash. What would she do after the impact? Rey did not know what her life would be without Finn – she had only dared to imagine it once, for a little while in France.</p>
<p>The night before their next session, Rey got in the car and drove down to the waterfront. She sat watching tourists, families, and couples walk by for over an hour before she even opened her journal.</p>
<p><em>What I want from the relationship, </em>she wrote.</p>
<p>Rey left the space underneath empty after a few minutes contemplation, and wrote, <em>What I want from life</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>Successful music career</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>More collaboration projects</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Touring and traveling</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Show Darcy the world</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Raise a good human</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Never stop writing music</em>
</p>
<p>Rey stared at the list. What else did she want? The list seemed too short, for the long life she hoped to live. She looked up at the dark, cloudy night sky, where a faint shimmer suggested the moon was hiding.</p>
<p><em>Inspire people, </em>she added to the list.</p>
<p>Rey moved on to her special assignment from Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>
  <em>What will change if we get divorced:</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Less time with Darcy </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Single mother</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lose my family</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lose my home</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Be alone</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Start over</em>
</p>
<p>Rey sat staring at the list for a while. Then, she put a question mark after “less time with Darcy”. She thought about her parents, whom she'd lost years ago, and about Francie and Charlie, who despite saying they fully supported Rey's career they had become quietly distant over the years. Rey crossed “lose my family” off the list. She did the same for “lose my home”. The house in Nashville didn't feel much like home anymore, but more like a strange combination of studio and vacation house.</p>
<p>She thought about her friends, and her band mates, and all the people she'd met on tours over the years, and crossed off “be alone”. All that was left was “single mother”. Rey stared hard at the words. It was something she never expected to happen, and it was a bitter pill to swallow.</p>
<p>Finn drove them to the next session. They did not speak until they were inside Dr. Linda's office.</p>
<p>“Welcome back, Rey and Finn,” Dr. Linda said in greeting as they took their seats on opposite ends of the sofa.</p>
<p>“Today you are going to listen to the goals and desires of your partner, both for themselves, and for your relationship,” she continued. “I want to emphasize the act of listening. For the first part of this session, there will be no discussion or negotiation. You and I will simply listen to what your partner has to say. Agreed?”</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Finn nodded.</p>
<p>“Rey, it's your turn to go first,” Dr. Linda prompted, without further ado.</p>
<p>“All right,” Rey said slowly.</p>
<p>She pulled her journal out of her large black bag and opened it.</p>
<p>“Start with your goals for yourself,” said Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>Rey nodded and read out her listen of goals, ending with 'inspire people' hesitantly.</p>
<p>“Can you talk about how you define a successful music career?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Rey said, and paused to think.</p>
<p>“I'd define a successful music career as one that is influential, to start with,” she said. “After that, I'd like to win more awards for my writing and performances. I want to continue to tour internationally as often as possible. Sold out shows, hopefully. And... I want my career to last a lifetime. Even if – when – I get to the point that I'm no longer able to perform shows, I intend to keep writing music for myself and others.”</p>
<p>“With the exception of the last point, do you feel that you have already achieved those career goals?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head.</p>
<p>“No,” she said, smiling self-consciously.</p>
<p>“But, you have achieved most of those goals already with Second Song,” Dr. Linda stated.</p>
<p>“Well, yes, but not for myself,” Rey said. “And not to the degree I wanted.”</p>
<p>“Fair enough,” Dr. Linda said. “Now, your goals for the relationship?”</p>
<p>Rey looked down at the short list she'd put together that morning.</p>
<p>“My goals from our relationship are... to raise a happy, well-adjusted, incredible, talented daughter together,” she began.</p>
<p>Rey began to get a lump in her throat as she continued.</p>
<p>“... to support each other like we used to in the beginning... to get back to the good times again... to grow old and continue our creative pursuits together... to be able to fight with Finn without him shutting down or ignoring the problem.”</p>
<p>Rey gulped and tried to remain composed.</p>
<p>“That last one is the most important, I think,” she said.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda gave her a slight nod and turned to Finn.</p>
<p>“Okay, Finn. Your turn to share while Rey listens,” she said.</p>
<p>“I don't have a list written down, but I know what I want out of life,” Finn said easily. “Like Rey said, I want to be successful in my career. I want to be a good father and give Darcy every opportunity possible. I want to leave a family legacy behind when I go. I plan to spend the rest of my life working and traveling, with my family along for the ride.”</p>
<p>There were no surprises in Finn's list for Rey. Before Dr. Linda could ask, Finn launched into his relationship list.</p>
<p>“As for the relationship, I want Rey to reciprocate the support I've given her over the years, not to just tolerate my career ambitions. I want to be trusted. I want to be her confidante again, not just a sometimes roommate and sometimes lover. I want her to be as committed to our family's success as she is to her own...”</p>
<p>Finn took a deep breath and added, “And I want to have another child.”</p>
<p>Now, Rey was surprised.</p>
<p>“Wha - ?” she stared to ask, but caught herself. She was only supposed to be listening.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda did not miss Rey's reaction.</p>
<p>“Okay, now we can begin a discussion about the future,” Dr. Linda said. “So, the rule is that you have to ask the other person a productive question, and you must wait until asked a question to respond. Rey, did you hear anything from Finn you did not already know?”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda's face told Rey she knew the answer already.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Rey said, more vehemently than she intended.</p>
<p>She looked at her husband.</p>
<p>“You never said anything about wanting another kid,” she said accusingly.</p>
<p>Finn did not reply, then said in a low voice, “You have to ask a question, Rey.”</p>
<p>“Why didn't you tell me you want another kid?” Rey asked, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt.</p>
<p>“I didn't tell you because I know you don't,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey opened her mouth, then closed it. She waited for Finn to ask a question.</p>
<p>“Will you ever change your mind?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“I... don't know,” Rey said. “I don't think so.”</p>
<p>Rey sat uncomfortably with her feelings of shock, anger, frustration, and despair.</p>
<p>“Why do you want another child?” she asked stiffly.</p>
<p>“I want Darcy to have a sibling. We have a lot to share with our children, more than most parents can afford,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Do you think we should have another with things the way they are?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“Is that why you want a divorce?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I don't want a divorce, but I do want a larger family,” Finn said. “Yes, it's a factor to consider.”</p>
<p>Rey sat silently, thinking about how difficult it already was to raise one child while maintaining their separate, ambitious careers.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Dr. Linda said, after a few minutes of contemplation. “This is what I heard today: you both want to feel supported in your ambitions, you both want to keep traveling, and you both want to be great parents. Rey wants better communication in disagreements, and Finn wants to add to the family.”</p>
<p>Dr. Linda looked cautiously between the two spouses at far ends of the sofa.</p>
<p>“Did I miss anything?” she asked.</p>
<p>“You forgot that <em>neither</em> of us really wants to divorce,” Finn said, looking at Rey.</p>
<p>Rey's lips trembled as she looked back.</p>
<p>“Rey, do you agree?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>“I can't, Finn,” she said. “I can't have another one. It would be too much.”</p>
<p>“That's not the question,” Finn said.</p>
<p>“I know,” Rey said. “I know, but I'm not going to change my mind, Finn. I don't want another child. Darcy is enough for me to love. I'm happy with just her and us.”</p>
<p>Rey's eyes welled as she said, “I want a divorce.”</p>
<p>Rey thought she saw Dr. Linda's eyes widen in surprise, for just a moment.</p>
<p>“Then why did you make us get counseling?” Finn asked slowly, and Rey knew he was angry.</p>
<p>“If you had told me about wanting more kids, I wouldn't have,” Rey replied.</p>
<p>It appeared as thought Finn was blindsided, and Rey was glad she wasn't the only one dealing with an emotional bomb dropped that evening.</p>
<p>“Take some time to think about it, Rey,” Finn said. “We shouldn't be making any decisions now.”</p>
<p>Rey hugged herself. Dr. Linda spoke.</p>
<p>“I'm going to give you both the same advice. This week, spend some time together doing everyday, mundane activities. Spend time with your daughter together. Go grocery shopping. Prepare a meal. Watch a movie together. Go out on a date and catch up on your partner's career. Listen to what your partner is most excited about working on at the moment. When you are alone, think about what was said tonight, and decide what is non-negotiable. Wait to discuss your answers in our next session.”</p>
<p>The assignment was a difficult one. Rey wanted to argue her case for their single-child family. She wanted to know if he really thought she'd change her mind, or if he wanted this to be the fight that broke them for good.</p>
<p>Rey's pregnancy with Darcy had not been the easiest, but she knew women who had experienced far worse. The birth, however, was traumatic. After 72 hours of labor, most of it during a tremendous series of storms, all the while under the constant fear of an emergency c-section, Darcy was born. The months after the birth were the worst time in Rey's life. She was slow to heal physically, and even slower to heal emotionally from the stress of the birth. At the same time, she tried to ignore her grief over the loss of Second Song, and her feelings of guilt for even thinking about it when she wanted to focus on her baby.</p>
<p>There were not many details in Rey's memory of Darcy's first three months of life. It was a blur of pain, exhaustion, uncertainty, and fear. Finn had been so wonderful and helpful, so understanding and tender toward her, but Rey could barely recall any specific days and moments they'd shared while caring for their brand new daughter. The things she remembered were the rare good moments – the soft sounds and little movements of her daughter in her arms at rest, the naps curled up against Finn at all odd hours of the day between feedings and diaper changes, and the first sweet smiles from Darcy while she nursed.</p>
<p>When Rey thought of going through all of it again, panic gripped her and took her right back to the intensity of the birth, the overwhelming anxiety, and the fears in those long hours trying to bring her daughter into the world. The thought of working, traveling, and recording while pregnant again brought back the long-forgotten bad days of her pregnancy on the road.</p>
<p>It was all worth it to have Darcy, but Rey never wanted to go through it again. Finn knew that. The next time they saw Dr. Linda, the atmosphere was grim before anyone spoke.</p>
<p>“Let's start with sharing something good from this week,” Dr. Linda said.</p>
<p>Rey was glad when Finn spoke first.</p>
<p>“We had a picnic day in the park with Darcy and my parents,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Anything to add?” Dr. Linda asked Rey.</p>
<p>“Movie night with Darcy,” Rey said. “We 'camped' in the living room and let her stay up late watching movies with us. She loved it.”</p>
<p>“Great,” said Dr. Linda. “It's good to hear you enjoyed time together with your daughter. Keep those good moments in your mind today. We are going to discuss what is non-negotiable in your relationship going forward. Let's start by just naming them, without any arguments.”</p>
<p>Rey had to remind herself to breathe.</p>
<p>“Finn?” Dr. Linda asked.</p>
<p>“More time together as a family,” he said.</p>
<p>He paused, but he was not done.</p>
<p>“More time for my career,” he continued.</p>
<p>Rey was still holding her breath.</p>
<p>“More kids,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey slowly inhaled, feeling lightheaded.</p>
<p>“That's all,” Finn said.</p>
<p>It was Rey's turn.</p>
<p>“No more kids,” she said, and sighed.</p>
<p>“I can work with you on everything else, but I don't see more kids in our future, Finn. I don't want to go through another pregnancy or the baby and toddler years again while trying to write, record, and tour.”</p>
<p>“We could adopt,” Finn said, but his heart was not in it.</p>
<p>“No more kids,” Rey repeated sadly. “Why is this suddenly so important to you?”</p>
<p>“It just is,” Finn said, lifting his hand in a helpless gesture.</p>
<p>Rey did not know what else to say, so she hugged her crossed arms a little tighter across her chest and looked away from her husband.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Could both of you describe how you came to be on opposite sides of this life goal?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I always wanted to be a mother, but until I had Darcy I didn't give much thought to how many children I would have,” Rey said. “I thought at least one, probably two, definitely not more than three.”</p>
<p>She chuckled and said, “Of course, I also thought I'd be writing songs for other people to perform for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“I didn't,” Finn interjected.</p>
<p>Rey looked at him.</p>
<p>“I know,” she said.</p>
<p>She turned back to Dr. Linda and said, “Where we are now in life is so far from what I thought would happen. It's not just that I don't want to go through another pregnancy. I don't want to splinter my attention again for another child. It's hard enough to be a good mother to Darcy.”</p>
<p>“Finn?” asked Dr. Linda.</p>
<p>“I used to think becoming a parent would mean losing parts of myself and my life. For a long time I was on the fence about having children. Then, we had Darcy, and instead of losing my life, I found something that had been missing. If we don't have any more kids, I'll always feel like we missed out on the best parts of life,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey looked at the strange man on the other end of the sofa. He was wearing Finn's face, but it was not him.</p>
<p>“You've changed so much, Finn,” she said.</p>
<p>He did not deny it.</p>
<p>Dr. Linda ended their last session by saying, “My advice to you is to be gentle with each other and with yourselves as you move forward in the direction that will make you both the happiest. Remember that any way forward from here will be painful and healing takes time.”</p>
<p>They drove home without speaking, but when Finn missed the last turn Rey said, “Finn?”</p>
<p>“Let's figure this out before we go back. I'm tired of drawing it out,” Finn said.</p>
<p>Rey fell silent again until Finn parked under a shade tree at a small, sparse park consisting of an empty field and a set of tennis courts. The lot was nearly empty, and the sun was setting.</p>
<p>“Well, there's not much left to say, is there?” Finn asked after they spent a few minutes staring into the golden sky.</p>
<p>“You want another kid more than you want me,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I want both,” Finn said stubbornly.</p>
<p>“Well, I don't,” Rey said. “So.”</p>
<p>Long minutes of excruciating silence followed. Rey cried quietly, and if Finn noticed he did not let on.</p>
<p>“I can't believe this is what's going to end our marriage,” Rey said. “Finn, is it really the kids? Or is it...”</p>
<p>Rey hesitated.</p>
<p>“Him?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Ben?” Finn asked, scowling a little.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“It's all of it, Rey,” Finn sighed. “But mostly, it's the kids. If you wanted to keep working on our family, maybe this could last, but you've been pulling away from me and Darcy ever since she was old enough for school. You went back to the music you used to write with him, and ever since you've been somewhere else, even when you're home.”</p>
<p>“I've been writing, Finn. I've been inspired again. You know what it's like – I have to work night and day when the muse is speaking. I'm sorry I've been distant,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rey wanted to say that she would give Finn the family he desired. She wanted to tell him she would slow down, work less, nurture yet another life, and draw her husband and their little family closer.</p>
<p>But she couldn't. A true sob escaped her, and she covered her face.</p>
<p>“I'm sorry,” she repeated.</p>
<p>Finn held her hand, rubbing his thumb over it every now and then as Rey pulled herself together again.</p>
<p>“What do you want, Rey?” he asked, once she was composed.</p>
<p>Rey sighed heavily and squeezed his hand.</p>
<p>“I want a divorce,” she said, in defeat.</p>
<p>Finn nodded – a quick, short jerk of his chin.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey cancelled her next tour. The divorce was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Rey insisted they find a way for Darcy to travel with her on tour as they'd always planned. Francie and Charlie were opposed to the idea, and Finn seemed inclined to agree now that he would rely on them to an even greater extent for the care of his daughter. In the end, Finn won primary custody of their daughter, with the agreement that Rey would spend at least one week a month with her daughter in Seattle, and that Darcy would travel with Rey in the summers.</p><p>They sold the house in Nashville. Rey was sorry to see her home studio go, but she could not bear to be in the house anymore. She bought a condo in Seattle, which she would call home when she wasn't on the road. It had a lovely balcony where she could sit and write on nice days, and large windows that let in plenty of light despite the often overcast weather. Nashville would be her second home. She had too many friends and connections to ever leave the city for long.</p><p>Rose was devastated to hear that Rey was moving.</p><p>“Rose, I was never home anyway,” Rey said into her phone.</p><p>She was taking a break from packing. Finn had moved his things out weeks ago.</p><p>“What day are you leaving?” Rose asked.</p><p>“Sunday,” Rey said.</p><p>“Then you're coming out with me Saturday night. You can stay here,” Rose said.</p><p>“All right,” Rey agreed easily. “One last girl's night while I'm still a Nashville gal.”</p><p>“You'll always be a Nashville gal,” Rose said.</p><p>Rey laughed and said, “I'm not even from here.”</p><p>“You've been fully transplanted,” Rose insisted. “You belong here, Rey. Especially with the new music.”</p><p>“It's not really new,” Rey said.</p><p>“You know what I mean,” Rose said.</p><p>Rey knew exactly what Rose meant. Her friend was supportive of Rey's new life as a single woman and rising indie-folk solo artist.</p><p>“Have you heard anything from him?” Rose asked.</p><p>“No, why would I? It's been years,” Rey said testily.</p><p>“I'm sorry. All anyone wants to talk about is the past, and now I'm doing it too,” Rose said.</p><p>“It's okay,” Rey said, sighing. “You get a pass, as the best friend. Rose... there's something I never told anyone.”</p><p>“Oh?” Rose asked, clearly trying to quell the intensity of her interest.</p><p>“Yeah. I think it's time to get it off my chest. So, we'll talk tomorrow?”</p><p>“Oh, sure... tomorrow,” Rose said. “I'll let you go so you can finish packing.”</p><p>Rey continued to pack away her life, took a break to run to the grocery store, and returned with a couple bottles of wine – one for herself and one for Rose on their girl's night.</p><p>She checked the mailbox and pulled out a few pieces of junk mail along with a hand-addressed envelope. The writing was unmistakably her mother's. Rey walked into the house staring at the heavy envelope, wishing she was not alone. Perhaps she should wait to open it with Rose.</p><p>But Rey's curiosity won out after a glass of wine. She sat down with her second glass and tore open the letter. Inside, there were multiple pages of parchment covered in small script written in blue pen, front and back. Rey began to read.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Rey, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this letter gets to you. I won't tell you how I got your address in Nashville, but I hope you will forgive me for finding a way to contact my only child. Now that you are a mother, maybe you will understand how a mother's love never gives up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've been following your career. You would know that if you ever returned my calls. I'm proud of you, Rey. The world will finally see the talent I've always seen in my daughter. I have all of your albums and listen to them often. Congratulations on your success. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have a daughter of your own now. I can't believe I've never met my only grandchild. Is she as beautiful and talented as you were? You were such a driven child. It was hard to tell you no, but maybe we should have – maybe then we would still be a family. We sent you the wrong message about what's important in life when we put your music dreams over everything else. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You'll be happy to hear that we've left the church you hated so much. Your father was ordained and pastors a small congregation. He retired two years ago to preach as long as he can. We pray for you every day, Rey. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I felt God calling me to reach out to you again. You are at a crossroads, Rey. I know you've split from Finn. Divorce is a terrible, ugly, sinful thing. I wonder who is doing the leaving. If he cheated on you – I always knew he would. I can't think of any other reason my sweet, loving, loyal daughter would end her marriage with the father of her child. I knew that Finn would break your heart one day. I always feared it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come back to the Lord, Rey. Repent, and be forgiven. He will heal this wound and make you whole again. I believe this was all part of his plan for your life. Now that you've found your place in the music world, He's calling you back. You can use your voice and your music to reach so many more people now. What a blessing!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bring your girl to see her family. We want to love her and help you raise her. You can't let Finn and his family keep that sweet baby to themselves every time you're away. She'll end up just like him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, if you're even still reading this – if you even get it – I hope you will call me. Your father and I miss you and love you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please come home. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mom</em>
</p><p>Rey tossed the letter aside when she finished reading, shaking with anger. The letter was more reserved in tone than her mother's voicemails, but Rey could hear the judgement dripping from the words.</p><p>It broke Rey's heart to deny Darcy another set of grandparents, and to deny her mother and father a grandchild, but she had to shelter her daughter from them when she was young. Perhaps once Darcy was older she would meet her grandparents.</p><p>Saturday night with Rose was bittersweet. They started with coffee, went to dinner, and then spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and talking while sitting on opposite sides of Rose's window seat overlooking the twinkle-lights strung in the alley.</p><p>“I brought the letter,” Rey said, once they were settled in with their wine glasses and a cozy blanket.</p><p>She handed it to Rose to read.</p><p>“Wow,” Rose breathed.</p><p>She repeated the soft exclamation a few times before folding the letter back up and handing it to Rey.</p><p>“You okay?” she asked.</p><p>“I'm fine,” Rey said. “Just tired of the same old from her. I can't call her. I can't get sucked back in to that world.”</p><p>“She really didn't like Finn,” Rose commented.</p><p>Rey chuckled and said, “Of course not. They practically think he's satan, for taking me away from the lord and convincing me to live in sin with him. To them, the marriage was doomed from the start.”</p><p>Rose shook her head and said, “Poor Finn. He didn't deserve to be hated by the in-laws like that.”</p><p>“No,” Rey agreed. “But...”</p><p>Rose raised her eyebrows in anticipation.</p><p>“But?”</p><p>Rey sighed again and said, “But my mother ended up being right and I hate that.”</p><p>“Right about what?” Rose asked.</p><p>“Finn had an affair,” Rey said, closing her eyes as she finally unburdened herself to her friend.</p><p>“It wasn't with Dana Graybill, it was with our first photographer,” she said.</p><p>Rose gasped loudly.</p><p>“That tall woman who always wore the mens button-down shirts?” Rose asked.</p><p>“Yeah, her,” Rey said.</p><p>“Rey! Why didn't you tell me?” Rose asked.</p><p>“I wasn't going to leave him, so I didn't tell you. It was easier that way. I couldn't have my best friend hating my husband.”</p><p>“Rey, maybe that should've been your clue,” Rose said.</p><p>“I know,” Rey said. “It was stupid. I forgave him and had a kid with him. So stupid.”</p><p>“Aw, but I like your kid,” Rose said.</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” said Rey. “I don't regret her.”</p><p>“How could you forgive him, Rey?”</p><p>“I loved him,” Rey said.</p><p>Rose gave her a skeptical look.</p><p>“Weren't you angry? I would have been raging mad. Like, how did you get over that and ever trust him again?”</p><p>Rey swished her wine around in her glass and gathered her courage.</p><p>“Because I felt guilty. Finn knew it, and he used it against me,” she said, immediately lifting her glass to her lips.</p><p>Rose peered at her.</p><p>“Guilty for what?” she asked.</p><p>Rey widened her eyes and tilted her head, waiting for Rose to get there, but her friend only sipped her own wine.</p><p>“About Ben,” Rey said.</p><p>Rose narrowed her eyes at Rey.</p><p>“I KNEW it!” she exclaimed suddenly. “You slept with Ben?!”</p><p>“No, I didn't!” Rey said. “That never happened.”</p><p>“Oh... really?” Rose asked, looking disappointed.</p><p>“I'm not a cheater,” Rey said.</p><p>She had repeated it to herself so often in the past it felt like her mantra.</p><p>“There were... moments. It almost happened,” Rey admitted. “When we started touring somehow I ended up loving him.”</p><p>Rose was on the edge of her seat, leaning toward Rey.</p><p>“Until today, he was the only person who knew about Finn's affair. That was when it all started going to hell. I should never have confided in him,” Rey said.</p><p>“Why, what did he do?” asked Rose.</p><p>“He did what you would have done – he told me to leave Finn,” Rey said. “So, I told him to leave Soph. He wouldn't. The end.”</p><p>“No, that is not the end,” Rose said. “What's the rest of the story?”</p><p>“I'm going to need more wine first,” Rey said.</p><p>She refilled her glass, stalling as long as possible. Rey was not sure telling Rose the truth was right. It hurt too much.</p><p>“So, he wouldn't leave Soph...” Rose prodded after a few minutes.</p><p>“He wouldn't,” Rey said. “Though there were times he was... open to cheating.”</p><p>Rose stared intently.</p><p>“With me,” Rey said.</p><p>“I got that,” her friend said. “But you wouldn't.”</p><p>“I wouldn't, but I wanted to,” Rey said.</p><p>“Wow,” Rose said, and took a swig of wine.</p><p>“So, when Finn told me the reason he cheated was that he thought I was having an affair with Ben...”</p><p>“Oh, no,” Rose said.</p><p>“Oh, yes. How could I stay angry with Finn when I felt so guilty?” Rey asked.</p><p>“I'm pretty sure I could have,” Rose remarked.</p><p>“I just wanted my marriage back,” Rey said. “I loved Finn. I thought I belonged with Finn. So, I forgave him.”</p><p>“And Ben?” asked Rose.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey said heavily. “I will never stop wondering what could have been if we'd met earlier in life.”</p><p>“Before you were both married,” Rose said.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well, you're not married anymore,” said Rose.</p><p>“Thanks for reminding me!” Rey exclaimed.</p><p>“No, I didn't mean that! I'm sorry,” Rose said. “I meant... maybe you should... you know... reach out.”</p><p>“He doesn't want to talk to me,” Rey said flatly.</p><p>“Maybe not, but it's been years since you two split. You've changed. Maybe he's changed, too. If nothing else, you could do a collaboration. It would boost both of your careers.”</p><p>“No, I'm not going to ask him to do that. He'd never agree to it and he'd hate me for asking,” said Rey.</p><p>“I don't know, it seems like he's gotten over his distaste for self-promotion. Have you seen all the social media stuff he's putting out?”</p><p>Rey nodded. She no longer pretended she was not closely following Ben's career.</p><p>“You won't know unless you ask,” Rose said.</p><p>Rey sipped her wine anxiously.</p><p>“I don't know, Rose.”</p><p>“Rey! This is the new you – bold, brave, wise, and confident – a successful single woman making a name for herself! You can do this!”</p><p>“But <em>should</em> I?” Rey asked. “I don't need him. I'm doing fine on my own.”</p><p>“You're right. You don't need him,” Rose agreed. “But... the heart wants what it wants, Rey. When you're old and gray, looking back on your career, will you regret never trying to reconcile?”</p><p>“Why is it on me?” Rey wondered out loud.</p><p>“That depends on why he left,” Rose replied. “Don't give me the official story, Rey. What happened?”</p><p>Rey did not know what to say. Even Rose could not know the whole truth. It was too deep and private to share.</p><p>“He had to leave to be with his family, like I said,” Rey replied. “He didn't like the music I was trying to make. He was right, it was the wrong direction.”</p><p>Rose did not look convinced.</p><p>“Well... if that's really all... like you just said, he was right about the music. So, you tell him that and maybe he'll be open to working with you again one day,” said her friend.</p><p>“Is that what I want, though?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Isn't it?”</p><p>Rey did not have an answer. All she knew was that nothing she performed came close to the feeling of satisfaction she felt singing on stage with Ben. Her soul craved that feeling again. There was a part of her missing, crushed, and broken, and nothing she did could fill it.</p><p>Yet, something kept Rey from taking Rose's advice. She continued to follow Ben. He avoided speaking about the past and doggedly steered interviews toward the present any time someone tried to get him to talk about Rey. Rey watched all the live recordings she could find of his shows. He frequently booked small, acoustic sets, even though he now traveled with a full band and backup vocals. Rey thought he remained at his best when it was just his expressive voice and an expertly-picked guitar accompaniment.</p><p>While holed up in her Seattle condo, suffering a stubborn bout of writer's block, watching a live set of Ben's, Rey began to worry about Ben Solo. His large, deep-set eyes were shadowed, puffy, and tired. He looked burdened and unwell, even when he was smiling and joking with interviewers. The laughter did not reach his eyes. His usual rough-around-the-edges style and casually unkempt demeanor started to look more like a lack of self-care, as if he'd slept on a couch for a month. Even the photos he posted regularly on his social media showed a man who was desperately exhausted.</p><p>Rey wondered if he was sick, or if he was just pushing himself too hard. Ben was not the sort of person to thrive without time away to himself. Still, she resisted trying to contact him. It was none of her business if he burned himself out within the year following a touring schedule more intense than even Second Song had attempted.</p><p>She might never have changed her mind, if not for the last tour stop that year in L.A. When it was over, Rey held a meet-and-greet with VIP ticket-holders. One of the first fans she met was none other than Elle Solo.</p><p>“Rey! It's me! It's Elle!” said the tall young woman excitedly approaching her.</p><p>“Oh my god! Elle? How are you? Look at you! You're all grown up,” said Rey, hugging Elle awkwardly.</p><p>Elle was wearing heels and she already had at least six inches on Rey in height.</p><p>“What are you doing with yourself these days?” Rey asked.</p><p>“I'm modeling and getting an education,” Elle said. “But my passion is still music. I'm also working with my dad, learning a lot about music production.”</p><p>“Oh, that's great!” Rey said.</p><p>She peered at Elle, who was beaming at her, and then glanced at the rest of the line behind them.</p><p>“Do you want to catch up later?” Rey asked quietly, letting the noise of their surroundings keep the words from carrying far.</p><p>“Of course, I'd love to!” Elle exclaimed.</p><p>Rey waved to her assistant, Heidi, and asked her to get Elle's contact information.</p><p>“I'll be in touch, okay?” she asked.</p><p>“I can't wait,” Elle said.</p><p>She posed for a photo with Rey and was gone. The next morning, Rey called Elle and arranged to have lunch with her. She felt guilty about it, as if she was somehow breaking Ben's trust. Rey got to the cafe early and picked out a corner seat inside away from the busy patio. Elle arrived right on time and ordered at the counter before she came over to join Rey.</p><p>“I can't believe I'm having lunch with you,” Elle gushed.</p><p>Rey smiled and marveled at how Elle's personality had changed from her grouchy, antisocial teenage years.</p><p>“I can't believe I'm having lunch with <em>you</em>,” she replied. “Does your dad know?”</p><p>Elle laughed, and the way her eyes crinkled reminded Rey strongly of Ben.</p><p>“Yeah, I told him. I offered to buy him a VIP ticket to your show, but he said you wouldn't appreciate him showing up at your meet-and-greet,” Elle said.</p><p>“Aw, no, that would've been great!” Rey said brightly, and laughed as well. “It would be a welcome surprise. I haven't seen Ben in such a long time. How is he?”</p><p>Elle nodded, as if she'd been prepared for the question.</p><p>“He stays busy,” she said.</p><p>A server came over with Elle's latte, an oversized concoction topped with whipped cream in a giant mug.</p><p>“I don't normally order this kind of thing, but it looked amazing,” Elle said, eyeing her decadent drink and cradling the hot mug in her hands.</p><p>“Hey, no judgment here,” Rey said.</p><p>Elle smiled and tried to sip her latte without getting whipped cream on her nose.</p><p>“So, speaking of Dad... he would kill me if he knew I told you this...” Elle said. “Ah, my parents have been separated for almost a year. They haven't told the twins yet – they've just been pretending he's touring more and that's why he isn't home – but Dad told me, and Mom told Lydia.” <br/><br/>“Oh, Elle... I'm so sorry,” Rey said.</p><p>“Don't be,” Elle said quickly. “I've known this was coming since I was ten.”</p><p>“I see,” Rey said. “Even so, it must be hard to watch your parents split up.”</p><p>“Not as hard as it's been to watch them be miserable together for twelve years,” Elle said. “They thought they were hiding it from us, but I knew what was going on.”</p><p>Elle paused and looked down at her melting whipped cream. She picked up her spoon and stirred it into the drink.</p><p>“I don't know what happened between you and my Dad. All I know is that he was a different person when you were around. He was happier,” Elle said.</p><p>She stopped stirring and carefully placed the spoon on her saucer. Elle looked at Rey over her coffee mug as she gingerly lifted it in both hands.</p><p>“If he did something to hurt you, I hope you can forgive him. He would never explain why he suddenly gave up on Second Song, after all the years of fights it caused between him and Mom. All he said was he wanted to be home with our family and that you wouldn't agree to tour less. He hated splitting up. He was so depressed that he didn't play or write any music for over a year. The reason I came to your meet-and-greet was to ask if you would call him.”</p><p>Rey stared in surprise at the young woman across the table. Elle delicately pushed her thick, wild long hair behind her shoulder. She gave Rey an apologetic look.</p><p>“I know it's a lot to ask, when he's the one who left. I know he hasn't spoken to you since the day he quit in the middle of making your last album together... but I just remember thinking as a kid how unfair it was that you and Daddy were married to other people. My mother and I were not on good terms then, and we still aren't now, but it wasn't just that I was a teen girl rebelling against my mother and her beliefs. Anyone could see that you and my dad belonged together.”</p><p>Rey was at a loss for words. Elle sipped her latte, waiting for Rey to respond.</p><p>“What's his number?” Rey finally asked.</p><p>Elle's face broke into a smile. Rey left the cafe with Ben's new number in her phone. She did not call Ben that week, or the next. The week after that, she returned to Seattle to spend a few weeks with Darcy and see her daughter in the lead role in the school play. Then it was Thanksgiving, and Rey let Francie and Charlie talk her into coming over with the family, even though it was horrible with the divorce still so fresh.</p><p>As the Christmas holiday loomed nearer, Rey toured her way through the midwest and ended in Tennessee just in time to catch dinner with Rose and Damion before they began their holiday travels. Not a word was spoken between them about Finn, and Rey was grateful.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, Rey. We'll be thinking of you,” Rose said, hugging Rey goodbye.</p><p>“I'll be fine,” Rey said.</p><p>Rose knew Rey was planning to spend Christmas with Finn's family. Rey wanted the holidays to be as normal as possible for Darcy, no matter how uncomfortable it was for herself. Finn seemed indifferent to Rey's presence, but he was not unkind and he made an effort to show polite affection toward Rey, as if she was a cousin or a friend's sister, at least whenever Darcy was around.</p><p>“Have you called him yet?” Rose whispered.</p><p>Rey shook her head. Rose hugged her again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Back to the Start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days before Christmas, while sitting beside her window in Seattle trying to write, Rey put down her pen and picked up her phone. The sun was setting in a mellow, overcast sky, and the gentle light gave Rey the peace she had been waiting to feel.</p>
<p>“Just do it,” she told herself softly.</p>
<p>Holding her breath, Rey tapped the call button next to Ben's name. The phone began to ring. Rey turned on the speaker with a shaking hand watched the screen anxiously.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>Rey had not expected him to answer. Ben never answered unknown numbers, and rarely answered the ones he did know.</p>
<p>“I didn't think you'd pick up.” <br/><br/>There was silence on his end.</p>
<p>“It's Rey,” she said.</p>
<p>“I know,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Right. So... hi, stranger,” she said, cringing at herself and wringing her hands under the desk. She pressed her palms firmly into her thighs.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he replied, and she imagined he was trying not to smile in amusement. More silence. The connection crackled. Then, Rey heard the sound of wind hitting his receiver.</p>
<p>“I've missed you,” she said.</p>
<p>“How did you get my number?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“I probably shouldn't say,” Rey said.</p>
<p>He grunted.</p>
<p>“This was a bad idea. I'm sorry. I'll just go – ”</p>
<p>“I missed you, too,” Ben interrupted, almost grudgingly. A wind gust cut into the end of his words. Rey wondered if he was on one of his long walks.</p>
<p>“I saw Elle in L.A. a while back,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she told me.”</p>
<p>“She said she's working with you at the studio,” Rey continued.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she is,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Congratulations, by the way. You've been doing amazing work – both your music and the label.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Rey.”</p>
<p>More loud noise from the wind drowned out his next words.</p>
<p>“... sounds great,” he finished.</p>
<p>“Sorry? There's wind on your end... I didn't catch that,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I said, your latest album sounds great,” he repeated loudly, making the table vibrate beneath the phone.</p>
<p>“Oh, thanks,” she said. “You were right, you know – about the music I wanted to make before. It wasn't the right sound for me, or for us.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>The noise on the line suddenly disappeared, and Rey heard a door slam.</p>
<p>“I heard you got divorced,” Ben said, and his voice sounded closer and deeper without any interference.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I did.”</p>
<p>He exhaled into the phone.</p>
<p>“Well,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>“I'm okay,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>“So, why did you call, Rey?”</p>
<p>“I thought it was about time we made up and wrote some music together again,” she said.</p>
<p>More silence.</p>
<p>“I know we can't go back. I'm not asking you to, but I can't accept that I'll never sing with you again,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben remained mute on the other end of the line.</p>
<p>“I'm not saying it has to happen tomorrow, or even this year, or that we have to decide anything right now. I just want to know if there's a someday. I need to know – ”</p>
<p>“I'm in Portland,” Ben said suddenly.</p>
<p>“You are?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Elle said you moved to Seattle,” he said.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“The band all flew home yesterday,” he said.</p>
<p>“What about you?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I leave tomorrow,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Trying to get over my writer's block,” she said. “Darcy is with Finn. I'll go over to his parents' for Christmas Eve and try to celebrate as usual for her.”</p>
<p>“How's she taking it?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>“She's a strong kid,” Rey said. “I think she's going to be all right.”</p>
<p>“That's good. So, you're on your own for the next couple of days?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I was hoping to write something, but...” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Come to Portland and I'll help you.”</p>
<p>“But you're leaving tomorrow,” Rey protested.</p>
<p>“I know. Come tonight,” he said. “My flight's a redeye. There'll be plenty of time.”</p>
<p>“Ben, this is crazy. I didn't mean we had to meet immediately,” she laughed, but her heart was dancing in her chest.</p>
<p>“You said you missed me,” Ben replied.</p>
<p>“I did. I do,” she said.</p>
<p>“Well, now you know where to find me,” he said, just as a text message with an address popped up in her notification bar.</p>
<p>“I'll be here until eight tomorrow night,” he said.</p>
<p>“Ben...”</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Rey.”</p>
<p>The call ended. Rey stared at the blinking screen of her phone in shock. Then, she got up, threw some clothes and a toothbrush into a travel bag, put on her coat and shoes, and locked her door. She made it to her car before she realized her phone charger was still in the wall socket by the bed. Cursing, she ran back inside to get it.</p>
<p>The sky was pitch black by the time Rey made it out of the city. She finally turned on the radio ten minutes after that, but her racing thoughts drowned out the holiday music. Rey was halfway to Portland when she noticed how cold her fingers and nose were and turned on the heater.</p>
<p>“Wake up, Rey,” she said, shaking her head.</p>
<p><em>Winter Song,</em> was playing on the radio, and finally the music managed to hold Rey's attention. She sang along softly, inventing new harmonies to the tune.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>This is my winter song to you / The storm is coming soon / It rolls in from the sea</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My voice a beacon in the night / My words will be your light / To carry you to me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Is love alive? / Is love alive? / Is love...?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>They say that things just cannot grow / Beneath the winter snow / Or so I have been told</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They say we're buried far / Just like a distant star / I simply cannot hold</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Is love alive? / Is love alive? / Is love alive?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey drove for the next twenty minutes, bawling, as traditional Christmas favorites were covered by various pop and indie artists. Thankfully, the drive was long and her tears dried long before she arrived at Ben's given address for the Nordic Inn.</p>
<p>It was a motel. The parking lot was full, but Rey found a spot at the end of the last row. She got out of the car and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. Rows of closed doors faced her. She breathed her best calming yoga breaths in the cold night air. Her breath floated slowly upward in cloudy wisps. Minutes later, she knocked on the door to his room. When he opened it and peered out at her, time stopped just like it used to do. He slowly pulled the door all the way open.</p>
<p>“You made it,” he commented.</p>
<p>“Merry Christmas to you, too,” Rey said, stepping inside.</p>
<p>Ben closed the door, and Rey noticed how dark it was in the small room with only the bedside lamp turned on.</p>
<p>“Is yours going to be merry?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Probably not,” Rey admitted.</p>
<p>Ben stood stiffly in front of her, then gestured to her bag.</p>
<p>“Ah, you can just put that... anywhere,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey let the strap slide off her shoulder and dropped the bag to the ground with a soft 'thunk' on the carpet between them. Ben bent down and moved it aside.</p>
<p>“Maybe not<em> right there</em>,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>He straightened up and Rey could not help taking a small, hesitant step toward him.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said.</p>
<p>Another tiny step closer, and she lifted her hand like a question between them. He followed it with his eyes as she slowly let it fall to rest on the crook of his arm, right where his rolled shirtsleeve met the black and gray ink etched into his skin. The lines on his face were deeper than she remembered. The tired puffiness she'd worried about before was more pronounced, and his scruffy face was more in need of a trim than ever, but his eyes were the same warm, rich brown. Rey snuck shallow breaths of air like a thief, and moved yet closer. She tilted her head and lifted her chin as she gave him a sideways look.</p>
<p>He stopped imitating a statue and reached for her waist. Rey was still wearing her wool coat, but she could feel the warmth of his palm through it as he slid his hand slowly up her back. She stepped closer and leaned into him. He pushed her hair out of her face so gently that the tickle of it made her shiver. He cradled the back of her head and looked at her as if he didn't believe she was real.</p>
<p>They traded breaths for a moment before the plunge. When Ben kissed her it felt like falling headfirst into frigid water. She froze, one hand balling into a fist against his chest. She could not tell if this was pain or pleasure, or if it was so much of both that it did not matter. He enveloped her hand in his, warming it instantly. He uncurled her fingers and entwined them with his own as he continued to kiss her slowly and deliberately, stretching each moment to the breaking point.</p>
<p>Rey shrugged off her coat. The room was warm and inviting now, even with the single bulb struggling to light all four corners. Rey would write many lyrics about that night, but she never shared any of them, not even with Ben.</p>
<p>The next morning, after too few hours of sleep, Rey woke up to the sound of Ben using a beard trimmer in the bathroom. She managed to doze off through the noise, and opened her eyes again when it stopped. A few minutes later, Ben walked out into the room shirtless, toweling off his face and neck.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Rey murmured in his direction.</p>
<p>“'Mornin',” he said.</p>
<p>He dug through his suitcase and pulled on an undershirt, then went to the closet for a fresh button-down. Rey wondered if the man owned any plain t-shirts.</p>
<p>“You can go back to sleep. I'll get breakfast,” he said.</p>
<p>“All right,” she said sleepily.</p>
<p>The next time she woke was when Ben returned with coffee and a brown paper bag that smelled like a bakery. Rey sat up.</p>
<p>“Whatcha got there?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Coffee...” he said, handing her one of the cups.</p>
<p>“.A doughnut for me and a blueberry danish for you.”</p>
<p>He opened the bag and pulled out two enormous pastries wrapped in parchment paper.</p>
<p>“Oh, wow,” Rey said, taking the one he held out to her.</p>
<p>Ben had what appeared to be a handmade yeast doughnut coated in cinnamon and sugar. It was nearly as big as his face.</p>
<p>“Local bakery?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Yep,” he said. “Almost as good as an Amish doughnut.”</p>
<p>“Amish?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, the Amish... you know, the religion? Most of them live without electricity and drive horse and buggies?”</p>
<p>“Oh! Right – you told me about them before. You always buy their apple butter,” Rey said, tasting her danish, which melted decadently in her mouth.</p>
<p>“They also make great doughnuts,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Rey hummed through her mouthful of buttery pastry.</p>
<p>“So, what should we do today?” she asked, reaching for her coffee next.</p>
<p>“Well, you said you wanted to write a song. We didn't get around to that last night,” Ben replied, tipping his cup at her before drinking from it.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “I do want to write something with you.”</p>
<p>So, after their pastries and coffees were gone, they sat in the motel room with their voices and Ben's guitar and wrote a song. It took them longer than it used to because now every time they spent more than a few seconds looking at each other over the guitar, Ben leaned over it and kissed her.</p>
<p>After a long, languid morning and afternoon, they ended up with a song:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I left my voice in the suitcase / That's why I can't speak to you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It took so many years to get here / I got lost, but that's nothin' new</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whatever I say, wherever I go / You'll be in my mind / With some smart reply </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Til the day I die</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You can cut with your eyes / It's your favorite disguise</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll be finding myself / Then maybe I'll find you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I took the long way around / Several times I ran the circle</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Always ending right back at the start / So disoriented and regretful</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whatever I say, wherever I go / You'll be the charmer / With some quick rejoinder</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Even when it's all over</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>You can cut with your eyes / It's your favorite disguise</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll be finding myself / Then maybe I'll find you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The song had a bitter flavor and a sweet melody. Rey sang the first verse, and Ben the second, swapping harmonies like they always did. Even in the small, dark motel room hours away from Seattle, not knowing what the future held for them, Rey was comforted by their music.</p>
<p>“You ready for dinner?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>He put his guitar away.</p>
<p>“What time is it?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Nearly four-thirty,” he said. “We missed lunch.”</p>
<p>“Let's wait a little longer,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She pulled him down for a kiss.</p>
<p>“All right,” he said. “But just a little longer. I'm starving.”</p>
<p>He smiled, showing her his dimples before he kissed her again. Later when Ben asked her what she wanted to eat, Rey realized what that would mean.</p>
<p>“Maybe we should order delivery,” she said.</p>
<p>“Aren't you getting sick of being in this room with me?” he asked with a smirk.</p>
<p>“Well, no, actually,” Rey said, grinning at him. “It's just that if we go out together, and someone who knows who we are sees us...”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben said, his face falling.“That's not likely. Neither of us is that recognizable.”</p>
<p>“No, we're not,” Rey said. “But all it takes is one person in Portland snapping a photo of us in public together, and that's all we'll hear about for the next few months. We haven't spoken in eight years!”</p>
<p>Ben sighed.</p>
<p>“So what?” he asked. “It's not anybody's business. We'll tell them as much.”</p>
<p>Rey laughed.</p>
<p>“You know that won't work. If the timing was better, I'd say screw them and do what we want... but you're going through a divorce. I just divorced Finn. Do you want to deal with the rumors that we've been having an affair again and that's why we both got divorced within a year of each other? Because that's what everyone will say.”</p>
<p>“Does it really matter what they say? We're still getting divorced,” Ben said stubbornly.</p>
<p>“It matters to me,” Rey replied. “I don't want our kids to hate us. I don't want Finn and Soph to believe we lied to them. I want to be on at least good speaking terms with my ex-husband, for my daughter's sake.”</p>
<p>“If it's that important to you, we'll order a pizza,” Ben relented, looking annoyed.</p>
<p>“Don't you care what your family and friends think?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I'm tired of caring what people think,” Ben said.</p>
<p>After a moment, Rey sighed and said, “Me too. Let's go. You pick the place, since you're the hangry one.”</p>
<p>“I'm not hangry,” he protested.</p>
<p>“Oh, yes, you are,” Rey laughed. They went to a nearby Thai restaurant, which was small and virtually empty.</p>
<p>“See? No paparazzi here,” Ben said after they settled into a booth. They ate and returned to the motel again, where it would soon be time for Ben to leave for the airport.</p>
<p>“You should go now, so you don't get home too late,” Ben urged her.</p>
<p>“It doesn't matter when I get home,” Rey replied.</p>
<p>“You'll be driving tired, alone,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“It's not that late. I'll be fine,” she said.</p>
<p>They were both lying on their backs, sideways across the bed. Rey rolled on her side to face him.</p>
<p>“Would it make you feel better if we take a nap?”</p>
<p>“Would it make <em>you</em> feel better?” he asked, propping himself up to look at her.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Rey scooted closer and planted her lips on his mouth. He responded by wrapping his arm tightly around her. They woke later to Ben's phone alarm. He had fifteen minutes until his shuttle to the airport arrived. It was time to say goodbye.</p>
<p>“I'm glad you called,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Me too,” Rey said. “Merry Christmas. Call me? If you need to talk, or... well, just call, would you?”</p>
<p>“I will,” he promised. “You answer.”</p>
<p>“I've always answered your calls, Ben.”</p>
<p>Rey drove home feeling blissfully peaceful and far less upset about spending the upcoming holiday with Finn's family. Ben called her late the next evening.</p>
<p>“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I'm drinking alone and watching <em>It's a A Wonderful Life</em>,” she said. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I'm drinking alone on the back porch,” he said.</p>
<p>“Is it cold there?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Nah, it's not bad,” Ben replied.</p>
<p>“How was the flight?”</p>
<p>“I didn't sleep,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Is the whole family there yet?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Yep, they're here,” Ben said. “Elle was out here with me until a few minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“I hope my kid turns out as great as yours,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Ben chuckled and said, “Like Elle? I hope so, too. Today Lydia took me aside and told me I ruined her childhood and asked me how many times I've cheated on her mom. The twins aren't supposed to know about the divorce yet, but they clearly do since they've been avoiding me like the plague. I don't know if Soph told them, or if it was Lydia.”</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, Ben,” Rey said. “You should get the twins alone and talk to them yourself.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “That, I will do.”</p>
<p>“When were you going to tell them? After the holiday?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“That was the plan,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Where will you live, once everything's settled?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“I'll probably just live in the studio for a while,” Ben said. “If you didn't know, we converted an old house. There's a few rooms upstairs going unused at the moment.”</p>
<p>“Ah, well that will be convenient,” Rey said. “No commute.”</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>“Are you sorry to give up the house?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“No... no, I'm not. I used to think I wasn't the rambling kind. Turns out I am. So, I'm never here anyway.”</p>
<p>“Really? You actually enjoy life on the road now?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do. Sometimes I have to get away from everyone else for my sanity, but I like traveling. It's easier now that the kids are older. There's a lot less guilt,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey wished she was still on tour and not sitting alone in her tiny condo.</p>
<p>“Darcy's coming with me on tour this summer,” she said. “Well, every summer from now on, I guess.”</p>
<p>“That's good,” Ben said. “What are you going to do, hire a nanny?”</p>
<p>“That's the plan,” Rey said.</p>
<p>She laughed and said, “Rose offered to do it this year. I told her she would regret losing her summer away from children.”</p>
<p>“You should take her up on it,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“It would be nice to have my best friend traveling with me, and Darcy hasn't seen her in... probably two years. Where are you touring this summer?”</p>
<p>They talked about their work, their bands, their music, and their plans for their next albums. Through it all, Rey was waiting for the right moment.</p>
<p>“Can I use the song we wrote?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Only if you don't give me credit,” he said.</p>
<p>“What? Of course I have to give you credit,” she said.</p>
<p>“Rey...” he sighed. “It's too soon for us to be putting out a song together.”</p>
<p>“I'm not asking you to sing it,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I know. I'm just saying, let's keep this to ourselves a little while longer... keep doing our own things musically, and keep the pressure off to work together.”</p>
<p>“Oh... okay,” Rey said in disappointment.</p>
<p>“I want to really get to know you outside of the work,” he said.</p>
<p>“Oh...” Rey said.</p>
<p>She looked at her empty wine glass and set it down.</p>
<p>“So, we're going to have a secret affair after all?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said. “If that's what you want to call it.”</p>
<p>“Well if we can't tell anyone about it, that's what it is,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“All right,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“So, I guess that means you want to see me again,” Rey said, grinning into the phone.</p>
<p>“Of course I do,” he said.</p>
<p>Ben agreed to meet her in Nashville in a few weeks, before they both started touring again. Rey showed up to his little apartment with her hair tucked into a hat, a long coat, and sunglasses. Ben made fun of her for dressing like a movie star hiding from the paparazzi. Rey's precautions proved to be necessary, though, when Ben was stopped on the street by a local fan a few days later.</p>
<p>Despite their resolution not to work together, they couldn't help singing and writing music anytime they were in the same room. Sometimes one of them would use it, and sometimes they filed it away for a 'maybe someday' reunion tour.</p>
<p>Rose came on tour with Rey that summer. Darcy adored her 'Aunt Rose', and Rose was thrilled to spend a month with them.</p>
<p>“That kid is growing up so fast,” Rose remarked one evening, as the two of them sat outside the tour bus in camping chairs, watching the sun set. Darcy was at the edge of the lake with the rest of the band, who were grilling dinner and kicking around a soccer ball.</p>
<p>“I know, and I'm getting old fast,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Oh, no you aren't,” Rose said. “Because if you're old, then I'm old, and I'm <em>not</em> old.”</p>
<p>“Someone once told me I'd understand what it felt like to be old when I was about to turn forty,” Rey said, smiling. “I'll be forty this year!”</p>
<p>“Forty is the new twenty-five,” Rose said, waving her hand dismissively at Rey.</p>
<p>“My gray hair says otherwise,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Oh, just keep dying that shit and live your life,” Rose said, giggling. “Nobody has to know your getting older – least of all yourself.”</p>
<p>Ben took his fiftieth birthday far better than he had his fortieth. He was drinking less since reuniting with Rey, sleeping more, and even practicing yoga after some prodding and convincing. His walks became longer and longer in the early mornings and the afternoons when he called Rey and escaped from his bandmates for a few hours.</p>
<p>It was difficult for Rey to get time away to talk to Ben. Rose always noticed when Rey disappeared with her phone to her ear. Rey was able to pass them off as a work-related calls, since she was still her own manager, until one day when her afternoon stroll and chat with Ben took her to a local park. Rose and Darcy were there watching some teenagers skateboard.</p>
<p>“Oh, god, there's Rose. I have to go!” Rey said quickly into the phone, and hung up on Ben.</p>
<p>Rose waved at her and Darcy ran toward her.</p>
<p>“Mom! I thought you were working,” Darcy said breathlessly as she stopped short of slamming into Rey.</p>
<p>“I was. What are you two doing here? I thought you were at the art museum?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“We were,” Darcy said, giving her a confused look. “That was <em>hours</em> ago, mom. Look at that girl over there! See, the one that just did the jump? Isn't she awesome?”</p>
<p>“Wow, yes...” Rey said, wondering if a skateboard was going to be her daughter's next request.</p>
<p>“I'm going to go sit on that wall and watch, okay?” Darcy asked.</p>
<p>“Sure, honey, go on,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Rose finally made it over and stood with crossed arms watching Darcy hurry off. She looked back at Rey.</p>
<p>“Who was on the phone?” she asked.</p>
<p>“What? Oh... just a guy from the studio,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Oh, just a guy? Really, Rey? Am I your best friend or not?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“It was just a guy!” Rey repeated, laughing.</p>
<p>“A guy you were flirting with,” Rose said. “You were beaming, Rey.”</p>
<p>Rey lifted her hands in defeat.</p>
<p>“Maybe I was,” she said, smiling.</p>
<p>“Who is it?” Rose asked curiously.</p>
<p>Rey shook her head.</p>
<p>“I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone,” she said.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on!” Rose begged. “You know I can keep a secret.”</p>
<p>“I know. This is just... new. You'll be the first to know if it lasts,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I better be!” Rose said.</p>
<p>Rey did not know why she had not told Rose yet. She trusted her friend not to tell anyone, but Rey felt she had to protect what she had with Ben. As soon as anyone else knew, they would have questions, and Rey didn't have answers. She didn't know whether it would ever be more than a longing captured for a moment and released to the winds of time again.</p>
<p>When the tour ended, Rose stayed in Seattle with Rey for a few days before going home to Nashville. On their last night together, after dropping Darcy off with Finn, they stayed up late with a bottle of wine. Rey was ready to talk. She poured a glass, and clinked it against Rose's.</p>
<p>Then Rey said, “So... I promised you'd be the first to know.”</p>
<p>Rose's eyes widened and she slid forward on the sofa.</p>
<p>“Oh, go on,” she said.</p>
<p>“It's Ben,” Rey said. “The guy I've been talking to is Ben.”</p>
<p>“Shut up!” Rose exclaimed. “You told me he never returned your call!”</p>
<p>“Well... I might have lied a little,” Rey said apologetically.</p>
<p>“A little!”</p>
<p>“Okay, a lot. He answered the phone and we've been seeing each other whenever we can between tours.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god!” Rose exclaimed loudly.</p>
<p>“Yep. So, there it is. You're the first to know, but you can't tell anyone, Rose. Not even Damion!”</p>
<p>“Damion can't know?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Fine...” Rose sighed. “Not even Damion. So, spill the rest. What's going on with you and Ben? It must be going well.”</p>
<p>“It is,” Rey said, unable to help smiling.</p>
<p>“What's next, then?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, boy... I wish I knew,” Rey said. “For now it's a secret.”</p>
<p>“That sounds kind of sad,” Rose commented.</p>
<p>“It's not, I'm really happy,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Have you talked about getting the duo back together?” Rose asked nonchalantly, but Rey knew she was rooting for the answer to be 'yes'.</p>
<p>“Of course. If it happens it wouldn't be a permanent thing,” she said.</p>
<p>Rose's face dropped.</p>
<p>“We like having separate careers,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“I get that... but there's something so special about what you write and sing together,” Rose said.</p>
<p>“We've still been writing,” Rey replied.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank god,” Rose said.</p>
<p>Rey smiled into her wine glass.</p>
<p>“Are you afraid that working together again will end badly?” Rose asked.</p>
<p>“A little bit, yeah,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Well, you're probably doing the smart thing,” said Rose, but she gave Rey a sad look.</p>
<p>Rose went home and things went on as they had been. Rey saw Darcy as often as possible and stole days with Ben whenever they could make it work. They both released a third solo album two years after Rey's divorce. Rey's was called <em>Earth Darling,</em> and Ben's was <em>Guitar Man. </em></p>
<p>Rey's album was nothing but her voice over fragile guitar melodies, shifting mellow piano chords, and the occasional addition of unexpected percussion instruments. One song, called <em>Summer Girl</em>, dedicated to Darcy, featured a cello as the main accompaniment.</p>
<p>Ben's <em>Guitar Man</em> focused on his impressive guitar playing, as impeccably clean and expressive as he'd ever been. Each song was a masterpiece of melody, lyrics, and his magnetic, powerful vocals. He released half of the album as higher-production versions with his band. Rey's favorite transformation was the song <em>Can't Go Back</em>, which was eerie and insistent in its acoustic form and became a powerful, brooding fit of frustration with the full band.</p>
<p>They both traveled and toured more than ever, fueled by the rising success of their work. Rey collaborated with other artists and Ben continued to hand-pick up-and-coming talent to record for his label. He did his own collaborations in his studio, where he continued to reside on the rare occasions he was home. The vagabond life suited him, despite all the years he fought against it.</p>
<p>Rey finally truly understood the forces that tore the duo apart, now that she was desperately trying to keep up her ambitious contracts and her touring schedule, and also be present for the important moments in her daughter's life. It was impossible. She spent plenty of late nights lying awake with her guilt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Retread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The breaking point came with another success – Rey won a Grammy for Best Pop Duo Performance with singer Layla Ray for their collaboration, <em>Stardazed, </em>which featured in the superhero film, <em>Starfire</em>. The win was bittersweet, because Rey was quickly retreating from the pop sound in her work. Ben was nominated for Best Country Album the same year, but did not win. It wasn't the first time – he was nominated for <em>Burning Wheel</em> years before.</p><p>When he called to congratulate Rey, all she could say in response was, “I wish I'd won it with you and not Layla Ray.”</p><p>Rey was warming to the idea of a return to their days as a duo, but Ben still resisted.</p><p>“How many messages have you gotten from fans begging you to reunite Second Song?” Rey asked him.</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“I get them every day,” Rey said. “You must, too.”</p><p>“I like what I'm doing with my music already,” Ben said stubbornly.</p><p>“I like what I'm doing too,” Rey said. “I also like what we write together – we should be performing it the way it was written, together. Don't you miss being on stage together?”</p><p>“I dunno.”</p><p>“Really?” Rey asked, chagrined.</p><p>“I do miss it, but I dunno, Rey... what we have now is working. What if we start touring together and it falls apart? I can't go through that again. It was hell the last time and that was when we weren't even together.”</p><p>“Maybe that was the problem,” Rey said.</p><p>“It won't be the same,” Ben said, shaking his head.</p><p>“Yes, but that doesn't mean it will be bad,” said Rey. “I think it will be better than before.”</p><p>“That's because you're such an optimist,” Ben said dismissively, but he smiled at her.</p><p>Rey laughed and said, “I write some pretty sad songs for an optimist. Besides, you only think it won't work because you're a pessimist.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Ben replied. “I don't want people to say we're just doing this because we couldn't hack it as solo artists.”</p><p>“I thought you were tired of caring what people think?” Rey reminded him.</p><p>“Yeah,” he admitted, then sighed.</p><p>“Hell, maybe it's just what I'll think of myself,” he said.</p><p>Rey stared at him.</p><p>“What?” she asked. “Think what?”</p><p>“That I'd be giving up on myself and taking the easy way out,” he said. “Going backward instead of forward, not developing as an artist. All that.”</p><p>“Who says we can't develop together?” Rey asked, trying not to sound as hurt as she felt.</p><p>“Nobody, I guess I'm just... chicken-shit,” he said, gesturing weakly.</p><p>“Who says we have to stop our solo work? We'll do both until we get tired of it.”</p><p>“Hmm,” was Ben' response.</p><p>Rey let him stew on it for a while, intending to bring it up again when she thought he'd had enough time. She was surprised when Ben brought up the matter himself the next time she saw him, a couple of weeks later.</p><p>“So, hypothetically...” he began, and paused to sip his wine.</p><p>They were at Rey's condo in Seattle, enjoying a rare weekend off together. Darcy was on a school trip with the children's orchestra, in which she played the violin.</p><p>“Hypothetically.... what?”</p><p>“If we did put out an album and start touring together again...” Ben said.</p><p>Rey straightened in her spot on the couch and looked him in the eyes.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Well, would we still be Second Song? Or something else?” he asked.</p><p>“Huh... I never thought about it,” Rey said. “Do you think we should re-christen the duo?”</p><p>“I'm just sayin' the old name brings back some bad memories,” said Ben. “A fresh start would be nice.”</p><p>“Well, we could just be... ourselves. Rey McNowan and Ben Solo,” she said.</p><p>Ben made a face and said, “That's too long.”</p><p>“Just 'McNowan &amp; Solo'?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Eh...”</p><p>They sat thinking in silence for a while. Rey leaned back against the couch. Ben's left arm was arched over the top of the cushions.</p><p>“Return of the Songbird?” Rey asked with a laugh.</p><p>“Come-back Catbird.”</p><p>Ben was laughing silently now, too.</p><p>“The Winged Warblers.”</p><p>“That's a mouthful,” Rey said.</p><p>“The Songbird Strikes Back?”</p><p>“Stop!” Rey laughed.</p><p>“You started it,” Ben said.</p><p>“Maybe we should stay away from bird names.”</p><p>“Hold on,” said Ben, pulling out his phone and typing.</p><p>After a few minutes of tapping and scrolling he let out a single, silent chuckle to himself.</p><p>“The Old World Babblers,” he said triumphantly. “Now, <em>that's</em> a band name!”</p><p>“No!” Rey said, shaking her head. “Come on, be serious.”</p><p>“Fine...” Ben said. “What about... The Old World... travelers?”</p><p>“You really like this 'old world' thing, don't you?” asked Rey.</p><p>“Well, we're old and we're traveling the world singin',” he said.</p><p>Rey ignored the fact that he'd just called her old.</p><p>“Old World... hmm... Wanderers?” Rey said, thinking aloud. “No, I don't like that... too much alliteration.”</p><p>“It would have to be Second Song,” Ben said. “People won't like a new name, even if we do come up with something good.”</p><p>Rey's smile grew.</p><p>“Does that mean you'll do it? Revive Second Song? What about all the bad memories?” she asked.</p><p>“I guess we can't separate the good from the bad. It's all part of what got us here to this,” Ben said.</p><p>“This?” Rey asked.</p><p>“This,” Ben repeated, turning his head to kiss her.</p><p>“Mmm, we could have gotten here a lot faster if we weren't both so stubborn,” Rey said.</p><p>“Nah, it wouldn't have worked before,” Ben said.</p><p>Rey leaned her head against his shoulder.</p><p>“What do you think would have happened if we'd been single when we met?” she asked.</p><p>“Would we have met at all if you weren't married to Finn?” Ben asked.</p><p>“I like to think so.”</p><p>“Best not wish for things we can't change,” Ben said.</p><p>“I know. I'm not wishing it... just wondering. Would you have asked me out?”</p><p>Rey nudged Ben as she asked the question.</p><p>“Probably not,” he said.</p><p>“Oh... really?”</p><p>“You were too young,” he said, a hint of teasing in his voice.</p><p>“So, you wouldn't have swept me off my feet?”</p><p>“Nah, I don't sweep,” he said.</p><p>“Sure, you do.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Yeah, all you have to do is open your mouth and start singing,” Rey said. “Or haven't you noticed the looks on the faces of the ladies in your audiences? They've all been swept.”</p><p>“Can't really see much up on stage,” Ben said. “Too bright.”</p><p>“Oh, okay!”</p><p>“I think you would've been the one to do the asking,” he said after a moment.</p><p>“Nah, probably not,” Rey said.</p><p>“Well, I guess we have Finn to thank for bringing us together,” Ben concluded.</p><p>“Don't ever say that to him.”</p><p>“Oh, don't worry we won't ever be on speaking terms again,” Ben said.</p><p>Rey waited for the playful smirk to appear on his face, but he remained serious.</p><p>“Wait a minute... really?” she asked. “Why?”</p><p>“Why would I have a reason to speak to Finn again?”</p><p>“Because we're talking about working together again. We'll be traveling together, sometimes with Darcy. There's a chance you'll see Finn again. Why do you say you won't ever be on speaking terms?”</p><p>Ben shifted and pushed his hair out of his face.</p><p>“Our last meeting didn't end well,” he said.</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“Well, after he told me I couldn't play any of the music we wrote together, I told him to take good care of you and the baby and never to cheat on you again.”</p><p>“Ben, you didn't!”</p><p>“I did,” he said.</p><p>“Finn knew I told you about his affair all this time?” she asked, stunned.</p><p>“I didn't say it was you who told me.”</p><p>“Well, how else would you have known about it?” she asked.</p><p>“Maybe Damion told me, or someone else. Finn's not the only one who has a lot of connections. Hell, maybe I saw them together when I was out on a walk one night.”</p><p>“Did you?!”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Rey eyed Ben.</p><p>“Finn said a lot of things about you in couples' counseling, but he never mentioned you said that to him,” she said.</p><p>“You got Finn to agree to go to counseling?”</p><p>“Why is that surprising?” Rey asked.</p><p>“I can't picture him letting anybody else lead a conversation, for one,” said Ben.</p><p>Rey just shook her head.</p><p>“For another, I can't see him listening to anyone's advice but his own.”</p><p>“He used to listen to me sometimes,” Rey said.</p><p>“Did he?”</p><p>“I said sometimes. Let's not talk about Finn. If you ever do have to see him, at least be civil for my sake.”</p><p>Ben grunted and settled himself deeper into the couch. Rey leaned her head back against his shoulder.</p><p>“What if we start touring together as solo acts,” Ben said.</p><p>Rey chuckled and said, “You mean, without singing anything together? That would drive people crazy.”</p><p>“It would,” Ben said.</p><p>“Me, Ben. It would drive me crazy. I'm one of those people!”</p><p>“I didn't say we'd keep it up forever,” he said.</p><p>“You want to tantalize them with hope first?” she asked.</p><p>“Well, we need a transition,” Ben said.</p><p>“We've both already started playing our old stuff separately,” Rey pointed out.</p><p>Ben was now performing <em>My Father's Grave</em> and <em>Years and Years</em> regularly at the end of his shows, and Rey had worked a full-band rendition of <em>Let Him Go </em>into her performances.</p><p>“Yeah. This is the next step. Then one day we'll surprise them and walk onto the stage together again,” he said.</p><p>“One day soon?” Rey</p><p>“Soon,” he said.</p><p>A month later, on the week of Rey's birthday, Ben called.</p><p>“Do you want your birthday present a little early?” he asked.</p><p>“Ah... yes? Is it you? Are you coming into town early?” Rey asked hopefully.</p><p>He chuckled.</p><p>“No, I'll see you on Sunday night as planned. I'm calling to see if you want to join my next tour, since your doesn't start until February. I'm going to see Dave today, and if you want to do this I'll tell him to make it happen.”</p><p>“Are you serious? Of course!” Rey said.</p><p>He laughed again and said, “All right. Then, I'll see you Sunday and we'll work out the details.”</p><p>“This is going to be a great year,” Rey said excitedly.</p><p>“I think so too.”</p><p>It was only after Rey got off the phone that she realized what touring with Ben that January would mean. She was supposed to take Darcy those weekends while she was between tours. Finn was not happy to hear of the change of plans.</p><p>“Do what you need to do for your career, Rey, but you're going to be the one to tell Darcy,” he said.</p><p>“Of course I'll be the one to tell her,” Rey replied.</p><p>The next day, when Darcy was back with Rey, she broke the news.</p><p>“Darcy, I have something to tell you,” she said, as they finished dinner.</p><p>Her daughter looked up from her bowl of homemade potato soup, one of her favorite dishes, her spoon mid-air. Darcy's sweet baby face had grown lean and her features were quickly becoming those of a teenager. It was a teenager's wary look she gave Rey as she lowered her spoon back to her bowl of steaming soup.</p><p>“Is something wrong, Mom?”</p><p>“Well, I have some good news and some bad news,” Rey said.</p><p>Her daughter waited, with a look on her face that was all Finn's.</p><p>“The good news is I've been invited to tour with another artist. The bad news is that I won't be here for most of January if I agree to do it,” Rey said.</p><p>“Oh,” was Darcy's response.</p><p>She lifted her spoon again and took the postponed bite.</p><p>“Are you going to do it?” she asked.</p><p>“I am,” Rey said. “I'm sorry that it means I won't see you as much as we planned, Darcy.”</p><p>“It's okay, Mom. It's your job. Besides, now I can go to Disneyland with Margot like she wanted,” Darcy said.</p><p>“Oh? When is that?” Rey asked.</p><p>“January 16<sup>th</sup>. It's for her birthday.”</p><p>“Darcy, we could still go for your friend's birthday even if I'm here,” Rey said. “Why didn't you tell me?”</p><p>Darcy shrugged and said, “You don't like amusement parks.”</p><p>“Oh, Darcy – but I like spending time with you! I'd go to Disneyland with you and your friends if you asked.”</p><p>“I know, Mom,” Darcy said, eating more soup. “So, who are you going on tour with?”</p><p>“His name is Ben Solo,” Rey said.</p><p>“Is he famous?” Darcy asked skeptically.</p><p>“About as famous as I am,” Rey replied, laughing a little at her daughter.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Darcy seemed far more interested in her soup than the conversation.</p><p>“This is really good, Mom,” she said, scraping the bottom of her bowl.</p><p>“I know, it's your favorite,” said Rey.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Darcy ate seconds and then eagerly returned to the book series she was reading. Rey tidied the kitchen, wondering what was really going on in her pre-teen's head. Later, she found Darcy in her bedroom, still pouring over the last few chapters in her book.</p><p>“Darcy? Would you like to come along on tour with me one weekend in January? Not the same one as Margot's birthday, of course.”</p><p>“Sure,” Darcy said, glancing up at Rey briefly.</p><p>“Really? You're not just saying that to make me happy?”</p><p>“Yeah, Mom. I like being backstage. Is Keith going to be there?”</p><p>Keith was Rey's guitarist.</p><p>“I hope so,” Rey said.</p><p>Keith Lawrence had been a guitar teacher in the past. He was Darcy's favorite band member because he was the most encouraging of her interest in music.</p><p>“Me too,” said Darcy.</p><p>Ben came to see her that Sunday. They rented a cabin in the woods for a couple of days and spent most of their time by a cozy fire while cold rain fell outside.</p><p>“So, I got you a real birthday present,” Ben said the first evening, handing her a box wrapped in brown paper with a pretty blue ribbon.</p><p>“I thought touring together was a real gift,” Rey said.</p><p>“Well... that's for me, too,” he said.</p><p>Rey opened the box and pulled back the tissue paper inside with her fingertips.</p><p>“Oh, Ben... is this...?”</p><p>She lifted the black journal out of the box.</p><p>“Is this what I think it is?” she asked.</p><p>Ben watched her slowly open the cover.</p><p>“It's your old journal, with all our songs,” she said, smiling at the scribbles in his handwriting.</p><p>“Why are you giving it to me?” she asked.</p><p>“Well, I memorized it all a long time ago,” he said. “And I wanted you to read the rest. All the stuff I wrote after I left.”</p><p>“I thought you didn't write any music right after you left?”</p><p>“I didn't. It's just words that never became anything. I didn't have the heart to put it to music,” Ben said.</p><p>“Aw, Ben... you're going to make me cry,” she said through watery eyes.</p><p>“That's not hard to do.”</p><p>Rey flipped to the back of the book, and found the last songs they wrote together, running her hand over the paper and hearing the music in her mind.</p><p>“There's a page missing,” she said, touching the raw edge of the ripped paper.</p><p>“Is there?” Ben asked.</p><p>“Yeah, look.”</p><p>Rey showed him.</p><p>“Hm. Must have really hated whatever was on that page,” he commented.</p><p>“You don't remember?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Oh, I remember,” he said. “Maybe I'll tell you about it one day.”</p><p>Rey touched the torn edge again before she closed the journal. The next week, they announced that Rey would be joining Ben for six shows in January, and the tour immediately sold out. Perhaps more surprising, was Finn's silence about the matter over Christmas. He must know already, but he was going to make Rey tell him.</p><p>Francie and Charlie seemed to have forgiven Rey for the divorce. They still treated her like family, and Rey found she almost looked forward to holidays at the house. Before Rey said her goodbyes and left with Darcy on Christmas morning, Finn followed her out to her car carrying her crockpot, which was now empty after their meal the night before.</p><p>“Thanks, Finn,” she said, as he put it in the back of the car.</p><p>“Say hello to Rose and Damion for me,” he replied.</p><p>Rey and Darcy were going to Nashville for a week.</p><p>“I will,” Rey said.</p><p>“Tell Ben not to screw it up this time.”</p><p>“So you heard,” Rey said.</p><p>“Of course I heard.”</p><p>Finn had a strange, grimly smug look on his face that got right under Rey's skin, even before the next words left his mouth.</p><p>“I knew you'd go back to him one day.”</p><p>“God, Finn – really? You want to do this today? On Christmas?”</p><p>Finn crossed his arms, and they looked smug as well.</p><p>“How long have you two been planning this?” he asked.</p><p>Rey shook her head.</p><p>“It's killing you that you didn't know sooner, isn't it?” she asked.</p><p>“I was surprised it took this long.”</p><p>“What do you want me to say, Finn? I didn't want to end Second Song. It was devastating to stop making that music, and of course I want to try it again now that Ben is ready.”</p><p>“What changed?” Finn asked.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What made him agree to it?”</p><p>“I called him and asked,” Rey said.</p><p>Finn scoffed at her, still smirking.</p><p>“That's all it took?”</p><p>“Yep. Well, I'm going to get Darcy and say goodbye to everyone,” said Rey.</p><p>Finn stayed outside as Rey went to retrieve Darcy. He hugged their daughter goodbye when she came out with Rey a few minutes later. After their daughter got into the passenger seat, Finn stood staring at Rey.</p><p>“Are you going to meet him in Nashville?” he asked. “Is that what this trip is really about?”</p><p>“No, Finn. It's not. We're going to see my friends. No work.”</p><p>“Good,” Finn said. “She's already taking it pretty hard that you won't be here for most of January.”</p><p>“Darcy's fine, Finn.”</p><p>“You don't see her every day.”</p><p>“Neither do you. Merry Christmas, Finn.”</p><p>Rey got into her car and backed away from her ex-husband. He stood watching them go with his arms still crossed over his chest.</p><p>Rose and Damion were enthusiastic hosts for their stay in Nashville. Rose was out of school until the second week of January and could dedicate full days to spending time with Darcy.</p><p>Darcy was thrilled with the attention, and thrilled to be in Nashville again.</p><p>“Can you show me where we lived when I was a baby?” she asked when they got off the plane.</p><p>“Oh, I don't know, Darcy. It's pretty far from Rose's apartment.”</p><p>“Please? I want to take a picture of it for my family history project,” Darcy said. “Dad let me have his old camera, so I can take better photos now. I'm going to put lots of pictures of Nashville in it because that's where I was born.”</p><p>“Oh, I see... well, why don't we ask Rose later if she minds driving us there?”</p><p>Rose did not mind, and they planned to go out the next day. Darcy stayed up late with Rey and Rose, playing music together. Darcy had brought her violin and was alternating between playing along with Rose's songs and singing the lead on some of Rey's. It made Rey a little weepy to sing harmony on her own work alongside her daughter. The next morning they drove out to the old house. Rose slowed as they rounded the turn before the driveway, then pulled to the side of the road.</p><p>“Mom! There's a sale sign! The house is for sale!”</p><p>Rey looked, and there was indeed a realtor's sign stuck into the lawn by the road.</p><p>“So it is,” said Rey.</p><p>“I wonder if the music studio is still there,” said Rose.</p><p>“Me too,” Rey said.</p><p>The three occupants of the car sat looking silently at the front of the house. Rey smiled remembering all the time she spent on the front porch. The sound of Darcy clicking the shutter on Finn's camera snapped Rey out of her memories.</p><p>“It doesn't look like anyone is home. Why don't you get out of the car and take a photo, Darcy.”</p><p>“Mom, no...”</p><p>Rey got out and stood at the end of her old driveway. After a few minutes Darcy got out and took a couple of shots.</p><p>“Did you like living here?” she asked.</p><p>“I loved living here,” Rey said.</p><p>“I loved that gorgeous kitchen,” Rose said, joining them.</p><p>“I loved that music room,” Rey said.</p><p>The pain of the divorce had faded, taking with it much of the good and the bad of her marriage. Now when she looked at the house, Rey heard Ben' voice.</p><p>“Can we go inside?” Darcy asked.</p><p>“No... no, we can't do that, honey,” said Rey. “Ready to go?”</p><p>“Hold on,” Darcy said.</p><p>She lifted the camera once more and carefully framed another shot. Rey opened the passenger car door and waited, watching until her daughter lowered her camera and turned around.</p><p>“Ready to go get some lunch?” she asked.</p><p>“Sure, Mom.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Song as Old as Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey returned Darcy to Finn at the end of the week, feeling confident that the time away with her daughter was well-spent. Finn reluctantly agreed to allow Darcy to join Rey for her Texas tour stops with Ben.</p>
<p>As the days dwindled before Rey stepped onto the stage with Ben, her agitation increased. It was a pleasant sort of uneasiness, but it gave her the jitters all the same. Finally, at the end of the second week of January, Rey and her band got on the road to Las Vegas, where they would meet Ben and play their first show.</p>
<p>Keith, who was always quiet, was as silent as a grave while they traveled. Tension emanated from him in a way Rey could not pin down. Perhaps he was worried about his future as Rey's guitarist. He had little to say about the surprise collaboration tour with Ben. The night of the first show, Keith's face said he was excited to get on the stage, but he was still suspiciously mute. Rey forgot about Keith though, when she caught sight of Ben as he arrived at the venue.</p>
<p>“Ben!”</p>
<p>Rey was already half of the distance to him as she greeted him. Their respective band members watched, some holding instrument cases mid-air, as they embraced.</p>
<p>“I'm so glad we're doing this,” she said.</p>
<p>“Me too. Here, let me introduce you to the band.”</p>
<p>Rey shook the hands of his guitarist, bassist, drummer, keyboardist, two fiddle players, and two back-up singers, and immediately forgot their names.</p>
<p>“This is Keith Lawrence,” Rey said, and Ben extended a hand.</p>
<p>“I've been impressed, Keith,” Ben said. “Rey's last album owes a lot to your playin'.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Keith replied. “I listen to your stuff all the time, man. You have a rare ear and talent. I'm honored to meet you.”</p>
<p>That was the last thing Keith said to Ben voluntarily, which told Rey her hunch was correct. Keith knew his time with her was short. She would hate to see him go but he deserved to be front and center in a musical act, not second guitar to Ben when the time came to resurrect Second Song.</p>
<p>Rey opened the show to a warmly receptive audience. At the end of her set, there were screams of “Second Song” and “We'll never forget!”</p>
<p>“Well, the time has come for me to turn the stage over to a dear, old friend,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Cheers and applause engulfed her for a moment.</p>
<p>“I want to thank him for inviting me along on this tour. It's been a long time since we shared a stage. So, without further ado, here is Ben Solo!”</p>
<p>Rey clapped along with the audience as Ben appeared on stage. They shook hands and clapped one another on the back to whistles and even more cheering. Ben waved and waited for the applause to die down once he got to the microphone.</p>
<p>“Thank you. Can I get another round of applause for Rey McNowan?”</p>
<p>The crowd obliged. Rey grinned, waved, and bowed her way off the stage.</p>
<p>“Folks – before the rest of the band comes out, I'm going to play you a new song tonight. If that's okay?”</p>
<p>The audience cheered again.</p>
<p>“Well, all right. So, this is a song I wrote a long time ago and never played for anyone... until now.”</p>
<p>He began strumming softly on his guitar. After just a few simple bars, he began to sing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I must have left my only good sweater / Somewhere along with my last letter</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I left you crying back in the city / Farther and farther the distance</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Faded</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / Don't dare look back</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / My never after</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So long / My favorite song </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tears came to Rey's eyes as Ben continued to sing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Will you remember / The last time we laughed</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A kiss on your face / One last good mem'ry</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The moment you said / “You belong with me”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But we both know it ain't true / No more</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / Don't dare look back</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / My never after</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So long / My favorite song </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Never thought that it would last / You were the best thing / That didn't happen</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So long / My favorite song </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey clapped along with fans in the audience, who drowned out the last soft chords of Ben' guitar. The rest of Ben' band ran out to take their places on the stage and Ben immediately counted them off into the next song. Rey wiped her eyes and stood hugging herself as she watched Ben' set from just off stage. When the show was over, she was still standing there waiting to congratulate him on his performance.</p>
<p>“Great show,” she told Ben and the band as they exited the stage. “Was that really the first time you ever played that first song for anyone?”</p>
<p>“I wasn't lyin',” he said.</p>
<p>“I liked it.”</p>
<p>“I thought you might.”</p>
<p>Rey grinned, and said no more in front of the others. Later that night, once everyone finally went to bed, they sat on the edge of the low wall around the fountain a few blocks away.</p>
<p>“That was the song you tore out of the journal, wasn't it?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>He dipped his chin at her.</p>
<p>“You said that you didn't write anything after you left.”</p>
<p>“I wrote the lyrics. Never put them to music,” he said.</p>
<p>“I'm glad you did,” said Rey.</p>
<p>Their time together on tour flew by so quickly, that Finn showed up with Darcy seemingly the next day.</p>
<p>Rey and Keith met them at the airport and they all went to lunch together.</p>
<p>“I want tacos,” Darcy said confidently, when asked what she'd like to eat.</p>
<p>The restaurant wasn't near the airport, but it was still busy for the lunch hour. Darcy barely gave Keith's ears a moment's rest until her tacos arrived at the table.</p>
<p>“How's the tour?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>“Great,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Is next weekend your last show with Solo?”</p>
<p>Rey almost laughed when Finn called Ben by his last name, which he'd never done before.</p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p>“Then you're off on your own again.”</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>Keith looked as if he wished he had not agreed to come along for lunch.</p>
<p>“Hey, Darcy-bear...”</p>
<p>“Ugh, mom, please don't call me that anymore,” said Darcy.</p>
<p>“All right, all right...” Rey said. “Do you want to go see a movie tonight?”</p>
<p>“Which movie?” Darcy asked.</p>
<p>“I was thinking the new <em>Galaxy Trek</em> one.”</p>
<p>“Oh... I already saw that with Dad. Sorry, Mom.”</p>
<p>They decided on the latest live-action fairytale retelling, <em>Sea Witch. </em>When Darcy excused herself to the restroom before they left, Finn voiced his concerns.</p>
<p>“Don't keep her out late all weekend. She has two essays to write.”</p>
<p>“Finn, this is our overachieving daughter you're talking about. She's going to write the essays,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“She doesn't like to disappoint you,” replied Finn.</p>
<p>Rey only stared back at him, and caught Keith shifting uncomfortably in his seat out of the corner of her eye. For Keith's sake, she did not push Finn to elaborate further.</p>
<p>Darcy seemed happy to be back on tour with Rey. She got out her violin and warmed up with the band each night. She was delighted when Keith sat down and played <em>Old Time Song</em> with her the next afternoon. Ben appeared outside the tour bus while Darcy and Keith were playing together and Rey was leaning on the side of the bus listening.</p>
<p>“Is that Darcy playing?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“She's good.”</p>
<p>Rey nodded again.</p>
<p>“So, I was thinking,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Rey peered at him and waited.</p>
<p>“You should sing <em>Goodbye Song </em>with me the night of our last show. I thought now might be a good time to practice.”</p>
<p>He was trying not to grin at her, and Rey was doing the same.</p>
<p>“Right now?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Ben said.</p>
<p>“Where?”</p>
<p>“Well... the band just finished the setting up and went to the bar. Nobody's on the stage right now.”</p>
<p>For the third time, Rey nodded.</p>
<p>“All right. Let me tell them.”</p>
<p>She poked her head inside the bus.</p>
<p>“Hey, you two, it sounds great,” she said.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” said Keith.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Darcy said, letting her bow drop to her side.</p>
<p>“Hey, I'm going back inside to check on a few details with Ben before the show,” Rey said. “Are you guys all right to keep playing for a while?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Keith said easily.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Mom.”</p>
<p>“Okay. I'll be back soon, and we'll get some dinner.”</p>
<p>Rey shut the door behind her and Ben led the way into the venue, called <em>Las Almas</em>. The atmosphere was dark and romantic, full of black and deep burgundy décor, with black walls and ceilings. Rey stood still in the middle of the stage and breathed in the surroundings.</p>
<p>“I like this place,” she said.</p>
<p>Ben was already holding his guitar, picking at the strings.</p>
<p>“It's a memorable one,” he said.</p>
<p>Rey swayed and danced across the stage as he played, humming little harmonies to herself.</p>
<p>“You ready?” he asked after a minute.</p>
<p>“Ready.”</p>
<p>Ben immediately played the sparse intro to the song and began singing the first verse. For a moment, Rey forgot she was supposed to be singing with him and listened to the swell of his voice as it rose suddenly in volume on the second line. A little chill hit her and she smiled over at him. She joined in quietly on the last two lines of the verse and then louder as they moved into the chorus:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>...the distance / Faded</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / Don't dare look back</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye / My never after</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So long / My favorite song </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey sang a simple harmony all the way through, letting Ben' voice continue to shine in the lead. The sound was nothing special, just the familiar embrace of their voices blending together, but for Rey it was just right. They played it just like that for the show. When Ben finished his set he bowed and nodded and waved at the cheering crowd. As the band left the stage, he stepped back up to the microphone.</p>
<p>“Before we go, I have something else for you,” he said.</p>
<p>More cheers filled the warm air between the stage and the crowd. Rey emerged from the wings where she'd been waiting. Excited murmurs undercut the applause and a few whistles broke through the noise when Rey sidled up next to Ben at the mic.</p>
<p>“We're gonna sing you a song,” Ben said.</p>
<p>Explosive cheering rose up in response. Rey and Ben laughed together as they waited for it to die down. Rey's cheeks hurt from grinning too widely.</p>
<p>“As you might know, we haven't done this in a while,” Ben continued, and his voice was immediately drowned out by the crowd again.</p>
<p>Finally, after a long wait for the next silence, Ben spoke again. He had been picking at the first chords of the song for a minute already.</p>
<p>“This is a song I wrote many, many years ago. I brought it out for this tour, and tonight...”</p>
<p>Ben looked over at Rey. His eyes crinkled with his smile.</p>
<p>“Tonight is the first time we're singing it together on a stage.”</p>
<p>Again, they grinned at the crowd's enthusiastic response. As Ben started to sing the room fell silent.</p>
<p>The end of the song elicited the same wild, appreciative applause, and Rey was finally back home again. When Rey called Darcy the next afternoon, her daughter had questions.</p>
<p>“Is Ben your boyfriend, Mom?”</p>
<p>“Wow... hello to you, too, daughter,” she said.</p>
<p>Darcy sighed into the phone, making it crackle and tickle Rey's ear.</p>
<p>“Hey, Mom. So, is he?”</p>
<p>Rey paused, unable to speak through her surprise.</p>
<p>“I guess he is,” she said.</p>
<p>It sounded strange to call Ben her boyfriend, but how else could she explain the relationship to a preteen?</p>
<p>“Oh,” was all Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Does that make you upset?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Not really. I liked him...”</p>
<p>“But...?”</p>
<p>Darcy sighed again.</p>
<p>“I liked him but I don't like Daddy's girlfriend.”</p>
<p>“Daddy has a girlfriend?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Her name is Allison,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>“Oh, I see. Why don't you like Allison?”</p>
<p>“She talks too loud,” said Darcy.</p>
<p>Rey smiled into her phone.</p>
<p>“Is that all?”</p>
<p>“I dunno,” mumbled Darcy. “I just don't like her.”</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, dear. You should give her another chance. Be nice and try to get to know her before you decide you don't like her. First impressions aren't always fair.”</p>
<p>“Mom...”</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“I wish I could stay with you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, honey, I wish that too,” Rey said, her heart aching for her daughter.</p>
<p>Darcy made a small sound of annoyance.</p>
<p>“Grandma says I have to say goodbye and come eat lunch.”</p>
<p>“All right. I'll talk to you later. Love you.”</p>
<p>“Love you, too,” Darcy said quickly. “Bye.”</p>
<p>Rey met Allison a month later. All she knew about Finn's girlfriend was that Darcy still didn't like her and that she was a dentist. When Rey parked outside of the Strommand's home, she noticed a white BMW in the driveway. A woman with a blonde bob opened the door as Rey approached the front porch.</p>
<p>“Hi! You must be Rey!” she said loudly.</p>
<p>“And you must be Allison,” Rey said.</p>
<p>“Yes, Allison Payne. Nice to finally meet you, Rey!”</p>
<p>They shook hands.</p>
<p>“Wait, so that means... you're Dr. Payne?” asked Rey.</p>
<p>Allison laughed and nodded.</p>
<p>“Yes, I am Dr. Payne,” she said.</p>
<p>“It's a good thing you aren't a children's dentist,” said Rey, smiling.</p>
<p>“I know, right?” Allison agreed.</p>
<p>She chuckled and pushed her hair behind her ear. The bangles on her wrist clinked together and shimmered. Her face was tan and freckled over her nose and eyes. She looked like she spent a lot of time outdoors, and her teeth were a brilliant white.</p>
<p>“Darcy's inside doing some last minute packing,” Allison said.</p>
<p>“Where's Finn?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, he's here working.”</p>
<p>Finn appeared as Rey followed Allison inside.</p>
<p>“I see you two have met,” he said.</p>
<p>He walked over to Allison and put his arm around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“How is Solo these days?” he asked.</p>
<p>His smile was thin, and Rey's must have been, too.</p>
<p>“Never been better,” she said.</p>
<p>“You two sounded good. I saw the video.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>Allison shifted under Finn's arm, as if she was considering making an escape.</p>
<p>“When does the collaboration project come out?” Finn asked.</p>
<p>Rey laughed and said, “No date yet.”</p>
<p>“You're planning one,” Finn remarked, as if stating the sky was blue.</p>
<p>“I'm going to go check on Darcy, and let her know you're here,” Allison said.</p>
<p>She tapped Finn's arm lightly before pulling away, but Finn only kept staring at Rey.</p>
<p>“Darcy, your mother is here!” he called suddenly, once Allison disappeared up the stairs.</p>
<p>Darcy's muffled response of “Okaaay” could be heard through the ceiling, followed by a loud thud. Neither Finn nor Rey spoke again until Darcy and Allison came down the stairs. They stood motionless and silent, locked in a painful staring contest.</p>
<p>“Hey, Mom!” Darcy said, inserting welcome cheerfulness into the atmosphere between them.</p>
<p>“Oh, I've missed you,” Rey said, as her daughter dropped her bag at the foot of the stairs and came over for a hug. “We're going to have such a great weekend!”</p>
<p>“Did you pack your medicine, Darcy?” asked Finn.</p>
<p>“Yeah, Dad.”</p>
<p>“Make sure she takes all of it,” Finn instructed Rey.</p>
<p>“I know how antibiotics work, Finn,” Rey said.</p>
<p>Darcy grabbed her bag</p>
<p>“Is the car unlocked, Mom?”</p>
<p>Allison and Darcy went outside, and after a moment Rey followed them. Finn remained inside until Rey slipped into the driver's seat, then he came out to hug Darcy goodbye.</p>
<p>“Bye, Dad,” Darcy said.</p>
<p>Finn shut the passenger side door and waved. Rey put the car into gear and lifted her hand briefly. Allison waved as well and then hugged herself as a gust of wind lifted the ends of her hair. Rey glanced once more at Finn in the rearview mirror, then pulled out of the driveway.</p>
<p>“Are you hungry? What should we have for lunch?” she asked Darcy.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” said Darcy, distantly. She was already holding an open book on her lap.</p>
<p>“You don't know if you're hungry or you don't know what you want?”</p>
<p>“Both,” said her daughter, shrugging.</p>
<p>“All right. We'll just wait until you're hungry,” said Rey.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Rey turned on the radio and drove with her thoughts churning over and over the memory of Finn's face. Would he ever forgive her for loving Ben and... did it matter?</p>
<p>“Mom?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sweetie?”</p>
<p>“Can you play your music instead of this?”</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Long Time Coming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joanne McNowan sat with her laptop open, waiting for her husband to come home from his office hours at the church. She was dressed as she would have been any ordinary day as a teacher, in slacks and a flowered blouse, with her hair pulled halfway up. She had been retired for a few years now, but her wardrobe had not changed at all.</p><p>The flicker of the TV and the glowing light from the computer screen were the only bright spots in the dark living room. At four-thirty-two, Richard walked through the front door.</p><p>“Jo?” he asked, walking down the front hall, his heavy footfalls dampened by an antique hall runner that had been meticulously maintained since they bought the house.</p><p>“I'm in here,” called his wife.</p><p>He hung up his jacket and went to the living room. Joanne was sitting primly on the sofa with her laptop open beside her.</p><p>“It's Rey,” she said. “She put up another video.”</p><p>“Did she?” Richard asked politely. “So soon.”</p><p>“Sit down and watch it with me,” Joanne said impatiently. She patted the sofa cushion beside her.</p><p>“All right.”</p><p>Richard lowered himself onto the sofa and grabbed a throw pillow to wedge behind his back, groaning as he did.</p><p>“Okay, let's see it,” he said.</p><p>Joanne rotated the screen so that he could better see it and played the video. The music video began with Rey singing gently into an old-fashioned microphone, standing in front of her band. She was wearing a floral, vintage dress and her hair fell in soft, glamorous waves down her shoulders and back.</p><p>“She's grown out her hair,” Joanne commented. “Doesn't it look lovely?”</p><p>“Mmhm,” Richard intoned. He rubbed his hand absently over the gray stubble on his chin.</p><p>“Her dress is too low-cut, though,” remarked Joanne.</p><p>The video cut to a shot of Ben halfway through the song, when his voice came in with a deep, soft harmony. Joanne's eyes flicked to her husband, who continued to watch without comment until the camera cut back to Rey. Joanne waited until Ben's face was on the screen again, and tapped the space bar aggressively to pause the video.</p><p>“Rich!” she said, causing her husband to jump and look at her. “Do you recognize that man?”</p><p>“Ah...” Richard squinted at the screen. “I don't have my glasses on, Jo. Hold on.”</p><p>Joanne sighed as she waited for him for put them on.</p><p>“All right,” said Richard. He stared at the screen and rubbed his chin again.</p><p>“You really don't know who that is?” Joanne asked. She pointed at the screen.</p><p>“It's that man she used to sing with, Rich. Years and years ago, now. Remember?”</p><p>“Ah, I guess it is.”</p><p>Joanne stared at her husband with her mouth open for a moment.</p><p>“That's all you have to say?”</p><p>“What else should I say?” Richard asked.</p><p>“Richard! Do you not remember how they carried on? It was very clear they were having an affair, and then he left the group. I suppose we know why she divorced Finn.”</p><p>“Now, Jo.”</p><p>“No, don't tell me to stay out of it. This our daughter. I'm allowed to wonder what she's doing with her life.”</p><p>Richard held up his hands in exasperation.</p><p>“I didn't say that, Jo.”</p><p>“Well, you were going to.”</p><p>“No. I was going to say that accusing her of adultery isn't going to help anything,” Richard said.</p><p>“I didn't say I was going to 'accuse' her. I was just conversing with my husband about our daughter,” said Joanne. “Rey doesn't talk to me. How would I accuse her of anything?”</p><p>Richard sighed and took off his glasses.</p><p>“You write letters,” he said.</p><p>“No. I'm not writing any more. I hope she's happy. Maybe this man is better for her. I never liked Finn.”</p><p>“I know, dear,” Richard said tiredly.</p><p>“You liked him at first.”</p><p>“Yes, dear,” Richard said. “We all make mistakes, but by the grace of god we are forgiven.”</p><p>“A mother's intuition is never wrong.”</p><p>Richard sighed and leaned back against the sofa.</p><p>“So, what is your intuition telling you about this guy?” he asked.</p><p>Joanne played the rest of the video, watching with narrowed eyes.</p><p>“I don't know. I don't suppose we'll ever meet him to find out what kind of person he is.”</p><p>Richard had closed his eyes and appeared to be already drifting off into his afternoon nap, but he reached over to pat his wife's arm.</p><p>“I hope she's happy,” Joanne repeated, staring at the image of her daughter frozen on the screen.</p><p>__</p><p> </p><p>“Mom?”</p><p>Rey woke up suddenly to Darcy standing over her. Rey wanted to tell her daughter she was too old to be waking her mother up early, but when she glanced at the clock she saw that it was ten in the morning already.</p><p>“Yeah, Darcy?” she asked.</p><p>“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” said Darcy. “Don't we have to leave soon to meet dad?”</p><p>Rey sat up.</p><p>“Ah, yeah, we'll leave soon. Come here.”</p><p>Rey gestured for Darcy to come closer, and then grabbed her and squeezed her into a bear hug.</p><p>“Mom!” Darcy protested, but then she giggled. “Mom, stop!”</p><p>Rey let go and grinned at her daughter.</p><p>“Sorry, kiddo, I didn't mean to sleep in. I must have forgotten to plug in my phone.”</p><p>Sure enough, Rey's phone was lying dead on her nightstand.</p><p>“What do you want for breakfast?” she asked. “Pick a place and we'll go before we meet your dad.”</p><p>“The diner!” said Darcy happily.</p><p>“Of course, the diner,” said Rey. “I should have known. Okay. Get your things together and I'll be ready in... five minutes.”</p><p>“Don't forget to bring your phone charger!” Darcy sang as she bolted away to get her bag.</p><p>Rey immediately plugged in her phone and checked her messages. There was one from Finn already.</p><p>
  <em>Don't forget we're meeting at the park today instead of the house. We're on our way out of town. Make sure Darcy has her laptop this time. </em>
</p><p>Rey sighed and simply replied, <em>Yep. </em></p><p>Finn was leaning against his car waiting for them at the park. He hugged Darcy and told her to put her stuff in the backseat, than looked at Rey.</p><p>“Hello, Rey.”</p><p>“Hey, Finn. Hi, Allison,” Rey said, waving at her in the passenger seat. Allison was wearing enormous sunglasses on her face and an enormous diamond on her left hand. Rey looked back at Finn and subtly pointed to her own left ring finger, mouthing 'what?!' at him.</p><p>Finn cleared his throat.</p><p>“Darcy, I'm gonna take a little walk with your mom. I'll be right back,” he said.</p><p>“'Kay...” Darcy said, already reading a book in the backseat.</p><p>Finn began walked away from the car and Rey followed, laughing.</p><p>“Finn, you don't owe me any explanations. I was just surprised,” she said.</p><p>“I know,” Finn replied. “Let's go over there and talk for a minute.”</p><p>He led them to a bench under the shade of a large maple tree. Rey sat down beside him feeling apprehensive.</p><p>“I know it seems too soon,” Finn said.</p><p>“It doesn't Finn. I'm happy for you.”</p><p>“Let me finish,” Finn said seriously.</p><p>Rey stared. Finn was uncomfortable, even more so than he had been when she confronted him about cheating, or when they were in therapy with Dr. Linda.</p><p>“I just need to get this off my chest. Rey, I'm sorry for how we ended things. I wanted you to be the one to do it, so I gave you an ultimatum that I knew would force you to leave.”</p><p>Rey nodded and said, “I know, Finn.”</p><p>Finn nodded as well and said, “I don't even want another kid. As soon as Allison told me that she doesn't either, I knew I was going to propose.”</p><p>Rey did not have the energy to put voice to the old pain his admission touched. She just nodded slowly and repeated, “I'm glad you're happy, Finn.”</p><p>“It seems like you are, too.”</p><p>“I am,” Rey said, smiling at the thought of Ben.</p><p>Finn put his hand over hers, which were clasped over her lap.</p><p>“I really did know as soon as I saw you singing together that this is how it would end,” Finn said.</p><p>Rey sighed.</p><p>“Finn. I'm grateful that you brought Ben into my life – I really am, even though it caused so much pain for all of us – but that's a ridiculous thing to say.”</p><p>Finn smirked at her and patted her hand.</p><p>“I'm serious, Finn. You have got to stop thinking you know everyone better than they know themselves. Did you ever consider that <em>maybe, </em>maybe the reason our marriage failed is that you gave up on it and decided to make it a business agreement without telling me?”</p><p>Rey stared again at her ex-husband, whose face was still almost as youthful as it had been ten years earlier.</p><p>“I loved you Finn. I really did. So much more than you loved me. I wish you had divorced me ten years sooner.”</p><p>Finn leaned on his elbows.</p><p>“I'm sorry, Rey. I wish I had, too.”</p><p>They sat watching people pass by for a few minutes in silence. Finn sat back against the bench.</p><p>“I thought you and Ben would be married before I was,” Finn said.</p><p>Even though it was not any of Finn's business, Rey responded, “I'm not concerned about getting remarried, Finn.”</p><p>Finn frowned as if he was trying to adjust his image of Rey in his mind without success. Rey smiled slightly in amusement.</p><p>“We haven't discussed it at all. I told Darcy he's my boyfriend to explain it to her, but you know, that's not even true.”</p><p>Finn laughed and looked at her in surprise.</p><p>“Are you serious? You? Rey McNowan doesn't want commitment?”</p><p>Rey just shrugged and said, “It's nice the way it is. Why force it to be something else?”</p><p>Finn again chuckled at her.</p><p>“Rey. Come on. He's not out there picking up other women. The guy's been in love with you for ten years.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes and also laughed.</p><p>“That's another one of your assumptions, Finn. He hated me for a lot of those years.”</p><p>“No one could ever hate you,” Finn said. “Why? What did you fight about before he quit?”</p><p>Rey was silent. Finn studied her face. If he had any more questions about the past he kept them to himself.</p><p>“Well, we should go back,” he said, standing up. He put a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eyes.</p><p>“Don't let what I put you through keep you from being happy, Rey.” he said.</p><p>Rey's eyes watered and she nodded.</p><p>“I'm not, Finn. I really am very happy with my life right now,” she said.</p><p>They walked back to their cars and Rey said goodbye to Darcy.</p><p>“Congratulations, Allison,” she said.</p><p>Allison grinned and thanked her.</p><p>“Congratulations for what?” Darcy asked, still looking at the open page of her book.</p><p>“Darcy? Honey, look up here for a minute,” said Finn.</p><p>“What, Dad?”</p><p>“Allison, show her,” said Finn.</p><p>Allison held up her hand with the ring glinting in the sunlight.</p><p>Darcy's eyebrows shot up and she gasped.</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>She looked at Rey.</p><p>“They're getting married? Did Dad just ask your permission?” she asked.</p><p>All of the adults chuckled.</p><p>“Not exactly, we just needed to talk,” Rey said. “Aren't you excited? I bet you'll be in the wedding.”</p><p>“Of course she will,” said Allison.</p><p>“Awesome,” said Darcy. She smiled at Allison, then went back to her book.</p><p>Finn and Allison shared a look that said they were happy it didn't go badly, and then waved goodbye to Rey.</p><p>__</p><p> </p><p>The crowd was deafening, even from backstage. They were chanting, “Second Song” and cheering as they waited for Rey and Ben to appear for the first show of their official reunion tour. Somewhere out there, Darcy was also cheering with her friends and Finn, who must be the least enthusiastic member of the audience that day.</p><p>Ben put his arm around Rey's waist as they waited. They stood together apart from the rest of the band, silently enjoying the moment and anticipating the show they were about to put on for their fans old and new.</p><p>Second Song's new album was titled <em>Long Time Coming. </em>It was Rey's proudest creation, crafted from the heartaches of the past and the joy of the present.</p><p>They took the stage and were overwhelmed by the crowd's response for so long that they stepped back from their mics and exchanged pleasantries for a moment as they waited for the noise to die down. Finally, Ben spoke into his mic.</p><p>“We are Second Song... and we are glad to be back. We're so happy that you're here with us tonight,” he said.</p><p>Once again the cheering seemed to never end. It was Rey's turn.</p><p>“Before we get started, there's something I have to ask you all,” Rey said.</p><p>“Anything, Rey!” screamed somebody, to another cheer.</p><p>She laughed.</p><p>“Thank you. Ah, so today just so happens to be someone's birthday...”</p><p>Rey gestured conspiratorially at Ben. The crowd cheered again.</p><p>“... and I was hoping you all might help me sing to him to celebrate,” Rey finished.</p><p>More wild cheering and shouts of “Happy Birthday”.</p><p>“Ready? Here we go... Happy Birthday...” Rey started them off and stepped away from the mic as she directed the crowd to continue singing.</p><p>Ben stood smiling and laughing, shaking his head as the crowd finished singing to him and cheered again.</p><p>“Now that I've embarrassed you, we can sing,” Rey said into her mic. “Don't be mad.”</p><p>“Rey, I think we might need to reconsider the rest of this tour...” he teased.</p><p>A few people screamed, “No!” and a chant of “sing, sing, sing” began.</p><p>Ben nodded and the rest of the band appeared on stage as he began playing the intro to the opening number.</p><p>That show would remain Rey's favorite night on a stage for the rest of her career. At the end of the show they sang <em>Deep Water</em>into the same mic as an encore. Afterward, Ben put down his guitar and kissed her in front of the crowd. The whistles and screams echoed through the air long after they left the stage.</p><p>“What made you do that?” Rey asked breathlessly once they were off the stage.</p><p>He grinned and kissed her again. This time the rest of the band whistled at them. Rey fanned herself dramatically and pulled him down into an embrace.</p><p>“Best show ever,” Rey said into his ear.</p><p>The tour was the most relaxed, fun time Rey ever had on the road. Each show felt like a welcome home hug. Everything sold out as soon as it was announced. They were so comfortable on stage together, and so happy to share their music again, that even the largest crowds felt like a group of friends sitting in on a living room session.</p><p>It soon came to their attention that their photographer had successfully captured the moment Ben kissed her on stage, and that fans immediately demanded it be sold as a signed print.</p><p>“I don't know,” Rey agonized as she sat trying to write a response to their social media manager's request. “It's a great photo, and I love it, but it makes me uncomfortable when fans say they were always rooting for us to end up together.”</p><p>“Then say no,” Ben said.</p><p>“What do you think?” Rey asked, staring at her computer screen and admiring the image.</p><p>“I think...” Ben sighed. “It's fine. Whatever you decide is fine with me.”</p><p>Rey sighed, too.</p><p>“They want to call it the 'Legendary Chemistry' print,” Rey read, wrinkling her nose. “I don't like that at all.”</p><p>“Why does it need a title?” asked Ben.</p><p>“I guess so people can find it in the online shop,” Rey said. “That name has to go. They can just call it the reunion tour print or something.”</p><p>“They should just name it after the album,” Ben said.</p><p>Rey began typing her response, to approve the print sans the proposed title. She stopped after typing a greeting.</p><p>“I'm going to ask her to have a print framed,” Rey said. “Do you want one, too?”</p><p>Ben gave her a strange look.</p><p>“Why would we need two of them?” he asked.</p><p>“One for your place, one for mine,” Rey said.</p><p>“Hmm, well you can get me one for the studio if you want, but I was hoping that soon your place and my place... would be the same place,” Ben said.</p><p>He reached into his shirt pocket and then held out a ring to Rey.</p><p>“But if you don't want that...” he said, acting as if he was going to return it to his pocket.</p><p>She stepped up to him and held his hand between both of hers. They both looked down at the ring as he slowly placed it on her finger. It looked antique, like it had a few stories of its own, older and longer than theirs. When it scraped past her knuckle she smiled. Rey wrapped her arms around Ben.</p><p>“I can't believe this is us,” she murmured into his embrace.</p><p>“Hm.”</p><p>He held her tightly and after a moment his chin touched the top of her head.</p><p>“It was all worth it,” Rey said.</p><p>Ben swayed gently on the spot.</p><p>“It was.”</p><p> </p>
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